You Are The Devil And You Are Bad!

 

 (themoviedatabase)

PRIME EVIL-1988-A 15th century monk renounces God for Satan and kills the monks who disagree with him. In the present, a group of devil worshipers, led by Tom (William Beckwith), sacrifice the daughter of one of their members. Then a bishop and a nun have a discussion about how the nun was almost a human sacrifice when she was a girl. They agree she (Mavis Harris) should go undercover and join the evil cult. 

Meanwhile, Cathy (Ruth Collins), an ex-junkie/hooker has sex with her new boyfriend, Sam. A psycho maintenance man breaks in, kills Sam (despite him knowing martial arts) and kidnaps the woman for the cult. Then Cathy's social worker, Alex (Christine Moore) tells her boyfriend the reason she won't have sex with him is that her father used her in porno films when she was a child. A stupid cop (Glen James) investigates Sam's murder. Unfortunately, Alex's grandfather plans on giving her to the cult for a sacrifice. During a black mass orgy, a toy monster shows up and the nun kills it. Everyone turns old but Tom gets away. The acting is bad. 

Roberta Findlay was a so-so director but she was also the Director of Photography and she excelled at that so despite all its flaws, it doesn't look bad. One of the writers, Ed Kelleher also wrote INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS (1972) and SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED (1974).

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Bad Blood

 

 (imdb)

BLOOD FEAST-2016-American Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler from the "Babylon 5" TV show) and his wife Louise (Caroline Williams; THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2) run a diner in France, trying to put their daughter (Sophie Monk) through college. She gets mad at them because they are serving old meat. Fuad who works a night shift at a museum, stops taking his medication. One night, Egyptian Queen Ishtar (Sadie Katz) says she wants him for her lover. Through Professor Hershell (Herschell Gordon Lewis!) Fuad learns that a guy named Tammuz once killed 14 children and served them to their parents. Thus, Ishtar became his lover. Suddenly Fuad has an altar to Ishtar in his basement and is going to recreate the feast for her. 

Garbage production with terrible acting and a stupid script. Director Michael Walz needs to reevaluate his career choices.

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Kill The Video Camera

 

 (imdb)

KILL SYNDROME-2006-Shot on video garbage about some redneck assholes torturing a girl for a snuff movie. They kidnap others and torture them. The acting sucks of course. A movie like this (I'm not even sure if it is a movie) makes me wonder...

 Sure, some amateurs with a camera who've seen THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE too many times may have just wanted to make an extreme gore film because they thought it was cool but I'm not sure. 

The 2 directors might profit from mental health examinations.

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Low Budget Sc-Fi

 

 (imdb)

SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS-1978-After some neighborhood dogs are killed, a mutated sea monster created by a nuclear leak at a petroleum company prowls around. Wayne Connors (Alan Blanchard), a high school teacher, investigates. Some of the victims are intentionally comical but I'm not so sure about the rest. The acting and direction are pretty bad. A police lieutenant (Hy Pike) acts like an insane Shakespearean actor. The monster (Win Condict) looks like an overgrown mutated Ninja Turtle. Connors, his wife (Judy Motulsky), Dr. John (Dennis Falt) and boat Capt. Chris (Mello Alexandria) (who's seen JAWS too many times) go after it. 

There are some gory deaths but too much talky scientific mumbo jumbo. Writer/director Stephen Traxler later produced DRACULA'S WIDOW (1988).

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Still Another Sequel

 

 

 (themoviedb.org)

PUMPKINHEAD 4-BLOOD FEUD-2007-Stupid hillbillies, The Hatfields & The McCoys are feuding because of an incident with a car years before. When it turns out Jodie (Amy Manson), a Hatfield girl is having an affair with McCoy boy Ricky (Bradley Taylor), two Hatfield brothers (the Hatfields seem the scummier of the two) decide to break up the romance and wind up killing another McCoy daughter, Sarah (Maria Roman). Ricky visits the witch Haggis (Lynee Verell, reprising her role from Part 3) to have her summon the demon Pumpkinhead to get revenge despite the pleadings of the cursed Ed Harley (returning Lance Henriksen). 

