Never Too Young To Watch A Bad Movie

 (imdb)

 

NEVER TOO YOUNG TOO DIE-1986-Dumb gymnast Lance Stargrave (John Stamos) is the son of spy Drew Stargrave (George Lazenby). After Drew is killed by stupid girly man Von Ragner (Gene Simmons), his father's lawyer (John Anderson) tells Lance his father was killed in a car accident. Lance gets help from his nerdy friend Cliff (Peter Kwong) and saves secret agent Danja (Vanity) from being burned alive. Later, Lance and Danja have a very akward sex scene and then he has to stop Ragnar from contaminating the water supply. 

Planned as part one of a series, it bombed at the box office. Director Gil Bettman also made Sammy Hagar videos.

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Belladonna

 

BELLADONNA OF SADNESS-1973-Unusual Japanese animation is done mostly like painted scenes with only some motion. After being thrown out of her village, Jeanne (voice of Akio Nagayama) is raped by a demon. Later a tiny phallic like devil seduces her. She is made a tax collector and she and her husband Jean (Katsuyuki Ito) are very successful. But her fortunes turn and she is accused of being a witch and banished. Even Jean shuns her. Eventually, she meets Satan who gives her magical powers. It features much erotic, sexual, psychedelic imagery. 

Director Eiichi Yamamoto directed anime classics like KIMBA, THE WHITE LION and ASTRO BOY as well as later classics like SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO 1 and 2.

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Scary Stuff

 

 (The Criterion Collection)

ONIBABA-1964-In this strange Japanese kind of ghost story/horror film, a mother (Noboku Otowa) and her daughter in law (Jitsuko Yoshimura) kill wandering samurai to survive during a a civil war while the son-in-law/husband is away fighting. 

Trouble starts when a friend, Hachi (Kei Sato) shows up and says their man is dead. After helping them kill, he has sex with the daughter in law. Their affair heats up and the mother doesn't like it. When she meets a wandering samurai wearing an unusual mask, she kills him and takes the mask, wearing it to scare the daughter in law from seeing Hachi, who unbeknownst to them has been killed for desertion. When the older woman tries to remove the mask, everything hits the fan. 

This classic spooky supernatural tale was written and directed by Kaneto Shindo. He also wrote screenplays filmed by other directors including Kenji Mizoguchi and Seijun Suzuki.

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The Title Is A Bit Over The Top

 

 (imdb)

THE EARTH DIES SCREAMING-1964-After a plane crash, a car crash, a train crash and people dying and then credits, American Jeff Nolan (NY born low-budget western star Williard Parker) drives through an English village and finds everyone dead. He sets up in a hotel and tries using a TV and shortwave radio. He meets Quint (Dennis Price) and Peggy (Virginia Field), a couple pretending to be married. Then meets Edgar (Thorley Waters) and Violet (Vanda Godsell). No sooner do they all get together when Violet is killed by some weird looking robots, who disappear as suddenly as they appeared. Another couple, Mel (David Spenser) and Nona (Anna Palk) (who's pregnant) show up. 

Later on, Violet turns up, obviously reanimated with white round eyes. Quint kills her and they all decide to leave. When Quint forces Peggy to leave with him, she's menaced by some zombies and Quint is killed. Jeff saves her but then Nora decides to have her baby. While Jeff and Mel search for the transmitter that controls the robots, dead Quint and the robots terrorize Peggy, Nona and her baby Fortunately, they destroy the transmitter. A drunken Edgar comes to his senses and kills Quint. The survivors leave by plane to find others. A full explanation to the invasion isn't given. 

This mysteriously dark, black and white science fiction film was directed by Terence Fisher the same year he made THE GORGON (with Lee & Cushing) and THE HORROR OF IT ALL (with Pat Boone and Dennis Price). It was written by Harry Spaulding who also penned WITCHCRAFT the same year. Robert Lippert was one of the producers.

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Preying Mantis?

 

 (imdb)

THE DEADLY MANTIS-1957-After a lot about radar and the creation of the Dew line, Col. Parkman (Craig Stevens) arrives at the North Pole just in time to hear about an isolated outpost being wrecked. When a plane is destroyed, a large claw is found. A panel of experts led by General Ford (Donald Randolph) is stunned. They call in Dr. Jackson (William Hopper) who's a fossil expert from the Museum of Natural History. He seems to think it is a giant insect on the loose. An old professor (Florenz Ames) thinks this theory is crazy but a giant praying mantis is alive and killing Greenland Eskimos. Jackson goes off to the North Pole but is kind of forced to take the female editor of the museum magazine, Margaret Blaine (Alix Talton) with him. All the men at the pole go ga-ga over seeing her. Parkman in particular. After the men dance with Marge (and each other) the mantis attacks the base. Jackson and Parkman address the situation on TV and the mantis tries to make its way to warmer climates. The Air Force engages it but fail to kill it. Later the mantis invades DC and climbs the Washington monument. It goes to NY and crawls into the Manhattan tunnel (Holland tunnel?). Parkman leads a group into the tunnel and they succeed in killing the now wounded mantis but Marge is almost killed. Parkman saves her (terrible final effect). Also with Pat Conway and Bing Russell.

