Nothing New Here

 

 (themoviedb.org)

DEMONIC-2021-An idiotic cop and pompous police doctor investigate the mass murder inside a house where one guy is the only survivor. 

Meanwhile, found footage the group took is shown as the back story. They're all a bunch of assholes so who really cares why they went there. The house they visited was once the scene of another mass murder and the guy's mother was the only one who escaped. Nothing new from Neill Blomkamp, the director of the indefensible PROJECT 9.

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Found

 

 (imdb)

VHS 99-2022-Another in the found footage anthology series. First: “Shredding” directed by Maggie Levin. Some punk band pranksters go to an abandoned rock club now destroyed by fire where a band called "Bitch Cat" were in an audience stampede. The dead band members come back to life, take over filming and kill the living band members, then reanimate the band and make them play. 

2: “Suicide Bid” by Johannes Roberts. As a sorority initiation, a girl agrees to spend some time buried in a coffin recreating the urban legend of Guiltine, another girl who was buried underground 20 years before and was never seen again. 

3: “Ozzy Dungeon” by Flying Lotus. A demented kids show Ozzy's Dungeon, is hosted by an obnoxious, self-serving host. When a contestant named Donna is injured, her fat equally obnoxious mother kidnaps the host. Eventually they are all killed by a strange demon that emerges from the mysterious Ozzy in a cave. 

4: “The Gawkers” by Tyler MacIntyre. Some asshole teenagers spy on a woman across the street who turns out to be Medusa. 

5: “Two Hell and Back” by Vanessa & Joseph Winter. Two guys are filming a witch's coven while they summon a demon. The dudes are sucked into hell and run around with a woman named Mabel trying to find an exit portal. This is by far the most imaginative segment but it's once again marred by characters arguing and screaming.

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Cannibal Camera Work

 

 (imdb)

CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST-1980-After an expedition disappears into The Green Inferno, a jungle in the Amazon rain forest, Prof. Monroe (Robert Kerman) wants to find them and hires a guide named Chaco. After they discover the remains of the missing expedition and Monroe eats some human intestines, the story abruptly cuts back to NY (?) where the professor has returned to civilization and plans to broadcast a film the doomed expedition shot. But before that Monroe interviews many of the victims' relatives. In the found footage, the group butchers a live turtle (worst scene). Their guide dies and they avoid a caiman attack. Then they discover a tribe killing animals and drinking blood. Other animals are killed. Then to get some sensational footage they burn down a hut with women and children in it. They become quite callous and superior and rape a local woman. Then the natives have had enough.

This is pretty much a sickening piece of exploitative bs, made basically to disgust rather than horrify with animal killing, rape, male & female frontal nudity and disembowelment but the found footage scenes are very well done. Better executed than most of the found footage dribble that became well known 20 odd years later. 

The musical score by Riz Ortolani is excellent. Director Ruggero Deodato had made LAST CANNIBAL WORLD in 1977. Top billed Robert Kerman acted on Broadway and TV in the US and was in other Euro productions including Umberto Lenzi's EATEN ALIVE! (1980). He also had a small role in Lenzi's CANNIBAL FEROX (1981). In the late '70's, he used the name “R. Bolla” and appeared in “over 100” porno films. He gave up acting in the mid-'80's but returned in the role of a tugboat captain in Sam Raimi's SPIDER-MAN (2002). He passed away in 2018.

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Monstrous Rip-Off

 

 (foundfootagecritic.com)

MONSTER-2008-Two sisters decided to do a documentary on global warming and go to Japan to film it. They don't know Japanese and they certainly don't know anything about filmmaking. Disaster strikes in the form of an underground monster barely seen. It's mostly characters running and yelling. Occasionally, they meet someone who speaks English. 

This is a found footage rip-off of CLOVERFIELD with a little BLAIR WITCH thrown in which figures because it was made by The Asylum. Director Eric Forsberg may have made a sequel.

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Based On a Play?

 

(youtube)

THE GALLOWS-2015-Really annoying found footage nonsense about a bunch of high school dorks who plan on finishing a play that was interrupted 10 years earlier when a kid was accidentally hanged during the performance. A bunch of them get trapped in the theater and seem to be terrorized by the dead kid's spirit. Lots of shouting, characters making faces and emoting outrageously, shots of the floor and characters feet. Occasionally a guy in a hangman's outfit shows up. Of course, a sequel was made. 2 directors are credited.

