Still In Larryland

MISTRESS OF THE APES-1979-Redneck conspiracy theorist Larry Buchanan apparently took a dim view of NYC when he made this cheap laughable film which begins in “a jungle on the Eastern seaboard” where three black druggies (I guess Buchanan must have read all druggies are black) just walk into a hospital to steal drugs. Not content with that they cut the power then interrupt an operation. Two pot smoking cops in the US murder capital (according to this movie it's Central Park) respond and are both shot by one of the thugs. Next day all is forgotten and scientist Susan (Jenny Neuman) is visited by her doctor and a guy named David (Walt Robin) after she loses her baby. They talk about her missing husband Jameson in The Congo. Later she and another egghead Paul (Garth Pillsbury) visit David. They show her some slides from the jungle. He believes the natives there are homo habilis, the missing link. The trio plus David's wife Laura (Barbara Leigh) go off to Nairobi to find Susan's hubby where we learn David is in cahoots with local trader Matthews (Mark Rhudy) who he hired to kill Jameson. 

The foursome with three Nairobi “maidens” as porters walk around aimlessly while being tracked by Matthews and his partner Brady (Stuart Anderson). After an encounter with the “near men”, a near woman is shot and killed by David. That night one of their female porters is killed. After Susan has a nightmare, she and Paul go out alone to explore. David lets the two killers rape Laura. Meanwhile Susan approaches the near men (with terrible makeup) by doing a monkey imitation while some stupid theme song plays. They are basically primitive clowns. It takes 4 or 5 of them to kill one rabbit. Paul and Laura are held captive but they kill one of the killers and escape. They meet up with Susan and Paul gives everyone a useless recap on what's been happening. Susan goes back to the cave peeps and at night encounters a gorilla which one of the cave guys saves her from. This scene is very dark. 

While the boys gather round the fire, Susan bathes topless which arouses at least one of them to go to Susan’s cave and do the nasty. Not a good idea as an angry cave friend beats lover boy to death. Susan leads the near men on a hunt and kill David and the last bad guy. Paul and Laura leave intending on keeping the tribe a secret. Susan stays to be their leader (“They need me”) and presumably their baby making machine. 

This stupid movie is chock full of bad acting, bad dialogue and inept directing. Co-star Leigh was once a girlfriend of Steve McQueen and was the first human version of Vampirella.

Thanks for reading!

 

Back In LarryLand

 

GOODBYE NORMA JEAN-1976-Norma Jean Baker (Misty Rowe) lives with her hateful aunt because her mom was sent to a mental hospital. While auntie is out with her pervert boyfriend, Norma Jean slips off to the movies. Later the aunt throws her out and she gets a job in a factory. She dreams of being a movie star but instead gets raped by a cop. She meets a young corporal  and wins the “Miss Wammo Ammo” contest. Soon she's posing for pulp and S & M magazines. “I'm going somewhere” she says. “I’ve got something they want”. She gets a manager and he takes her to a party where she's raped by movie star Randy Palmer (Sal Ponti). 

A producer helps her land a film role at Lion-Rampant pictures where she gives a soliloquy before giving him a blow job. Norma has a dream where her mom talks to her in a mirror in a straitjacket! After she makes a stag film she has to sleep with a lesbian casting director who slaps her and viciously lectures her. Later a Hollywood executive runs her down and she tries to commit suicide. Then somehow she’s taken in by the semi-retired producer Hal James (Preston Hanson) who has her made over. They have sex and he dies. She finally screws the sleaziest producer and gets a big break. 

This sleazy exploitation fake biography by Larry Buchanan is of course based on the life of Marilyn Monroe.

Thanks for reading!

Ulmer

 

ISLAND OF FORGOTTEN SINS-1943-On a tropical island Marge (Gale Sondergaard) runs the brothel of the title. Her boyfriend Mike Clancy (John Carradine) has a fight with his friend/rival Jack (Frank Fenton) that practically wrecks the club. Then Mike has a plan to hunt for a cargo of sunken gold with Jack's help. Unfortunately for Marge, Olga (Betty Amann), one of her girls shoots and kills a customer. Marge and three of her girls join the guys to get away from the law. They go to an island where Capt. Grogan (Sidney Toler) and his piano playing sidekick Johnny Pacific (Rick Vallin) live with island girl Luana (Veda Ann Borg). They plot to steal the gold after Mike and Jack recover it. Double crosses follow and tropical storm messes up everything. 

Extremely low budget adventure brought up a notch or two by genius director Edgar Ulmer who worked with Carradine a year later on BLUEBEARD. 

