More Buchanan

IN THE YEAR 2889-1967-Instead of music during the opening credits we get several mushroom cloud explosions and a voice reading Scriptures. After we find out this made for TV remake of Roger Corman’s DAY THE WORLD ENDED was directed by Larry Buchanan everything falls into place.  

Capt.John Ramsey (Neil Fletcher; also in CREATURE OF DESTRUCTION) and his daughter Joanna (Chara Doherty) await the arrival of Larry, her fiance after the bombs have dropped. Dad says she should give up hope but she refuses and when there's a knock at the front door she's elated to think Larry did make it. Despite dad’s warning she opens the door. Surprise! It’s not Larry but scarred victim of radiation poisoning. And according to Pop’s Geiger counter he should be dead! A minute later a guy named Steve (Paul Petersen; in better days the teen star of TV's THE DONNA REED SHOW) shows up and says the radioactive guy is his brother Granger (Max W. Anderson).  Then thug Mickey (Hugh Feagin) and his girl friend Jada (Quinn O'Hara) show up. Steve catches drunk rancher Henderson (Billy Thurman) peeping on Jada. John lays down the law and Jo thinks she hears someone calling her. Granger needs fresh meat and goes out at night hunting game. John says he’s a mutant and should be destroyed.

 A few weeks later (?), Steven and Joanna are falling in love and Granger is setting traps to catch wild game. However he’s scared off by an even uglier mutant who eats the rabbit Granger had planned for his din-din. Pop says as long as it doesn't rain for a while they should be ok. The girls go for a swim In what dad calls a “spring fed pool”. It looks like a regular cement pool and has a diving board! The ugly mutant prowls around. 

This nearly scene for scene (with most of the original dialogue) remake gets boring really fast and the makeup is horrible. Thurman’s original role (played by Raymond Hatton) was a prospector with a pet donkey. Here he’s an alcoholic bootlegger. I guess this version couldn't afford a real donkey. 

Despite some cast listings Jules Verne is not in this movie. The title was appropriated from a Verne short story that AIP had the rights to but never made and had the title under copyright. This is one of four AIP movies remade for the company that were released directly to TV. Buchanan directed them all plus the “originals” MARS NEEDS WOMEN, CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE and IT'S ALIVE!

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The original: https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2009/07/this-is-very-long.html

Zager & Evans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQB2-Kmiic

AIP Remake

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CREATURE OF DESTRUCTION-1967-In another made for TV disaster, an over long silent, music only pre-credits kind of chase takes place with a very phony rubbery creature (the same one in Buchanan’s IT’S ALIVE) follows an old guy (Neil Fletcher; the father in IN THE YEAR 2889) to his boat and kills him. 

Dr. John Basso (Les Tremayne) does a hypnotism/prediction act with the help of Doreena (Pat Delaney) who he regresses into the funny “prehistoric” monster shown earlier. A dumb pompous army psychologist Lt. Blake (Roger Ready) doesn't like it. 

Of course this is a remake of THE SHE CREATURE (1956) which featured a very memorable and well known monster. I was never a big fan of the origina (directed by the great Edward L. Cahn) but this bore-fest with bad sound makes the original seem like BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!  

Pat Delaney and Les Tremayne give ok performances but everyone else is pretty bad. Lead actor Aron  Kincad was forced into the role due to an out of court settlement with AIP and was on the picture for two weeks before leaving. 

Filmed in Texas. Buchanan also made IN THE YEAR 2889 around the same time.

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Some Buchanan remakes you might have missed:

https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2019/09/buchanan.html

https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2011/06/before-larry-cohens-killer-babies.html

https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4609335177952045780/7914412282512488747

Remake

DA SWEET BLOOD OF JESUS-2014-The crazy Dr. Hightower (Rami Malek) is talked out of suicide by his colleague Dr. Hess Greene (Stephen Tyrone Williams). Later they have a fight and Hightower stabs Greene with an ancient knife. After Hightower finally does kill himself Greene comes back to life as a blood drinking “vampire”. When his suicide attempt fails he robs a blood bank (after starting a fire as a distraction). Then he kills a hooker and drinks her blood. Mrs. Ganja Hightower (Zaraah Abrams) arrives looking for her husband. She and Greene have sex and she later discovers hubby's body in the basement freezer. She doesn't really care, so she and Greene dump the body and get married. He kills her with the knife and she comes back like him. After killing the butler and another woman, Greene seeks redemption at a church but dies under the sign of the cross. Ganja goes to meet her new partner/lover: the woman they killed earlier. 

