Another Bad Future

 

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THE NEW BARBARIANS (aka Warriors of the Wasteland)-1983-In 2019 AD “the nuclear holocaust is over” but bad film making in Italy still goes on. A group of fancy men called The Templars led by One (George East-man), roam the land killing survivors. A loner named Scorpion (Timothy Brent aka Giancarlo Prete) saves a woman, Alma (Anna Kanakis) from the gang. When some of them trap Scorpion, he's saved by bow and arrow using Nadir (Fred Williamson), another loner. Later, the trio meet The Sect, a tribe that believes in God led by Father Moses (Venantino Venantini; also in CANNIBAL FEROX (1981)). When Scorpion is captured by The Templars, Nadir once again saves him. They team up with a little kid mechanic (Giovanni Frezza from THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETARY (1981)) to save The Sect from the sadistic One. 

Mindless ROAD WARRIOR inspired junk by director/co-screenwriter Enzo G. Castellari (ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX the same year; also with Prete). Bad guy Eastman was also in Castellari's 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (1982) along with the former football playing Williamson.

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Cool Anime

 

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COCOLORS-2017-Nice looking short Anime about inhabitants of three worlds living underground because of a flesh destroying germ in the air. The lead character Aki doesn't talk, he communicates through whistles. It's very well done but like a lot of Japanese story lines, it has a sad ending. The director Toshihisa Yokoshima was a former recluse.

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TV Pilot From Canada

 

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984: PRISONER OF THE FUTURE-A group called "The Movement" (headed by an old fart Dr. Fontaine (Andrew Foot)) has taken over the US and charges a guy named Weston (Stephen Markle) with "crimes against humanity" and locks him up in a prison run by "The Warden" (Dan Francks), a bad Dr. Smith wannabe. Flashbacks tell a lot of the story but I was still confused as to exactly what this whole thing was about.

Director Tibor Takacs (before his more well-known movies) does try hard to present a Kafkaesque nightmare with a few doses of The Prisoner and Brave New World but a minuscule budget, poor script and only so-so acting undermine it. Actually, a CBC unsold TV pilot.

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I Liked Eno's Album Better

 

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TAKING TIGER MOUNTAIN-1983-In a bleak future dystopia, 4 stuck up feminists plot to brainwash a hippie loser Billy (Bill Paxton) into an assassin to kill the minister of prostitution. It was shot in Wales and with the exception of American Paxton, all the roles are played by local townspeople. Originally based on a poem about the kidnapping of J. Paul Getty 3, it morphed into an adaptation of the William S Burroughs novel "Blade Runner (a movie)". Characters talk endlessly while radio broadcasts on the chaotic state of the world (depressed economy, famine, cannibalism, shortages) are heard. This black & white film had two directors.

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Ulmer To The End

 

 

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BEYOND THE TIME BARRIER-1960-Major Allison (Robert Clarke from THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON) is sent into space. He doesn't seem to be gone too long but when he returns the base is in shambles and deserted. He's taken prisoner by some people in "The Citadel". They think he's a spy and put him in a chamber with some bald-headed mutants. However, the leader of The Citadel, The Supreme (Vladimir Sokoloff) has a mute granddaughter Trirene (Darlene Tompkins) who takes a liking to Allison and saves him. (She has ESP too) He also meets 3 imprisoned scientists Kruse (Stephen Bekassy), Boardman (John Van Dreelan) and Russian Markova (Arianne Arden). From them he learns about a plague from outer space and that the year is 2024! There's one scene in front of a blackboard where it sounds like someone farts. After Markova lets the mutants out and there are a few double crosses Allison returns to 1960 to warn everyone of the plague but he's changed a bit. 

This interesting if drawn out little space drama was directed by the great Edgar Ulmer very late in his career. As usual he manages to do a few neat things with the limits put on the movie. He made it back-to-back in Texas with another Sci-Fi cheapy THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN. His wife Shirley was the story editor and their daughter Arianne plays the female cosmonaut. Star Robert Clarke was originally supposed to direct but hired Ulmer. The two had worked together a few years before on THE MAN FROM PLANET X. Screenwriter Arthur Pierce later wrote the bizarre THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS. Female lead Darlene Tompkins co-starred with Elvis in BLUE HAWAII a year later.

