Pigs!

 (imdb)

PIGS-1973-A woman named Lynn (Toni Lawrence) kills her father after he rapes her. She's com-mitted to a mental hospital. While a doctor and nurse are having sex, she somehow gets out of her padded cell and escapes. While she wanders around, a pig farmer named Zambrini (Toni's dad Marc who also wrote, produced and directed) is feeding people to his pigs. Sheriff Tom (Jesse Vint) investigates when townsfolk go missing. Lynn goes to work in Zambrini's diner. When a doctor from her hospital comes to take her back, she kills him. 

Terribly made regional horror film with some of darkest filmed scenes ever (even in the daytime). 

Do it all veteran character actor Lawrence had to take out a second mortgage to finish the film. Aka DADDY'S LITTLE DARLING.

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Crap Train To Terror

 

 (imdb)

NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR-1985-On a train, a terrible rock band play. Also on the train are God (un-billed Ferdy Mayne) and Satan (un-billed Tony Giorgio) who discuss various things in this low budget trilogy. 

In the first story, “The Case of Harry Bilings”, an accident victim named Harry (John Phillip Law) is turned into a weirdo who drugs women and brings them to an institution where a big doofus intern Otto (Richard Moll) rapes and dismembers them and sells their body parts. Later a female doctor lobotomizes a male doctor. Harry decapitates Otto and discovers the male doctor operating on the female doctor. I thought this might have been a misfire black comedy despite the subject matter.

Number 2: “The Case of Gretta Connors”. A musician named Greta (Merideth Hayes) is turned into a porno actress by a jerk named George (J. Martin Sellers). Glen, a preppie type sees one of Gretta's movies and falls in love with her. Somehow, he meets her and they become lovers. It turns out George is the head of “The Death Club” whose members have all had brushes with death. Something called a “Transinian Winged Beetle” (terrible animation) stings a guy to death and his eyeballs explode. They also play an electrocution game where an African American guy is burned to death. Later they play a game of death with a construction ball that looks like something from the '60's “Batman” TV show.

The third story is called “The Case of Claire Hansen”, Mr. Weiss (Marc Lawrence) enlists a police Lt. (Cameron Mitchell) and his assistant Dieter (also Marc Lawrence) to help him trap a Nazi. Then Weiss is killed by a fanged monster. Coroner Claire Hansen (Faith Cliff) examines the body. Her husband Peter is the author of the book “Is God Dead?”. A guy named Papini warns Peter the devil is coming for him. The Nazi is now the still young Mr. Oliver (Robert Bristol), a murderer sporting goat legs. The boyfriend of one of Oliver's victims tries to kill him but is crushed by a red eyed monster (terrible animation). Strange rubbery demons attack Claire but it seems to be an illusion. A priest tells her she was picked by God to battle the devil. He gives her a box and tells her to cut out Oliver's heart and put it in the box. A badly animated monster kills Papini. The Lt and Dieter are blown up. Then Oliver turns into a demon (bad puppet) and kills Peter. Somehow Claire runs Oliver down with her car and takes him to a hospital to remove his heart. Everything goes awry in the bloody operating room finale but Satan wins.

 The band plays some more but fortunately are killed when the train crashes. (but sadly, they seem to come back to life) This out of whack z budget trilogy was actually made from three full length or almost finished films and the third story actually was released in full length form as CATACLYSM. Four directors are credited but the screenwriting for all the stories go to one person, Phillip Yordan, who once won an Oscar for the screenplay of BROKEN LANCE (1954)!

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Gorilla Brains

 

 (wikipedia)

THE MONSTER AND THE GIRL-1941-The first half of this horror/sci-fi story is told in flashbacks. During a trial it shows how Scott Webster (Phillip Terry) was convicted for the murder of a guy named Stanton. He was actually framed by a bunch of gangsters lead by Mr. Bruhl (Paul Lukas). Webber's sister Susan (Ellen Drew who also narrates) tells a story about how she unknowingly married gangster Larry Reed (Robert Paige). At a surprise party everyone gets drunk and Reed disappears but it's all a scam to make Susan a call girl. Webber is sentenced to death but at “the big house” he's visited by Dr. Carey (George Zucco), a scientist who wants Webber's brain after he's dead. Meanwhile Sam Daniels (Ron Cameron), a reporter, tries to help Susan. In his rather large lab Carey transplants Webber's brain into that of a gorilla. The operation is a success but the gorilla (George Barrows) has revenge on his mind and breaks out and kills the DA (Onslow Stevens) who convicted Webber. Every bone in his body is broken. Web-grilla visits Susan at night and kills another gang member (Gerald Mohr). When the gang boss Deacon (Joseph Calleia) goes to kill an unreliable thug (Marc Lawrence), it's two for the price of one gorilla killing! Carey tips off a policeman that the gorilla has a human brain but the cop doesn't believe him. Webber/ape kills the last two gang members but is shot and killed by the police while sis watches. 