Terrible talky and pretentious remake of GANJA AND HESS that tries to modernize the story and deepen the religious overtones. The original had its faults but it was a low budget personal film. Here once again director Spike Lee is only looking for attention.

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Old Dark Remake

THE OLD DARK HOUSE-1963-Tom, an American car salesman in England (Tom Poston also in the director's ZOTZ) gets involved ]with the Femm family. He goes to their ancestral  hall on the urging of his roommate Casper Femm (Peter Bull)). He arrives (by trapdoor) and finds his friend Casper dead from a fall. He meets Cicely Femm, Casper's cousin (Janette Scott; DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS) who says he was murdered. Cicely warns Tom to leave before uncle Roderick (Robert Morley) comes back but too late! Roderick arrives and insists Tom stay the night. At dinner Tom meets the rest of the family:  father Jasper (also Bull), mother Agatha (Joyce Grenfell), sister Morgana (Fenella Fielding) and cousin Potafer (Mervyn Johns)) who's building an ark. The eccentric family seems to think that Tom could be related to them. Jasper also has a twin (same actor) who says Roderick want to kill them all. Agatha is stabbed with her knitting needles. Jasper is strangled with tongs. Roderick is shot. Who done it? Despite all the murders there's slapstick comedy and one liners but it's really not funny.

It's a remake of the 1932 James Whale production starring Boris Karloff. Director William Castle collaborated with Hammer Pictures on this macabre horror comedy misfire made between 13 FRIGHTENED GIRLS! and STRAITJACKET.

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The Conspiracy Continued??

DAY OF THE DEAD-2008-This movie "based on the film by George Romero" is a piece of crap. It must be part of a conspiracy to remake and destroy any decent horror film of the past. While some might argue the original is not Romero's best work it looks like a classic compared to this talky, annoying shit which seems more influenced by 27 DAYS LATER. Once again the zombies are turned into clowns in unintentional funny attack scenes made up mostly of poor CGI SFX.

Mena Suvari (AMERICAN BEAUTY) stars as an Army corporal with an idiot brother (Michael Welch) and Ving Rhames plays an Army captain who's killed in the first half hour of the movie but comes back later and eats his own eye. As usual the government is to blame for spreading a virus that started the whole thing. Ian McNeice is a fat DJ and Nick Cannon is a dickhead private who's death scene is the only highlight of this miserable tale.

Not one likable character in the whole cast makes you wonder if a world inhabited by flesh eating zombies wouldn't be so bad....But what can you expect from a movie that's final scene is like a YOU TUBE screamer??

Director Steve Miner made the second and third entries in the original FRIDAY THE 13th series and lots of TV episodes.

I think this is also known as DAWN OF THE DEAD 2.

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Day The Day The Movie Re-make Ended....

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL-2008-This movie really sucks! Anyone associated with this piece of shit should not be allowed to even make a movie again (except James Hong, one of the last character actors left in Hollywood who has one scene).

Since she won an Oscar Jennifer Connelly is becoming a female Orson Welles.

Keanu Reeves is perfect and idiotic as the alien who comes to destroy Earth. He lacks any of the class Michael Rennie brought to the original role but then what the hell am I saying? Audiences today don’t even realize this is a remake (which it is not anyway…). Please do me a favor and don’t watch this piece of crap (and if you do don’t tell me how wonderful and rewarding it is by watching it, ok?).

Wooo, John Cleese has the Sam Jaffe role! Maybe he and Keanu should have done something with a dead parrot instead!

Director Scott Derrickson had previously made such gems as HELLRAISER:INFERNO and THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. Oh yeah Will Smith’s son and Kathy Bates are also in it!

Sorry for the rant..thanks for reading it though!





　



　

I Hope It's The Last Last House!

