Corman and Cohen

 

 (imdb)

SATURDAY THE 14TH-1981-John (Richard Benjamin) and Mary (Paula Prentiss) inherit a haunted house from a recently departed uncle. 

Unfortunately, a pair of vampires want a book they have that their son (Kevin Brando) has already opened and releasing some monsters. Weird things happen. An exterminator (Mousie Garner) sends Van Helsing (Severn Darden) to get rid of their bats. Waldemar (Jeffery Tambor), the male vampire puts the bite on Mary. 

Despite the inane jokes and the deliberate bad acting, there are some violent deaths and a severed head. It may have been funny in 1981 but now it's just a dated piece of dumbness. Also with Kari Michaelsen as their daughter, Rosemary De Camp, Stacey Keach Sr., and Roberta Collins. 

Written and directed by Howard R. Cohen, who made a sequel SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK in 1988. He worked a lot for Roger Corman. Later directing SPACE RAIDERS (1983) and DEATHSTALKER 4 (he wrote the other Deathstalker movies too).

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Munch

 

 (imdb)

MUNCHIES-1987-An anthropologist Simon Watterman (Harvey Korman) and his son Paul (Charlie Stratton) find a strange creature in a cave in South America. They name it Arnold and bring it back to the US. While Simon and his girlfriend Cindy have sex, Watterman’s brother Cecil (also Korman) kidnaps the creature with the help of his dim-witted stepson. Arnold splits into 4 separate creatures and they drive a car, smoke pot, drink beer and use a rifle. 

Obviously inspired by GREMLINS and GHOULIES, producer Roger Corman gave this assignment to first time director Tina Hirsch because she had edited GREMLINS. Although she continued to edited movies, she directed only one more after this lame comedy rip-off.

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Satire In Wolf's Clothing

 

 (imdb)

WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON-1973-Reporter Jack Whittier (Dean Stockwell) is having an affair with Marion (Jane House), the president's daughter. He wants to break it off, so he asks his paper to transfer him to Budapest. He has a car accident and while looking for his girlfriend Giselle (Katalin Kallay), kills a wolf and is wounded in the process. It turns out he killed a gypsy woman's son, a werewolf (sound familiar?). Whittier doesn't believe the gypsy (Despo Diamantidou) when she says he will become a werewolf. He thinks it's a government plot. A police bureaucrat (Thayer David) makes them leave. Back in the US, the president hires him as press secretary. Whittier becomes a werewolf when the moon is full. His first victim is the talkative Mrs. Captree (Nancy Andrews). Then he kills a newspaper publisher. 

Michael Dunn is wasted as a mad scientist named Dr. Kiss.

It's supposed to be a horror comedy-political satire but it's not very funny. Writer-director Milton Moses Ginsberg made COMING APART with Rip Torn in 1969 but after WEREWOLF he only made a few short films

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Jackson Before Rings

 

 (imdb)

BAD TASTE-1989-Cannibalistic aliens invade a small town in Australia in this bloody gore filled serio-comedy with extreme slapstick. Heads explode, limbs are torn off, entrails pulled out. Four guys from a special agency discover the aliens (who disguise themselves as humans) want humans for their intergalactic fast-food chain. Future Academy Award winner Peter Jackson co-wrote and directed as well as playing the role of Derek.

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Chaney in Charge

 

 (imdb)

THE MONSTER-1925-When Dr. Bowman disappears (actually his car is caused to crash and his body is taken by two ghoulish figures), the town of Danburg is in an uproar. The constable (Charles Sellon) and his "daring detectives'' investigate. Local boy Johnny Goodlittle (Johnny Arthur) who has a book "How Be A Detective" is the only one who finds a clue but the Constable laughs at him. Johnny works under Amos Rugg (Hallam Cooley) at a general store. They are both sweet on Betty Watson (Gertude Olmstead). The insurance company sends detective Jennings (William H. Turner). Once again Johnny shows them the clue he's found, a card from nearby Edwards sanitarium with the word help written backwards on the reverse side. Still, nobody believes it, since the doc is away and his sanitarium is closed. At Betty's party, she throws Johnny over for the pompous Rugg. Leaving dejectedly, Johnny meets a loony looking man who smokes an invisible pipe. When he mentions Bowman, Johnny follows him. When Rugg and Betty go for a ride, they fall victim to a planned auto accident just like Bowman had. Meanwhile Johnny accidentally gets into the sanitarium and later meets Rugg and Betty who went there to use the phone. They find a dead body. Asshole Rugg accuses Johnny of murder. Odd things happen around them. Then 30 minutes into the story Dr. Ziska (Lon Chaney) appears, saying he's in charge when Dr. Edwards is away. The guy they think is dead was actually in a trance. Ziska also has a huge mute servant Caliban (Walter James). Of course, Ziska is really an insane surgeon, once a patient who now has Edwards, Bowman and another guy captive in a dungeon. Meanwhile Ziska plans to transfer Rugg's soul into Betty's body. Fortunately, Johnny overcomes his cowardice and uses his "ingenuity" to put a stop to Ziska's evil machinations. 

