Another Bad Future

 

 (imdb)

THE NEW BARBARIANS (aka Warriors of the Wasteland)-1983-In 2019 AD “the nuclear holocaust is over” but bad film making in Italy still goes on. A group of fancy men called The Templars led by One (George East-man), roam the land killing survivors. A loner named Scorpion (Timothy Brent aka Giancarlo Prete) saves a woman, Alma (Anna Kanakis) from the gang. When some of them trap Scorpion, he's saved by bow and arrow using Nadir (Fred Williamson), another loner. Later, the trio meet The Sect, a tribe that believes in God led by Father Moses (Venantino Venantini; also in CANNIBAL FEROX (1981)). When Scorpion is captured by The Templars, Nadir once again saves him. They team up with a little kid mechanic (Giovanni Frezza from THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETARY (1981)) to save The Sect from the sadistic One. 

Mindless ROAD WARRIOR inspired junk by director/co-screenwriter Enzo G. Castellari (ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX the same year; also with Prete). Bad guy Eastman was also in Castellari's 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (1982) along with the former football playing Williamson.

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Low Budget Sc-Fi

 

 (imdb)

SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS-1978-After some neighborhood dogs are killed, a mutated sea monster created by a nuclear leak at a petroleum company prowls around. Wayne Connors (Alan Blanchard), a high school teacher, investigates. Some of the victims are intentionally comical but I'm not so sure about the rest. The acting and direction are pretty bad. A police lieutenant (Hy Pike) acts like an insane Shakespearean actor. The monster (Win Condict) looks like an overgrown mutated Ninja Turtle. Connors, his wife (Judy Motulsky), Dr. John (Dennis Falt) and boat Capt. Chris (Mello Alexandria) (who's seen JAWS too many times) go after it. 

There are some gory deaths but too much talky scientific mumbo jumbo. Writer/director Stephen Traxler later produced DRACULA'S WIDOW (1988).

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Waiting For The UFOs

 

 (imdb)

UFO: TARGET EARTH-1974-Researcher Alan Grimes (Nick Plakias) hears a weird phone call from the government about UFOs. He decides to investigate. He interviews lots of people about UFOs. A woman who seems to be able to channel UFO energy helps him. Out in a forest, it turns out Alan possess the energy the formless aliens need to leave Earth. 

The acting and script are below par. Director/writer Michael DeGaetano later made PROJECT: METALBEAST (1995).

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Rise Of The Rip-Off

 

 

 (imdb)

RISE OF THE ZOMBIES-2012-A group from a research lab venture into the city because they believe a cure for a zombie plague is there, created by a scientist (French Stewart) with a monkey. Meanwhile another scientist (Levar Burton) stays behind doing experiments on the living dead (including his wife). This is another blatant rip-off from The Asylum, this time copying Romero's Dead series (especially DAY). The cast (including Mariel Hemingway, Danny Trejo, Ethan Suplee, Heather Hemmens) is whittled down and eaten. 

Director Nick Lyon also made ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE (2011).

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Last One For 2024

 

 (imdb)

THE CREMATORS-1972-A narrator tells us about a meteor that hit Earth many many years ago and a young Indian and a shark. In the present, bug expert Ian Thorne (Marvin Howard) finds a strange stone. When he sends it away to be analyzed it seems to be responsible for the mailman's death when he's burned alive by a ball of fire. Later Thorne gives a second stone to the weird looking Jeannie (Maria de Aragon). Then a pipe smoking local is burned by another fireball. After a lot of talk, a scientist tries to stop the fireball with a shotgun. 

The sfx, acting and direction are sub-par in this low budget sci-fi film directed and co-written by Harry Essex (OCTA-MAN (1971)) who in better times wrote the screenplay for THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954). The Cremators also features the second to last film score by Albert Glasser and the debut of SFX creator Doug Beswick (THE TERMINATOR, BEETLEJUICE).

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Long Day's Journey Into Space

 

 

 (themoviedb.org)

JOURNEY TO THE SEVENTH PLANET-1962-In the year 2001 when the world is run by The United Nations, an international manned rocket ship is heading for Uranus. On the way their minds are taken over by an alien presence that learns their innermost feelings. Exploring the big U, they encounter a one-eyed creature (Terrible stop motion). They meet a village girl Ingrid (Greta Thyssen) and 2 other women. Ladies man Capt. Don Graham (John Agar; in HAND OF DEATH the same year) sees illusions of her. There's a giant spider and a one-eyed spongy monster wants to take over Earth. 

