Cry Uncle

 

 (themoviedb.org)

MY UNCLE JOHN IS A ZOMBIE-2016-Years after a zombie apocalypse, some of the undead can co-exist with humans, especially a smart ass named Uncle John (John Russo, a co-executive producer who wrote the screenplay and co-directed). He's interviewed by a reporter Mandy. His niece Cy Fi & nephew Oscar take care of him. Detective Smart investigates some murders that may have been committed by John. It's also a takeoff on reality shows. Lloyd Kaufman shows up to promote Troma. Terrible acting. Russell Streiner (from the original) and Debra Rochon have small roles 

This kind of vanity production seems to be washed up writer Russo's last desperate attempt to gain the stardom he's craved since penning NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD in 1968. He also wrote some of the dumb songs.

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I'd Rather Watch Konga!

 

 (imdb)

QUEEN KONG-1976-Inane British musical comedy take-off of King Kong, (the Dino DeLaurentis bomb was made the same year). A bitchy director (Rula Lenska) and her all female crew set out for Africa to film a movie. She "shanghaies" an imbecile con man Ray Fay (Robin Askwith) to be the star. Some "native" dancers sing "Kong! Kong! Kong!" but the director says it has no significance. Then like Linda Blair, their heads spin and they vomit pea soup. On the island of Nabongas, the chief (Valerie Leon; BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB) takes a liking to the imbecile Ray. Nearly unwatchable thanks to the purposely awful cliche script and tongue in cheek acting, a giant gorilla (man in a suit) does show up. Linda Hayden plays a singing nun. 

Director Frank Agrama made one movie after this, THE DAWN OF THE MUMMY in 1981. Much later he was involved in producing games and videos featuring the anime “Robotech”.

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Tabloid

 

TABLOID!-1985-During an aerobics class (very popular in the '80's) 2 aliens kidnap the instructor. At a sleazy tabloid newspaper run by a crabby old bitch, a new writer works hard creating new stories for the paper. 

In the first story, 3 rednecks try to take revenge on a hick who sold them some bad weed. The hick, his pregnant wife and her mother kill all three rednecks and at the end the wife gives birth to a baby with a beard. This one seemed very influenced by John Waters. In the second three recently dead people come back to life and have a BBQ while having a kind of philosophical discussion about life and death. This whole story is filmed too darkly. The third involves a guy who can predict tornadoes with help from his daughter, a vacuum and a small town TV station. Parts are funny but this one goes on too long. There were three directors, one for low budget loony segment.

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Crazy Caper Spoof

THE MANCHU EAGLE MURDER MYSTERY CAPER-1975-Malcolm (Gabriel Dell who co-wrote the screenplay), a chicken farmer turned private investigator gets involved with something called “The Manchu Eagle” after Oscar (Dick Gautier), his milkman is killed by a bow and arrow. Malcolm talks in over serious cliched dialogue in this obvious take off on THE MALTESE FALCON. He and his assistant (Sorrell Brooke) encounter dopey Big Daddy (Vincent Gardenia) who keeps his daughter Arlevia (Anjanette Comer from THE BABY) in hiding. He has a hypochondriac wife (Joyce Van Patten) and a pill popping doctor (Will Geer). To top it all off Jackie Coogan and Huntz Hall (Dell's ex-Bowery Boys-Dead End Kids comrade)  are cops! It's not very funny. 

Director Dean Hargrove was later an executive producer of TV shows (DIAGNOSIS: MURDER, McBRIDE, JANE DOE). 

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Hall Comedy

SPIES A GO GO (aka THE NASTY RABBIT)-1964-A Russian spy (Mischa Terr) infiltrates the US dressed as a cowboy. Other cliched stereotype spies (German, Mexican, Japanese, Israel) are after him. He plans to destroy the US with a rabbit. Arch Hall Jr. is secret agent Britt Hunter, posing as a rock and roller, out to stop him. 

