Saturday, August 22, 2026

It's Not Baron Barracuda

 

 (imdb)

BARRACUDA-1970-In some hick Florida town, full of grouchy people, Oceanographer Mike (Wayne David Crawford) tries to prove a local chemical company, Jack Chemical is polluting the water. The owner (Bert Freed) has him arrested but nice guy sheriff (BLOOD FEAST's William Kerwin) lets him go. Mike and the sheriff's daughter (Roberta Leighton) investigate. Swimmers are being killed by some deadly fish. When loads of dead fish wash up on shore, the sheriff becomes concerned. Meanwhile, men in dark suits wander around suspiciously. A local doctor (Jason Evers from THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE (1962)) helps the sheriff determine that killer barracuda are on the prowl due to chemicals from the plant. A reporter (dressed to look like Carl Kolchak) also investigates. Another guy in a suit (Harry Kerwin) kills people too. But the doctor is actually behind The Lucifer Project, a government experiment to control people through their blood sugar levels. 

This killer fish conspiracy film by director Harry Kerwin with underwater scenes directed by star Crawford (who also co-wrote and co-produced) is pretty bland.

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Tall Tale


 (imdb)

THE TALL MAN-2012-A small town is plagued by child abductions. Julie (Jessica Biel) is a nurse with a young son who administers to the residents of a trailer park. When her son is taken by “The Tall Man”, she tries to get him back but fails. She's rescued by an FBI agent (Stephen McHattie) who's investigating the disappearances. The story takes a twist here with Julie herself seeming to be the abductor of the children but The Tall Man does exist. 

It's a good premise to a point but the film goes on and on with little plot development until the implausible finale. William B. Davis (from TV's “The X-Files”) is sheriff Chesnut. Producer/writer Pascal Laugier (from France) filmed this Canadian-French production in British Columbia. 

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Sugar Zombies

 

 (the movie database)

SUGAR HILL-1974-After her boyfriend is murdered by mobster Morgan (Robert Quarry), Diana “Sugar” Hill (Marki Bey) wants revenge. She goes to Momma Maitresse (Zara Cully) for help and she summons Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley in a great performance; also one of the screenwriters) who sends his horde of cobwebbed zombies to help (“Put them to evil use. It's all they know or want”). One guy is decapitated. Another is fed to hungry pigs. Another is forced to commit suicide and the last is put in a coffin full of snakes. Morgan drowns in quicksand and the Baron takes Morgan's white mistress back to Zombieland with him. One character says “I'm accusing you, honk!”. 

Filmed in Houston, Texas by one shot director Paul Maslansky who later produced the “Police Academy” movies.

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Tekken Too

 

 (the movie database)

 

TEKKEN 2-KAZUYA'S REVENGE-2014-This is a sequel (actually a prequel) to the original (which I haven't seen) which is based on a video game. 

A martial artist Kazuya (Kane Kosugi) with amnesia is forcibly recruited to work as an assassin for a whispering, conceited rebel leader called The Minister (Rade Serbedzija). He puts an explosive device in Kazuya's chest for co-operation. When Kazuya falls in love with Laura (Paige Lindquist), he wants out. While trying to discover his real identity, he meets and fights his new target, Brian Fury (Gary Daniels; FIST OF THE NORTH STAR (1994)) who warns Kazuya to “walk away” after he beats him. Later, Kazuya teams up with the obnoxious Rhonda (Kelly Wenham) who kills the minister when Laura is kidnapped by The Gentek corporation. 

At the corporation Kazuya meets Mishima (Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa) “his father”, the man who “created” him, who says “Your body is a weapon your mind can't control”. It turns out Laura is an android too. After he kills Fury, Kazuya leaves to find Mishima who runs Tekken City and is waiting for Kazuya, setting up another sequel. 

Despite some high spots, this isn't very good but what can you expect from director Wych Kaos, the guy responsible for the insufferable BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER (2002)? 

No direct sequel was ever made.

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Morgan!

 

 (imdb)

MORGAN-2016-A corporate investigator Lee (Kate Mara) goes to a secret facility to check up on their experiments with a bio-genetically created girl named Morgan (Anya Taylor Joy). The head scientist (Toby Jones) says they have things under control but Morgan is obviously a loose cannon who beats up another scientist (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and some of the staff and rips open the throat of a obnoxious visiting psychiatrist (Paul Giamatti). The only one with a level head is Chen (the actress who used to be Michelle Yeoh). When Lee wants to destroy Morgan, the idiotic staff make Lee and Morgan prisoners and Morgan starts killing everyone. Then Lee has to fight Morgan in the woods. Obviously, the wooden, emotionless Lee is not what she seems. Brian Cox has a brief cameo at the end. 

Director Luke Scott has worked mostly in TV.

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Never Too Young To Watch A Bad Movie

 (imdb)

 

NEVER TOO YOUNG TOO DIE-1986-Dumb gymnast Lance Stargrave (John Stamos) is the son of spy Drew Stargrave (George Lazenby). After Drew is killed by stupid girly man Von Ragner (Gene Simmons), his father's lawyer (John Anderson) tells Lance his father was killed in a car accident. Lance gets help from his nerdy friend Cliff (Peter Kwong) and saves secret agent Danja (Vanity) from being burned alive. Later, Lance and Danja have a very akward sex scene and then he has to stop Ragnar from contaminating the water supply. 

Planned as part one of a series, it bombed at the box office. Director Gil Bettman also made Sammy Hagar videos.

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Belladonna

 


BELLADONNA OF SADNESS-1973-Unusual Japanese animation is done mostly like painted scenes with only some motion. After being thrown out of her village, Jeanne (voice of Akio Nagayama) is raped by a demon. Later a tiny phallic like devil seduces her. She is made a tax collector and she and her husband Jean (Katsuyuki Ito) are very successful. But her fortunes turn and she is accused of being a witch and banished. Even Jean shuns her. Eventually, she meets Satan who gives her magical powers. It features much erotic, sexual, psychedelic imagery. 

Director Eiichi Yamamoto directed anime classics like KIMBA, THE WHITE LION and ASTRO BOY as well as later classics like SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO 1 and 2.

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