Techno-color Sci-Fi cheapie filmed in Denmark, directed and co-written by Sidney Pink (the English language version of REPTILICUS (1961)) and Ib Melchoir who had already teamed with Pink for THE ANGRY RED PLANET in 1959. 

Lead actress Thyssen was once groomed as a new Marilyn Monroe but now might be more well known to some of us from the trio of Joe Besser 3 Stooges shorts she co-starred in.

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Silly Cyborg

 

 (imdb)

CYBORG 2: GLASS SHADOW-1993-In 2074, Japan and the US vie for cyborg producing supremacy. At the center of this nonsense is a female cyborg Cash (Angelina Jolie) who has been injected with something called "GS" and she's going to blow up in 5 hours. A guy Colt (Elias Koteas) helps her escape while some kind computer voice (Jack Palance) aids them. The CEO (Allen Garfield) hires dip stick psycho Bench (who else but Billy Drago) to destroy them. "I think you kissed the wrong goodbye". Palance (who also narrates) shows up at the climax to make sitting through this tolerable but I was surprised by the final scene. Also with Karen Sheppard and Tracey Walter. 

Director Michael Schroeder had made the much better OUT OF THE DARK (1988). He made a second sequel CYBORG 3: THE RECYCLER the year after this.

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One's Enough

 

 (imdb)

SCORPIO ONE-1998-Terrible sf outer space junk about some CIA agents who go into space to investigate a space station where the whole crew has been killed. Robert Carradine (doing a lot of TV around this time), Jeff Speakman (THE PERFECT WEAPON (1991) and Robin Curtis (STAR TREK 3: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK (1984)) star. 

The director Worth Keeter later worked on several “Power Rangers” series.

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Alien Cover Up

 

 (imdb)

WAVELENGTH-1983-Iris (Cherie Currie) and musician Bobby (Robert Carradine) hook up at a bar. Iris seems to get a vibe from a secret government lab where some aliens are being held. Dan (Keenan Wynn) shows them a secret entrance. The duo arrive just as an autopsy is being performed on an alien and Iris freaks out. Yes, a secret government installation is housing 4 aliens who were shot down and believed to be dead but they are only in some kind of self-induced hibernation. The scientists all excited when they learn of Iris's connection and begin a battery of tests which culminates in the discovery that the aliens (now down to 3 since one was dissected) carry a deadly disease. "If you could go anywhere in the universe, would you come to this loony bin to set up a plantation?", someone asks. The inept jerks plan to bury the aliens alive (along with Iris & Bobby) but Bobby frees them from their cryogenic tanks. They highball it out to the desert with help from Dan and two native American friends. The Navy and The Marines plan on destroying them but the aliens (little bald guys played by kids) get help from their home world. 

This is a modestly made but entertaining little Sci-Fi film from New World Pictures. Director/writer Mike Gray had previously written THE CHINA SYNDROME (1979).

 (imdb)

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Solar Times 2

 

 (amazon)

SOLAR DESTRUCTION-2008-Solar flares threaten Earth. A 15-year-old math genius asshole (Chris Brochu) predicts what will happen but nobody believes him even after two scientists (Tracey Gold, Cliff DeYoung) back him up. An evil rich guy works against them. I've seen worst but this is pretty bad. The acting really blows. Low budget boredom from director Fred Olen Ray. Aka SOLAR FLARE.

 (the moviedb.org)

SOLAR IMPACT-2019-Forgettable 28 DAYS LATER rip-off about a group of dummies trying to survive after solar debris has turned most of the population of England into crazed zombies. Later it becomes a NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD talk fest. Directed by Craig Tudor James.

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TV Pilot From Canada

 

 (imdb)

984: PRISONER OF THE FUTURE-A group called "The Movement" (headed by an old fart Dr. Fontaine (Andrew Foot)) has taken over the US and charges a guy named Weston (Stephen Markle) with "crimes against humanity" and locks him up in a prison run by "The Warden" (Dan Francks), a bad Dr. Smith wannabe. Flashbacks tell a lot of the story but I was still confused as to exactly what this whole thing was about.

Director Tibor Takacs (before his more well-known movies) does try hard to present a Kafkaesque nightmare with a few doses of The Prisoner and Brave New World but a minuscule budget, poor script and only so-so acting undermine it. Actually, a CBC unsold TV pilot.

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Last of The Astro-Zombies

 

 (abc news)

ASTRO-ZOMBIES M4-INVADERS FROM CYBER SPACE-2012-Apparently there is a planet of Astro-Zombies who are very disappointed they haven't destroyed Earth in their previous attempts. They decide to try again and start by causing death and destruction in Berlin. Then the Sydney Opera House is demolished. In Washington DC, a virus is released that allows the Astros to come through computers and fry people with their laser eyes. A woman in a gym is terrorized but escapes thanks to her boyfriend. Then a shrine in Osaka is burned up. In NYC a young girl is killed and weird newscasters warn of an alien invasion.