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Lost Battle

 

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BATTLE FOR THE LOST PLANET-1986-A thief named Trent (Matt Mitler) relates the story of the invasion of Earth by some pig faced aliens. He steals a space shuttle and roams around space for 5 years and when he returns to Earth he meets Dana (Denise Coward), an English woman and they travel around and run afoul of Mad Dog (Joe Gentisis), an idiot Stallone clone who leads a motorcycle gang. Low budget nonsense from director/writer Brett Piper who later made A NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL and THEY BITE.

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Bad Future

 

 

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FUTURE WAR-1997-Some aliens, cyborgs and dinosaurs invade Earth. A nun (Travis Brooks Stewart) and an alien tracker (Daniel Bern-hardt) try to stop them. The dinosaurs are terrible plastic models but they act better than most of the cast. The tracker, a Jean-Claude Van Damme clone battles the head cyborg (Robert D'Zar) in the finale. Forrest J. Ackerman has a bit role. 

The director Anthony Doublin did visual effects for some big budgeted Hollywood movies (HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 1; 1941) but went on to a shot on video atrocity SLAUGHTERED.

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Huh?

 

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BLACK MOON-1975-In the future Lily (Cathryn Harrison), a young woman, travels around the countryside in a land ravaged by a war between men and women. After seeing a unicorn, she follows a woman riding a horse and encounters some naked children playing with a pig. She enters a house where a piglet is in a highchair. After drinking a glass of milk, she's almost strangled by a bed ridden woman (Therese Giehse) who afterwards gives a description of Lily in a radio transmission (“She has a punk nose”). Later the woman seems to strangle herself to death and Lily meets the opera singing gardener (Joe Dallesandro) named Brother Lily. He and Sister Lily (Alexandra Stuart) seem to be in charge of the children. It ends with Lily getting ready to breast feed the unicorn. 

If you like movies that seem to make no sense but might be some kind of allegorical puzzle with fantasy and horror aspects, you might enjoy it. 

French director/writer Louis Malle filmed much of it on his own estate with Sven Nykrist as the cinematographer (he shot most of Igamar Bergman's films). Star Harrison (1959-2018) was the daughter of Noel Harrison and granddaughter of Rex Harrison.

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Bad Future

 

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THE NEW GLADIATORS-1984-In the future a global TV network creates a violent modern gladiator show to beat the rival networks (one show has a woman getting her throat cut by a pendulum). They recruit prisoners for their "contestants" plus a TV "kill star" Drake (Jared Martin) from a rival show who they frame into joining by killing his wife. The thing is put together by Cortez (Claudio Cassinelli; also in SLAVE OF THE CANNIBAL GOD). When he's told to go to hell, he says "I would if it would raise my ratings". A jerk named Raven (Howard Ross) is head of the training camp Drake is sent to. He is joined by old friend Monk (Donald O'Brien; DR. BUTCHER MD), a freaky guy with fake eyes. Other participants include Abdul (Fred Williamson), Akira (Haruhiko Yamanouchi), the scourge of outer Mongolia and Kirk (Al Cliver; ZOMBIE 2), the Minnesota chainsaw murderer. A woman Sarah (Eleonora Brigliadori) tries to convince Cortez Drake is innocent. She visits Prof. Towman (Cosimo Cineieri) who invented Junior, the computer that controls everything. But before he can really help he's killed. 

This ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK/THE RUNNING MAN influenced violent nearly plot-less story was the 20^th film from director Lucio Fulci (he also co-wrote it).

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Carradine The Younger

 

DEATHSPORT-1978-In the war torn Earth of 3000, the countryside is occupied by cannibals and barbarian like Range Guides. Two guides Kaz Oshay (David Carradine) and Deneer (Claudia Jennings in her last film) are captured by the mad Lord Zirpola (David McLean) and his evil henchman Ankar Moor (Richard Lynch) to compete in the title battle. After an escape plan fails, Kaz and Deneer are put in the battle which involves motorcycles and a fight to the death. The duo escape and Moor and his minions follow. A doctor (William Smithers) and his son (Will Walker) accompany them on a trek to find a missing child. Lots of people are disintegrated. After the child is rescued from some mutants, Kaz and Moor have a show-down. After decapitating Moor, Kaz and Deneer leave together. 

