Martial Arts Soccer

 

 (imdb)

SHAOLIN SOCCER-2001-A crippled soccer player Golden Leg Fung (Man-Tat Ng) and Mighty Steel Leg Sing (co-writer/director Stephen Chow) who want to promote Shaolin Kung Fu and idolize Bruce Lee form a Shaolin soccer team with his 5 Shaolin brothers. They come up against Fung's ex-employer (Hung Yin Tse) and his Team Evil. 

Zany, anything goes, sometimes out of control comedy. Chow returned a few years later with KUNG-FU HUSTLE (2004).

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More Chan (Jackie, Not Charlie)

 

 (themoviedatabase,org)

SNAKE AND CRANE ARTS OF SHAOLIN-1978-8 Kung Fu masters create a new martial art called the 8 Steps of Snake and Crane. Yin-Fung (Jackie Chan) has the book the 8 masters wrote. He's looking for a man with a tattoo on his shoulder and he has lots of fights. The daughter of the leader of The Flying Tiger clan (Nora Miao) also wants it. 

There's a lot of characters who go in and out of the story and some great fights. Eventually Yin-Fung reveals all and gets his revenge. Directed by Chi-Hwa Chen who later made POLICE STORY (1985) with Chan.

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Hopping

 

 (imdb)

SHAOLIN VS EVIL DEAD-2004-Pak aka Brother White (Gordon Liu), a priest and his two apprentices, Yat (Jacy Woo) and a young kid fight zombies while taking some hopping dead men to their rest. The trio also encounter the priest's brother Hak aka Brother Black (Siu-Wong Fan) who's more violent than the priest. Things slow down a little when Yat tries to romance Hak's female apprentice Moon (Shannon Yoh). Later Hak creates a small army of possessed little kids who battle a bunch of Shaolin monk kids. After that a demon that was inside Pak's kid apprentice comes to life (he gets out when the kid takes a shit). He's a child they name Little Egg and keeps calling the kid "mamma". 

This crazy entertaining kung-fu zombie fantasy ends very abruptly but there was a sequel. Director Douglas Kung (UNDISCOVERED TOMB) was also a stunt choreographer and made a sequel SHAOLIN VS. EVIL DEAD: ULTIMATE POWER.

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The Shaw Brothers Strike Again!

THE WEB OF DEATH-1976-In this imaginative Shaw brothers production The Spider clan (led by Lo Lieh) have a red spider that emits deadly fumes and covers it's victims in cobwebs. Two other clans fight over it and a woman cuts off her own arm. There's a lot of talk but a great nutty finale (that could have been longer). Director Yuen Chor was also an actor and screenwriter.

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'70's Spoof

BLACK DYNAMITE-2009-In this pretty funny blaxploitation set up (with intentionally bad dubbing and editing). Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White from SPAWN) is a cliche' black pimp out for revenge on the drug dealer who killed his brother. The direction, dialogue and “kung-fu” fighting are straight out of the '70's action films of Jim Kelly, Ron Van Clief and Fred Williamson. It turns out Dr. Wu (Roger Yuan) is running things from Kung-Fu Island but later BD attacks the White House (“the honky house!”) and has a nunchucks battle with Richard Nixon (James McManus)! The ghost of Abe Lincoln saves him! With characters named Bullhorn and Cream Corn and a hilarious scene where a bunch of guys trying to figure out if “Anaconda Malt Liqueur” shrinks dicks! 

White was a co-scriptwriter and the director Scott Sanders later worked on the animated series based on the movie.

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Your Kung-Fu's Good

THE SHAOLIN AVENGERS-1976-This Hong Kong produced martial arts period piece is based on the legend of Shaolin martial artists Fong Si Yu (Alexander Fu Sheng) and Hu Wei Chien (Kuan-Chung Chi). In flashbacks Fong is violently (and comically) trained by his mother (!) who beats him with a bamboo stick and dunks him in a vat of wine. Parts of it are very funny (a scene with a matchmaker is hysterical) and the Fong character does a lot of dumb things but basically the story is serious and violent. Director Cheh Chang made nearly 100 martial art movies including the classic FIVE DEADLY VENOMS.

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Kung-Fu!

HELL'S WIND STAFF-1979-A rapist has his eye gouged out. Then 2 guys fight over a chicken. Later a street performer trains 2 arrogant, stupid brothers Dragon (Hoi Mang) and Tiger (Yuen Man Meng). Four years later the one eyed guy seeks revenge on the teacher who took his eye. They have a fight but when it looks like the teacher is going to win, the one eyed guy's teacher interferes and the teacher and all his students are killed. All out fighting ensues as does atrocious dubbed dialogue. Dragon and Tiger hide an old man who knows "dragon fist"  style and he teaches it to them (then the movie seems to start over!). The duo really fuck up the one eyed guy and an excellent long out of control finale follows. This Hong Kong production was directed by Chin-Ku Lu who was also an actor.

