Bad Blood

 

 (imdb)

BLOOD FEAST-2016-American Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler from the "Babylon 5" TV show) and his wife Louise (Caroline Williams; THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2) run a diner in France, trying to put their daughter (Sophie Monk) through college. She gets mad at them because they are serving old meat. Fuad who works a night shift at a museum, stops taking his medication. One night, Egyptian Queen Ishtar (Sadie Katz) says she wants him for her lover. Through Professor Hershell (Herschell Gordon Lewis!) Fuad learns that a guy named Tammuz once killed 14 children and served them to their parents. Thus, Ishtar became his lover. Suddenly Fuad has an altar to Ishtar in his basement and is going to recreate the feast for her. 

Garbage production with terrible acting and a stupid script. Director Michael Walz needs to reevaluate his career choices.

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Lake Zombies

 

 (imdb)

GHOST LAKE-2004-This young woman Rebecca (Tatum Adair) feels guilt over the death of her parents who were killed by a gas leak while she was having sex in a car. She goes to her parents' house in upstate NY. She meets a neighbor. Stan, who helps her put the lights on. He's semi-suspicious. She has hallucinations of her parents blaming her. While out jogging she says hello to a fisherman but he ignores her. Then she meets a talkative little girl and a rude dickhead fisherman who is pulled into the water by a glowing figure. After having some strange dreams and hearing weird noises, the little girl shows up in her house while she's outside stargazing and swimming with Stan. She sees the body of the dead fisherman but when authorities check they find nothing. The ignorant sheriff (Gregory Lee Kenyon; a terrible actor) who says Stan killed his own father, tells the story of a town that was once where the lake is and an old man and his submerged house. Later in a cemetery she’s terrorized by the dead fisherman. She conveniently meets Stan who says the sheriff is involved with drug pushing. There are a few zombies. 

This a pretty messed up waste of time with bad sfx and too much talk. And it's long (an hour and 52 minutes gone forever!). Writer/director Jay Woelfel also made TRANCERS 6 (2002).

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Mania From Italy

 

(imdb)

MANIA-1974-A woman named Lisa (Eva Spadaro) drives recklessly in a car with a man who says she is obsessed with Bercht, her dead husband. They seem to be menaced by a driver less car. She admits she let her scientist husband burn to death in a fire in his lab. She has a fit when her housekeeper accepts a package from a man. Then her psychiatrist tells her the only way to overcome her fear is to return to the villa where hubby died. Once there, they meet the husband's twin brother, a mean guy with a scarred face in a wheelchair with a mute servant girl. Lisa's housekeeper acts strangely suspicious, and Lisa seems to be losing her mind…or is she? 

Pretty lame, confused, tedious mess from Italy, directed by Renato Polselli (THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA (1960)).

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Stairway

 

 (imdb)

BLACK OPS-2019-A British military Black Ops group become trapped in a seemingly endless stairwell where something is coming up from below. A woman the asshole leader ordered killed was known as "The prophet of death" by locals. The acting and SFX are terrible in this UK production directed and written by Tom Paton.

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Caged Boredom

 

 (istockphoto.com)

CAGED TERROR-1973-Co-workers Richard (Percy Harkness) and Janet (Elizabeth Suzuki) go to a secluded cabin but they seem to be hiking there forever. Rich acts a little nutty and Jan is sad when he shoots a rabbit. After philosophical bs and sex, they arrive at a rundown cabin. Nothing much happens until around the 54 minute mark when 2 guys, Jarvis (Leon Morenzie) & The Troubadour (Derek Lamb), show up, saying they live in the cabin. Unfortunately, one of them croons a song. Later the 2 guys leave but come back at night and Richard shoots at them. 

This movie filmed in Canada is real garbage with an ending that makes no sense. This was directed by Barrie Angus McLean and was originally called “The Golden Apples of the Sun”.

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They Never Learn (and neither do I)

 

 (imdb)

THE GANZFELD HAUNTING-2014-4 college fools go to a remote house to conduct and film an experiment in telekinesis using banned equipment made in the 1950's. They don't sleep, do drugs, curse a lot and the girls do an erotic dance and kiss. They lose touch with reality and smoke cigarettes. It's pretty bad. With Billy Zane in a flashback and Dominic Purcell as a detective. Director Michael Oblowitz also made THE FOREIGNER starring Steven Seagal.

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Rise Of The Rip-Off

 

 

 (imdb)

RISE OF THE ZOMBIES-2012-A group from a research lab venture into the city because they believe a cure for a zombie plague is there, created by a scientist (French Stewart) with a monkey. Meanwhile another scientist (Levar Burton) stays behind doing experiments on the living dead (including his wife). This is another blatant rip-off from The Asylum, this time copying Romero's Dead series (especially DAY). The cast (including Mariel Hemingway, Danny Trejo, Ethan Suplee, Heather Hemmens) is whittled down and eaten. 

Director Nick Lyon also made ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE (2011).