This dumb feature directed by James Landis (DEADWOOD '76) features sped up scenes, crazy music, broad slapstick and Arch Hall Sr. hamming it up in two roles (he also co-wrote the screenplay). Music by brothers Pat and Lolly Vegas who later formed the band “Redbone” (“Come And Get Your Love”).

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'70's Spoof

BLACK DYNAMITE-2009-In this pretty funny blaxploitation set up (with intentionally bad dubbing and editing). Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White from SPAWN) is a cliche' black pimp out for revenge on the drug dealer who killed his brother. The direction, dialogue and “kung-fu” fighting are straight out of the '70's action films of Jim Kelly, Ron Van Clief and Fred Williamson. It turns out Dr. Wu (Roger Yuan) is running things from Kung-Fu Island but later BD attacks the White House (“the honky house!”) and has a nun-chucks battle with Richard Nixon (James McManus)! The ghost of Abe Lincoln saves him! With characters named Bullhorn and Cream Corn and a hilarious scene where a bunch of guys trying to figure out if “Anaconda Malt Liqueur” shrinks dicks! 

White was a co-scriptwriter and the director Scott Sanders later worked on the animated series based on the movie.

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Simon

SIMON-1980-Some brilliant but twisted geniuses (including Max Wright, William Finley and Wallace Shawn) manipulate the USA fixing TV ratings, creating diseases, doing bizarre research on cross breeding a man with a cockroach and talking about a Nixon substitute who came back from China. They get a lot of info from a computer named Doris (the voice of Louise Lasser) and are kind of like forerunners of modern day computer hackers. They decide to create “an alien” using eccentric college professor Simon Mendolssohn (Alan Arkin) as their guinea pig. Through drugs and a sensory deprivation tank and the help of a phony female doctor (Madeline Kahn) they manage to change him. After he becomes a media sensation with his ego driven demands for making a better world, the group try to destroy him but only wind up losing their intellect to a gas that makes them dumb, dispensed by an Army general (Fred Gwynne). Dr. Becker (Austin Pendleton) the head of the institute wants to kill Simon but he winds up trapped on a rocket-ship headed into space! Simon and his wife (Judy Graubart) run away and are taken in by a religious cult that worships TV. He starts his own pirate network and delivers a crazy philosophy (He's right about many things!). 

This is a great but overlooked black comedy criticizing TV and the obsession with junk culture co-written and directed by Marshall Brickman, a former head writer of THE TONIGHT SHOW who wrote several Woody Allen films (SLEEPER, ANNIE HALL, MANHATTAN) . Dick Cavett and David Susskind play themselves.

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Carry On

CARRY ON SCREAMING-1966-A boisterous but dumb detective Sgt. Bung (Harry Corbett) investigates the disappearance of a young woman (actually abducted by a monster). The woman's naive boyfriend Potter (Jim Dale; a "Carry On" regular who was in several recent "Harry Potter" movies) and Bung's stupid assistant Slobotham ("Carry On" regular Peter Butterworth) help out. They find the severed finger of the monster which eventually leads them to a castle where a “Vampira” looking woman Valeria Watt (Fanella Fielding) resides with her foppish brother Orlando (Kenneth Williams; a "Carry On" regular) turning women into mannequins. Their monster servant is Oddbod (Tom Clegg), a square headed hairy dude with fangs (fairly scary for the juvenile story line). When an old scientist (Jon Pertwee) conducts an experiment with the finger it creates another Oddbod. Valeria seduces Bung and turns him into a werewolf but when he goes to terrorize his dumpy wife (Joan Sims) she gets the better of him. In typical English fashion Sobotham later disguises himself as a woman which leads Bung's wife into thinking he's having an affair. They all wind up in the castle being chased by the two Oddbods until Potter is turned into a werewolf and thrashes both monsters (obviously dummies when he throws them out a window). Orlando is killed by a mummy he accidentally revives. 

This horror-comedy by the “Carry On” troupe (number 12 in the series and the last for their long time studio Anglo-Amalgamated) is pretty dated and childish. Apparently they didn't know much about horror films. If it's suppose to be a take-off on a Hammer production then it's a real failure! 