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Trolling

 

 

 (imdb)

TROLL HUNTER-2010-Three college students doing a film on bear poaching in Norway get involved with a troll hunter who lets them film his nighttime activities. They get more than they bargain for but decide to stick with it. The trolls are hairy with big noses who roar, fart and wreak havoc. 

This Norwegian tongue in cheek found footage production doesn't try to be too real. The acting is good. Clever final scene features real life former Norwegian prime minister. The lead actor is a comedian who once burned an American flag on TV and made jokes about holocaust victims. The director Andre Ovredal later made SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK.

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Two Out of the Way At Once

 

 (imdb)

REMNANTS-2013-Nothing new here. A couple (writer/director Brian Coppola & co-writer Stephanie Gershowitz) with a dog and a video camera believe their house is haunted. The next hour is them talking and walking around in the dark. The doggie was cute though......

FRANKENSTEIN-2011-Mary Shelly, James Whale and Boris Karloff must be spinning in their graves. This is a trashy modern low budget version of the horror classic with lots of characters yelling "No!" at the top of their lungs. Bad acting, direction, tons of talk. Really terrible. I hope director Jordan Salkil never heard of the novel “Dracula”....

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You Decide

 

 (imdb)

RORSCHACH-2015- Critics proclaim "Scariest movie on the internet!" but you can decide for yourself. This is a very low budget found footage investigation by two guys at the house of a woman and her young daughter. Mom believes her grandmother's ghost is haunting the place but there's also doll left by the previous owners. What's going on? Director C.A. Smith presents this in a way to resemble a real life event more than most found footage stuff but it's still kind of slow going. 

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From Chile

 

 (imdb)

ANGEL NEGRO-2000-In Chile, a mortician Gabriel (Alvaro Moreales) investigates the gruesome deaths of some people he went to school with and their connection to Angel (Blanca Lewin), a young woman who died under mysterious circumstances. Some of it is told through a series of video tapes. This was called the first Chilean horror movie and was released on DVD by Troma. It's really nothing special with too much talk and a cliche story and a guessable ending. The writer/director Jorge Olguin went on to make the first Chilean zombie movie DESCENDENTS.

Happy Mother's Day and thanks for reading!

Like Father Like Son? Think About, Won't You?

 

THE ASYLUM TAPES-2012-This found footage nonsense was made by Sean Stone, son of Oliver (Run! He's breeding!) and covers no new ground in the rapidly declining “found footage” genre. Some idiots go to an abandoned mental hospital and spend the rest of the time saying "Did you hear that?” and yelling “Let's just go, man!” and cursing. One guy vomits. It may have to do with devil worship, shadow people and/or self inflicted madness. Dad Stone appears at beginning as himself. 

On DVD it's called GREYSTONE PARK. 

Monique van Vooren (FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN) has a small role.

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More Found Footage

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY-2007-Did you ever see one of those obviously phony "paranormal" or "poltergeist" videos on YouTube? Well this "found footage" ghost/horror story is just like one except it's longer and more boring! A couple (Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat) believe their house is haunted and decide to film the goings on. Most of it is talking, false scares, lights going on and off and strange noises. The wife seems to be possessed at times. Can't see how this could get a major release and spawn sequels! But it did! 

Director Oren Peli also made the equally disappointing THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES.

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You're In The Frankenarmy Now!

FRANKENSTEIN'S ARMY-2013-Though a pretty terrible horror movie FRANKENSTEIN'S ARMY may have done something no other movie could do. It makes the viewer feel sorry for Nazi Germany!

Sometime during World War 2 a group of stupid Russian soldiers are dispatch on mission to rescue captive Russian comrades. This event is also being filmed by another soldier on the orders of Joe Stalin himself. So of course this means more shaky found footage nonsense.

After acting like assholes the group arrives at the village to find it deserted except for many dead, mutilated and burnt bodies. Later they find a farmer who tells them about a doctor and after being tortured he agrees to lead them to their Russian POWs. But instead he takes them to some catacombs where they are attacked by incredibly strange creatures looking like a cross between HELLRAZOR'S Cenobites and Tim Burton's EDWARD SCISSORHANDS! Most of them have humanoid heads but razors and drills for hands. Nearly everyone is killed when the guy filming the whole thing reveals he is in fact a Russian captain and the mission about rescuing captive soldiers is false. Their real mission is to find the doctor and bring him back to Russia dead or alive. The 3 remaining soldiers eventually abandon the captain who after taking a taking a tour of the bloody goings on meets the mysterious doctor Viktor (Karel Roden; Rasputin in HELLBOY). He explains his mad methods and reveals that he is in fact descended from Dr. Frankenstein himself! He does brain operations on living subjects for the camera but seems ambivalent about joining up with Russia. When his experiment on one of the Russians doesn't seem to work he turns his sights on the captain but the Russian army begins bombing and the doctor decides to take off. However he is shot dead by Sasha (Luke Newbury) the only surviving trooper (who the rest of the company treated like shit) who takes the doctor's severed head and film camera back to Germany, leaving the captain's fate in the hands of his resurrected revengeful second in command (I guess the experiment did work)

The final scene shows a picture of Stalin and Sasha together.

