Silent Doll

 

 (imdb)

THE DOLL-1919-In this silent fairy tale from Germany, the Baron (Max Kronert) wants his nephew Lancelot to marry and carry on his bloodline. Lancelot (Hermann Thimig), a real mama's boy starts crying at the thought of matrimony. There's a frenzied chase after Lancelot by all the eligible women in town. He seeks shelter in a monastery run by some glutinous monks who have no money. When they read that the Baron is offering Lancelot 300,000 francs for him to come home and marry, the greedy monks come up with a plan to have Lance marry a mechanical doll. A nutty inventor (Victor Janson) has made a whole batch of them including one that looks like his daughter Ossi (Ossi Oswalda). 

Of course, that's the one Lance wants. Unfortunately, the inventor's abused assistant breaks it and the real Ossi has to stand in. When the inventor finds out the deception his hair turns gray. Lancelot marries her and goes back to the monks. She causes quite a distraction dancing with them. When it's discovered that Ossi is human, she and Lancelot fall in love. 

Director/co-scripter Ernst Lubitsch later came to America and made movies like THE MERRY WIDOW (1935), NINOTCHKA (1939) and HEAVEN CAN WAIT (1943).

Thanks for reading!

Hopping

 

 (imdb)

SHAOLIN VS EVIL DEAD-2004-Pak aka Brother White (Gordon Liu), a priest and his two apprentices, Yat (Jacy Woo) and a young kid fight zombies while taking some hopping dead men to their rest. The trio also encounter the priest's brother Hak aka Brother Black (Siu-Wong Fan) who's more violent than the priest. Things slow down a little when Yat tries to romance Hak's female apprentice Moon (Shannon Yoh). Later Hak creates a small army of possessed little kids who battle a bunch of Shaolin monk kids. After that a demon that was inside Pak's kid apprentice comes to life (he gets out when the kid takes a shit). He's a child they name Little Egg and keeps calling the kid "mamma". 

This crazy entertaining kung-fu zombie fantasy ends very abruptly but there was a sequel. Director Douglas Kung (UNDISCOVERED TOMB) was also a stunt choreographer and made a sequel SHAOLIN VS. EVIL DEAD: ULTIMATE POWER.

Thanks for reading!

Milligan Again

GURU THE MAD MONK-1970-In medieval times, a monk named Father Guru (Neil Flanagan) kills and tortures in the name of God at his “Lost Souls Church of Montavia”. Simpleton Karl (Paul Lieber) wants to save his girlfriend Nadja (Judith Isreal) from death so he makes a deal with Guru. If Karl can get corpses for Guru to sell to a medical college then the monk will give Karl’s beloved a potion that will appear to make her dead but she just be in a kind of coma until an antidote can revive her. Karl agrees but he has to get the drug from Olga (Jacqueline Webb), who wants human blood for her “experiments” (she's a vampire). Guru brands victims, has their hands and heads cut off, eyes burned out. He seems to have a love/hate relationship with his hunched back slave Igor (Jack Spencer) and talks to his evil self in a mirror. After he kills a stranger who wanted to repent, Nadja tries to bond with Igor. When a pregnant girl goes to Guru for help the vampire lady bites her. Then “The Holy Father” arrives with Guru’s replacement, Father Polonski. Their  conversation shows Milligan wasn't a fan of the Catholic church! When the holy one chastises Guru for taking care of the vampire woman and says Guru will be leaving, Guru kills him. Though Igor helps lead Polanski to his doom, he tries to save Nadja from Guru's molestation. For his trouble he’s nail to a wall and has his tongue cut out. Then Guru and Olga have a falling out and she tries to kill him, but he kills her her instead. Somehow Igor escapes and there's a frenzied chase up a flight of stairs. Quite comically Guru  stabs Igor to death then gets tangled in bell ringing ropes and dies. 

Like most outings by writer/director Andy Milligan this features bad acting,atrocious sfx and endless talk. Filmed in and on the grounds of a NYC church.

Thanks for reading!

Howard's Kane

SOLOMON KANE-2009-Robert Howard's Puritan witch hunter is a violent, greedy idiot who believes his soul is damned and has symbols on his body to protect him from evil. Kane (James Purefoy) renounces his ways and lives in a monastery but the monks throw him out. Acting a like a cross between Hugh Jackman and Wilhem DeFoe he wanders the countryside in the 1600's. Flashbacks reveal his father (Max von Sydow) disowned him when he refused to join the clergy. After being beaten up he's taken in by a guy (Pete Postlethwaite) and his family. An evil sorcerer named Malachi (Jason Flemyng) kidnaps the daughter and kills the rest of the family. Kane scourers everywhere looking for her while Mal crucifies people who oppose him. Later he finds his father in a dungeon. He leads a group of villagers to their deaths then fights his own brother. After that he fights a demon that looks like the one in the video game Quake 2! He rescues the daughter and becomes a hero. 

