Not For Cat Lovers

 

 (imdb)

NIGHT OF 1000 CATS-1972-Some nut named Hugo (Hugo Stiglitz) wines and dines women, has sex with them, then strangles them. He keeps their heads on display in his lab and feeds the rest of the body parts to a multitude of cats he has on his property. His demented bald headed servant Dorgo (Geralso Zepeda) helps him. Occasionally he reminisces about killing them. A married woman (Anjanette Comer) foils his plan. 

Pretty crappy production with all the dubbed voices seeming to have been done by two people. Directed and co-written by the prolific Rene Cardona Jr. (TINTORERA (1977), THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE (1978)). Star maniac Stiglitz (SURVIVE! (1976) was in several films by Cardona Jr., who's dad made SANTA CLAUS (1969), NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APE (1969) and many Santo lucha libre movies!

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Paste Up Ultraman

 

SPACE WARRIORS 2000-1985-A father returns from a trip and gives his son an Ultraman toy. Then an old toy maker and his wife argue over her having sold the Ultraman toy. It turns out "the toy" is actually the real Ultraman and the boy is recruited to help fight evil. Many Ultramen appear in this movie mess basically because all the scenes of U fighting monsters are taken from three previously made movies: "Ultraman Story", "Hanuman vs. 7 Ultramen" (which was a co-production between Japan & Thailand) and "Ultraman Zoffy" which was made in Thailand without approval. When Japan found out, they sued to stop it's release. 

This was put together by Thai honcho Stephen Minasia and American Dick Randall for US TV where it played a few times then disappeared. The inane stock music, silly dubbed voices (the monsters even talk) and stupid jokes are flatter than piss on a plate. Your best bet is to turn off the sound and add your own soundtrack.

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More Death

 

NINJA DEATH 2: VENOM OF THE NINJA-1987-"You Only Live Twice" theme plays over the credits. Tiger (Alexander Rei Lo) returns from the first film and after intense training by his master must battle the evil "Grand Master" (Fei Meng) and his invasion force from Japan. This is even more confusing and disjointed than the first part, directed by Joseph Kuo (from Taiwan) who also made part one but was uncredited. The same year he made a part 3.

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Another Fine Mess (of a movie)

 

 (bestbuy.com)

NINJA DEATH-1987-Two brothers protect a princess and her baby from some ninjas. The ninja leader kills one of the brothers and the princess commits suicide. The other brother escapes with the baby. Then two ninjas fight each other in front of a red light. Then an oiled muscular guy jumps around. He fights the two ninjas then a female ninja shows up and decapitates one of the ninjas. She and the muscular guy fight an old guy in a gold jumpsuit and someone in a horned mask. Then it jumps to Tiger (Alexander Rei Lo), a hawker outside a bordello who has a lot of stupid conversations about sex with would be clients. He has a few fights after a Japanese whorehouse opens up next door. He goes to his "master" who beats him up then puts him through some torturous training. Meanwhile the old guy plays a flute and the guy in the horned mask goes crazy killing two fighters. Later Tiger's master tells him about ninjas. 3 show up and so does the horned guy called "Devil Mask". There's lots of dumb dubbed dialogue, a guy spits on a baby and two bizarre sex scenes but the fights are pretty good! Uncredited director Joseph Kuo also made two sequels.

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Vampiro

 

 (imdb)

VAMPIRO: WARRIOR OF THE NIGHT-1993-Pro wrestler Vampiro (the real life wrestler aka Ian Hodgkinson) is captured by a cartoonish mad would be ruler of the world. He's after some-thing called "the nitro weapons". La Rosa, a masked alien wrestling woman and her Ewok like pet, also search for them. The atrocious dubbed dialogue makes it hard to tell if it's supposed to be a straight forward comedy or not. Vampiro (who's voice is dubbed) dis-appears during the final battle but shows up at the end to lament La Rosa's departure. 

Crazy low budget action thing made to cash in on Vampiro's popularity in Mexico (where this was filmed). The '80's synth soundtrack doesn't help. Some real life wrestlers also appear: King Haku, Norman Smiley, Ultimo Dragon and Negro Casas among them.

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German Spider Horrors

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND-1960-A group of dumb models and strippers are stranded with their manager Gary (Alex D'Arcy) on an island after their plane crashes. On the island they find a house where there's an old man dead in a spider web. They learn that he was a professor working with uranium and spiders. At night Gary is walking around shirtless and a large spider bites him and he turns into a hairy faced monster with fangs. After one girl is killed, the rest bicker a lot while looking for Gary. Two researchers show up. There's a lot of romantic nonsense and the monster is forgotten until he attacks near the end and walks into quicksand. 

