Merry?

 

TREEVENGE-2008-Anti-Christmas short disguised as a horror comedy tries to show that Christmas is only a holiday for white redneck assholes and dysfunctional families. It's told from the viewpoint of the trees who even have their own language shown in sub-titles. The story turns into a gore film when the trees revolt and kill the townspeople (including a baby). 

The director Jason Eisener, needs mental help but will probably be making more juvenile gore nonsense on a larger scale soon. Lucio Fulci did it better....

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Merry Christmas!

 

SANTA CLAUS-1959-Out in space Santa Claus (Jose Elias Moreno) sets up a nativity scene, laughs insanely and watches children from all over the world make his toys. Lucifer sends his main man Pitch (Jose' Luis Aguirre) to Earth to make children do evil. Santa has some bizarre machines to help him. One machine has lips and his telescope has a tentacle with an eye on it. Pitch tries to corrupt a cute little girl named Lupita who only wants a doll. She has a “devil influenced” dream where large dolls dance and try to convince her to steal. Besides kids, Santa also gets help from Merlin the magician, a doddering old fool who gives Santa secret sleeping powders and a flower that makes him invisible. The red bearded key maker gives him a key that opens any door. He also has mechanical reindeer that pull his sleigh. Pitch corrupts three brothers who want to kidnap Santa and steal his toys. 

A side story is about a lonely rich kid who only wants to be with his neglectful parents on Christmas eve. Despite losing the sleeping powders and flower and being run up a tree by a dog Santa delivers all his presents and gives Lupita the doll she wanted. Actor/director Rene Cordona made this religious leaning craziness from Mexico.

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!

Christmas Corpse

 

 

 

 

A CADAVER CHRISTMAS-2011-Thisblack comedy gore film begins with a toilet bowl flushing. Small town idiots battle corpses come back to life from a morgue in the local college. The group includes a fat bartender, a drunk, a stupid former sheriff, the college janitor and a guy arrested for having sex with a goat (he later has sex with a corpse). Later a female security guard joins them and they fight the zombies with a mop, a plunger and a snow shovel. It's all a REANIMATOR like experiment by a teacher gone wrong, although this clearly influenced more by Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE.

 

Director Joe Zerull shot it to look like a grainy super 8 film. There's a ton of gore and some clever and funny parts but goes on too long and gets a little full of its self. I suppose killing zombies while “Oh Holy Night” plays might seem funny to some people...

 

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Merry Christmas

RACKET SQUAD-THE CHRISTMAS CAPER-1952-This is a Christmas episode of the long running TV crime drama that based it's stories about "bunco" artists and con men on true events. Reed Hadley stars as Captain John Braddock who works for the San Francisco police department. In this seasonal story a nice old man Charles Dooley (Lloyd Corrigan) promises some kids a lot of Christmas toys, so to make money he gets a job as a Santa Claus collecting for a charity which is actually a front for some con men (future Uncle Fester Jackie Coogan and familiar TV actor Alan Dexter). Willie Best shows up in one scene as a janitor who actually explains the whole caper to Dooley! After the two bad guys are arrested Dooley takes the stolen money that he was suppose to deliver to his fraudulent bosses and spends it on presents for some needy kids (including a cripple girl) while of course dressed as Santa Claus. Braddock's hot headed detective (John Phillips) wants to arrest Dooley but Braddock relents and they give some of their own money to help the kids. Argentina Brunetti and William Fawcett are also featured.

This episode was directed by Earl C. Kenton who in the forties had made several Abbott & Costello comedies and THE GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN. It was written by Arthur E. Orloff, who wrote many TV episodes around this time. I just wanted to mention that because his last name is Orloff. Ironically, strangely, coincidentally (?) Santa portrayer Corrigan also played a guy impersonating Santa in a episode of WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE that I recently saw!

Merry Christmas and thanks for reading!

Killer Santa

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT-1980-A Santa obsessed psycho named Harry (Brandon Maggart) spies on his neighbors and keeps records on the local children (who's naughty, who's nice). He's mesmerized while watching a Santa Claus parade on TV and makes his own costume. He hums Christmas tunes and makes a lot of toys which he delivers to a children's hospital on Christmas Eve but when he is ridiculed by some church going assholes he kills 3 of them with some toys. He later goes to a party and dances with the women and kids there. Then he kills a jerk who bothered him at work by slashing his throat with a Christmas tree star. An emotionless TV reporter says: "Avoid anyone dressed as Santa". Harry blames his brother (Jeffery DeMunn, as of this writing a regular on THE WALKING DEAD) for most of his problems after he saw his dad (dressed as Santa) having sex with his mom (I think).

Crazy parts include a police line-up featuring Santas and a vigilante mob chasing old St. Nick. Except for Maggart (the father of singer Fiona Apple) most of the acting is bad as is the script and direction (Lewis Jackson's only movie) but I don't believe this is a set-up. It's suppose to be s serious psychological slasher movie and it's an unintentional laugh riot! Look for Father Christmas in an alley with a stiletto.

Scenes from MARCH OF THE WOODEN SOLDIERS show up on a TV. Also with Dianne Hull (Rose in ALOHA BOBBY & ROSE) as Harry's kindhearted sister in law. Pre-dates the more well known and infamous SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT by four years. The fantasy ending kind of threw me too.

Filmed in Edgewater, NJ which may explain why the late Danny Federici (keyboard player from Springsteen's E Street Band) has a cameo playing the accordion. This is also known as CHRISTMAS EVIL.

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Merry Christmas again!

A VISIT TO SANTA-(1963)-This is bizarre! A brother and sister write Santa a letter and he decides to let them come and visit. He has an elf (a little kid) pick them up in his magic helicopter (we never see it!). Santa sits in a recliner chair in what looks like an ordinary living room (probably the producer’s). The rest of the film is a scenes of some Christmas parades and a Christmas village (filmed in Pittsburgh I’ve read) with some weird narration. After showing the kids dolls and trains and other toys at the end Mr. Claus reminds them the true meaning of Christmas is to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ "hundreds of years ago”. Amazing!

Merry Christmas!

SANTA’S SLAY-2005-This stupid violent horror film features retired pro wrestler Bill Goldberg as an ancient evil St. Nick who comes back to kill idiots. A clever part has a flashback to his origins done in Rankin-Bass like animation. The opening scene has him killing a moronic family featuring James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan and Rebecca Gayheart. In the main story, a teenager (Douglas Smith) and his girlfriend (LOST’s Emile de Ravin) try to convince the residents of their town (called Hell) that an evil Claus is on the loose. Robert Culp (in one of his last roles) is the teen’s eccentric grandfather who knows all about the legend (originally Santa was evil but he lost a bet with God and had to become good for 1000 years…). Parts of it are pretty funny but much of it is just Santa killing various townspeople in gory and unusual ways however Goldberg is very good in the funny sinister role (“Just trying to spread a little Christmas fear!”)! Saul Rubinek plays a deli owner killed by Menorah and Dave Thomas is a hypocritical minister. Another ex-wrester, Tiny Lister has a small role. The director David Steiman had been an assistant director on a few films before making this.

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