Gory sfx, bad acting. Written and directed by Mike Hurst (HOUSE OF THE DEAD 2).

Doom is Right!

 

 (imdb)

SS DOOMTROOPER-2006-During WW2, a Nazi mad scientist (Ben Cross) creates a huge monster soldier from a man using radiation. England hires Col. Malloy (Corbin Nemec) to go behind enemy lines to destroy the compound. He assembles a bunch of Dirty Dozen wannabes to help him. 

The sfx, acting and dialogue suck. All thrown together by director David Flores (SAND OF OBIVION the same year).

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Stairway

 

 (imdb)

BLACK OPS-2019-A British military Black Ops group become trapped in a seemingly endless stairwell where something is coming up from below. A woman the asshole leader ordered killed was known as "The prophet of death" by locals. The acting and SFX are terrible in this UK production directed and written by Tom Paton.

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Waiting For The UFOs

 

 (imdb)

UFO: TARGET EARTH-1974-Researcher Alan Grimes (Nick Plakias) hears a weird phone call from the government about UFOs. He decides to investigate. He interviews lots of people about UFOs. A woman who seems to be able to channel UFO energy helps him. Out in a forest, it turns out Alan possess the energy the formless aliens need to leave Earth. 

The acting and script are below par. Director/writer Michael DeGaetano later made PROJECT: METALBEAST (1995).

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Mistress Misty

 

 (imdb)

AT THE MOVIES WITH MISTRESS MISTY-2004-After an intro by Mistress Misty (Debra Rochon) who drinks a glass of blood and has a mutant baby, there are three stories all involving werewolves.

The first is "Dark Rose: The 700 Year Itch". A vampire hunter finds a vampire and turns into a werewolf. The two fight and the werewolf wins. 

In “Sheep's Clothing”, a PI shadows a wife Gina to see if she's cheating. She doesn't seem to be doing anything wrong except shopping and talking to her minister. When the husband pretends to be away, it seems Gina is actually a werewolf, and the minister was trying to help cure her. 

In “Crying Wolf”, a bickering couple are attacked by a werewolf. The woman dies but the man is saved by some passersby. A month later a hick sheriff accuses the man of killing the woman. The guy believes he's a werewolf and wants the sheriff to lock him up. It turns out the sheriff is the original werewolf and the two battle it out for supremacy as the worst wolf man in celluloid history.

 Amateurish nonsense but Rochon seems to be having a good time. Also known as THE LUNAR PACK. It was written and directed by James Liquori.

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Last One For 2024

 

 (imdb)

THE CREMATORS-1972-A narrator tells us about a meteor that hit Earth many many years ago and a young Indian and a shark. In the present, bug expert Ian Thorne (Marvin Howard) finds a strange stone. When he sends it away to be analyzed it seems to be responsible for the mailman's death when he's burned alive by a ball of fire. Later Thorne gives a second stone to the weird looking Jeannie (Maria de Aragon). Then a pipe smoking local is burned by another fireball. After a lot of talk, a scientist tries to stop the fireball with a shotgun. 

The sfx, acting and direction are sub-par in this low budget sci-fi film directed and co-written by Harry Essex (OCTA-MAN (1971)) who in better times wrote the screenplay for THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954). The Cremators also features the second to last film score by Albert Glasser and the debut of SFX creator Doug Beswick (THE TERMINATOR, BEETLEJUICE).

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Southern Wolf

 

 (imdb)

WOLFMAN-1979-A son, Colin Glasgow (co-producer Earl Owensby), is summoned to his father's death bed by his cousins (the father is actually stabbed to death). It seems Colin has inherited a curse and he turns into a werewolf when the moon is full. The curse was put on his family by an evil reverend. After a nightly rampage Colin is thrown in jail. The reverend plans on killing Colin's girlfriend but somehow Colin escapes, turns into a wolf and kills the the evil clergyman, unfortunately dying in the process. 

This low budget period piece, very reminiscent of an Andy Mulligan movie, has bad acting & sfx. Star Owensby in the '70's, seemed to have a reputation as a "redneck Roger Corman" based in North Carolina but most of his output didn't get passed the Mason-Dixon line. Director/writer Worth Keeter later worked on the American versions of TV's "Power Rangers" shows.