Everything about this innocuous West German horror film is terrible. Especially the SFX and drawn out story line. The director/writer Fritz Bottger is credited as Jamie Nolan in US prints (I'm sure he wouldn't want it any other way).

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AIP Remake

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CREATURE OF DESTRUCTION-1967-In another made for TV disaster, an over long silent, music only pre-credits kind of chase takes place with a very phony rubbery creature (the same one in Buchanan’s IT’S ALIVE) follows an old guy (Neil Fletcher; the father in IN THE YEAR 2889) to his boat and kills him. 

Dr. John Basso (Les Tremayne) does a hypnotism/prediction act with the help of Doreena (Pat Delaney) who he regresses into the funny “prehistoric” monster shown earlier. A dumb pompous army psychologist Lt. Blake (Roger Ready) doesn't like it. 

Of course this is a remake of THE SHE CREATURE (1956) which featured a very memorable and well known monster. I was never a big fan of the origina (directed by the great Edward L. Cahn) but this bore-fest with bad sound makes the original seem like BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!  

Pat Delaney and Les Tremayne give ok performances but everyone else is pretty bad. Lead actor Aron  Kincad was forced into the role due to an out of court settlement with AIP and was on the picture for two weeks before leaving. 

Filmed in Texas. Buchanan also made IN THE YEAR 2889 around the same time.

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Some Buchanan remakes you might have missed:

https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2019/09/buchanan.html

https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2011/06/before-larry-cohens-killer-babies.html

https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4609335177952045780/7914412282512488747

Not The Famous Monster

THE ISLAND MONSTER-1954-Critics go on and on about how bad this movie is. True, it's boring and one of Karloff's worst. His real voice isn't even used. A bad imitator dubs him. 

06-13THE ISLAND MONSTER isn't very good. The story drags and the dubbing is terrible but the film was never meant to be viewed outside of Italian speaking countries. This wasn't that uncommon (it happened to Christopher Lee in the German made Sherlock Holmes and would again effect Karloff in THE SNAKE PEOPLE). In the mid-fifties Boris wasn't making a lot of movies. He concentrated his career on TV (he started the “Col. March” TV series the same year) and the stage. Still he felt if someone wanted him for a film he was usually willing to take it. And getting a free trip to Italy for his wife and himself couldn't hurt. He was also probably under the assumption that it wouldn't be shown outside of Italy. It wasn't a pleasant experience for him being the only English speaking cast member and he didn't like the fact that his character was totally unsympathetic in the end. Personally I was glad to see it when it showed up once on WOR’s “Fright Night” in NYC.

Mario (Renato Vicario), an undercover cop in Naples investigates the smuggling of heroin. He meets Guy Gaetano (King Karloff), the island’s “benefactor”, who has built a hospital for sick babies. He goes to a club where everyone acts suspiciously and he pretends to romance D'Auro (Franca Marzi), a singer there. Trouble of another kind brews when Mario's wife Fiorella and little daughter (and their dog) come to visit and wife sees Mario talking to D'Auro. She meets with a smuggler named Foster (Carlo Duse) because they are all in the dope ring and take their orders from an unseen boss (gee...I wonder who that is?). Foster wants the singer to kill Mario. I guess she refuses because later Fiorella is lured from her hotel room with a phony phone call and leaves their daughter alone in an unlocked room. The girl is kidnapped and taken to a secluded island. Of course later it's revealed Gaetano is the ring leader and is also the “monster” of the title, an evil guy who pushes dope and kidnaps a child. 

I guess the producers thought a movie with Karloff in it with monster in the title would deceive many film-goers into thinking it was some kind of horror movie. Eventually the daughter is rescued but not before D'Auro is shot. Mario kills Gaetano. From what some of the characters say it seems this drawn out potboiler was longer but scenes were edited out. Director Roberto Bianchi Montero went on to make many more films in his native country.

