Pistola

 

 (imdb)

THE CURSE OF LA PISTOLA-2022-Sleep inducing bullshit about two couples with relationship problems camping out in a South America forest that is haunted by some kind of vampire ghost. It's talky and dark and very annoying. Feature film debut for director AJ Jones. He also acts in it as do several of the film's other producers. It's based on an actually Latin America legend. 

Thanks for reading!

Air Farce

 

THE STARFIGHTERS-1964-In this cold war documentary like yawn inducer, seasoned Air Force major Stevens trains three newbies on refueling planes in the mid-air including Lt. John Witkowski (Robert Dornan), a senator's son. This movie is excruciating in it's boredom. The lead actor later became a controversial racist senator. Director Will Zens made a handful of other movies like CAPTURE THAT CAPSULE and HOT SUMMER IN BAREFOOT COUNTY. Even MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000's version couldn't save this thing!

Thanks for reading!

'80's Slasher Stuff

 

FINAL EXAM-1981-Typical '80's slasher movie obviously influenced by HALLOWEEN and FRIDAY THE 13th. After a couple is killed by a masked killer, it's mostly talk and false scares for 40 mins. until the next murder occurs. Eventually an unknown killer knocks off most of the jerks but one overage teen manages to stop him. 

The director Jimmy Huston also made MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE.

Thanks for reading!

Short and Terrible

LUCID-2013-Monica (Brittany Saylor), is a trouble woman who has dreams of killing her boyfriend Kevin (Michael Coon) after accidentally killing her first boyfriend. She's actually being manipulated by a famous dream doctor's crazy wife (writer/director PJ Woodside). She can enter patients' dreams and is plotting to murder her husband. More terrible junk from executive producer Steve Hudgins (who plays a masked killer).

IT LIVES IN THE ATTIC-2016-The less said about this bad amateurish nonsense the better. It's about three people who's lives seem to be manipulated in a house where the owner killed herself (?). Steve Hudgins stars in it and directed it. Need I say more?

Thanks for reading!

Are You Sure?

DILLINGER IS DEAD-1969-Bored industrialist (Michel Piccoli) comes home as usual to find his wife (Anita Pallenberg) in bed with a headache and his dinner cold. While preparing his own meal he stumbles across a mysterious package wrapped in newspaper. The newspaper bares a headline about the death of American gangster John Dillinger and the contents is a gun. While preparing his dinner he becomes intrigued with the gun, examining it, taking it apart and cleaning it. Even using it to enact suicide. Later after finishing his meal he paints the gun red, hangs it to dry and watches home movies. After having sex with his house maid (Anne Giradot) he retrieves the gun, puts a pillow over his wife's head and shoots her to death. He then goes and gets a job as a cook on a yacht. The End. 

This dark little film from Italy was directed by Marco Ferrari and caused quite a stir upon it's initial release. What you make of it is your own business. It was very rarely screened for along time but now many critics think it's Ferrari's best. No stranger to controversy, a few years later Ferrari made the infamous LE GRANDE BOUFFE (also with Piccoli).

Thanks for reading!

Assignment: Miss This Movie!

ASSIGNMENT:OUTER SPACE-1960-This is kind of a strange film. It was made in Italy and is obviously dubbed but it seems to me the cast is actually speaking English anyway! The SFX are very cheesy and laughable (they look like outtakes from a Gerry Anderson project). It was directed by Antonio Margheriti (soon to be familiar to US horror fans under his "Americanized" moniker Antony Dawson).

In the 21st century a space ship prowls around near Mars. The crew (who have names but usually address each other as numbers) comes out of suspended animation and we learn that one of its members is a reporter named Ray Peterson (Rik Van Nutter; later Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL). George, the commander doesn't like him. He believes he's just getting in the way. He does seem like an accident waiting to happen as almost off the bat he disobeys orders, goes outside the ship and causes an incident (even though he saves a life). 

Most of the crew feel the same way (they call him "leech")  except for the kind, philosophical Al (African-American dancer Archie Savage; untypical role for a black actor in 1960)) who offers Ray lots of advice. Later another spaceship crashes on Mars and George and his girlfriend Lucy (Gabriella Farinon; she was in Roger Vadim's BLOOD AND ROSES the same year) go to investigate. Ray joins them too (he went over George's head to get permission). They rescue the one survivor of the Mars crash then head for Venus to help save the Earth from destruction. There's a lot of gobbledygook scientific talk and everyone acts very strange (most of them look kinda weird too). The print I saw had washed out color and terrible editing and looked like something made ten years earlier!

But if you really want a laugh go to the IMDB and read all the great reviews this thing gets. References to 2001 abound and one genius even says the SFX are good! Maybe they are just looking for attention!

Originally called SPACE MEN.

Thanks for reading!

Oblivious

SANDS OF OBLIVION (2007) is a pretty crappy TV movie that debuted on SYFY channel. It's actually based on a real event when Cecil B. DeMille finished making THE TEN COMMANDMENTS in 1923. The obsessed director had created a huge "city of the Pharaohs" in The Guadalupe desert around 170 miles north of L.A.  When filming was over he had the whole thing bulldozed and buried beneath the sand. Eventually artifacts began to appear and the place became known as "the lost city of DeMille". This boring production proposes that DeMille (played here briefly by THE SIMPSONS' Don Castellaneta) was a Mason and he buried some lost relic, (an "inverted pyramid") in the sands and some kind of jackal monster kills people. A giant cobra made of sand, an attack of locusts and a dune buggy car chase are the highlights and Academy Award winner George Kennedy has a small role as the guy kind of responsible for the mayhem. The initial plot is good but as usual it's undermined by bad acting, long stretches of talk and mediocre SFX. Director David Flores also made BOA VS. PYTHON and LAKE PLACID 2.

Two of the stars Adam Baldwin (as an archaeologist who overacts ("The Master has come for us!")) and  Morena Baccarin (as his ex-wife, also an archaeologist) had starred in the 2002 series FIREFLY. A TV actor Victor Webster is the hero who says things like "weapon up" and "walking meat puppet" and has to fight cardboard cutout ancient Egyptians!

Thanks for reading!

Below Good

BELOW ZERO-2011-A screenwriter (haggard looking Edward Furlong) has himself locked in a freezer so he can finish a script (?). The movie then turns into the story he's writing. A tow truck operator (also Furlong) seeks shelter in a slaughterhouse where a evil looking guy (Michael Berryman) cries while chopping up a body. The story changes occasionally when the writer changes his mind about the plot. Then it's back to reality when he finds a dead body in the freezer with him...maybe...

This is a bad attempt to combine horror with "The Singing Policeman". The director Justin Thomas  should not be acknowledged,

Thanks for reading!