This entertaining little movie has cheap sfx and weird dialogue. Jesse Vint, HB Haggerty and Linnea Quigley have roles too. Jerry Garcia plays guitar on the soundtrack. Director Allan Arkush made this in between HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD and ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL. Co-director Henry Suso is the pseudonym of screenwriter Nicolas Niciphor.

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Wilde In The Future

 

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NO BLADE OF GRASS-1970-When a mysterious virus nearly wipes out England's agriculture and pollutes the water, a man, John Custance (Nigel Davenport) and his wife Ann (Jean Wallace) and two kids along with their friend Roger (John Hamill) head for a farm in the country. Along the way they pick up the violent Pirrie (Anthony May) and his flirty wife Clara (Wendy Richard). It doesn't take long for the group to descend into killing and stealing. The wife and daughter are raped by 3 creeps and their cars and goods are taken by a town. Meanwhile the government has fled and the world is descending into cannibalism. Things don't turn out like they planned and there's a wild fight with a motorcycle gang. They make it to the farm but problems arise with David (Patrick Holt) John's brother. 

Basically this treats a future calamity in pretty depressing chilling dog eat dog terms (more so then say PANIC IN THE YEAR ZERO which at times GRASS imitates). Where as Ray Milland's character worked against a breakdown in society, John readily accepts it's kill or be killed and might makes right (especially in the climax). There are a few lapses but overall this is an ahead of its time feature directed and co-written by actor Cornel Wilde (he and a lead actress Wallace were married in real life) especially with the world situation today.

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'80's Mutant

MUTANT HUNT-1987-In the NYC of the future a brother and sister are making cyborgs for the Inteltrax corporation run by Z (Bill Peterson) a nut who injects a line of them with drugs to make them have fun killing people. The sister Darla (Mary Fahey) escapes and hires a jerk named Riker (Rick Gianasi; later the lead in Troma's SGT. KABUKIMAN) to help them. His first scene has him fighting two cyborgs (who can stretch their arms like Reed Richards) in his underwear! Meanwhile Domino (Stormy Spill), a former Inteltrax employee has her own plot. The cyborgs are suppose to be unstoppable killers but everyone beats them up. Later Riker has to fight some super mutant that looks like Curly Howard! 

Director/writer Tim Kincaid shot this forgettable low budget Sci-Fi borefest back to back with his equally forgettable BREEDERS.

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What Day?

THE DAY-2011-This mean spirited nonsense combines elements of THE HUNGER GAMES meets NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with a splash of 28 DAYS LATER and probably a bit of THE ROAD.

The self important action gore mess has some young survivors of an apocalypse hold up in an abandon house to stave off an army of flesh eating humans (not zombies for a change). Ashley Bell (THE LAST EXORCISM) is Mary, a reformed cannibal out to kill the invading cannibals. But the group doesn't trust her so they wind up torturing her. Eventually she helps them (unsuccessfully) fight the invading horde. Everyone is killed which means nothing since there are no likable characters except Mary who in the final scene decapitates a little girl (ok, so it's a cannibal little girl....). With the usual jerky camera work, overacting and violence.

Dominic Monaghan (THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy) is killed early (he was one of the producers too). 

The director Douglas Aarniokoski was a second unit director on many films before obviously graduating to full director on second rate films.

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They Came?

THINGS TO COME-1936-Interesting prophetic English adaptation of the novel by HG Welles (who also wrote the screenplay). In Everytown (much like London) the residents prepare for a war at Christmas time in 1940. When war does break out it lasts 30 years, culminating in a disease called “The Wandering Sickness”. When the war finally ends a group called “Wings Over The World”, lead by an engineer named Cabal (Raymond Massey) tries to restore civilization but faces many obstacles. Ralph Richardson is great as “The Chief” a petty dictator who has taken over the war torn Everytown (in 1967). Later everyone lives underground and all diseases (including the common cold) have been cured. Cabal's grandson wants to send people to the moon but Theotocopulos (Cedric Hardwick) (who's role was originally played by Ernest Thesiger) leads a revolt. It's long on rhetoric but the acting and SFX (especially in the later parts of the film) make this worth watching.