PmoʻDirector Gerald Thomas did most of the series.Vampire actress Fanella Fielding was a loudspeaker voice on the TV show "The Prisoner" the next year. Top billed Corbett later co-starred in the BBC series "Steptoe and Son" the basis for America's "Sanford and Son".

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Darkstar

DARK STAR-1974-John Carpenter's debut feature film (which he co-scripted and wrote the music for) is a low budget take off on 2001. 

 A spaceship led by a quartet of hippie like astronauts fly around space destroying planets. They have a female HAL type computer and can talk to their commander even though he's dead. An alien prisoner they picked up is an orange beach ball with feet (influenced by THE PRISONER?).

Everyone swears this is suppose to be a comedy but I'm not so sure. Co-writer Dan O'Bannon is Sgt. Pinback who spends a lot of time trapped in an elevator. I don't really find it that funny. It seems to me the filmmakers weren't sure which way they wanted to go with it. The acting is pretty bad. Maybe that accounts for part of it. It was originally a 45 minute short film that Jack H. Harris had the makers expand for theatrical release. 

Carpenter's next film was ASSAULT ON PRECINCT. O'Bannon penned ALIEN in 1979. 

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Swinging Around London With Pete and Sam

SALT AND PEPPER-1968-Swinging London nightclub owners Charles Salt (Sammy Davis Jr.) and Christopher Pepper (Peter Lawford) become involved in espionage when 2 British secret agents are killed in their club. Sammy does a very '60's psychedelic number called "I Like The Way You Dance" with Go Go dancers while playing a guitar. Michael Bates is the stupid Inspector Crabbe who believes the team is to blame. The duo (who seem to be smoking in every scene) say lots of hip humorous lines (with some racial humor and jokes concerning the words "fag" and "boy") and get shot at while driving around in Salt's weird car that has some Aston Martin like gadgets. They go to a barber shop and somehow wind up on nuclear submarine and discover a plot to overthrow the English government.

Also with Iilona Rodgers, Graham Stark, Calvin Lockhart and Jeremy Lloyd. This seems to be influenced by the Matt Helm series, I SPY (which Salt makes a reference to), THE MAN FROM UNCLE and even GET SMART. Director Richard Donner went on to bigger things but around this time he was making "Danger Island" segments for THE BANANA SPLITS TV show.

It's a strange mixture of comedy, action, violence and drama written by Michael Pertwee, brother of Dr. Who's Jon Pertwee. Lawford had a role in Otto Preminger's bomb SKIDOO the same year. Both he and Davis were executive producers. It ends with the words: It's Over. But they actually made a sequel in 1970 called ONE MORE TIME (directed by Jerry Lewis!).

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Why Did They Bother?

FINISHING THE GAME-2007-This fake documentary is about the search for a new Bruce Lee so a producer (played by Sam Bottoms) can finish Lee's GAME OF DEATH. It's not really about Bruce Lee or Martial Arts but more about stereotyping Asian American actors and similar to THIS IS SPINAL TAP but more influenced by reality show TV. Parts of it are clever (especially scenes from a Martial Arts movie starring "Breeze Loo") but most of it is silly, pretentious interviews with the would be loser cast members. Some are amusing but most just go on too long.

The one serious part features an Asian-American actor who tries unsuccessfully to fight against stereotyping. It's certainly true but in a way it doesn't fit with the rest of the nonsense!

It seems a little strange to be doing a take off on Lee (although his influence in Martial Arts is still felt) and '70's Kung-Fu drive-in movies (although I guess they are still popular). It's sort of like when Mel Brooks made SPACEBALLS.

I understand what the filmmakers were trying to do but maybe I was just disappointed because the synopsis I read for it made it sound like a real documentary. The director Justin Lin also made FAST & FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT.