This kind of crazy Paramount release came under fire from many censor boards and was eventually pulled from release. Director Stuart Heisler also made the seldom scene AMONG THE LIVING the same year. He later directed Gary Cooper in ALONG CAME JONES, Bogart in two features TOKYO JOE and CHAINED LIGHTENING and made I DIED A THOUSAND TIMES, a remake of HIGH SIERRA with Jack Palance and Lon Chaney.

(imdb)

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Chan The Man

CHARLIE CHAN AT THE WAX MUSEUM-1940-Gangster Steve McBirney (Marc Lawrence) is convicted of murder  thanks to the work of famous Chinese detective Charlie Chan (Sidney Toler). McBirney manages to get a gun and “shoot his way out”. He and his buddy hide in a wax museum run by Dr. Cream (C. Henry Gordon) and his female assistant Lily (Joan Valerie). He wants Cream to give him a new face (Cream used to be a surgeon). Later while Charlie confers with police inspector O’Matthews (Joe King), son Jimmy (Sen Yung) comes by. With him are Dr. Cream and reporter Mary Boland (Marguerite Chapman) who want Chan to be on a radio show where he and the pompous Dr. Von Brom (Michael Visaroff) will  try to determine if an innocent man Joe Rock was executed for a crime he didn't commit. It’s really just a trap set by Cream and McBirney to kill Chan. They gather for the broadcast but  unbeknownst to the rest, Joe’s widow is there too. McBirney and his friend convince the crazy caretaker to help electrocute Chan but Von Brom insists on sitting in Chan’s chair and seems to be electrocuted but Charlie deduces that he was shot with a poisoned dart and it is the work of Butcher Deegan, a criminal thought to be dead! 

This is a nice little whodunit with a cool wax museum backdrop but Jimmy's dumb antics (he faints twice) get a little annoying. Funny, unexpected final scene though. Director Lynn Shores was a little bit of a mystery man. He directed several short subjects and an early talkie THE JAZZ AGE (1929) with Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and also THE SHADOW STRIKES (1937) but not too much else. He died in 1949.

Next installment: MURDER OVER NEW YORK

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Bud & Lou

HOLD THAT GHOST-1941-Classic Abbott & Costello haunted house comedy has Bud & Lou (sometimes referred as “the boys”) as incompetent waiters Chuck and Ferdy who are fired from their jobs. While working at a gas station they wind up in the backseat of a mobster Moose Mattson's car just as he's “bumped off”. Since his will stated that who was ever with him when he died would inherit all he had the duo inherit his rundown inn. Another gangster Smitty (Marc Lawrence; later in the duo's HIT THE ICE) believes the mobster's fortune is hidden somewhere in the place and plans to do away with Chuck and Ferdy who are accompanied by a radio actress (Joan Davis), a nerdy doctor (Richard Carlson) and a blonde waitress (Evelyn Ankers) after their driver strands them all together. Though the team does a few routines, a highlight is a kind of violent dance between Costello and Davis.

 Director Arthur Lubin made the first five Abbott and Costello comedies and THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA remake with Claude Rains. Later he did several in the FRANCIS THE TALKING MULE series. Shemp Howard appears as a soda jerk and the Andrews Sisters show up to sing at the end. 

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Abbott & Costello in The Foreign Legion

ABBOTT & COSTELLO IN THE FOREIGN LEGION-1950-"The boys" play a pair of wrestling promoters. Bud writes the script and tries to co-ordinate a match between (real  wrestlers) Abdullah (Wee Willie Davis, the same year he played the guy who caused the racetrack ruckus in Kubrick's THE KILLING)) and Bertram (Sam Menacker). After the two wrestlers "practice" on Lou, Abdullah quits and keeps the five thousand a mobster (Marc Lawrence who's also in the team's HOLD THAT GHOST) gave them to fix the fight. The pair put on pith helmets and white suits and go to Algiers to find him. It turns out Abdullah is the cousin of Sheik Halmud El Khalid (Douglas Dumbrille; also the villain in the LOST IN A HAREM) who is in cahoots with the corrupted Foreign Legion Sgt. Axman (Walter Slezak) and Prince Josef (un-billed Dan Seymour) in a railroad scheme. Lou accidentally buys six slaves girls (including Nicole Dupree (Patricia Medina), a French intelligence agent) and since they can't pay they run away. Also a gang of the Sheik's men (including Henry Corden) are after them. To escape they take refugee with the Foreign Legion and wind up joining! Of course this leads to a lot of A & C antics as Lou has to evade a bayonet attack and Sgt. Axman. Later they are targeted for death. There's a lot of jokes involving the word "oui".