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Joking with Drac

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DRACULA (THE DIRTY OLD MAN)-1969-After some pretty funny narration, a not bad Dracula (Vince Kelley) rises from his coffin. He was an exaggerated Jewish accent and makes dumb jokes. His coffin is in a cave and he spies on a woman. Later he hypnotizes a guy named Mike who becomes Irving Jeckleman with a terrible furry wolf head. He procures women for Dracula to fondle, insult and bite one captive's boob. Irving chases a few, kills their men and takes his own girlfriend back to the cave where he and the count have a falling out. Dracula steps out into the sun and dies. Mike and his girlfriend have sex in the cave while a bat watches them. 

Despite the presence of many topless women and a few fully naked ones this is an awful boring mess. The worst part though is stupid dubbed in voices which get old very quick. Director William Edward later produced and wrote the infamous THE MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKALS.

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Lucky Werewolf

WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS’ DORMITORY- 1961/1963-New teacher  Prof. Julian Olcott (Carl Schell) arrives at a girl's reformatory  school with a secret past that seemed to have gotten him in trouble with the law. One girl Mary (Mary McNeeran) seems to have some kind of blackmail/sex for favors thing going on with older man named Sir Alfred (Maurice Marsac) but she becomes the first victim of a werewolf attack. The school is run by Mr. Swift (Curt Lowens) and Leonor (Grace Neame). Another girl Priscilla (Barbara Lass) figures something's going on. A pipe smoking inspector (Herbert Diamonds) investigates. Caretaker Walter takes Priscilla to meet the person who's being blackmailed but instead she meets dirty old man Sir Alfred’s demanding wife (Annie Steinert) who tries to buy the girl's silence. Later she meets Prof. Olcott in the woods and they have a discussion. After they part Priscilla is attacked by a snarling werewolf but a guard dog drives the wolfman away. While Priscilla remains in shock, Swift questions Olcott who admits he’s trying to find and cure the werewolf though he seems a likely subject himself. Then Walter invades the place while the girls are sleeping to get Sir Alfred's incriminating letters but almost has to smother one girl to death to do it. He runs up a tower and falls to his death but Swift discovers the letters. Later on after the identity of the wolfman is revealed he terrorizes Olcott and Priscilla until he's shot and killed. 

This fairly tame black and white Italy/Austria co-production is drawn out and the dubbing isn't that great. In American prints director Paolo Heusch is credited as Richard Benson. 

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Sabata!

SABATA-1969-Sabata, a very cool gunfighter (played by the very cool Lee Van Cleef) interjects himself into the happening of a small town run by weird guy Stengal (Franco Ressel) who wants to buy up all the land because a railroad is going to be built. A redneck jerk named Banjo (William Berger) shoots people with with his banjo which is actually a rifle. Later Sabata is joined by fat drunk Carrincha (Pedro Sanchez) and his Indian friend Alley Cat (Aldo Canti) and along with Banjo lay siege to Stengal's ranch. 

This “spaghetti-western” was the first of a trilogy directed by Frank Kramer (real name: Gianfranco Parolini) and all starring Van Cleef.

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Won't Get Fong Again

BLIND RAGE-1976-5 blind men are recruited by a mobster named Duran to rob a bank. They are a diverse group: Willie Black (D'Urville Martin), Lin Wang (co-writer Leo Fung), Hector Lopez (Darnell Garcia), Amazing Anderson (Dick Adair) and Ben Guevara (Tony Ferrer). A woman named Sally (Leila Hermosa) runs a school for the blind and teaches them how to commit the robbery and act as though they can see. They steal 15 million dollars and kill several people in the process. After finding a blind man's cane at the crime scene the police suspect blind men must have pulled the robbery! They arrest Ben and he rats out everyone. When the remaining gang tries to escape hiding in a gas truck, it crashes and explodes killing them all except Duran who took a different mode of transport. He escapes to LA but when he lands (top billed) Fred Williamson as Jesse Crowder (a character he'd played in several of his movies at the time) shows up and arrests him after chasing him down and beating him up! 

This odd but ultimately far-fetched crime drama was shot badly in the Philippines by Efren C. Pinon who had previously directed ENFORCER FROM DEATH ROW (also starring Fong).

