Bad Teen

EXCISION-2012-Misfit Teen Pauline (AnnaLynne McCord, who's actually good in the role) is a smart ass religion obsessed jerk who makes a guy go down on her when she's on her period. She insults a priest (John Waters!) and has bloody fantasies. Her stupid domineering mother is played by Tracy Lords (trying to win an Academy Award). Later she shaves her head and dissects her sister and a friend. There are also small bits by Marlee Maitlin, Ray Wise and Malcolm McDowell. I question the sanity of writer/director Richard Bates Jr. for making this pretty strange horror movie.

 

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Ghost Stuff

THE PRESENCE-2010-A woman writer, the victim of incest (Mira Sorvino, also one of the producers) spends time in a isolated cabin. She is observed (SIXTH SENSE like) by a ghost (perhaps her father played by Shane West from the cable TV show WEEDS). Nothing really happens until "The Man" arrives. This seems to be her boyfriend and he asks her to marry him. She accepts and then begins to display unusual erratic behavior. Meanwhile another ghost, the man in black (Tony Curran) advises the ghost on how to possess the woman. After the man in black fails to kill (?) the woman an African American ghost shows up and takes the ghost away.  This pretentious "art film" seems to have been made by a guy just out of film school who saw too many Ingmar Bergman films.  Movies like this don't surprise me though. It's typical of many actresses like Sorvino who wins an Academy Award early in her career then struggles to find  more mainstream roles and winds up co-producing vehicles like this for herself. Director Tom Provost edited episodes of TV's THE BACHELORETTE.

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NYC in the '60's

SATAN'S BED-1965-This black & white low budget craziness is actually two short unfinished films edited into one by the husband and wife team of Michael and Roberta Findley. 

The main (?) story concerns a drug dealer who's new Japanese bride (Yoko Ono) gets involved in his dirty dealings. She's kidnapped and raped by a sleazy hood (Val Avery). Meanwhile in the unrelated second story, 3 drug addicts rob, molest and kill several women (one is Roberta Finley). 

This was on the same DVD with SCARE THEIR PANTS OFF!

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Soitanly!....NOT!

I recently read a piece of trash called BEYOND THE LAUGHTER: A DAUGHTER'S STORY OF CURLY'S POST THREE STOOGES YEARS written by a crazy person named Grace Garland. Really she must be crazy if she thinks people are going to believe this garbage fiction disguised as a real biography. 


Where can I start? Why did she pick Curly Howard, the lovable stooge as the target of her wackadoo fantasy? Except for providing fans with tons of laughs what did he ever do do to anyone to deserve such treatment. Ok, I'm sure he wasn't perfect. Who is? I can't imagine what Curly's living relatives think of this nonsense. 


Why does it suck? 


Here's some examples all according to Ms. Garland: Curly was not Jewish, he was Italian-Catholic and heavily involved with "the mob" who we later learn killed JFK. Even J. Edgar Hoover was his pal. Although he did work in the film industry he had no brothers and his real name was Larry Fine! Poor Larry! Even Mr. "Stooge In The Middle" Larry is dragged into this thing! It also turns out that Curly didn't die in 1952.  He lived into the '60's and knew who killed JFK. In fact on the day of his assassination the soon to be ex-president was looking for the ex-Stooge! (????) Oh yeah, Curly also wrote the book "The Godfather"! Mario Puzo's name was just a front! 


All of this is suppose to have been documented by Curly's daughter who's mom was married to Curly at one time but his family had their marriage annulled because she wasn't  Catholic. (Actually this is one point that is almost factually true. I have read that Curly's first marriage did end in an annulment...). Believe me, if you read one book this year BEYOND THE LAUGHTER: A DAUGHTER'S STORY OF CURLY'S POST THREE STOOGES YEARS isn't it!!

Official site:

http://www.threestooges.com/

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Don't Be Fooled By The DVD Photo!

UNREST-2009-Stupid meandering talky movie about pre-med students dissecting cadavers. One student, who everyone refers to as doctor (Corri English) believes the cadaver she’s working on is possessed. And she’s right. For some reason the corpse is from Brazil but is possessed by an Aztec demon. Director Jason Todd Ipson leaves a lot of plot holes during the boredom.

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Twisted Lead Singer

DEE SNIDER’S STRANGELAND-1998-Ok, I know Rob Zombie has made a few movies and will probably make a few more but this is really not a good excuse to let the former lead singer of Twisted Sister write and star in a horror movie of his own.

Dee Snider plays “Captain Howdy” a chat serial killer who lures unsuspecting victims to his house and then tortures and murders them while spouting philosophical nonsense. A cop (Kevin Gage) whose daughter is abducted twice captures Howdy but he escapes any real punishment by pleading insanity and is “rehabilitated”. Some vigilantes (led by Robert Englund) hang him but instead of dying he reverts to his old self and seeks revenge.

Hopefully this will be Snider’s last foray into celluloid (unless he does a video commemorating Twisted Sister’s 50th anniversary…)

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