Solar Times 2

 

 (amazon)

SOLAR DESTRUCTION-2008-Solar flares threaten Earth. A 15-year-old math genius asshole (Chris Brochu) predicts what will happen but nobody believes him even after two scientists (Tracey Gold, Cliff DeYoung) back him up. An evil rich guy works against them. I've seen worst but this is pretty bad. The acting really blows. Low budget boredom from director Fred Olen Ray. Aka SOLAR FLARE.

 (the moviedb.org)

SOLAR IMPACT-2019-Forgettable 28 DAYS LATER rip-off about a group of dummies trying to survive after solar debris has turned most of the population of England into crazed zombies. Later it becomes a NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD talk fest. Directed by Craig Tudor James.

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Killer Monster Alien Thing

 

 (imdb)

DEEP SPACE-1989-Two police detectives McLemore (Charles Napier) & Merris (Ron Glass) run afoul of a government created monster on a killing spree. Their hard-nosed captain (Bo Swenson) is always on their asses. A police coroner (Anthony Eisley discovers an organic rock at a crash site and later while studying it an "Alien" like creature emerges and kills him. The duo takes two rocks from the site too. Meanwhile a group of scientists led by Forsyth (James Booth) and a general (Norman Burton) debate on what to do. The Alien type monster with big teeth kills a wino. The government tries to cover it up but the cops are persistent. Meanwhile a psychic (Julie Newmar) warns Napier about the killings but he's too busy romancing Clara (Ann Turkel). After Merris is killed, McLemore goes after the monster. 

A bloody finale featuring a chainsaw caps this typical '80's monster horror movie that's better than most at the time thanks to enthusiastic competent direction of Fred Olen Ray.

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Vampire Hookers

 

 

 (rotten tomatoes)

BEVERLY HILLS VAMP-1989-In this dumb vampire comedy, 3 would be filmmakers (Eddie Deezen, Tim Conway Jr. & another guy) become involved with a vampire madam (Britt Ekland) and her hooker vampires (Michelle Bauer, Julian Kesner, Debra Lamb). Jay Richardson is a movie producer and Robert Quarry has a small role as a priest who mentions Count Yorga! 

This is a typical Fred Olen Ray comedy runs hot and cold. I liked HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (made the year before) a lot better...

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Like Father, Like Son? Think About It, Won't You?

 

 (imdb)

REPTISAURUS-2009-Pretty much a garbage production about a government experiment that accidentally produces a creature that kills people. Gil Gerald is an insane army officer. Director Christopher Ray also made the pretty bad ALMIGHTY THOR. His dad Fred was one of the producers.

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The Tomb

 

THE TOMB-1986-An idiot racist named John Banning (David O'Hara) has a disastrous time when he tries to sell an artifact to a woman named Jade (Sybil Danning). The credits roll while a band dressed like Egyptians sing "Tutti Frutti". John and his equally racist dimwit partner Tyler (Craig Hamann) find the ancient sarcophagus of Queen Nefradis. Before they can double cross and kill their guide the decrepit looking queen comes to life and kills the guide and Tyler. She (Michelle Bauer) becomes young from drinking blood. John escapes but she goes to get him. He has a fight in a bar where Kitten Navividad does a topless dance. A doctor Howard Phillips (Cameron Mitchell) says "I don't want to be seen with people like you". 

John sells him an artifact. He meets up with Nefradis again and she puts a scarab in him to control him. She wants the stuff he stole from her tomb and kills a doctor named Manners. Manners' son David (Richard Hench) and Phillips niece Helen (Susan Stokey) investigate and visit Dr. Andoheb (John Carradine) who fills us in on the blood princess. She almost sacrifices Helen but is destroyed. Maybe? Bad acting really ruins this low budget horror movie directed by Fred Olen Ray (HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS).

Director Ray also made ARMED RESPONSE tha same year:

https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2014/08/armed-response.html

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Armed Response

ARMED RESPONSE-1986-In this crazed sometimes funny Fred Olen Ray action drama, David Carradine plays Jim Roth, a veteran tortured by memories of Viet-Nam who now runs a bar. His war vet father Burt is played by Lee Van Cleef! A Yakusa gang leader named Tanaka (Mako) is after a stolen statue. He dispatches two underlings, Thorton (Ross Hagen acting weird as usual) and one of Jim's brothers (David Goss) to deliver a million dollars to buy the statue from the comic duo of Laurene Landon and Dick Miller. Thorton betrays his partner and a bloody shoot out ensues. He beats it out with the money and the statue. Later Tanaka has another brother (Brent Huff) tortured with some kind of acupuncture. After he dies Jim and Burt go for revenge. Fights, shootings and explosions abound. Some of the dialogue is terrible but Tanaka's main henchmen are played by Michael Berryman and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.

