Monster Maker

THE MONSTER MAKER-1944-This PRC horror film isn’t bad considering it’s low budget restrictions. The underrated J. Carroll Naish is Dr. Markoff, a crazy phony doctor working on a cure for agromegly (the film calls it a glandular disease but I think they were basing it on the real bone deforming disease that actor Rondo Hatton suffered from). He’s obsessed with the daughter (Wanda McKay who was in VOODOO MAN the same year) of a famous concert pianist (Ralph Morgan), who he thinks is the reincarnation of his dead wife. Markoff injects Morgan’s character with the disease so he can gain control of the daughter (who’s rejected him). Morgan becomes the mad doc’s deformed prisoner but in the end is saved by Markoff’s long-suffering assistant (Tala Burel).

Glenn Strange is Markoff’s henchman and there’s even a phony gorilla thrown in for good measure. Morgan’s make-up is pretty good but the climax is disappointing.

Besides MM director Sam Newfield made a staggering 11 more movies in 1944 including I ACCUSE MY PARENTS and NABONGA. 1944 was also a busy year for the prolific Naish. He was in 8 other movies including HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN (which featured Strange as The Monster) and DRAGON SEED. He ended his career in Al Adamson’s FRANKENSTEIN VS. DRACULA (1970).

Make-up man Maurice Seiderman worked on CITIZEN KANE and TOUCH OF EVIL for Orson Welles and BRIDE OF THE MONSTER for Ed Wood!

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Lorre Goes Bonkers!

THE BEAST WITH 5 FINGERS-1946-This rarely seen underrated psychological horror film features Peter Lorre in a standout whacko performance.

When an eccentric wheelchair bound pianist (Victor Franchen) dies it seems that his severed hand has come back for revenge. It plays the piano and menaces Lorre whose character is obsessed with astrology. Robert Alda & Andrea King star along with J. Carroll Naish as a police inspector.

BEAST was written and directed by Robert Florey who co-wrote the original FRANK-ENSTEIN (but was cheated out of the credit by James Whale) and directed Lugosi in the over looked MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE.

An out of place comical final scene almost ruins it but it’s still a mini-classic. Thanks TCM for showing it!!!


"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Shrews In The House!

KILLER SHREWS-1959-Private boat skipper Thorne Sherman (James Best) and his second mate Griswold (Judge Henry Dupree) arrive on a tiny island with supplies for it’s occupants. They are a rather odd group lead by biologist Dr. Craigis (Yiddish actor Baruch Lumet; father of Sidney), his daughter Ann (Ingrid Goude; Miss Universe of 1957) who’s Swedish accent is never explained, her kind of boyfriend and fellow scientist Farrell (Ken Curtis) who besides being a trigger happy idiot, is also a coward and a drunk, the disconnected Dr. Baines (executive producer Gordon McLendon) who’s too clinical for his own good and Mario, the all purpose Latino servant.

It would be a nice cozy boring love triangle of a story if not for the fact that the eggheads have created giant bloodthirsty poisonous shrews (they are actually dogs with rugs thrown over their bodies and bad fanged dummies). The group gets trapped in the small compound, as the shrew gang gets hungrier. Farrell freaks out a few times and gets beat up by Sherman. A lot of drinking goes on as the shrews close in. Some empty metal oil cans provide a means of escape for the survivors in a very implausible ending!

The same producers, director (Ray Kellog) and writer (Jay Simms) that gave us THE GIANT GILA MONSTER also created this silly horror movie around the same time. Star James Best was a busy actor in the late ‘50’s and was in Sam Fuller’s VERBOTEN! the same year. He later became active in TV as an actor, producer and director. He often “threatened” a KS sequel but it never materialized. Best died 2015.

"Money will not make you happy and happy will not make you money"-Groucho Marx

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Time Travel

SECOND TIME AROUND-2002-A card dealer (Ekin Cheng from THE STORM RIDERS) from Hong Kong goes to Las Vegas to make a big score with money "borrowed" from his company. After his friend (Jonathan Ke Quan from THE GOONIES) is killed in a car crash screw up he somehow manages to travel backward in time (2 days) and tries to prevent the death. Cecila Cheung (WU YEN) plays the police detective who goes with him. It's enjoyable despite some lapses in plot. Cheng and Cheung were also in TOKYO RAIDERS and ZU WARRIORS. The director Jeffery Lau made THE EAGLE SHOOTING HEROES.



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Kinski In America

CRAWLSPACE-1986-This was one of the unfortunate starring roles for German actor Klaus Kinski in the US.