By the way, this film has singing in it!

Thanks for reading!

Allison Hayes

ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN-1958-Wealthy alcoholic Nancy Archer (Allison Hayes), a socialite fresh out of a mental hospital has a close encounter with a giant alien. No one believes her of course. Her husband Harry (William Hudson) carries on with floozy Honey Parker (Yvette Vickers) and is only around for her money and would like to send her back to the hospital and take possession of her famous “Star of India” necklace. Later Nancy and Harry go out into the desert and at first find nothing. Nancy is ready to commit herself until the UFO shows up and a rubbery giant alien hand terrorizes her. Harry hops in the car and abandons her! The sheriff (George Douglas) and his stupid deputy (Frank Chase) investigate and arrest Harry when he and Honey try to skip town. Nancy is found on  the roof of the bath house exonerating Harry. 

Later on Nancy grows to an enormous size and two doctors Cushing (Roy Gordon) and Loeb (Otto Waldis) think it's due to radiation. The sheriff finds huge footprints in the garden and he and Jess, Nancy's faithful butler (Ken Terrell) follow them. The duo find the spacecraft, enter it and find a collection of jewels including Nancy's “Star of India”. They are chased away by the same giant giant Nancy encountered and he wrecks their car and flies away in his ship. Eventually Nancy breaks free and combs the town for hubby yelling “Harry! Harry!” She finds and kills him just before being electrocuted herself. 

Although this a fun low budget Sci-Fi movie it's really hampered by terrible SFX. Director Nathan Juran didn't like it and is credited as Nathan Hertz (he made THE  7th VOYAGE OF SINBAD the same year). Screenwriter Mark Hanna had written THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN for Burt I. Gordon the year before!

Thanks for reading!

Air Farce

 

THE STARFIGHTERS-1964-In this cold war documentary like yawn inducer, seasoned Air Force major Stevens trains three newbies on refueling planes in the mid-air including Lt. John Witkowski (Robert Dornan), a senator's son. This movie is excruciating in it's boredom. The lead actor later became a controversial racist senator. Director Will Zens made a handful of other movies like CAPTURE THAT CAPSULE and HOT SUMMER IN BAREFOOT COUNTY. Even MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000's version couldn't save this thing!

Thanks for reading!

Nazi Manhunt

 

OPERATION EICHMANN-1961-Nazi Adolf Eichmann (Werner Klemperer) is in charge of the “ Final Solution”. His assistant is Hoss (John Banner) who talks about extermination around the dinner table with his wife and children. Eichmann berates the captain of Dachau (Theodore Marcuse) for his killing quota being down. He keeps his wife in Munich while he romances his mistress Anna (Ruta Lee) in Berlin. After orchestrating many atrocities he escapes with Anna. A guy named David (Donald Buka) who'd watched his parents gassed at Auschwitz forms a group that hunts Nazis. They discover Eichmann in Madrid. He flees to Kuwait branded a Jew (a story made up by David's group) but an official (Oscar Beregi) helps him escape. He winds up in Argentina but nobody likes him there. It ends with him captured, being taken back to Israel to stand trial. 

Though obviously produced on a low budget this little docu-drama is very well made by director R.G. Springsteen, who's greatest output was westerns. It's also weird to see Klemperer along side Banner in such serious roles as a few years later they would play comic Nazis in TV's “Hogan's Heroes”. The real Eichmann was executed in 1962.

Thanks for reading!

“Rotten Stinking Mouthpiece”

 

THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN-1956-A police officer Dick Chasen (Casey Adams aka Max Showalter) relates the story of Butcher Benton (Lon Chaney Jr.), a criminal double crossed by his partners and sentenced to death. He's also the only one who knows where the 6 hundred thousand dollar haul is. His lawyer Paul Lowe (Ross Elliot) is behind the whole thing. After vowing revenge, Benton is executed but two scientists (Robert Shayne and Joe Flynn) accidentally bring him back to life. Unable to talk anymore he becomes a mute revenge seeking monster impervious to bullets. He goes after Lowe and his pals Squeamy Ellis (Marvin Press) and Joe Marcellia (Ken Terrell) but first stops off to see his Burlesque dancer girlfriend Eva (Marion Carr). After getting even with most of them Benton meets his demise in a sewer where he's burned to death. 

This fast moving low budget horror crime drama also features intense close ups of Chaney's eyes. Director Jack Pollexfen produced and wrote many low budget features including THE NEANDERTHAL MAN, DAUGHTER OF DR. JEKYLL and THE ATOMIC BRAIN.

Thanks for reading!