One Was Enough

 

 (imdb)

PIRANHACONDA-2012-2 gigantic snake things terrorize a Hawaiian island where a low budget horror film is being made. Some gang also holds some of the cast & crew hostage. Everybody runs around, surviving or getting eaten. Michael Madsen is a snake hunter who has an egg. The special effects are terrible. It premiered on The Syfi channel.

Director Jim Wynorski did a re-make of THE GIANT GILA MONSTER after this mess.

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Made For TV

 

FRANKENSTEIN-2004-Meandering bs about a 2000-year-old mad surgeon (Thomas Kretschmann) who creates a bunch of monsters that terrorize New Orleans. 

His "monster" (Vincent Perez) searches for him while a policewoman (Parker Posey) and her partner (Adam Goldberg) try to figure it out. Everyone whispers in the dark gloomy setting and Michael Madsen is another cop. From the ending, the producers (including Martin Scorsese) thought this junk was going to have a sequel.

 Originally called “Dean R. Koontz's Frankenstein” because USA network hired him to write the thing but they had a falling out and Koontz left and wrote a series of “Frankenstein” books. Director Marcus Nispel had made a remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE the year before. He went on to remake FRIDAY THE 13^th (2009) and CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011).

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No Gas in 2012

TOOTH AND NAIL-2007-In this sort of twist on post-apocalyptic zombie cannibal movies, it seems the world ran out of gasoline in 2012 and civilization collapsed. “The American dream became the American nightmare” says Darwin (Robert Carradine), the bearded egghead who leads a small group of survivors with names like Dakota, Ford, Torino and Yukon in a Philadelphia hospital. He seems very optimistic about “creating a new life” but the rest (except for a little girl who doesn't talk) are the usual bickering self obsessed imbeciles. When a new girl Nova (Emily Catherine Young) arrives things seem to deteriorate but she has a secret. 

Later on Michael Madsen shows up as Jackal, the leader of The Rovers, a group of cannibalistic nomads. The twist here I guess is that the flesh eaters are human not zombies. The dialogue is terrible, the action scenes too dark and some of gore effects too phony. Vinnie Jones (X MEN:LAST STAND) has a small role. Director Mark Young made THE KILLING JAR (also with Madsen) after this. I never saw so many producers on one movie! 

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It's Snowing and I Have To Shovel...

....So this is the best I can do.....




MAN WITH A GUN-1994-Micheal Madsen stars as a hitman who narrates part of the story. He talks about "The Kingdom" and says: "The good die young but the bad die ugly". He works for crooked land developer Gary Busey who wants Madsen to kill his wife (Betty Boop voiced Jennifer Tilley) who is screwing up his transactions. "If you can kill a rattlesnake, you can kill my wife".

Trouble is Madsen and Tilley are already having an affair. Fortunately Tilley has a twin sister who Madsen kidnaps and plans on killing instead. Of course he winds up falling in love with her. Blah, blah, blah. Robert Loggia plays a mob boss.

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