Clark's Angels

 

 (internet movie cars database)

ANGELS REVENGE-1979-Las Vegas singer Michelle Wilson (Susan Kiger) ends her engagement at the palace. For some reason, Arthur Godfrey is in the audience. He goes backstage to congratulate her (he seems stoned). Then her manager (Alan Hale) tells her she's booked for Johnny Carson. She drops everything when her drug using brother Bobby gets beat up by a dealer. Bobby's teacher April (Jacqulin Cole; wife of the director) visits Michelle and in less than a minute she convinces Michelle that they can bust up the drug ring with a little help. They assemble a group of consisting of Terry Grant (Sylvia Anderson), a stunt woman, Karate teacher Kako (Lieu Chinh), ex-junkie-model Maria (Noela Velasco), policewoman Elaine Brenner (Robin Greer) and high schooler Trish (Liza Greer). They buy a van from Pat Buttram, then visit a comical right wing group lead by Lindsey March (Jim Backus) and steal their munitions. They torture a pusher (Darby Hinton) for info. The two guys behind the drugs are Mike (Jack Palance) and Burke (Peter Lawford). Neville Brand is listed in the credits but the version I saw cut his role. There are several comical fights in this useless “Charlie's Angels” rip-off directed by Greydon Clark (SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS (1977).

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Funny, Ha Ha...

 

 (themoviedb.org)

RUMOURS-2024-Horror comedy political satire with the leaders (including Cate Blanchett and Charles Dance) of the 7 democratic nations meeting at the G7 conference and getting lost in a forest. They later encounter a woman who rants about “the night queen” and a giant brain and occasionally zombies. It all seems to be the work of some AI child predator tracker. Bloated nonsense, lost in some hidden rhetoric only the 3 directors (including Guy Maddin) may understand.

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Short Things

 

 (mubi.com)

BARBEQUE DEATH SQUAD FROM HELL-1986-Penn & Teller star in this short advertising their company that turn boring family home movies into horror films. Lydia Lunch is their secretary. Crude, clever, deranged and funny. Directed by the wool hat wearing guitarist of “The Monkees”, Michael Nesmith.

 (imdb)

THE ADVENTURES OF RED ROOSTER-1984-So it seems around 1984, no budget sleaze master Andy Milligan decided to tackle the TV sit-com! He and screenwriter Donald Tobey made 5 episodes of the title show. This is sometimes called the pilot but it really seems like some kind of highlight reel with scenes edited together from the episodes. The plot concerns a young country girl (Leslie Den Dooven) who comes to NYC to work for the company Red Rooster, that manufactures a Viagra type pill. It reminded me more of a Hershell Gordon Lewis hillbilly movie. It's pretty bad. Star Den Dooven was also in Milligan's CARNAGE the same year.

 (archive.org)

INSTANT ADORING BOYFRIEND-A British guy (Brodie Bass) speaks into the camera. He seems to be talking to a woman he loves and worships, throwing out compliment over compliment while he works out, irons, etc. It's left to the viewer to figure out what's going on. Strange.

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Indigestion

 

 (imdb)

GORE-MET: ZOMBIE CHEF FROM HELL-1986-In 1386, Goza (Theo Depuay) is condemned to be a flesh-eating zombie by some robed guys. 300 years later he's running a deli on the beach in Charlotte, NC. He kills a health inspector and a customer complains there's hair in his stew. Of course, Goza, who occasionally talks to the camera, is killing people to quench his lust for flesh.

 If more people could see this movie (it's supposed to be a comedy) I'm sure it would be on a lot more worst horror movies lists. Bad everything! It's the only film effort by director Don Swan.

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Why Can't the Dairy Queen Have Children?

 

 (imdb)

SWIRLEE-2000-Softy (James Lorinz who also directed), a man with an ice cream cone for a head, lives with his friend Tony (David Caruso). He doesn't have many prospects and Tony has a hard time supporting both of them. After a brief encounter dancing with a hooker, Softy visits Don Gelato, a foul mouth gangster who took over Softy's ice cream business. Gelato ridicules Softy and has him beaten up. Softy struggles to get home and some school kids even crowd around him to eat ice cream off his head. He decides to commit suicide by taking a warm bath but Tony saves him. They go and kill Don Gelato and his two friends Don Sorbet and Don Tofutti. 

Lorinz was the star of Frank Henenlotter's FRANKENHOOKER (1990). It was produced by Roy Frumkes (STREET TRASH (1987); which Lorinz also had a role in). Pretty bizarre...

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Serial Killer Short

I WAS A TEENAGE SERIAL KILLER-1993-Crappy, pseudo-arty black and white nonsense features lots of close-ups and dialogue that's not synced to the person talking. Mary (Kristin Calabrese in her only acting role) is a slut who has sex with men and then kills them. After killing one guy, she sticks a banana in his mouth. She meets a male psycho Henry (Corey) who kills “straight white males”. They seem to fall in love and kill people. Later she kills him. I think it might have been some kind of black comedy but I don't think the director, producer, etc. knew exactly what they wanted from this 20 minute waste of time. Director/writer Sarah Jacobson later made MARY JANE'S NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE.

LOL

BIG BAD BUGS!-2012-Amateurish badly acted and directed crap about giant insects invading Earth from another dimension. The SFX are terrible. I think it was a comedy but it was so bad it was hard to tell! This was directed by Peter Paul Basler who also made ICE: THE MOVIE.

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More Badness

MANIAC ON THE LOOSE-2008-Stupid amateurish junk about an escaped mental patient. It's mostly talk with the nut ranting at two kidnapped victims. The twist is one of the victims is the escaped psycho while the kidnapper is just a random nut. I think it was suppose to be a comedy but the acting and dialogue is so inane it's hard to tell. Later after he kills the rando loony, the escaped patient has a party for his dead victims. 

The director of this junk Steve Hudgins seemed to think he was making some high art horror film with flashbacks and strange twists but it's just a waste of time.

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Cherry Bomb

CHERRY FALLS-2000-I've been told this is a "must see" cult film. Ok, I saw it. It's just more slasher nonsense but this time with a female killer preying on screwed up virgin teens in a small town. A stupid sheriff (Michael Biehn) tries to figure it all out and control his own teenage daughter (Brittany Murphy who died in 2009). It has to do with a girl who was raped by 4 football players years before (the sheriff was one of the players). I won't reveal the one other plot point about the killer who goes on a rampage killing teens who are having an orgy in an old house (since the killer only targets virgins it seems a good idea to have sex and therefore not be an intended victim). I guess it was suppose to be a grotesquely funny horror movie...I guess!

Jay Mohr and Candy Clarke also have roles.

The director Geoffrey Wright (from Australia) made ROMPER STOMPER before this.

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Hotel In Thailand

THE HOTEL!!-2002-Cool ghost story from Thailand. After the death of their mother a brother and sister return to an old hotel their father runs hoping to re-model it. Several deaths occur and it seems their father is to blame but when the police try to arrest him he resists and dies in a shoot out. Other deaths follow and soon it appears a vengeful ghost is out to destroy them. Some good visual effects highlight the serious story although there is one stand out comic scene involving a witch doctor who comes to exorcise the ghost (at least I think it was suppose to be intentionally funny!). It was written and directed by Anukul Jarotok.

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PS-Sorry I couldn't find a shot of a poster. I couldn't do a good search though. I have to go out!