Although this is suppose to take place during the 1940's the supposed found footage is very clear and in color (gee, like a real movie...). It's very bloody and some of the doctor's creations are weirdly imaginative but it's all very cartoonish and the finale almost seems like something out of MONTY PYTHON!

Director Richard Raaphorst made only short films before this. Let's hope he doesn't decide to do a sequel...like Dracula's Navy???

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Junkie Jive

THE CONNECTION-1961-Some junkie Jazz musicians (including saxophonist Jackie MacLean) wait around an apartment for their dealer Cowboy (Carl Lee, later he had a role in SUPERFLY) to come with their junk. Meanwhile the whole thing is being filmed cinema verite' by a director Jim (William Redfield) and his unseen cameraman JJ (the voice of Roscoe Lee Jones). The group discuss various topics for the camera and a Salvation Army “sister” shows up to “save” them. They also jam and later Jim shoots up and becomes an addict. 

THE CONNECTION was the first feature film by Shirley Clarke, a former choreographer who prior to this made only short films. Controversial at the time it was made, now it just seems like a relic but considering it's presented as “found footage” (a genre all the rage today) it is ahead of it's time. Based on a play by Jack Gelber who adapted it for the film. The same year director Clarke won an Academy Award for a short about Robert Frost.

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Unfortunately It Does...

EXISTS-2015-5 losers go to a remote cabin and film it. They act like morons and do a lot of stupid things. They have an encounter with Bigfoot at night and decide to leave the next morning but their car gets wrecked. So instead of running away in the day time they go back to the cabin to spend another night! One guy tries to get help on his dirt bike but Bigfoot gets him. Since this is found footage there's lots of shouts of “Go! Go! Go!” and shots of feet. It seems they killed it's baby. A relative to one of the campers, Uncle Bob somehow shows up but is killed. The remaining survivor does a “mea culpa” for Daddyfoot and gets to live. 

Filmed in Texas by Eduardo Sanchez, director of THE SEVENTH MOON and co-directed of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.

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Lost and Found

THE ATTICUS INSTITUTE-2015-Mockumentary about a small institute founded by Dr. West (William Mapother) to test people with paranormal powers. After several setbacks they meet a woman named Judith (Rya Kihlstedt; on several TV shows at the time including HEROES REBORN) who seems to have incredible power. When she becomes uncontrollable the institute calls in the government. They discover she has an “evil” inside her and conduct some experiments that mostly end in disaster. She even seems capable of terrorizing the families of those involved. When it appears an actual entity is to blame the government tries to control it. It's more like torture. Later they get a priest (with a gas mask) to perform an exorcism. 

This type of “found footage” horror is getting old hat. I hope writer/director Chris Sparling remembers this when he makes his next movie.  

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Wish The Batteries Would Die

NIGHTLIGHT-2013-Even though their friend has just committed suicide, a group of young people (idiots waiting to be killed) decide to spend the night in a forest where other suicides have occurred. They use flashlights and cameras. After a lot of running around everyone starts to die and a demonic creature of some kind seems to be the culprit. Once again there's nothing to a movie like this. It's helter skelter camera work, yelling and no resolution to the story (which there wasn't much of in the first place). And it took two guys (Bryan Woods and Scot Beck) to write and direct it....

Filmed in 2013, it “escaped” to DVD and cable in 2015.

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Don't Make a Dinosaur (or me either...)

THE DINOSAUR PROJECT-2012-Found footage nonsense depicting a British explorer's trek to a remote part of Africa where dinosaurs are said to dwell. Also along are his assistant (who later on betrays the explorer) and a film crew (plus the explorer's son who stows away). They all seem unprepared for the task and are almost immediately attacked by giant pterodactyl like bats (or vice-versa). Later they are terrorized by a sea monster, T-Rex and other Jurassic Park type nasties but it's mostly the cast talking to the camera and shaky photography. Director Sid Bennett did mostly TV work before this UK production.