 At the Astro-Zombies meeting hall, the Astro leader talks about his plan to annihilate humans and replace them with Astro-Zombies. Then the Golden Gate Bridge and Big Ben in London are destroyed. Characters like a psychic and some pothead musicians are introduced and killed. The finale is pretty funny when it's found out using a mirror to deflect the laser beams back at the Astros is the only way to defeat them. 

Much more entertaining than the previous two and Ted V. Mikels best one in years. Beverly Washburn (SPIDER BABY) has a small role.

 (imdb)

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Heinlein Sues!

 

 (imdb)

THE BRAIN EATERS-1958-In the town of Riverdale, IL., a huge cone shaped object is discovered. Hick senator Powers (Cornelius Keefe) takes charge of the investigation and meets the mayor's son Glen Cameron (Alan Frost aka Alan J. Factor) who informs Powers there have been 3 murders since the discovery of the cone and his dad is missing. Dr. Kettering (co-producer Ed Nelson), Dr. Wyler (David Hughes) and Alice Summers (Joanna Lee) are studying the cone. After Kettering goes into the cone and finds nothing, the mayor (Orville Sherman) shows up, goes crazy and is shot to death. He seemed to have some kind of parasite on his neck that destroyed his nervous system. And there are more! While one guy roams around recruiting victims, Kettering tries to come up with a solution. He hardly has time to mourn when Alice is taken over and just as suddenly a missing scientist emerges from the cone. Later Kettering and Cameron go into the cone and meet another missing scientist (Leonard Nimoy). 

This is a nice low budget sci-fi film with some unusual camera angles by Bruno VeSota. Co-star Joanna Lee was in Ed Woods' PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE the next year. Author Robert Heinlein sued the film company saying the script was based on his novel “The Puppet Masters”. Uncredited executive producer Roger Corman settled out of court with Heinlein.

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Mari Blanchard

 

 (imdb)

SHE-DEVIL-1957-Workaholic genius bio-chemist Dr. Scott (Jack Kelly; CULT OF THE COBRA (1952)) is working and experimenting on the theory that with a little help humans may be able to cure themselves of disease. He creates a serum from fruit flies that cures some animals. Now he wants to try it on humans. His mentor Dr. Bock (Albert Dekker; DR. CYCLOPS (1940)) warns him. But later against his better judgment he lets Scott inject Kyra (Mari Blanchard), a woman dying of TB with his serum. It works and she gets better but seems to have a strange new personality. 

While in a dress shop, she attacks a man for his money. When she's trapped in a dressing room by the police she somehow transforms from black haired woman to a blonde beauty. She stays at Bock's house where his maid (Blossom Rock) is leery but Scott seems mesmerized by her. At a party thrown by Bock she dallies with a rich jerk named Kendall (John Archer) whose wife slaps Kyra. She turns back to her black-haired self and kills Mrs. K (Fay Baker). Later Kendall and Kyra marry and he complains how cold she is. He shoots her in the shoulder and on the way to the hospital she crashes the car and he dies. She escapes unscathed. Now a wealthy widow, she returns to Scott to convince him to get rid of Bock. He seems to agree but really doesn't and he and Bock plan to reverse the operation. It doesn't turn out the way they planned. 

Nice little but obscure black and white horror directed by Kurt Neumann who made the most out of low budget assignments (ROCKETSHIP X-M, KRONOS). He'd have his greatest success the following year in 1958 when he directed THE FLY. Unfortunately, he would pass away shortly after completing it. 

Star Mari Blanchard had been in ABBOTT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS IN 1953 and other films like DESTRY (1954) with Audie Murphy and THE SON OF SINBAD (1955) with Dale Robertson. She made more movies after this (DON'T KNOCK THE TWIST (1962), TWICE-TOLD TALES (1963)) but worked mainly in TV. She died of cancer at 47 in 1970.

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I Liked Eno's Album Better

 

 (imdb)

TAKING TIGER MOUNTAIN-1983-In a bleak future dystopia, 4 stuck up feminists plot to brainwash a hippie loser Billy (Bill Paxton) into an assassin to kill the minister of prostitution. It was shot in Wales and with the exception of American Paxton, all the roles are played by local townspeople. Originally based on a poem about the kidnapping of J. Paul Getty 3, it morphed into an adaptation of the William S Burroughs novel "Blade Runner (a movie)". Characters talk endlessly while radio broadcasts on the chaotic state of the world (depressed economy, famine, cannibalism, shortages) are heard. This black & white film had two directors.