In one fairly gruesome scene (for an Abbott & Costello movie) the sheik's henchman kill a troop of legionnaires (while Bud & Lou are out looking for a runaway camel). Lost in the desert they have to contend with crazy mirages (including an old time ice cream shop) and a guy (David Gorcey) selling newspapers: "Can I help it if they gave me a bad corner?"). Later on they (and Nicole) are captured by the sheik. He puts them against two wrestlers intent on killing them but one turns out to be Abdullah. The other is played by Tor Johnson! Abdullah helps them escape. Lou commandeers Axman's jeep in a very funny scene (bit man and Costello's real life friend Bobby Barber appears too).

FOREIGN LEGION is done on a lower budget then some of the team's previous efforts but it's still fun especially for fans. It doesn't really contain any of their classic routines (except briefly at the end when Bud thinks Lou is dead). Years later Patrica Medina co-starred in THE 3 STOOGES MEET SNOW WHITE! Douglas Dumbrille had been the villain in 2 Marx Brothers movies. Director Charles Lamont (born in Russia) directed most of Bud & Lou's 50's output as well Francis the Talking Mule and Ma & Pa Kettle entries.

Initial filming had to be delayed while Costello had to have a gall bladder operation but he seemed to have recovered nicely....

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Night Waitress

NIGHT WAITRESS-1936-Helen Roberts (English actress Margot Grahame) is a waitress on probation. She gets involved with schooner operator Martin Rhodes (Gordon Jones, the future Green Hornet) after he gets mixed up with some “secret cargo”. After some misunderstandings and a quick chase and fight (the whole thing is less than an hour!) Rhodes discovers the “cargo” is an armored car filled with money lying underwater. 

Marc Lawrence and (un-billed) Anthony Quinn are two gangsters after both of them. Western star Don “Red” Barry is a murder victim. Comedian Billy Gilbert is a bar owner. 

Director Lew Landers had previously directed the Boris Karloff/Bela Lugosi horror story THE RAVEN under his real name Louis Friedlander. He went on to direct (as Landers) many B-movies including THE BOOGIE MAN WILL GET YOU (with Karloff) and THE RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE (with Lugosi).

Star Margot Grahame was England's highest paid actress before she came to America to co-star in THE INFORMER and THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1935 version).  

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Too Much Monkey Business!

KONG ISLAND-(1968)

Ya know, sometimes you never can tell about movies. Say, you're up late one night and the very late show is about to show a seldom seen epic called KING OF KONG ISLAND. You might be intrigued. You might think "this sounds like a really cool movie". You might even want to watch it......

Beware! My friends, beware! The real title of the movie is simply KONG ISLAND and it was made in Italy circa 1968. It features ex-Hercules type bodybuilder Brad Harris as a mercenary seeking revenge on his former partner, a mad scientist experimenting with the worst gorillas in film history! The mad doc is played by former Hollywood tough guy Marc Lawrence (who died in 2005), who was in HOLD THAT GHOST with Abbott & Costello and John Huston's ASPHALT JUNGLE in better days. He was blacklisted in the 50's and went to Europe and wound up in shit like this! He was in two James Bond movies in the '60's though and had a very small role in FROM DUST TIL DAWN (don't blink or you'll miss him!). He even went on to make his very own horror opus DADDY'S LITTLE DARLING (aka: PIGS) about flesh eating hogs! Oh yeah, about KONG ISLAND. It's terrible.

The guy who "presented" this movie in America, Dick Randall was also responsible for stuff like THE WILD WILD WORLD OF JAYNE MANSFIELD and PIECES. An actress named Esmeralda Barros is on hand to scream a lot as a jungle girl named Eve. She was later in THE DEVIL'S WEDDING NIGHT.

The director, Robert Mauri directed other films including KOMMISSAR X (also with Harris) and SLAUGHTER OF THE VAMPIRES. His last name is changed to Morris in this picture to fake you into thinking it was made in The U.S. Don't be fooled! Don't watch this movie even if it's on TV. You will fall asleep!

In any language, it's bad!


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