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Moon Over Amityville

 

 

 (imdb)

THE AMITYVILLE MOON-2021-In some kind of Catholic halfway house for girls, a furry humanoid creature is killing people. Everybody stands or sits around and talks. Detective Kimball (Trey McCurley) investigates and beats up guys at a bar. It seems to be related to the infamous house 40 miles from my home. 

Crappy shit where you are supposed to care about characters who shouldn't even be alive. Director Thomas J. Churchill made a few other movies with Amityville in the title and a documentary about Rowan Bolan.

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Living It Up at The Hotel Acacia

 

 (themoviedb.org)

HOTEL ACACIA-2019-A stupid man grooms his son to take over a special government project: a hotel that is supposed to take care of immigrants but in fact "tenants" are fed to a monster that also likes to impregnate women. This Philippine film directed by Bradley Liew is very boring, confusing and didn't make much sense to me.

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Indigestion

 

 (imdb)

GORE-MET: ZOMBIE CHEF FROM HELL-1986-In 1386, Goza (Theo Depuay) is condemned to be a flesh-eating zombie by some robed guys. 300 years later he's running a deli on the beach in Charlotte, NC. He kills a health inspector and a customer complains there's hair in his stew. Of course, Goza, who occasionally talks to the camera, is killing people to quench his lust for flesh.

 If more people could see this movie (it's supposed to be a comedy) I'm sure it would be on a lot more worst horror movies lists. Bad everything! It's the only film effort by director Don Swan.

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Moon Beast

 

 (imdb)

TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST1976--Anthropologist Paul Carson (Chase Cordell), teacher Johnny Longbow (Georgio Sala), two air head students Bud (Tim Butler) & Janet (Francine Kessler) and photographer Kathy Nolan (Donna Leigh Drake) all meet in the desert. Meanwhile, a newscaster reports about a meteor shower. When Paul and Kathy are watching the shower, Paul is hit by a meteor which turns him into a blood thirsty part dinosaur killer. His first victim is a drunk bowler then a bunch of poker playing campers. 

Terrible acting and too slow paced but the monster (created and played by Joe Blasco) isn't bad when we get to see it. It's the only movie directed by Richard Ashe who was second unit director on two Cheri Caffaro movies.

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Gorilla Love

 

 (imdb)

BRIDE OF THE GORILLA-1951-Somewhere along the Amazon, Klaas Van Gilder (Paul Cavanaugh) and his unhappy wife Dina (Barbara Payton) are having troubles. Their doctor Viet (Tom Conway) tries to help but foreman Barney Chavez (pre-Godzilla & Perry Mason Raymond Burr) lusts after Dina. After Barney is fired, he kills Van Gilder by having a snake bite him. With hubby out of the way, Barney and Dina plan to run away. Law officer Taro (Lon Chaney) investigates. After Barney is exonerated of the murder, he and Dina get married but Van Gilder's servant Al-Long (Gisela Werbisek) puts a curse on him and he turns into a gorilla. Woody Strode is a policeman.

 It's pretty bad with a lot of talk. One of 9 movies directed by Curt Siodmak, better known as a writer and novelist (Donovan's Brain). He and Chaney would work again on the TV series 13 Demon Street (and the movie made from it, THE DEVIL'S MESSENGER). Star Payton had several scandals connected to her and later had several brushes with the law. She died in 1967 at the age of 39.

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Trio!

 

 (imdb)

LETHAL VIRUS-2021-Terrible, laughable nonsense about a virus that turns people into cannibalistic zombies ala 28 DAYS LATER and THE CRAZIES. The acting is terrible and the sfx are garbage. Director Daniel Hernandez Torrado should stop...Now!

 themoviedb.org)

ROBOT APOCALYPSE-2021-A bunch of stupid hackers wind up trying to stop a sentient AI that's gained control of the US army's drones. Former mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz is one of the stars, so don't say I didn't warn you. Low budget Sci Fi junk from director Marcus Friendlander.

 (Mubi)

THE MOVIES OF HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS AND THE ORIGINS OF SPLATTER-2022-Great short to the point documentary about Herschell Gordon Lewis and the rise of the gore or splatter films and the movies he made that help start it. It gives a good basic look at his "blood trilogy" and the horror movies that followed. It's a YouTube video created by Ben Simpson on his channel.

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The Bad Things Directors Do...

 

 (youtube)

THE GOOD THINGS DEVILS DO-2020-The weirdo who made this horror shit must have hated women. 

This is about a dumb schoolteacher Melvin (David Rucker lll) who accidentally resurrects a vampire while his home is invaded by a father, Richard (Bill Oberst Jr.), his daughter Mouse (Mary Katherine O'Connell) and sadistic perverted companion Percy (Kane Hodder who must have needed money desperately to have done this). After his wife (Linnea Quigley) is bitten, Melvin and his dysfunctional stepdaughter Caroline (Kelly Wilson Robinson) hide in a bedroom. 