He plays Karl, an ex-doctor whose father was a Nazi. He runs a boarding house where four co-eds stay and has an elaborate duct through the place so he can spy on them. He also has a son (?) in a cage in the attic and collects various body parts from some other victims (eyes, a finger, a tongue). After a lot of peeping and acting weird Karl freaks out, puts on make-up and rants while a film of Hitler plays (“Hail Karl”, he exclaims.). Though the eccentric Kinski gives his all in the role of Karl, it’s a terrible movie. Talia Balsam plays a potential victim.

Director David Schoeller made the first (and best) PUPPET MASTER movie and directed episodes of the cable crime show SILK STALKINGS. In 1999 he made a 9-minute short PLEASE KILL MR. KINSKI about working with the nutty actor.

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Wu-Yen

WU YEN-2001-Wacky but entertaining fantasy period piece. When Yinchun (Cecilia Cheung), a fairy enchantress who can change it’s sex at will is accidentally released from a trap he/she seduces the Emperor Qi (although the character is male he’s played by actress/pop star Anita Mui) even though he/she is in love with Wu Yen (Sammi Cheng) who is considered ugly because a red mark on her face. A lot of crazy things happen and the acting is great! It’s a little long I guess but still gender bendering fun! Unfortunately, the very popular Mui only made 4 more films. She died of cancer in 2003. Co-director Johnny To made THE HEROIC TRIO and it’s sequel THE EXECUTIONERS (both with Mui).

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Music I Like...

Like a lot of people I like to listen to music but when I’m feeling really depressed and out of it I like to listen to really weird, strange and/or bad music and it usually lifts my spirit. A brief sampling if I may:

Brian Dewan Tells The Story-This guy may seem weird but he’s pretty unique. He sings very unusual songs playing most of them on his home made electrified zither! Most of his songs have strange subject matter: “Waste Paper Basket Fire” (about not panicking during one), “My Eye” (about cutting out his eye because his father’s ghost wants it!) and “Cowboy Outlaw” (based on a real story about a stuffed human being everyone thought was a mannequin!) are just a few. I wish he’d put out a second CD.

In Outer Space-Lucia Pamela-This woman was a real entertaining odd ball. She plays the accordion, sings and claims to have recorded the whole album on the moon. Though she sings mostly off key there is something quite lovable about her.

Bob Dylan: Poet-Sebastian Cabot: Actor-Forget William Shatner’s “The Transformed Man”. When it comes to actors singing badly this is the champion! Here the original Mr. French from the ‘60’s TV series “Family Affair” “interprets” the songs of the former Robert Zimmerman of Hibling, Minnesota. He really does act out a lot of the songs even using different voices at one stage. He seems mean on “Like A Rolling Stone”, uncaring on “It Ain’t Me Babe” and really loses it on “Who Killed Davey Moore?”. This was recently re-issued on CD so everyone can die of laughter! (What would Buffy & Jody think?)

Criswell Predicts-There is no music on this (except for a added track on the CD). Criswell was a psychic who said he could read the future. He was in three movies for Ed Wood, Jr. (Jeffery Jones portrayed him in Tim Burton bio movie), appeared occasionally on “The Tonight Show” in the ‘60’s and his newspaper column appeared in The Buy-Lines here in NYC. He also predicted UFOs would land in Washington DC in 1991 and that the world would end in 1999! He mispronounces some words (but hell, so does Geo. Bush!). Very funny stuff!! I have read that he did predict JFK would not run for re-election!

The Golden Throat Collections-These notorious CDs were put out by Rhino Records years ago and are still available (I think). Here you can get a sampling of some really bad singers, good singers doing horrible arrangements and good singers singing good arrangements that for some reason the people who complied this just thought were strange (i.e.: Andy Griffith doing “House Of The Rising Sun”).

99 CHICKS-Ray Haydock & The Boppers-This guy was kind of like a rock and roll Ed Wood, Jr.! He acted in a few low budget horror movies by Ray Dennis Steckler, wrote for “Famous Monsters Of Filmland ” in the ‘60’s and started his own magazine, then penned several lurid paperback novels. He also made a bunch of fun Gene Vincent inspired demos & singles that some very bright person had the good sense to collect and release on CD. It’s great stuff and includes dialogue from a movie he starred in (RAT PFINK & BOO BOO; don’t ask….). Unfortunately he suffered from metal illness his whole life and died tragically.

PIANOSAURUS-This band was better to see live than to hear on a record but since they broke up years ago it’s all we got! They played popish, bubblegum like rock but all their instruments were toys! Plastic guitars, mini-drums, toy pianos! They even do a cover of John Lee Hooker’s “Dimples”! Boy could we use a band like them now!!!!!!!!!!!

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