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Rediscovered

 

 (youtube)

AS THE EARTH TURNS-1938-Amateur science fiction silent film originally made in 1938 but only rediscovered in 2019. A mysterious being known as Pax (the director Richard Lyford) can control the weather and cause earthquakes. He wants the world to stop making war. A newspaper publisher and two reporters (1 male, one female) investigate. Pax plans to "rock the Earth" and seems to succeed but the story ends before we find out. 

This is a trendsetting piece and its restored version looks great but it is an amateur film done in a little by bad SFX, over the top acting and terribly made-up actors. Nice new score by Ed Hartman was added after it's restoration. Director/star Lyford made other experimental short films (most of which are lost) but later he worked for Disney Studios.

 (Los Angeles Times)

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Cat-Women

 

 (imdb)

CAT-WOMEN ON THE MOON-1953-5 astronauts journey into space. The crew is headed by hardnosed Laird Grainger (Sonny Tufts). His co-pilot is the more laid-back Kip Reissner (Victor Jory). Helen Salinger (Marie Windsor) is the navigator. Doug Smith (William Phipps) is the radar guy and Walt Walters (Douglas Fowley) is the engineer. They land on the moon and Helen seems to know more than she should. After being attacked by giant spiders, they find a cave with oxygen and then find some kind of temple. Helen separates from the men and meets Alpha (Carol Brewster), leader of the female survivors of a genocide ("We have no use for men"). They turn Helen against her male companions and plan to "bring our culture" to Earth and put Earth women under their power. 

This notorious very low budget campy sci-fi space adventure uses props and sets from several other pictures. Director Arthur Hilton had better success as a film editor. Producer/co-writer Al Zimbalist was the executive producer on ROBOT MONSTER the same year! Composer Elmer Bernstein, who would win an Academy Award in 1967, did the soundtrack but his name is misspelled in the credits! (He also did the music for ROBOT MONSTER...).

It was remade in 1958 as MISSILE TO THE MOON.

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Killer Monster Alien Thing

 

 (imdb)

DEEP SPACE-1989-Two police detectives McLemore (Charles Napier) & Merris (Ron Glass) run afoul of a government created monster on a killing spree. Their hard-nosed captain (Bo Swenson) is always on their asses. A police coroner (Anthony Eisley discovers an organic rock at a crash site and later while studying it an "Alien" like creature emerges and kills him. The duo takes two rocks from the site too. Meanwhile a group of scientists led by Forsyth (James Booth) and a general (Norman Burton) debate on what to do. The Alien type monster with big teeth kills a wino. The government tries to cover it up but the cops are persistent. Meanwhile a psychic (Julie Newmar) warns Napier about the killings but he's too busy romancing Clara (Ann Turkel). After Merris is killed, McLemore goes after the monster. 

A bloody finale featuring a chainsaw caps this typical '80's monster horror movie that's better than most at the time thanks to enthusiastic competent direction of Fred Olen Ray.

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Another Rip Off

 

 (imdb)

LORDS OF THE DEEP-1989-Low budget "Alien underwater" trash co-produced by Roger Corman (who makes a cameo). An undersea exploration team is terrorized by an extraterrestrial life form. Kind of nutty Commander Dobler (Bradford Dillman) wants to destroy the creature they pick up but biologist Claire (Priscilla Barnes) has other ideas and seems to be getting communications from the aliens. This is the only feature film (so far at least) directed by Mary Ann Fisher who previously produced ANDRIOD (1982) for Corman.

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Caroline Munro

 

 (imdb)

STARCRASH-1978-Space thief Stella Star (Caroline Munro) and her smug companion Acton (Marjoe Gortner) are arrested and sentenced to hard labor by a gold disembodied head (reminiscent of the alien in INVADERS FROM MARS). They escape and are picked up by a space cop (green skinned Robert Tessier) and Robot Ellie (Judd Hamilton with Hamilton Camp doing his voice) with a southern accent. The Emperor of the First Circle of the Universe (Christopher Plummer) wants the duo and Ellie to save everything from Count Daka (Joe Spinnell with dubbed voice). Later, on a planet of cavemen, the trio meet Prince Simon (David Hasselhoff). 

With some bad stop motion animation and bad acting, this was directed by Luigi Cozzi a year after his infamous “version” of GODZILLA and before he got into the horror genre. Munro and Hamilton were married at the time. In an interview Christopher Plummer said the only reason he made it was to get a free trip to Italy!

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