Jersey Sharks

JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK-2012-I think this stupid killer shark movie is suppose to feature characters based on the idiotic reality show JERSEY SHORE. (and JAWS of course). I don’t know much about the show but it can't be any worse than this brain dead nonsense. 

Three imbeciles try to warn the residents that albino sharks are on the prowl and want the beach closed down but no one believes them until former NYSYNC member Joey Fatone playing a pompous has-been singer, I mean playing himself, gets killed! Jack Scalia is the sheriff. Later a bartender (Tony Sirico from THE SOPRANOS) relates the (real life) story of the 1916 Jersey Shore shark attacks. Paul Sorvino (looking like an evil Oliver Hardy) has a small role as the mayor and William Altherton is a Donald Trump like builder who's construction site vibrations are attracting the sharks. 

There's some phony gore and bad CGI and some parts are funny but most of it is just annoying dumbness. It takes place in Seaside Heights (I often went there with my friends in the late '70's!) but I don't think it was filmed on location. The director John Shepphird also made TEENAGE BONNIE AND KLEPTO CLYDE. 

Some people think this will achieve cult status but it will be quickly forgotten after the show it parodies burns itself out. Fred Olen Ray was a producer.

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Not Featuring Matt Helm...

THE SILENCERS-1995-The US government and aliens (who talk in sub-titles) are involved in inter-dimensional travel. The non-human Men In Black hynotize and intimidate poeple. Jack Scalia (also co-producer) is an FBI agent on loan to The Pentagon where General Greenboro (Clarence Williams lll) is in charge. Lots of time is spend on a subway shootout/chase, a shootout in a lab and a highway chase. All typical tradmarks of PM Entertainment, who for a time dominated direct to video releases (many with Don "The Dragon" Wilson).

Dennis Christopher shows up as an alien good guy agent (who's kind of a doofus) from "The Association Of Worlds" and uses holograms to explain where he came from and why he's here. The bad aliens are trying to take over Earth with clones. He and Scalia wind up at a UFO con.

Director Richard Pepin produced way too many direct to video action films (mostly with his partner Richard Merhi) but only directed a handful himself including CYBERTRACKER 1 & 2. He was also a cinematographer are many of them.

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Below Honor...

FIST OF HONOR-1992-I've noticed that for some reason I watch a shit load of bad movies. I don't understand it! Once when I had nothing to do I watched this thing called FIST OF HONOR starring everyone's favorite nobody Sam Jones, a former Playgirl centerfold who also had the great pleasure of playing Bo Derek's husband in the colossally bad hit 10. He plays Fist Sullivan, an ex-boxer strongman who works for crime boss Harry Guardino who's about to renege on his truce with a rival Don (portrayed by Abe Vigoda, TV's own lovable Fish) who is the nicer of the two thugs. Although he fights for the mob Fist says he doesn't like to hurt people. What about the audience? They're people too you know??? He has a fight with a big muscular black guy but mostly he beats up skinny white ones.

Anyway to make matters worse ex-football star Bubba Smith is a crooked cop! And there are dumb scenes like a football coach being gunned down right in front of his whole team! When Abe's character is killed Fist is framed for the murder (and 5 others). The unique acting talents of Nicolas Worth (from DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE) are put to good use as Don Guardino's right hand man who accidently kills Fist's wife (Joey House) who is also Guardino's mistress. The unappealing Jones gets revenge of course proving it pays to work for the right mob!

FOH was directed by former cinematographer Richard Pepin who with his PM Entertainment partner Joseph Merhi churned out nearly 100 martial arts action movies (many starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson). I think they've stopped though! Screenwriter Charles Kanganis later directed DENNIS THE MENACE STRIKES BACK.......



BEYOND SUSPICION-1994-BS (ha!) is a boring Canadian based action drama that has Jack Scalia (who was on the TV show POINTMAN at the time) as an obnoxious corrupt cop trying to find the murderer of his partner. Police Internal Affairs think he's responsible. Stephanie Kramer (who ten years before was a regular on TV's HUNTER) is a photojournalist who gets in the way but has a photo of the killer. Scalia roughs up muggers, sleeps with Kramer (who uses a body double) and contemplates suicide (but not enough). This stupid movie somehow ties everything together when Scalia kidnaps Kramer's daughter to get the photo because he's being blackmailed by his boss (William Davis from TV's THE X-FILES), who let him kill some gangsters (?) .

The director, Paul Ziller had worked on the HIGHLANDER TV series and also made PLEDGE NIGHT, BLOOD FIST lV: DIE TRYING and BACK IN ACTION (with Billy Blanks and Roddy Piper).

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