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Green Dragon

THE GREEN DRAGON INN-1977-This is another crazy period piece Kung-Fu movie (from Taiwan). It's full of fights, several characters that are hard to distinguish from each other, a confused story and bad dubbing. The son of a local warlord kills a family. 2 swordsmen, Silent Tracker (Lieh Lo from FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH) and Bold Dragon (Yueh Hua) hunt him separately. They clash several times. The son is taken into custody and some incompletent assassins try to free him. It's kept at the title place which is rigged with different deadly trap. This also features a "white ninja" woman (Polly Shang Kuan).

The director was an actor and stuntman too.

Also known as BRUCE IS LOOSE...for some reason...

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Kung-Fu Drunks

KUNG FU OF EIGHT DRUNKARDS-1980-More inebriated martial arts craziness. An alcoholic Kung Fu master Wu Shing tries to teach a young student Kam Fung (Fei Meng) but the student gets frustrated and leaves. He goes to work  in a noodle shop for his uncle who constantly abuses him. Meanwhile, Monkey, a thief who says he doesn't care about women but every time one passes his queue goes rigid, causes trouble with some firecrackers. When Kam's uncle's place is vandalized he realizes the town bad guy wants Kam to reveal the whereabouts of Wu Shing. The bad guy's daughter also comes around looking for trouble unaware of her father's involvement. The main story is fairly serious but the the fights are comical until the finale. 

A pre-credit introduction explains that the "drunkard style" has nothing to do with drinking. It's just that the moves resemble a drunken man. Still the old master drinks constantly. Oddly, the movie never refers to it as "drunken style" (despite the title). Characters always call it "8 Immortals Style"!  The plot is very confusing but this is probably due to bad editing and dubbing. And despite a lot of tragic battles this ends on a comical note! 

Directior (that's how it's spelled in the credits!) Ma Wu was also an actor. For some reason at certain points in the film a version of "Dixie" is played!

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Karate kid? He's learning Kung-Fu!

THE KARATE KID-2010-A 12 year old boy (Jaden Smith, right after another remake THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL) and his mom (Taraji P. Henson, later a regular on TV's PERSON OF INTEREST) move to China where he encounters language problems and very violent bullies who know Kung-Fu. He meets a cute local girl but gets beat up very badly by the martial arts bullies. He's saved by his apartment's handyman Mr. Han (Jackie Chan) who decides to teach him "real Kung-Fu". He trains a lot and absorbs the cultural and philosophical aspects of his new home and the art he is learning. Later he competes in a tournament where he has to fight most of his tormentors.

I won't tell you what happens but do you think if your Dad was the executive producer of a movie you were starring in would you lose the big fight in the climax? I found the first half of this movie very slow going. Also everyone might think Will's boy was a cute wise guy but I found him rather bratty and way to small to be taken seriously as a fighter no matter who trains him.

In the second half the story picks up (after Mr. Han's past demons are revealed) but the final battle is too over the top. Still Chan is very good in the serious role.

Director Harald Zwart had previously made ONE NIGHT AT MCCOOL'S, THE PINK PANTHER 2 and AGENT CODY BANKS.

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When Will Lee Return?

When is a movie about Bruce Lee not really a movie about Bruce Lee? When it's BRUCE LEE-THE MAN THE MYTH (1976).


Bruce Li (one of the many post-Lee clones) portrays The Mighty Lee who doesn't want to come to America. His mother makes him! He frolics in Seattle with his college student buddies and beats up some Karate bullies when their Japanese teacher refuses to admit Karate came from Kung-Fu. He goes to San Francisco to visit a friend ("Your Kung-Fu is really amazing") and develops his own style, Jeet Kune Do. He has a wild fight in an airport on the way to a tournament. A weird studio executive tells him no one wants to invest money in a young Chinese actor and he's shown in his "Kato" chaffeuer's uniform while filming "The Green Hornet". He goes back to Hong Kong to make movies and insults some Thai boxers and an English (?) running team. He smirks a lot and comes off as an egotistical asshole.

Although real scenes of the real Lee's funeral are shown, 2 alternate endings based on rumors are presented (one says he would return in 1986; I missed him!).

Director See-Yuen Ng made other movies including NEW GAME OF DEATH. Bruce Li made many more movies with Bruce Lee's name in the title but not since 1986....

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5 Crammed Into 1

MIGHTY PEKING MAN-1977-Nutty stuff from Hong Kong about a legendary giant hairy ape-man (guy in a suit) living on an island with a scantily clad normal sized white woman named Samantha (Russian born Evelyne Kraft; later in the German made LADY DRACULA). Their odd relationship is interrupted by Johnny (Danny Lee) an explorer looking for the big guy. She and Johnny kind of fall in love and MPM gets a little upset when he sees the two having sex. Johnny convinces Sam to bring “her friend” back to Hong Kong. (He’s strapped to a ship in a sitting position) After pulling (toy) trucks on TV, MPM loses it totally when he sees Samantha being abused by a sleazy promoter. He wrecks the town looking for her. Parts of it are pretty funny. Leading man Lee had previously used the name Li Hsiu Hsein and appeared in several film including the very wacky INTRA-MAN. He later made his mark in Hong Kong classics like BETTER TOMORROW, CITY ON FIRE and THE KILLER.