Also with Lois Hamilton, Burr DeBenning, Conan Lee and Bobbie Bresee (in one quick scene). This was one of Lee Van Cleef's last roles. He died in 1989 of a heart attack at age 63.

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Do You Really Care About The Storyline?

BIKINI GIRLS FROM THE LOST PLANET-2006-This is just soft core sexual hi jinx with science fiction trappings from Fred Olen Ray (under the pseudonym Nicolas Medina). There are several lesbian scenes and the acting is pretty funny. Ted Newsom who directed EDWARD WOOD: LOOK BACK IN ANGORA is in it. Also with Nicole Sheridan, Christine Nguyen and Rebecca Love.

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Not So Terrific Trio...

MY BREAKFAST WITH BLASSIE-1983 -I’ve never understood the lure of Andy Kaufman (1949-1984). His movie bio didn’t do very well, so I think younger audiences don’t really know him. Still, he’s achieved a kind of cult staus. He was a wacky stand-up comic who made it big through the TV show TAXI and always had a strange story situation as an act.

Around the time he made this direct to video relic he’d been wrestling women in Memphis and feuding with pro-wrestler Jerry “The King” Lawler (who “slapped” him silly on The David Letterman Show). Wearing a neck brace from “an injury” sustained by Lawler, Kaufman literally has breakfast with another pro-wrestler “Classy” Freddy Blassie (who died in 2003). They both act like rude, stuck up assholes (were they acting?) and Blassie talks about his career, The Shah of Iran, herpes, Elvis and other stuff. He insults their pregnant Thai waitress and starts arguments with various customers. Kaufman does his “Laika” voice, tries to pick up a woman and really comes off like a chauvinist dunce (I guess he WAS acting....).

Famed Los Angeles ring announcer Jimmy Lennon appears in a pre-credit scene. I guess it was take-off on MY DINNER WITH ANDRE but I still can’t see the real point (unless it was just an “advertisement” for his ‘inter-gender championship” act) as it’s not that funny and at times quite bizarre. But I guess that was Andy Kaufman! His manager Bob Zmuda also appears. A Johnny Legend Production.


ALIENINATOR-1989- Fun nonsense from director Fred Olen Ray about an escaped alien criminal (Ross Hagen) with a slave collar around his neck. He acts very strange but after the collar is removed he acts even weirder! He meets up with a group of dorks and hero-sheriff John Phillip Law (who died in 2008). A female prison agent (Teagen) is after Hagen and (thankfully) the dorks get in her way. She fries Ray “regulars” Robert Quarry (as an alcoholic doctor; he died this past Feb.) and Hoke Howell & Fox Harris (in his last role) as poachers. Law and the surviving dorks later on get help from ex-soldier Leo V. Gordon (acting like R. Lee Ermey).

Framing type sequences on another planet feature Robert Clarke, PJ Soles and Jay Richardson. Jeffrey C. Hogue was the producer and the cinematography is by Gary Graver.




RIVERWORLD-(Canada)-(2002)-Making a movie version of sci-fi author Phillip Jose’ Farmer’s immense “River World” series seems an impossible task. This made for the Sci-Fi channel adaptation doesn’t help. Dead people from all different eras in time are re-born (or re-animated?) on the alien controlled Riverworld. Brad Johnson (who was appearing in the quasi-religious LEFT BEHIND series at the time) stars as an American astronaut from the year 2009. Emily Lloyd (who’d seen better days in WISH YOU WHERE HERE and COOKIE) is Alice. It’s nothing like the books and mostly it’s the villain, a resurrected Nero (Jonathan Cake) trying to enslave everyone and generally over acting while the only non-human lectures about how bad humans are. Sam Clemens/Mark Twain (Cameron Daddo) shows up but mostly it seems to be a pilot for a projected series.

Director Kari Skogland mainly did TV (Dead At 21, Queer As Folk) but also a few films CHILDREN OF THE CORN-666 and ZEBRA LOUNGE (also with Daddo).

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