THE MONSTER is thought to be the first type of haunted house mystery ala "THE OLD DARK HOUSE”. There's lots of strange characters and spooky goings on (clutching hands, secret doors etc). Co-star Johnny Arthur was known for playing timid characters, sometimes described as “effeminate”. After the Production Code was implemented in 1934, he had uncredited roles in many movies. He also portrayed Darla Hood's father in several “Our Gang” shorts. Star Lon Chaney is quite over the top in this horror-comedy which he made the same year as PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and THE UNHOLY THREE. 

Director/co-writer Roland West went on to make THE BAT and THE BAT WHISPERS but retired from the movies and went into business with ill-fated actress Thelma Todd. Co-writer Crane Wilbur (who wrote the play THE MONSTER is based on) made the controversial THE UNBORN in 1934 but went on to write many more movies (WEST OF SHANGHAI, HOUSE OF WAX, MYSTERIOUS ISLAND).

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Kudzu To You

 

 (imdb)

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ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES-2017-Scientists working on a way to control the ever-present kudzu plant in Mississippi turn locals into zombies in this horror gore comedy. The pilot of a crop duster tries to get dumb locals to help destroy the zombies. Director Mark Newton has made other movies featuring zombies.

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Cry Uncle

 

 (themoviedb.org)

MY UNCLE JOHN IS A ZOMBIE-2016-Years after a zombie apocalypse, some of the undead can co-exist with humans, especially a smart ass named Uncle John (John Russo, a co-executive producer who wrote the screenplay and co-directed). He's interviewed by a reporter Mandy. His niece Cy Fi & nephew Oscar take care of him. Detective Smart investigates some murders that may have been committed by John. It's also a takeoff on reality shows. Lloyd Kaufman shows up to promote Troma. Terrible acting. Russell Streiner (from the original) and Debra Rochon have small roles 

This kind of vanity production seems to be washed up writer Russo's last desperate attempt to gain the stardom he's craved since penning NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD in 1968. He also wrote some of the dumb songs.

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Hooked on Vampires

 

 (imdb)

VAMPIRE HOOKERS-1978-Tom Buckley (Bruce Fairbairn) & Terry Wayne (Trey Wilson) are two sailors on leave in The Philippines. While looking for a missing buddy, Tom stumbles upon old vampire Reed Richmond (John Carradine) and his 3 vampire brides (Karen Stride,Lenka Novak,Katie Dolan) who pose as hookers to lure unsuspecting victims. They are assisted by the pathetic Pavo (Vic Diaz) who wants to ge a vampire but for some reason isn't. A running gag is his farting. Richmond says things like “Walt Whitman must have been a vampire”.

 It's pretty cheesy despite the good-looking vampire girls. Reed Richmond was actually Carradine's real first names. 

The screenplay is by Howard R. Cohen who later wrote a lot for Roger Corman productions (SPACE RAIDERS, DEATHSTALKER). Director Cirio H. Santiago (FIRECRACKER (1981)) made around 100 movies.

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Happy New Year!

 

 (npr.org)

RUBBER-2010-A rubber tire rises from the desert to kill people in a small desert town. It kills by blowing victims' heads up, using telekinesis. It also seems to stalk a woman. Through the whole movie a bunch of people watch the action from afar using binoculars. Later they are all poisoned except for a guy in a wheelchair (Wings Hauser). This is a kind of anything goes horror parody that goes on for a long time. One character Lieutenant Chad (Stephen Spinella) shows up at the beginning to inform the audience that the movie is a "homage to no reason", and writer/director Quentin Dupieux (from France) pretty much succeeds.

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Vampire Hookers

 

 

 (rotten tomatoes)

BEVERLY HILLS VAMP-1989-In this dumb vampire comedy, 3 would be filmmakers (Eddie Deezen, Tim Conway Jr. & another guy) become involved with a vampire madam (Britt Ekland) and her hooker vampires (Michelle Bauer, Julian Kesner, Debra Lamb). Jay Richardson is a movie producer and Robert Quarry has a small role as a priest who mentions Count Yorga! 

This is a typical Fred Olen Ray comedy runs hot and cold. I liked HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (made the year before) a lot better...

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The Bowery Boys

 

 (imdb)

SPOOK BUSTERS-1946-In the fourth installment of "The Bowery Boys" series, Slip (Leo Gorcey), Sach (Huntz Hall) and the rest of the boys (Bobby Jordan,Bill Bendict and David Gorcey) are exterminators who get a job in a haunted house. They are joined by their old pal Gabe (Gabriel Dell) just out of the navy, and his fiance Minon (Tanis Chandler). The house is actually being used by mad doctor Coslow (Douglas Dumbrille), his assistant Stiles (Charles Middleton) and a muscle head (Richard Alexander).

