Vampire Hookers

 

 

 (rotten tomatoes)

BEVERLY HILLS VAMP-1989-In this dumb vampire comedy, 3 would be filmmakers (Eddie Deezen, Tim Conway Jr. & another guy) become involved with a vampire madam (Britt Ekland) and her hooker vampires (Michelle Bauer, Julian Kesner, Debra Lamb). Jay Richardson is a movie producer and Robert Quarry has a small role as a priest who mentions Count Yorga! 

This is a typical Fred Olen Ray comedy runs hot and cold. I liked HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (made the year before) a lot better...

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Moon in Scorpio...How Did it Get There?

 

MOON IN SCORPIO-1987-This begins with a woman in a straitjacket saying “Moon in Scorpio. What does it mean?”. After the credits a patient escapes from a mental hospital killing two people. Then the police investigate a boat drifting at sea. They find a woman who stabs a cop. Later she's interviewed by the head of the hospital (Robert Quarry) and she talks about ghouls, assassins and a death ship. Flashback to Vietnam: Mark (Lewis Van Bergen), Burt (William Smith) and Allen (John Phillip Law) kill some villagers. Later Allen marries Linda (Britt Ekland). Burt invites Allen and Linda and her friends on his boat. Allen agrees though it's clear he's traumatized and doesn't like water. Besides Burt and his alcoholic wife Claire (Julian Kesner; FIRECRACKER) their mutual friends Mark and his weird girlfriend Isabelle (April Wayne) go along. This flashback is interrupted by an idiotic police officer talking about the escaped patient (the actor is terrible). Back in the past: Before the group leaves an unseen killer does in a fisher-man. Despite all being buddies no one seems to get a long. Also it's apparent the killer is on board using a crossbow. One by one everybody is killed. The killer turns out to be Isabelle the escaped patient. She goes insane. You might too.......

Director Gary Graver was a cinematographer on over two hundred projects including work with Orson Welles and Al Adamson and a lot of porn (some which he directed under a pseudonym). This crazy murder mystery is a miserable paste up job. 

Nominal male lead Van Bergen was in the star of the short lived TV show "Sable". 

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One from Japan; One from the Philippines

GAPPA-THE TRIPHIBIAN MONSTER-(DAIKYOJU GAPPA)-Japan-1967-Combining plot elements from RODAN and GORGO, this Japanese production tells the story of the accidental discovery and capture of a prehistoric creature on a remote island by a group of scientist-ex-plorers. The characters agonize over their find and their personal lives. A woman reporter is chastised by a male scientist (“Go back to Tokyo and learn to cook”) and at the end she decides he’s right and quits her job and marries him! The monster is actually a baby and it’s parents come looking for it. They are very, very phony looking even by 60’s Japanese standards, which probably explains why director Haruyasu Noguchi never made another film! Star Tamio Kawaji was also in TOKYO DRIFTER.




FIRECRACKER-New World-1981- This funny, made in The Philippines martial arts action-er features Julian Kesner as an American martial arts instructor searching for her missing sister. The search leads her to an illegal fighting tournament where she meets Chuck (Darby Hinton), henchman to the drug-dealing owner Erik (screenwriter Ken Metcalfe). Gresner‘s style isn’t very impressive and sometimes she acts like she’s high but she has a couple of fights in her underwear (and high heels) and one topless! The funniest character is Grip, another gangster played by Vic Diaz. She also gets help from Pete, a big American bar owner, Rey, a pretty tough local guy and a police detective.

All the fights are pretty funny. The weirdest scene involves a pre-sex knife cutting off of jeans! Some of the music seems stolen from The B52’s “Planet Claire”!

Eventually, Kesner finds out Chucky boy was responsible for her sister’s death (“Hey, look, I’m sorry. What can I say?”) and kills him in a death match.

Director Ciro H. Santiago directed around 50 Philippines based exploitation films (most with the bald headed Diaz as a sadistic henchman) including VAMPIRE HOOKERS (1979) and many Road Warrior type rip-offs. Julian Kesner later worked for Fred Olen Ray and Gary Graver. Darby Hinton was later in "The Days Of Our Lives" soap opera and Andy Sidaris’ MALIBU EXPRESS.

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