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Super Sisters On Cycles

DARKTOWN STRUTTERS-1975-In some ways this is the ultimate “blaxplotation” film but it's also a set-up! 4 motorcycle riding black women in outrageous psychedelic “70’s clothes hit town and promptly beat up some white Marines. The quartet is led by Syreena (Trina Parks). They beat up some racist cops (one is played by Dick Miller) several times and then run into a male gang (led by Roger E. Mosley) who they humiliate in a drag race but then become friends with. When Syreena discovers her mother has been kidnapped she investigates which leads to a plot by a Col. Sanders like mad scientist who wants to clone black leaders so they will vote for white politicians!

There’s a lot of broad comedy with sped up action scenes, fart and fat jokes, dancing and singing, guys in weird KKK robes and slapstick. Everyone acts goofy (all the white people are particularly stupid) but the story turns kind of serious when Syreena is inquiring about her mom. The other gang members are played by Edna Richardson, Bettye Sweet and Shirley Washington. SOUL TRAIN host Frankie Crocker also has a role.

Gene Corman was the producer. It was directed by B-movie veteran William Witney who made his first movie in 1937 and by this time was working mostly in TV. I often read this was his last film but according to IMDB he made one more (QUELL AND CO. in 1982). Screenwriter George Armitage wrote GAS for Roger Corman. Star Parks had an unbilled role in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER and was later in THE MUTHERS.

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Early Kubrick, Later Price and Anime!

KILLER’S KISS-1955-Before KILLER’S KISS Stanley Kubrick had made only one other feature (his other efforts were all shorts). His first film FEAR & DESIRE in 1953 is never seen. Some say Kubrick destroyed the negative because he hated it. Bootleg copies do exist however. KK was also rarely shown until the 1990’s when it played in revival theaters and now can even be seen on TCM (the greatest TV movie station in the world!) occasionally.

Jamie Smith (a TV actor with very few film credits) is Davy Gordon, a washed up boxer who gets involved with Gloria (Irene Kane who also used the name Chris Chase), a dancer and kind of mistress to her sleazy thug boss (top billed Frank Silvera; also in FEAR & DESIRE). The acting and script aren’t that great and the sound and editing are kind of choppy but Kubrick puts his mark on several scenes including a flashback featuring a ballerina and a finale that takes place in a warehouse full of mannequins.

Frank Silvera had an interesting career. He was a black actor born in Jamaica but raised in New York. He occasionally played Latinos and even white characters in movies and TV. He was also a producer and director and was once nominated for a Tony. He died in 1970, a victim of a freak electrocution accident.

A year later Kubrick would make THE KILLING, then PATHS OF GLORY. In 1960 Kirk Douglas would hire him to complete SPARTACUS (replacing Anthony Mann) and well, you know the rest of the story!



DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE-1965-This dated and dumb take-off is kind of like an off-shoot of AIP’s long running “Beach Movies” but is really only worth watching because of Vincent Price’s fun performance as the top billed villain. He’s invented an army of bikini-clad robots and sends one (Susan Hart) to seduce and marry a rich dork (Dwayne Hickman). His stupid assistant Igor (familiar and annoying 60’s character actor Jack Mullaney) ruins many of his other plans (and scenes!). Frankie Avalon is a secret agent who tries to help. Fred Clark plays his grouchy boss/uncle. Despite a lot of silliness and car chases Price, in smoking jacket and Abdullah The Butcher type slippers manages to be entertaining enough to save the whole thing. The Supremes do the theme song!

Director Norman Taurog’s career started in 1920! He directed most of Elvis’ ‘60’s movies. Price made WAR-GODS OF THE DEEP (also with Hart) the same year and starred in a worse sequel in 1966 DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS (directed by Mario Bava!




ESCAFLOWNE-(2000)-This is a feature version of the popular Japanese TV anime. It’s actually more of a retelling with much darker overtones. Hitomi, an average high school student is transported to the fantasy world of Gaea where she helps survivors of “The Black Dragon” prepare for the final battle to save their world. There’s the usual love story, a lot of action but not much story. Still the animation is excellent as well as the music.

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