 He also has a Dr. Bender (Maurice Cass) as his assistant/captive. Coslow must really be mad 'cos he wants to put part of Sach's brain into that of a gorilla. There's a slow-motion fight and the gorilla (Art Miles) gets loose. Bernard Gorcey is Louie. 

Producer Jan Grippo was Leo Gorcey's agent while they made the series at Monogram. Busy William Beaudine must have taken a vacation in 1946 because he only director 5 movies! (Although he may have worked on 3 more...)

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Trolling

 

 

 (imdb)

TROLL HUNTER-2010-Three college students doing a film on bear poaching in Norway get involved with a troll hunter who lets them film his nighttime activities. They get more than they bargain for but decide to stick with it. The trolls are hairy with big noses who roar, fart and wreak havoc. 

This Norwegian tongue in cheek found footage production doesn't try to be too real. The acting is good. Clever final scene features real life former Norwegian prime minister. The lead actor is a comedian who once burned an American flag on TV and made jokes about holocaust victims. The director Andre Ovredal later made SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK.

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A Bunch of Clowns Walk into a Blog...

 

 (imdb)

KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE-1988-In wacky sf comedy, alien clowns arrive on Earth (in a circus tent spaceship). Their first victim is an old hillbilly (Royal Dano). The grotesque sinister looking clowns have ray guns that shoot popcorn, balloon hunting dogs and store victims in cotton candy. Two air head college students Debbie (Suzanne Snyder; RETRIBUTION) & Mike (Grant Cramer; NEW YEAR'S EVIL) try to convince police officer Dave (John Allen Nelson) what's going on while his grouchy partner Mooney (John Vernon) wants to arrest all the students. The clowns go around terrorizing the town. One makes a hand shadow eat some people and have other inventive ways of killing. Fortunately, Dave discovers a way to kill them. Two brothers with an ice cream truck help out when Debbie is encased in a beach ball. Eventually a gigantic clown appears in the fun house like spaceship. Great title song by The Dickies.

 It was directed by Stephen Chiodo and written and produced with his brothers Charles and Edward. They all did SFX on other movies and have been working on a sequel for years.

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Red Herring Bela Again

 

 (imdb)

ONE BODY TOO MANY-1944-Insurance agent Albert L. Tuttle (Jack Haley) gets involved with the reading of a millionaire's will and his greedy relatives when he visits the dead guy's home (he doesn't know about the death). The butler Merkle (Bela Lugosi) and the maid (Blanche Yurka) think about poisoning everyone. The relatives mistake Tuttle for a private investigator. The running gag is no one wants to drink their poisoned coffee. Relatives include Lyle Talbott, Douglas Fowley, Dorothy Granger and Lucien Littlefield. The one nice relative is the dead guy's niece (Jean Parker). Meanwhile, Prof. Hilton (William Edmunds) fools around with a telescope in the observatory. A clutching hand threatens Tuttle who manages to wind up in the millionaire's coffin underwater! Later he roams around in the dark with just a towel on. 

Not half bad comedy/horror/murder mystery although once again Lugosi is wasted in a red herring role. Director Frank McDonald also made another murder mystery with Haley called SCARED STIFF (1945).

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Defective Detectives

 

 (imdb)

THE GORILLA-1939-A series of murders committed by “the gorilla” plague the city. Walter Stevens (Lionel Atwill) believes he is the next victim. His niece Norma (Anita Louise) comes to visit him with her husband Jack (Edward Morris). Stevens has a suspicious looking butler (Bela Lugosi) and a loud maid (Patsy Kelly). He hires detectives Harrigan, Mulligan and Garrity (The Ritz Brothers) for protection. Stevens owes money to someone and explains how he and Norma are the sole heirs to her father's fortune. Meanwhile a mysterious figure (Joseph Calliea) prowls around the house in the rain. The brothers shout a lot, spout one-line insults at each other and fall down. A real gorilla (Art Miles) shows up (it escaped from its trainer) and Bela saves the day. 

The Ritz Brothers were kind of a combo of the 3 Stooges and The Marx Brothers. Atwill and Lugosi were in SON OF FRANKENSTEIN same year as this mildly amusing comedy was made. Prolific director Allan Dwan also made a version of THE THREE MUSKETEERS which also featured The Ritz Brothers and Atwill. THE GORILLA is based on a play by Ralph Spence.

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Ghost?