 

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Is It Really The Last One?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE LAST EXORCISM-2010-A phony preacher (Patrick Fabian) goes to a rural Louisana farmhouse to perform one last exorcism on a young girl. He brings along a camera crew so once again we have a horror tale from the “found footage” genre which is fast being beaten to death by filmmakers. After the preacher does the ritual, things go from bad to worse with the girl (Ashley Bell) going crazy and terrorizing the crew while her redneck father insists another exorcism should be performed. She even slashes her dim wit brother across the face. The group has plenty of chances to escape but always finds some distraction to stay. When the girl is found to be pregnant incest is suspected.

 

Like most of this kind of story the herky-jerky camera work begins to wear on the viewer and the confused hectic plot goes on too long but I liked the unexpected ending. After this director Daniel Stamm worked on TV series called THE INTRUDERS. An unnecessary sequel followed.

 

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VHS Tape? What's that?

V/H/S-2012-A bunch of losers who post “Jackass” like videos online are hired to go to a house and steal one certain VHS tape. In the house they find a dead old man in front of a wall of TVs. The group goes in search of the tape and leaves one guy in the room with the old man. The guy watches some VHS tapes and the following stories are shown.

“Amateur Night”-Some assholes doing drugs and drinking encounter a weird woman at a club. They take her to a hotel only to find out she's a castrating, cannibal succubus who can fly. Directed by David Brucker.

“Second Honeymoon”-A husband and wife on a road trip are kind of terrorized by a woman who breaks into their motel room and films them while they are asleep. She also steals some money and puts the husband's toothbrush in the toilet. It seems women are lovers out to kill the guy. Directed by Ti West.

“Tuesday the 17th”-Some dorks go to a lake front where one girl has been before. She jokingly says “You are all going to die up here”. They are menaced by a hooded killer who only appears as a glitch on the tape. The girl wants to catch him because he killed her friends and she is using her new friends as “bait” to trap him but it doesn't work out like she plans. Directed by Glenn McQuaid.

“The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger”-A guy and a girl talk via an online chat room. It seems her apartment is haunted and she has a mysterious cut on her arm. They seem to be far apart but he's actually nearby helping aliens breed with humans. At the end he has a new victim set up. Directed by Joe Swanberg.

“10/31/98”-Some yuppies go to a costume party but the house they go to is devoid of people. There's only a lot of empty rooms and a little girl apparition. In the attic they interrupt an exorcism and run away but have second thoughts when the hear the screams of the girl being exorcised. They go back and rescue her but she eventually leads the group to their doom on some railroad tracks. This is the only segment that features any tolerable characters you would care about! Directed by Radio Silence.

In between some of the segments (the wraparound story was directed by Adam Wingard) the old man's body disappears and reappears (though no one notices) and before the final segment the old man (maybe some kind of creature ) kills the leader of the gang.

V/H/S kind of represents a new trend in the horror anthology that was much more popular in the '60's and '70)'s with Hammer and AIP. Personally more “horror directors” should be involved in making them since 9 out of 10 modern horror movies are way too long. The trouble with this “found footage” production as with most found footage stories is it's all a cheat. Nothing needs to be explained, there's no beginning and sometimes no conclusion. The stories seem like idea never fully thought out. It's just there. You make what you want of it. That's ok once in while but it gets tedious after a while. But then again this has already generated 2 sequels so what do I know. I rather watch David Hewitt's GALLERY OF HORRORS. At least Lon Chaney and John Carradine are in it!

Accept no substitutes!

 

 

 

 

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More Found Footage

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS-2011-This Canadian production is influenced heavily by THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT but I was actually surprised by a couple of scenes. It's told through the video cameras of a film crew doing a segment of a reality TV show called "Grave Encounters" who go to an abandon mental hospital to film an episode. The host of the show Lance Preston (Sean Rogerson) only interested in a TV contract is accompanied by several camera people and a phony psychic. After they interview some locals the group has themselves locked up in the asylum over night. At first they only hear noises but a few things happen that they don't notice. Later they become trapped in the place and one by one everyone starts to disappear. They actually do meet up with some real ghouls and eventually it turns out a mad doctor who was killed years before is still doing lobotomies (and maybe devil worshiping) in the basement. It's well done (with some gory SFX) but the ending goes on too long.

It was written, produced and directed by two guys who go by the name of "The Vicious Brothers". They wrote and produced a sequel in 2012.

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