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Trailer Trash

 

 (imdb)

VAMPIRE TRAILER PARK-1991-A private investigator and a psychic look into stories about missing old people and vampires. Sometimes the psychic's dead grandma talks through her. A pasty-faced vampire (the screenwriter/co-producer Patrick Moran) shrieks annoyingly and vomits blood. 

Terrible shot on video junk with bad acting, direction and sfx. Director Steve Latshaw later made JACK-O (1995) and THE RETURN OF THE KILLER SHREWS (2012).

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Moon Beast

 

 (imdb)

TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST1976--Anthropologist Paul Carson (Chase Cordell), teacher Johnny Longbow (Georgio Sala), two air head students Bud (Tim Butler) & Janet (Francine Kessler) and photographer Kathy Nolan (Donna Leigh Drake) all meet in the desert. Meanwhile, a newscaster reports about a meteor shower. When Paul and Kathy are watching the shower, Paul is hit by a meteor which turns him into a blood thirsty part dinosaur killer. His first victim is a drunk bowler then a bunch of poker playing campers. 

Terrible acting and too slow paced but the monster (created and played by Joe Blasco) isn't bad when we get to see it. It's the only movie directed by Richard Ashe who was second unit director on two Cheri Caffaro movies.

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Why Revenge?

 

 (imdb)

REVENGE OF THE PSYCHOTRONIC MAN-1979-A barber named Rocky (Peter Spelson; also one of the writers) had a close encounter with a UFO. Now he can destroy people with his mind. First he kills an old guy, then his doctor. A cop (Chris Carbis) with an English accent investigates. Despite a wife and kids, he has a girlfriend. After he scares his wife, he leads the police on a too long car chase. After he crashes his car, he leads them on a too long foot chase. They seem to trap him in a building and a police sniper shoots him but he gets away. The End. 

Time wasting nonsense with bad acting and drawn scenes. Why revenge? He was a philandering alcoholic jerk. Director Jack M. Sell made two comedies after this and wisely went into another field.

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Louisiana

 

 (imdb)

DARK HERITAGE-1989-Investigative reporter Clint Harrison (Mike LaCour) and co-workers Roger (Joe Jennings) and Daryl (Todd Leger) investigate a. haunted house. 2 of them disappear overnight and Clint goes to the police who nearly accuse him of murder. He watches a VHS tape they made but that doesn't help much. Later he meets Jack (Tim Verkaik) and Greg (David Hatcher) and they do some investigating. For some ridiculous reason, instead of driving away when a storm is brewing, they elect to stay in an abandoned camper. When the storm ends Greg winds up dead with a mutilated face. Clint convinces Jack to help him bury the body so he doesn't get into any more trouble. Later they go back to the house and encounter some members of the cursed Dansen family. 

Based on HP Lovecraft's "The Lurking Fear", it has bad acting and moves at a snail's pace. This is the only feature movie directed by David McCormick who was an editor on many films. In 2011, McCormick was involved in a sequel DARKNESS ON DANSEN HILL but that was a short film.

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Step Right Up!

 

 (imdb)

STEPS FROM HELL-1990-Some vampire demon Vlad (Bernardo Rosa) is searching for a gateway. The tale seems to be told in flashback by a writer to his would-be research assistant. They both act like they'd rather be someplace else. After his father is killed, a priest (Ron O'Dell) goes looking for Vlad, whose chief henchman is a huge black transvestite. He has a funny fight with a black couple in the woods. Later he and a ghoul girl attack some guys in a van and eat one of them. One guy who escapes beats up the huge guy with terrible martial arts moves but is killed anyway. Then later suddenly the big guy is chasing a woman. She beats him with a stick and stabs him but the undead woman grabs her. Later the priest fights Vlad in a good vs. evil finale in slow motion. Beelzebub shows up at the end too. 

The date on the film is 1990 but it looks like some washed out regional release made in the early '70's with bright lighting that suddenly goes dark, outrageously bad acting (most of the actors seem in a coma), too much talk and all the voices seem to be slowed down somewhat. Writer/director James Adam Tucker was also an actor (He played a cop on John Waters' HAIRSPRAY).