THE DEADLY MANTIS was produced and co-written by William Alland who had previously produced all 3 “Creature From The Black Lagoon” movies. He got his start in Orson Welles' “Mercury Theater” and played the reporter trying to uncover the meaning of “rosebud” in CITIZEN KANE (1941). Director Nathan Juran (sometimes Hertz), who in 1941 won an Academy Award for art direction, also made 20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH and THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS the same year. In 1958, he'd direct ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT WOMAN!

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Snake Woman

 

 (imdb)

THE SNAKE WOMAN-1961-Dr. Horace Adderson (John Cazabon) is experimenting with snakes and gives his pregnant wife injections of snake venom to cure her insanity. She gives birth to a strange baby girl. Aggie (Elsie Wagstaff), the mid-wife, also the town witch, says it's a demon and tries to kill it. Adderson and Dr. Murton (Arnold Marle) prevent her. The doc takes the baby to a farmer to hide it for the night. However, before Adderson can pick up his kid, the villagers, led by Aggie, destroy his lab and set it on fire. Dad gets snake bit and dies.

20 years later the village lives under the curse of the snake demon with various villagers dying every so often from snake bites. A young Scotland Yard investigator Charles Prentice (John McCarthy) goes to the village to help a former army colonel (Geoffrey Denton). Prentice meets the grown-up baby (Susan Travers) and kind of falls for her but he kills her while she's in snake form and she turns back into a human. Prentice returns to London and his boss burns his report.

Talky mumbo-jumbo directed by Sidney J. Furie (DR. BLOOD'S COFFIN the same year). This British production was written by American Orville Hampton (THE FOUR SKULLS OF JONATHAN DRAKE (1960).

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Alucard

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 imdb)

SON OF DRACULA-1943-In Louisiana, Dr. Brewster (Frank Craven) and Frank Stanley (Robert Paige) go to meet Count Alucard at the train station but he doesn't show. Meanwhile, Kay Caldwell (Louise Allbritton) waits for the Count (who she met in Budapest) with her sister, Claire (Evelyn Ankers). Kay seems to have some physic rapport with the missing Count. She visits Queen Zimbo (Adeline DeWalt Reynolds) who warns Kay about the Count and says “I see you marrying a corpse”. Then she dies when a bat flies into her hut. Kay's dad, the Colonel (George Irving) throws a party for Alucard (Lon Chaney Jr.), who now watches from outside. He turns into a bat and kills the Colonel. Kay's fiancé, Frank wants to take her away but she seems obsessed with Alucard. Almost from the beginning Dr. Brewster suspects Alucard to be Dracula and gets in touch with Dr. Lazlo (J. Edward Bromberg) who warns Brewster to be careful. After some hubbub over a will with a lawyer, Brewster and Claire discover some things about Alucard spelled backwards. Kay runs off into the swamp where Dracula's coffin rises from the swamp and he appears from a misty fog. They get married and just when Dracula wants to put the bite on Kay, Frank barges in and the Count knocks him down. For some reason, Frank pulls out a gun and shoots the Count but the bullet goes through him and kills Kay. 

Frank wanders the swamp and almost becomes vampire fodder but is saved by a cemetery cross. Frank goes to Brewster and confesses everything. Meanwhile, Alucard/Dracula prepares a coffin for Kay. When Brewster investigates, he finds Kay alive. After Frank confesses again, the sheriff (Pat Moriarty), a judge (Samuel Hinds) and Brewster find Kay dead in her coffin. Lazlo arrives to help. Alucard/Dracula visits them and talks insanely. Lazlo's cross saves them. Later Kay visits Frank in his jail cell and admits she doesn't love Alucard/Dracula. She only used him to gain immorality and now she wants to share it with Frank. With Kay's help, Franks discovers the King of Vampires' hiding place and burns his coffin. The vampire king becomes a skeleton when the sun rises. Frank hightails it to the morgue and promptly sets fire to Kay's coffin (with her in it..). 

Sometimes maligned, this stand alone Universal vampire tale is still a nice entry into their horror catalogue with interesting cobweb opening credits. Some sfx are very good. Not a great title though. Bit roles by George Meeker, Walter Sande, Sam McDaniel & Cyril Delevanti. Director Robert Siodmak (THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE (1946)) does a good job keeping things moving and eerie. Screenwriter Eric Taylor was fairly prolific around this time and among other films, wrote the color remake of THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA starring Claude Rains. 

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