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT-2009-This remake of the notorious ‘70’s exploitation is just an excuse to show graphic images of rape, murder and gore. I’m sure the director thought everyone would remember this for “the microwave finale” but it just shows that Hollywood has no new ideas and doesn’t know how expand the old ones. I loved the one end credit: “based on the movie written and directed by Wes Craven” (Craven, along with original producer Sean “Friday The 13^th” Cunningham, was one of the executive producers). No mention of Ingamar Bergman’s THE VIRGIN SPRING though.

The story is basically the same. Some scumbags rape and torture 2 girls. One is killed. One is left for dead. The scumbags take refugee at the home of the one of the girls. The parents find out and extract revenge. The best scene is death by garbage disposal. More horrifying than anything in the movie is that I’ve read director Dennis Iliadis (from Greece) is attached to a remake of THE BIRDS!

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Quick crap!

I have a date this afternoon so I have to make this very fast. It's very hot here btw. Hope everyone is kool!

THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED-(2002)-Yipes! This movie sucks! If the "film-makers" don't know anything about making horror movies they SHOULD NOT bother!! A chowderhead actor by the the name of Stuart Townsend (they could have done better with Peter) portrays Anne Rice's immortal vampire Lestat. Bad mistake! This guy (who later played Dorian Gray in THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN) is the worse...

The late Rap star Aaliyah isn't much better. Everything about this movie reeks! Phony heavy metal punk combined with vampirisim really doesn't make it.

Also with Marguerite Moreau, Vincent Perez (THE CROW 2), Claudia Black (TV's FARSCAPE), Bruce Spence, Lena Olin and Paul McGann.

DAY THE WORLD ENDED-2001-God awful remake of the classic Roger Corman 50's film. Actually it's not really a remake. It's just a piece of shit disguised as a movie using the same title. Randy Quaid and Nastassja Kinski star. They obviously needed beer money that week. Most of the cast talk while eating. One of several Cinemax "remakes" co-produced by AIP co-founder Samuel Z. Arkoff (who died in 2003). None of them are worth watching.....

DAWN OF THE DEAD-2004-Now this movie bites it! I was laughing at the pre-credit scenes but this is less like a DAWN OF THE DEAD remake than it is a "what a lot of stupid people did during Dawn of the Dead". As is typical with such nonsense there's a lot of talking, inane character emotions, screaming and arguing. Oh yeah, and there are some zombies in it. They run very fast, seem fairly strong but can't get a bite on most of the lead cast. Actually the running effect is very comical at points. It seems more influenced by 28 DAYS LATER than anything else. And I think it's in rather bad taste to feature the Jim Carroll song "People Who Died" during the annoying end credits. It was director Zack Snyder's first film. He later made the big hit 300 and the less than big hit WATCHMEN.

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Invasion of The Inept Film Makers

THE INVASION-2007-Nicole Kidman tries to save her Hollywood movie career by starring in this new adaptation/remake of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (based on the book by Jack Finney).

She plays a psychiatrist who notices people are “changing” after a space shuttle crashes and spreads a flu like disease. Current James Bond portrayer Daniel Craig is her scientist boyfriend. The transformed humans do a lot of spitting into the faces of their intended victims. Alien police round up people who show emotion. Kidman pops a lot of pills and washes it down with Mountain Dew.

The whole intent of the original story is kind of twisted here. Where as in the original version aliens taking over human beings against their will and turning them into emotionless drones, stealing their individuality and making them incapable of feelings like love was to say the least a pretty evil act! However in this version the aliens are actually seen as a force for good because while people might lose their emotions they have somehow eradicated the war in Iraq and gotten George Bush and Hugo Chavez to work together (and get oil for NYC!).

You would think that Kidman would have seen her ex-husband’s WAR OF THE WORLDS remake and learned from his mistakes.

Also with Veronica Cartwright (who was in Phillip Kaufman’s 1978 version), Jeffery Wright, Jeremy Northam, Josef Sommer and Roger Rees. Former video action star Jeff Wincott is a small role as a cop.

This was the first English language film by German director Oliver Hirschbiegel (THE DOWN FALL). After it was finished the studio (Warner Bros.) was unhappy with his final cut and brought in THE MATRIX brothers Andy and Larry Wachowski to do some re-writing and James McTeigue (V IS FOR VENDETTA) to direct some new scenes. This may account for dismal premise and the shoddy ending that ties everything up and makes no real sense.

"The road to a friend’s house is never long"-Danish proverb

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