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"Stepping High" by Eddie Murray:

https://youtu.be/gT_VKzw18S8?si=x-DaJoAtd5ZRLZgy

Cry Uncle

 

 (themoviedb.org)

MY UNCLE JOHN IS A ZOMBIE-2016-Years after a zombie apocalypse, some of the undead can co-exist with humans, especially a smart ass named Uncle John (John Russo, a co-executive producer who wrote the screenplay and co-directed). He's interviewed by a reporter Mandy. His niece Cy Fi & nephew Oscar take care of him. Detective Smart investigates some murders that may have been committed by John. It's also a takeoff on reality shows. Lloyd Kaufman shows up to promote Troma. Terrible acting. Russell Streiner (from the original) and Debra Rochon have small roles 

This kind of vanity production seems to be washed up writer Russo's last desperate attempt to gain the stardom he's craved since penning NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD in 1968. He also wrote some of the dumb songs.

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Soloman

 

 (imdb)

SOLOMON KING-1974-Ex-CIA agent Soloman King (co-director/co-writer Sal Watts) and his brother Manny (real life brother (?) James Watts) run oil wells in the Middle East but the evil Hassan (Richard Scarso) takes over the country. The king goes into hiding and his daughter the princess escapes to the US. King takes the princess in to protect her. With the help of a corrupt agent, Hassan sends an assassin to kill the princess. Honkies try to hire black brothers to work for Hassan. Later after the princess is killed, King recruits his ex-Green Beret buddies to bring down Hassan. 

Terrible acting and direction. The fight scenes are some of the worst ever! No negative of this could be found. Some wiseguy restored it from 35mm copy. The print looks great, which is the best part of this movie. Star Sal Watts was a successful clothing store owner in California and appeared in only one other film, BIG TIME in 1977. He died in 2003.

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Lives Up To It's Title!

 

 (imdb)

THE ABOMINATION-1986-This low budget horror movie starts off with all the bloody Andy Milligan like gore, blood and dismemberment scenes shown all at once as a guy's nightmares. Then the guy Cody (Scott Davis) talks to a psychiatrist about how he had to kill a woman in a graveyard because "the abomination" is controlling him. He blames his mother because she watched Brother Fogg (Rex Morton), a TV evangelist. At night when Cody goes on a date, mom coughs up a tumor of some kind that's alive and later it crawls into Cody's mouth while he's asleep. He must be a sound sleeper! 

Next day Cody and his girlfriend go out drinking beer and drag racing in his pickup. Now a slimy creature lives under Cody's bed and makes him kill so the creature can have blood. Mom decides Cody needs an exorcism and goes to Brother Fogg (obviously a complete phony) and he agrees to do one. Later, in a very long scene, the creature takes over the kitchen, appearing in the cupboard, under the sink and in a washing machine and kills mom. After Fogg is eaten taking a dump, Cody dismembers another guy in a junkyard. He chases a woman in a graveyard and slits her throat. The gory (but still terrible) sfx get more disgusting as it goes on. In his kitchen he feeds body parts and entrails to Audrey....I mean to the abomination. His girlfriend comes by and kills him but the monster eats her. Mom's doc visits and becomes the new host while Cody (somehow still alive?) pleads his innocence over the closing credits. 

This is a low budget badly made little gore film that's fairly entertaining if you like senseless badly acted and directed puke films. Writer/director Bret McCormick directed one of the stories in TABLOID (1989) and made other mindless stuff.

 (imdb)

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werewolfery

 

 (imdb)

PROJECT: METALBEAST-1995-In 1974, psychotic (bad actor) CIA agent Butler (John Marzilli) injects himself with blood from a werewolf in Hungry. After he's killed, head guy Miller (Barry Bostwick) covers it up. In 1994, a cancer research scientist (Kim Delaney) is ordered to work on a frozen wolf body (Kane Hodder) which after much talk and inaction, comes back to life and kills. Awful violent nonsense from director Alessandro De Gaetano (UFO: TARGET EARTH (1974)).

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