Cohen Returns

 

 (imdb)

GOD TOLD ME TO-1976-This opens with a sniper on a water tower killing people in NYC. Police officer Peter Nichols (Tony Lo Bianco) tries to take him down but the sniper jumps to his death after saying “God told me to”. Later Nichols visits a guy in the hospital who randomly stabbed a bunch of people. When asked why, he replies “God told me to”. At the St. Patrick's Day parade, a cop (Andy Kaufman) goes crazy and shoots several people. Before getting fatally shot he yells “God told me to”. The religious cop has a hard time coping while investigating and is eventually suspended. People riot when it seems 'God's own hand” is driving the murders. A drug dealer kills a cop and this too is blame on God. Meanwhile a cartel of businessmen worships a “living” God. Actually, a glowing, sexless offspring of an alien (Richard Lynch) and an Earth woman (Sylvia Miles in the present). Later the alien seems to take over Nichols and he makes a pimp kill some other thugs then himself. The alien/God wants a kid of his own but Nichols causes its destruction in the freaked-out finale, ending with Nichols arrested for murder and committed to a mental hospital. Some of the plot also involves Nichols' ex-wife (Sandy Dennis) and his new girlfriend (Deborah Raffin). 

This quirky, even strange, story was the concoction of writer/director Larry Cohen (two years after IT'S ALIVE) and as usual features weird dialogue and characters but some of the scenes seem out of place, not part of the story.

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Not So Terrific Trio...

MY BREAKFAST WITH BLASSIE-1983 -I’ve never understood the lure of Andy Kaufman (1949-1984). His movie bio didn’t do very well, so I think younger audiences don’t really know him. Still, he’s achieved a kind of cult staus. He was a wacky stand-up comic who made it big through the TV show TAXI and always had a strange story situation as an act.

Around the time he made this direct to video relic he’d been wrestling women in Memphis and feuding with pro-wrestler Jerry “The King” Lawler (who “slapped” him silly on The David Letterman Show). Wearing a neck brace from “an injury” sustained by Lawler, Kaufman literally has breakfast with another pro-wrestler “Classy” Freddy Blassie (who died in 2003). They both act like rude, stuck up assholes (were they acting?) and Blassie talks about his career, The Shah of Iran, herpes, Elvis and other stuff. He insults their pregnant Thai waitress and starts arguments with various customers. Kaufman does his “Laika” voice, tries to pick up a woman and really comes off like a chauvinist dunce (I guess he WAS acting....).

Famed Los Angeles ring announcer Jimmy Lennon appears in a pre-credit scene. I guess it was take-off on MY DINNER WITH ANDRE but I still can’t see the real point (unless it was just an “advertisement” for his ‘inter-gender championship” act) as it’s not that funny and at times quite bizarre. But I guess that was Andy Kaufman! His manager Bob Zmuda also appears. A Johnny Legend Production.


ALIENINATOR-1989- Fun nonsense from director Fred Olen Ray about an escaped alien criminal (Ross Hagen) with a slave collar around his neck. He acts very strange but after the collar is removed he acts even weirder! He meets up with a group of dorks and hero-sheriff John Phillip Law (who died in 2008). A female prison agent (Teagen) is after Hagen and (thankfully) the dorks get in her way. She fries Ray “regulars” Robert Quarry (as an alcoholic doctor; he died this past Feb.) and Hoke Howell & Fox Harris (in his last role) as poachers. Law and the surviving dorks later on get help from ex-soldier Leo V. Gordon (acting like R. Lee Ermey).

Framing type sequences on another planet feature Robert Clarke, PJ Soles and Jay Richardson. Jeffrey C. Hogue was the producer and the cinematography is by Gary Graver.




RIVERWORLD-(Canada)-(2002)-Making a movie version of sci-fi author Phillip Jose’ Farmer’s immense “River World” series seems an impossible task. This made for the Sci-Fi channel adaptation doesn’t help. Dead people from all different eras in time are re-born (or re-animated?) on the alien controlled Riverworld. Brad Johnson (who was appearing in the quasi-religious LEFT BEHIND series at the time) stars as an American astronaut from the year 2009. Emily Lloyd (who’d seen better days in WISH YOU WHERE HERE and COOKIE) is Alice. It’s nothing like the books and mostly it’s the villain, a resurrected Nero (Jonathan Cake) trying to enslave everyone and generally over acting while the only non-human lectures about how bad humans are. Sam Clemens/Mark Twain (Cameron Daddo) shows up but mostly it seems to be a pilot for a projected series.

Director Kari Skogland mainly did TV (Dead At 21, Queer As Folk) but also a few films CHILDREN OF THE CORN-666 and ZEBRA LOUNGE (also with Daddo).

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