Produced by Alexander Korda (THE THIEF OF BAGDAD) THINGS TO COME boasts a screenplay by Welles who was subject of many stories involving his “control” over the project. Some say he even started out as the director!

Director William Cameron Menzies was better known as an art director and set designer (GONE WITH THE WIND, FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS) but later made THE MAZE and INVADERS FROM MARS.

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Assignment: Miss This Movie!

ASSIGNMENT:OUTER SPACE-1960-This is kind of a strange film. It was made in Italy and is obviously dubbed but it seems to me the cast is actually speaking English anyway! The SFX are very cheesy and laughable (they look like outtakes from a Gerry Anderson project). It was directed by Antonio Margheriti (soon to be familiar to US horror fans under his "Americanized" moniker Antony Dawson).

In the 21st century a space ship prowls around near Mars. The crew (who have names but usually address each other as numbers) comes out of suspended animation and we learn that one of its members is a reporter named Ray Peterson (Rik Van Nutter; later Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL). George, the commander doesn't like him. He believes he's just getting in the way. He does seem like an accident waiting to happen as almost off the bat he disobeys orders, goes outside the ship and causes an incident (even though he saves a life). 

Most of the crew feel the same way (they call him "leech")  except for the kind, philosophical Al (African-American dancer Archie Savage; untypical role for a black actor in 1960)) who offers Ray lots of advice. Later another spaceship crashes on Mars and George and his girlfriend Lucy (Gabriella Farinon; she was in Roger Vadim's BLOOD AND ROSES the same year) go to investigate. Ray joins them too (he went over George's head to get permission). They rescue the one survivor of the Mars crash then head for Venus to help save the Earth from destruction. There's a lot of gobbledygook scientific talk and everyone acts very strange (most of them look kinda weird too). The print I saw had washed out color and terrible editing and looked like something made ten years earlier!

But if you really want a laugh go to the IMDB and read all the great reviews this thing gets. References to 2001 abound and one genius even says the SFX are good! Maybe they are just looking for attention!

Originally called SPACE MEN.

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We're Doomed!

DOOMSDAY MACHINE-1972-In 1975 it's discovered that Red China has a "doomsday machine" are going to use it to destroy the world! Around the same time, Project Astra, a manned spaceship to Venus has it's own problems. At the last minute three of the male astronauts are replaced by women which for some reason doesn't fit in well with the other guys. Grant Williams (THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN) and TV actor Denny Miller are the two grouchy commanders and singer/dancer Bobby Van is the comedy relief. The philosophical older leader is played by Henry Wilcoxon who was Marc Anthony in Cecil B. DeMille's CLEOPATRA in 1931. Obviously things weren't going so well for the old guy if he had to be in this junk! TV actress Ruta Lee is the super serious doctor Turner and Mala Powers (OUTRAGE) is the Russian major Bronski. Lorri Scott is the flirty Lt. Carlson.

After the Earth is destroyed it becomes apparent that sending the women along was not for pure scientific purposes. It's up to the crew to make it to Venus and carry on the human lifeline! But radioactivity from the destroyed Earth threaten to sterilize the men! While most of the crew talk procreation Grant suddenly can't control his hormones and attacks Lt. Carlson. They wind up getting vaporized. Nothing much else happens until two of the space travelers almost get to Venus but are warned by the collective Venus psyche that because of the "destructive ways of earthlings" they are not allowed to land. The voice seems to suggest other adventures await the two but their spaceship seems to blow up. The End.


THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE first started filming in 1967 under the title ARMAGEDDON 1975 by director Herbert J. Leder (FIEND WITHOUT A FACE) but ran out of money and was never finished.