Despite bloody gore, this is a talky emoting piece of crap with characters screaming and cursing. The director Jess Norvisgaard worked on TV shows like “The Biggest Loser” and “LA Ink” before this.

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Directors Act!

 

 

 

 (imdb)

VIOLENT SHIT: THE MOVIE-2015-This is a kind of Italian remake/sequel to a German series of movies by Andreas Schnaas (who has a small role in this). An Italian cop (director Enzo G. Castellari) and a German cop (Steve Aquilina) investigate the ritual killings that seem to be tied to tectonic serial killer Karl the butcher. Meanwhile the bald pasty-faced Prof. Vassago (Giovanni Lombardo Radice) talks about Attila the Hun. Occasionally a guy in a metal mask kills people. Directors Lucio Fulci and Luigi Cozzi also have small roles. 

 Radice under the name John Morghen is better known for his roles in Italian cannibal films like CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980) and CANNIBAL FEROX (1981). This is drawn out garbage with lots of talk and excessively gory in spots. The music is by Claudio Simonetti. This Italian/Germany production was directed by Luigi Pastore.

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Not For Cat Lovers

 

 (imdb)

NIGHT OF 1000 CATS-1972-Some nut named Hugo (Hugo Stiglitz) wines and dines women, has sex with them, then strangles them. He keeps their heads on display in his lab and feeds the rest of the body parts to a multitude of cats he has on his property. His demented bald headed servant Dorgo (Geralso Zepeda) helps him. Occasionally he reminisces about killing them. A married woman (Anjanette Comer) foils his plan. 

Pretty crappy production with all the dubbed voices seeming to have been done by two people. Directed and co-written by the prolific Rene Cardona Jr. (TINTORERA (1977), THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE (1978)). Star maniac Stiglitz (SURVIVE! (1976) was in several films by Cardona Jr., who's dad made SANTA CLAUS (1969), NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APE (1969) and many Santo lucha libre movies!

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Louisiana

 

 (imdb)

DARK HERITAGE-1989-Investigative reporter Clint Harrison (Mike LaCour) and co-workers Roger (Joe Jennings) and Daryl (Todd Leger) investigate a. haunted house. 2 of them disappear overnight and Clint goes to the police who nearly accuse him of murder. He watches a VHS tape they made but that doesn't help much. Later he meets Jack (Tim Verkaik) and Greg (David Hatcher) and they do some investigating. For some ridiculous reason, instead of driving away when a storm is brewing, they elect to stay in an abandoned camper. When the storm ends Greg winds up dead with a mutilated face. Clint convinces Jack to help him bury the body so he doesn't get into any more trouble. Later they go back to the house and encounter some members of the cursed Dansen family. 

Based on HP Lovecraft's "The Lurking Fear", it has bad acting and moves at a snail's pace. This is the only feature movie directed by David McCormick who was an editor on many films. In 2011, McCormick was involved in a sequel DARKNESS ON DANSEN HILL but that was a short film.

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Pistola

 

 (imdb)

THE CURSE OF LA PISTOLA-2022-Sleep inducing bullshit about two couples with relationship problems camping out in a South America forest that is haunted by some kind of vampire ghost. It's talky and dark and very annoying. Feature film debut for director AJ Jones. He also acts in it as do several of the film's other producers. It's based on an actually Latin America legend. 

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There's Something Wrong With This Movie

 

 (imdb)

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN-2023-This terrible talk fest is typical of modern horror, either you get hit over the head with extreme gore or we are subjected to over wrought psychological pretentious direction that goes nowhere. Some kids disappear in the woods but come back the next day and behave strangely. 

Awful supernatural nonsense. The director Roxanne Benjamin produced the first 3 V/H/S movies.

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Terror Stuff

 

 (imdb)

TERROR EYES-1989-A dapper mysterious man (Daniel Roebuck) gives a white trash couple a book titled “The Book of Life”. It seems to foretell their deaths. When the husband tries to destroy the book with acid, he starts to burn up. This turns out to be a dream by a writer (associate producer/co-writer Vivian Schilling). Her husband (also Roebuck) explains that she is an advertising writer who's been hired for some inexplicable reason to write a horror movie. Then she's chased through some winding corridors by an unseen monster. Then the couple go on a camping trip with 2 other couples. A demon seems to kill the husband and pretends to be him, acting like a loony. 

Finally, camper Manny relates his tale (The Alibi). It's the stupid story of a loser being set up by a guy who wants to kill his wife. It really sucks. In another tale (Snake Eyes), a female chess champion is kidnapped by an adult video gamer and put into a game where she confronts the owner.

 Uniformly bad horror anthology with terrible acting,direction,sfx and failed attempts at humor. Three directors are credited. One Michael Rissi directed SOULTAKER the next year (also with Schilling) and another Stephen Sommers went on to make the big scale productions THE MUMMY (1999) and its sequels! As of this writing his name was attached to a remake of “When Worlds Collide”.

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