RONIN GAI-1992-Interesting Samurai drama is more of a character study than an action film. They include several prostitutes, a drunken Samurai, a guy who tests new swords on corpses and a drunken bouncer named Bull who acts a lot like Toshiro Mifune! It takes place in a village where The Shogun is cracking down on prostitution. The climax is excellent.

HEROES OF SHOALIN-1979-Boring Kung-Fu drama with the usual duels and bad dubbing. Shing Chen (AKA Chen Xing) is the hero. Yuen Biao and Corey Yuen were the action directors (and have small roles). One of the villains is played by Lo Lieh from 5 FINGERS OF DEATH. Director William Chang also worked as a film editor. There is a William Chang who works as a production designer for director Wong Kar-Wai (IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE) but I’m not sure if they are the same person.

PHONE-2002-Very intriguing Korean horror film featuring a haunted cell phone. Mysterious phone calls, apparitions and computer messages plague a young woman. Her sister’s child seems to become possessed and does a lot of weird things. The little girl who plays this role gives an incredible performance.

BIO-ZOMBIE!-2000-Cantonese horror-comedy features toxic infected zombies terrorizing morons at a mall. The two main characters are idiotic “wise guy” wannabes. The Zombies attack and there’s some gore but too much stupid humor with everyone screaming and acting foolish.

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Kung Fu For You

DUEL TO THE DEATH-1982-This wild retro-‘70’s Kung Fu period piece features a little of everything. Ninjas that explode, crazy swordplay, limbs being dismembered, characters flying through the air, and even a head that talks after being severed from it’s body! A short scene features a female ninja in the nude! The plot has something to do with a tournament between Chinese and Japanese fighters. It was the first film directed by Siu-Tung Ching who went on to make other entertaining films including THE HEROIC TRIO 2. Recommended for Martial Arts Fans everywhere!

THE YOUNG TAOISM FIGHTER-1986-This is a very imaginative martial arts feature with some good fighting and lots of intentional and unintentional laughs. Crazy goings on at a Taoist temple involves two students who like to play practical jokes and villain possessed by a demon…I think. The letter-boxed version I saw was in Cantonese with no sub-titles! Although the villain dismembers the hero in the finale his severed body parts keep going and win the day! Oh yeah, and don’t forget those talking turtles who dance in one scene!

THE RETURN OF THE CHINESE BOXER-1975-Director/Star Jimmy Wang Yu (Yu Wang) is the title character out to stop villainous Japanese fighters. The story is very confusing and the dubbing is bad too (what else is new?) but there are some good fights, a little slapstick and even some Kung Fu zombies are thrown in. Yu (who was arrested for murder in the early ‘80’s but released due to lack of evidence) also made the “One Armed Swordsman” series and other Martial Arts films in Hong Kong and Taiwan. The version I saw was washed out in spots but letterboxed. The same year as this Yu Wang also directed and starred in the incredible MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE!

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?"-Abraham Lincoln

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Hai Ya!

FIVE (DEADLY) VENOMS-(WU DU)-Shaw Brothers-1978- A dying Kung-Fu teacher of “The Poison Clan” instructs his last, young student to seek out a lost treasure and the clan’s five students all with different reptile names (Centipede, Snake, Scorpion, Lizard and Toad). Three of them are corrupt villains. One is a kind of crooked police officer who reforms and the last one’s identity isn’t revealed till the end.

This is a classic in the typical Shaw Brothers Hong Kong based martial arts genre. It’s got action, style and funny dubbing but when one character declares: “Poison clan rocks the world”, I suspect some of the dubbing has been updated. The five principal actors (Sheng Chiang, Philip Kwok, Feng Lu, Chien Sun, Meng Lo) made many other movies together including RETURN OF THE FIVE DEADLY VENOMS (AKA: MORTAL COMBAT) that I actually like better!

Writer/ director Cheh Chang (who died in June of 2002) made both and dozens others and is quite a legend in the Hong Kong film industry!

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

THE FURY OF THE DRAGON-1976-This is a theatrical version of the short lived 1966 TV show that debuted the same year as the more popular “Batman”. It was released 10 years after it’s lone TV season to cash in on Bruce Lee’s “last film” THE GAME OF DEATH. Though the new credits made it seem like a Bruce Lee feature it’s just 4 TV episodes strung together featuring Van Williams as the masked crime fighter that everyone thinks is a villain. His sidekick and chauffeur is the Kung-Fu kicking Kato who tries to spice up the mundane action. The Hornet's real identity is newspaper publisher Bret Reid whose sideline is known only to the DA (Walter Barry) and his secretary.

The excitement challenged storylines include a kidnapping/blackmail plot on a visiting diplomat, crooked cops and a death ray. It’s not the corny tongue in cheek “take off” Batman was (there was a crossover episode) and lacked the villainous guests stars, which may be the reason it wasn’t a hit. The version I saw had Chinese sub-titles and featured trailers for Lee’s other movies at the beginning and his black and white screen test at the end. Van Williams appeared in other TV shows but made very few movies.

However in the 1993 Bruce Lee biopic DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY he portrayed the TV director of THE GREEN HORNET.

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