For some reason Harry Hope (who produced some Al Adamson movies) and Lee "Roll 'Em" Sholem (SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE MEN) saw a need to do it. They filmed an ending without any of the original cast or sets and finished and released it in 1972. The cheesy effects are some of the most ridiculous ever and their ship changes size and color several times. The spaceship scenes were shot on a very cheap set with multi-colored lighting. Stock footage from WIZARD OF MARS (directed by David Hewitt who had a hand in this) is thrown in.

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One Man, One Alien, One Horrible Movie

HUNTER PREY-2010-This movie really sucks. Some "hunters" in armored suits are tracking a creature ("the last of it's kind") on a desert world. They carry guns and shields but seem to be no match for their prey. Much of their dialogue was hard for me to understand. The two remaining hunters are weird looking aliens but at least when the take off their helmets they are easier to understand. There is also lots of walking and talking in this movie. Of course their prey turns out to be a human being. They want information but eventually the human turns the tables on the stupid aliens. It's almost like a live action anime except it's not cool....

 The director Sandy Collora, a protege' of Stan Winston will hopefully forget directing and stick to doing what he does best, SFX.

No Gas in 2012

TOOTH AND NAIL-2007-In this sort of twist on post-apocalyptic zombie cannibal movies, it seems the world ran out of gasoline in 2012 and civilization collapsed. “The American dream became the American nightmare” says Darwin (Robert Carradine), the bearded egghead who leads a small group of survivors with names like Dakota, Ford, Torino and Yukon in a Philadelphia hospital. He seems very optimistic about “creating a new life” but the rest (except for a little girl who doesn't talk) are the usual bickering self obsessed imbeciles. When a new girl Nova (Emily Catherine Young) arrives things seem to deteriorate but she has a secret. 

Later on Michael Madsen shows up as Jackal, the leader of The Rovers, a group of cannibalistic nomads. The twist here I guess is that the flesh eaters are human not zombies. The dialogue is terrible, the action scenes too dark and some of gore effects too phony. Vinnie Jones (X MEN:LAST STAND) has a small role. Director Mark Young made THE KILLING JAR (also with Madsen) after this. I never saw so many producers on one movie! 

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Who Could Forget?

BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES-2011-I'm sure everyone remembers learning in school about the time in 1942 when the US Air Force engaged in a fight with UFOs over L.A.? 

No? Well according to this crappy Asylum production, it did happen and 70 years later the merciless aliens have returned. A pilot (Dylan Vox) who took off on the original mission shows up after being held captive for many years. A small group of soldiers must bring him safely to a certain sector. After their commander is killed a young lieutenant (Kel Martin) takes over and besides protecting the pilot must battle the metal aliens who can turn their enemy's attack back on them. He also takes time to argue a lot with his second in command (Gerald Webb). Theresa June Tao (who's terrible) is a modern-day pilot and Nia Peeples is a captain who uses a sword to kill the aliens even though machine guns and missiles can't dent them. After it's revealed the pilot is an alien too it becomes a mash up of ALIEN, BATTLE LOS ANGELES, INDEPENDENCE DAY and a hundred other video only Sci-Fi themed time wasters. This ridiculous nonsense also features horrible CGI SFX. 

Writer/director Mark Adkins made lots of junk like this. Much of it appearing on the SyFy channel (as BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES did). 

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Android Antics

ANDROID APOCALYPSE-2006-In the future, a domed city called Phoenix is surrounded by wasteland. Human like androids with no feelings do most of the human dirty work. An idiot named Jute (Scott Bairstow from the TV shows PARTY OF FIVE and WOLF LAKE) who hates androids and loses his job to one gets sent to a prison camp called Terminus for "killing" one. When the vehicle transporting the prisoners is attacked Jute winds up in the desert handcuffed to an android named DeeCee (Joey Lawrence from TV's BLOSSOM). Of course they team up to fight the evil androids chasing them. Meanwhile some mad android scientist experiments on humans in this boring Sci-Fi nonsense with no apocalypse that I could see!

Pro-wrestler Chris Jericho has a small role. From Paul Ziller, director of SNAKEHEAD TERROR and BEYOND LOCH NESS.

Thanks again to Tony and thanks to anyone who reads this!