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American Actors In Italy

 

 

THE VISITOR-1979-At an Atlanta Hawks basketball game a little girl named Katy (Paige Connor) seems to make an opposing player lose the game. She's a snot-nosed brat and after having sex her mother Barbara (Joanne Nail) confesses to her boyfriend Raymond (Lance Henriksen who was in OMEN 2 the year before) that she's afraid of her daughter. It turns out Raymond actually works for a cabal led by Dr. Walker (Mel Ferrer) who says the mother carries the genes of “Sateen”. They want the boyfriend to impregnate mom so Katy will have a brother. For some reason Katy gets a revolver for a birthday present and she accidentally shoots mom who winds up paralyzed. A character who may be Jesus Christ (Franco Nero) sends a visitor (John Huston) to check up on Katy. And a weird housekeeper (Shelly Winters, no stranger to horror and exploitation) also hangs around. Meanwhile a detective (Glen Ford who had played Pa Kent in the SUPERMAN movie the year before) investigates until he is killed. Later after Raymond and Katy kill Barbara the visitor sends a flock of birds to kill Raymond and Katy is whisked away to a heavenly place where (now bald) she joins other hairless children under the protection of the Christ like figure.

This Italian/US co-production THE OMEN inspired tale was filmed in and around Rome by Guilio Paradisi (a former actor) under the more American sounding Michael J. Paradise. It's no paradise when viewing this disjointed, badly dubbed horror tale despite the name cast. It could be the US version was badly cut and dubbed making the story fairly incoherent. For example director Sam Peckinpah appears in one scene as a doctor named Collins (Katy and Barbara's last name). It seems in the uncut version it's explained that the doctor is actually Barbara's ex-husband but here it's reduced to a weird cameo by an American director (Peckinpah would make this last movie THE OSTERMAN WEEKEND a few years later). Actor/director Mel Ferrer was in several European horror films around this time and the same year as THE VISITOR was in added US scenes for an Italian horror film SCREAMERS.

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8 Drunks

 

KUNG-FU OF THE EIGHT DRUNKARDS-1980-More inebriated Kung-Fu hi-jinx. An alcoholic martial arts master, Wu Tseng tries to teach his student Chan Kung (Meng Fei). After some fool who looks radiation scarred causes trouble with some firecrackers Chan Kung meets another fighter named Monkey Thief. They fight in an “8 Immortals Style” tournament. Kung becomes a waiter and that seems to help improve his Kung-Fu but he gets beaten up anyway. When some idiots refuse to pay their check a woman named Pie Yu beats them up. Meanwhile a mysterious figure in black hangs around in the background. There's more plot but it gets very confusing (probably due to the bad dubbing and editing) but there is some intense training sessions for Chan Kung and most of the fights are humorous (despite the serious story line) until the finale which is very violent but it all ends comically.

Director Ma Wu (the word director is spelled wrong on the print I saw) was also a busy actor as well as directing over 40 martial arts films (including WU TANG CLAN and ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA).

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One Armed Boxer

ONE ARMED BOXER-1972-Jimmy Wang Yu had previously played in 2 One Armed Swordsman movies for the Shaw Brothers. In 1972 he wrote, directed and starred in this martial arts movie with a similar title character for Raymond Chow.

Martial arts student Tien Lung (Wang Yu) gets into a fight with members of the drug dealing Hook Gang. The gang's leader Chao goes to Lung's school to punish him but instead is beat up himself by the school's leader Master Hang Tu. Humiliated, Chao plots his revenge by hiring a group of foreign mercenaries including a yogi, a Japanese teacher (with fangs) (Fei Lung) and his two students, a Tae-Kwan-Do master, a Judo expert, 2 Thai boxers and 2 Tibetan monks. The two fractions have a showdown after some Hook members kill some of Hang Tu's students. Some of the fights are funny with the Yogi running around on his hands at one point. The Japanese teacher seems the most powerful and to prove it he Karate chops Lung's arm off! Chao's men wipe out Hang Tu and his students except for Lung who crawls away (despite losing an arm and having no obvious medical care!). He's found and nursed back to health by a father and daughter (though this is shown in a series of stills!). The father puts Lung through a very painful ritual that makes his remaining arm almost invincible. He gets revenge on all of the killers in a series of great but quick fights.

Though pretty messed up by the end Wang Yu returned as Tien Lung in the sequel MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE a few years later. This was released in the US as THE CHINESE PROFESSIONALS.

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Fatal Entry

FATAL CHASE-1992-This Hong Kong production is one of the most ineptly made low budget crime dramas I've seen. The dubbing and sound effects are so out of sync it almost seems no one cared if they matched at all!

The episodic story concerns two Hong Kong police officers (Robin Shou and Yukari Oshima) in The Philippines (where this was shot) hunting a crime boss named Torres (Dion Lam). Later after Oshima's character is killed the local chief of police (Waise Lee from A BETTER TOMORROW) helps out. The fights and direction are terrible but director Phillip Ko (who has a small role) did better with INTERPOL CONNECTION (also with Shou, Oshima and Lam).