 

(imdb)

THE GHOST TRAIN-1941-On a train in England full of very English people, music hall performer/pain in the ass Tommy Gander (Arthur Askey) loses his bowler. He pulls the emergency brake to stop the train and retrieve his hat. All the passengers are very loud and complaining except for a couple who plan on being married the next day (the guy's a wimp though). They all get stranded at a train depot and want to stay the night but the station master says they can't because the place is haunted. (It also seems he might want to get rid of them for some other reason…). He tells them a story about a train wreck and leaves. Later after Gander acts like a complete and annoying asshole, the station master is found dead. Then a frightened woman shows up looking for the ghost train. Then a man (Raymond Huntley) who claims to be her brother comes looking for her. The final conclusion is not supernatural at all. 

Star Askey was a music hall performer before entering film in the late '30's. He became very famous in England and later had his own TV show. Co-star Raymond Huntley had originated the stage role of “Dracula” in the 1927 English stage production (Lugosi would play it on Broadway and of course in the movies version). Director Walter Forde made several other movies with Askey (brave guy....).

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A Croc From Thailand

 

CROCZILLA-2012-In Thailand, a bald guy sells his collection of crocodiles to a fat guy who wants to serve them as food illegally. The biggest of them escapes and terrorizes a town. Local cop Wang (Tao Guo), the fat guy's grandson, has to cope with a woman who's Euros the croc has eaten. He has to protect his young son too. Later Wang and his grandpa team up to hunt it. This is actually mostly a comedy with lots of stupid characters saying idiotic things and acting like clowns. Directed by Lisheng Lin.

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Nocturna

 

NOCTURNA: GRANDDAUGHTER OF DRACULA-1979-Count Dracula (John Carradine), now for some reason very old with fang dentures runs " Hotel Transylvania" to pay his taxes. He says things like "If I'm dead why do I have to wee wee". The desk clerk Theodore (Brother Theodore) is a werewolf who has the hots for the count's granddaughter Nocturna (Nai Bonet) who gives her father a cup of blood and dances with Jimmy (Antony Hamilton), a guy from a rock band who dances like a chicken having a spasm (and has a weird accent). After they have sex, Nocturna takes a nude bubble bath and thinks "I am a vampire. I have no reflection" while Theodore peeps. Later she tells her granddad she's fallen in love with Jimmy and is leaving for New York with him. She's invited (by Yvonne DeCarlo) to a meeting of the BSA (Blood Drinkers of America) moderated by a guy with a Boris Karloff type voice. They discuss the fate of the urban vampire. A pimp looking drug dealer RH Factor (Sy Richardson) offers blood that can be snorted like coke. "I'd rather suck than sort!". When a cop discovers the meeting, they all turn into bats and fly away. There's a long, time wasting disco dance scene and Nocturna and Jimmy smoke a joint. She tells him who she really is and turns into a bat. He thinks it's an hallucination because he's high. The count and Theodore go after her. 

This disco horror film is a terrible vanity production by star Bonet who was executive producer and provided the story. Her acting and the inane dialogue are the low points. Theodore is funny though in his over the top performance ("death to the happy"). 

Director Harry Hurwitz (using the name Harry Tampa) had made the adults only FAIRY TALES (with Bonet & Richardson) the year before. His first film had been THE PROJECTIONIST (with Chuck McCann) in 1970. Years later he made SAFARI 3000 with Christopher Lee and David Carradine). Former Hollywood scarlet (and TV's Lily Munster) DeCarlo was also in GUYANA: CULT OF THE DAMNED and THE SILENT SCREAM the same year.

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Merry?

 

TREEVENGE-2008-Anti-Christmas short disguised as a horror comedy tries to show that Christmas is only a holiday for white redneck assholes and dysfunctional families. It's told from the viewpoint of the trees who even have their own language shown in sub-titles. The story turns into a gore film when the trees revolt and kill the townspeople (including a baby). 

The director Jason Eisener, needs mental help but will probably be making more juvenile gore nonsense on a larger scale soon. Lucio Fulci did it better....

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Gore Comedy

 

THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS-1966-In this slapstick gore movie, Doc and Spike, two psychotic greasy spoon diner owners kill women and serve their parts to customers. It's full of phony gore and stupid comedy bits with cartoon sound effects. (One victim is Sally Lamb and they serve her leg. Leg of lamb, get it?) A prissy obnoxious Undertaker (Ray Dannis; also in TV Mikels' THE CORPSE GRINDERS) helps them and tries to rack up business for himself. One scene has a woman beaten to death with a chain. A nosy black delivery guy is axed in the head. Another woman is cut open but this scene is actually real operation footage. Scenes of the undertaker in drag were cut and now there's only one quick scene during the comical end credits. Harry Glass (James Westmoreland using the name Rad Fulton), a PI, looks for them after his girlfriend Sally Poultry is killed. 40's Batman star Robert Lowery has one scene as a customer who pies Spike. It's the only movie directed by TLP Swicewood (also the screenwriter). Westmoreland was later the stupid hero cop in DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE.

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