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Kung-Fu!

HELL'S WIND STAFF-1979-A rapist has his eye gouged out. Then 2 guys fight over a chicken. Later a street performer trains 2 arrogant, stupid brothers Dragon (Hoi Mang) and Tiger (Yuen Man Meng). Four years later the one eyed guy seeks revenge on the teacher who took his eye. They have a fight but when it looks like the teacher is going to win, the one eyed guy's teacher interferes and the teacher and all his students are killed. All out fighting ensues as does atrocious dubbed dialogue. Dragon and Tiger hide an old man who knows "dragon fist"  style and he teaches it to them (then the movie seems to start over!). The duo really fuck up the one eyed guy and an excellent long out of control finale follows. This Hong Kong production was directed by Chin-Ku Lu who was also an actor.

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Hong Kong Craziness

FATAL FLYING GUILLOTINE-1979-Shen Mo Chao (Chan Sing) has spent years in solitude (after he "got sick through too much exercise"!) perfecting his "lightening strike". He also has a strange weapon, "the flying guillotine". Some guys with swords try to take it away and he kills them. After the credits his son Shen (Carter Wong) fights a bunch of monks. To get medicine for his sick mom he must face three trials. The third is to fight the master of the Shaolin monastary. Unfortunately he fails. The monks want Shen Sr. and his weapon on their side and send out a group of fighters (to No Return Valley) to find him. They don't fare too well. All but one is killed by Shen's crazy weapon. The son tries the 3rd trial again and wins (but he kind of cheated). They give him a book that will help mom, however on his way back he's attacked and thrown off a cliff into the water. He survives but a rainstorm also impedes his progress. Fortunately he makes it back in time to give mom the elixir that cures her but only for a few minutes. She dies anyway but not before telling Shen all about his evil father. After several other twists, plot holes and more characters entering the action, father and son battle it out in a crazy finale that ends very abruptly.

This has nothing to do with the better known MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE from 1975 (or it's sequel). Director Raymond Lui was also an actor and stuntman.

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Bava

HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON-1970-John Harrington (Canadian actor Stephen Forsyth), a bridal designer kills brides to be with a hatchet because of a repressed childhood trauma and uses their bodies for fertilizer. He thinks "My name is John Harrington. I'm 30 years old. I'm paranoiac. Paranoiac. An enchanting name word. So civilized. Full of possibilities". 

He wants a divorce from his rich wife Mildred (Laura Betti) but she refuses. In a hidden room at his dress shop he hugs, kisses and dances with some mannequins. He and Mildred go to a seance' because Mildred is trying to contact her dead former husband but instead she seems to channel John's mother. A police inspector suspects John and they have several conver-sations about a missing employee. When one of his models gives her notice (she's going to be married) he has her put on a wedding dress, dances with her then kills her while a female voice calls his name and he thinks lines like "someone is tip toeing in my brain".  Her replacement Helen (Dagmar Lassander; Fulchi's HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY) turns out to be the missing model's sister who's investigating her disappearance (John admits he killed her and buried her in his green house but she thinks he's joking). Later he puts on a bridal veil and chops up Mildred.  Occasionally John sees a young boy watching him. Later people see Mildred even though John can't. After some talk John puts Mildred's ashes in a bag and goes to a disco.

This is slick sickness from the master Mario Bava (who co-wrote the script) uses great lighting and dream like sequences marred somewhat by the cliched dubbed dialogue: "You like horror films, do ya?". "I don't find them very entertaining. I keep thinking that reality is more terrifying than fiction".  But it's still one of Bava's best, an entertaining entry into the Italian "giallo" genre with a great final ending.

Sometimes listed as HATCHET FOR A HONEYMOON. This was star Forsyth's last movie role after a brief career in Italian films.

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Mystery Title!

SHAOLIN KUNG FU MYSTAGOGUE-1977-This crazy Kung-Fu period piece has lots of fights, violence, bad dubbing and nutty costumes crammed into this story with stars Carter Wong and Hsu Feng fighting for King Tang (Chang Yi). Parts of it are unintentionally funny but of course bad dubbing and editing has something to do with that. Personally, the best thing I liked about this martial arts film was the strange title! It's original title is DA MO MI ZONG and was directed by Pen I-Chang.