Dark dirty shit from director MJ Bassett (Cable's ASH VS. EVIL DEAD).

Thanks for reading!

Martial Art Monk

BULLETPROOF MONK-2003-In 1943 Tibet a monk with no name (Yun-Fat Chow) is given the task of protecting a sacred scroll that could grant anyone who reads it great power. The Nazis invade  their temple and kill everyone except the monk who falls off a cliff after being shot at. 60 years later, the monk hasn't aged much and lives above a movie theater (run by Mako) in Toronto. He saves a young girl named Jade (Jamie King) stuck on the subway tracks with the help of a stupid thief Kar (Seann William Scott) who steals the scroll. After saving Kar from a street gang the monk decides to take the thief (who learned martial arts from watching old Shaw Brothers movies) under his wing. Strucker, the German who shot at him in the temple (Karel Roden) is now old but head of a huge corporation searching for the scroll with the help of his grand-daughter in the hope of it making him young again. After being pursued and hiding out with some other monks, the monk trains the thief to kind of be his replacement. When the monk is captured, Kar and Jade team up to save him.

 Chow is great in the title role and the fights, especially in the climax are well done. It's just too bad the thief character wasn't more likable. Video music director Paul Hunter does an excellent job in his feature film debut, a feat many others have tried and failed miserably at.

Thanks for reading!

70's Kung-Fu Sequel

MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE-1977-This Taiwanese made hit was actually a sequel to star/writer/director Jimmy Wang Yu's ONE ARMED BOXER from 1972 and features one of the most memorable weapon of all time.

It turns out that the 2 Tibetan monks that Tien Lung (Wang Yu) killed in the finale of ONE ARMED BOXER were actually allies of a blind assassin (Kanf Chin) with very long eyebrows who now seeks vengeance on the One Armed Boxer (flashbacks are scenes from the first film). The boxer now runs a Kung-Fu school. The assassin decides the easiest way to get him is just to kill every one armed man he meets! The fights are excellent, especially Wang's one armed boxer tactics. The finale takes place in a coffin making shop where the boxer sets several traps for his adversary.

Thanks for reading!

Still More Kung-Fu Fighting

CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS-1980-During the credits 2 guys beat up an old man. This leads to a vendetta against the Shoalin by the Lotus Clan. The new lotus clan's leader kills one of the guys but the other (Gordon Liu) escapes with his dead friend's pregnant wife. The Lotus clan starts killing everyone. The guy and the girl seek refuge with her brother. It's easy to see why director Lo Lieh (who also acts in this Shaw Bros. produced Hong Kong entry) not Bruce Lee started the Kung-Fu craze in the USA. This features lots of crazy fighting (with choreography by Lau Kar-leung)!

Also called FISTS OF THE WHITE LOTUS.

Thanks for reading!

Everyone's Kung-Fu Fighting Again!

SHAOLIN INTRUDERS-1983-A gambler (Tung-Shing Yee)  and a fighter (Jason Pai Piao)  known as "master of the golden sword" investigate a murder blamed on a woman. The deaths all seem to have been committed by Shaolin martial artists but that should be impossible. A renegade Shaolin monk seeking revenge is to blame. The woman is his daughter and is actually helping him ("Evil bitch! I'm gonna kill you!"). This period piece has great fights especially the crazed bloody finale! This was one of only three features directed by legendary martial arts stunt choreographer Chia Tang

Thanks for reading!

Shaolin Prince

SHAOLIN PRINCE-1982-The last survivors of a clan must protect two princes. 2 "prime ministers" each take a boy and flee. This martial arts drama starts off with a bang as the guardians are attacked by warriors representing fire and water. A guy with an iron glove who can break swords is also featured. One prime minister arrives at a safe destination with one of the kids but the other  kid is thought dead. Of course he's alive and is taken in by 3 Shaolin holy fools who raise the boy in secret. The trio due a lot of slapstick Kung-Fu. During an exorcism a women grows long finger nails and kills. The "twin princes" eventually meet and team up to fight the evil "9th prince" in a truly whacked out ending! Director Chia Tang was a stunt coordinator on many films and only directed a few himself.

Thanks for reading!

Short Fu

(THE) BUDDHA ASSASSINATOR-1980-An evil prince (Hwang Jang Lee) is searching for a former Shoalin monk (Chien Yuet San) in this typical martial arts movie. Chow Ya (Mang Hoi), the monk's pudgy faced ex-student fights to protect his former teacher. There's too much talk until the climax. Made in Taiwan by director Chin Hu Tung.

Thanks for reading.

Mystery Martial Arts

SHAOLIN EX-MONK-Watching this Golden Sun production took me back to the days of the good old Harris Theater on 42nd street in NYC! The opening features black and white scenes from the movie but no credits. Not even the title!

Johnny Chin (John Liu) likes big shot Mr. Lee's daughter but Lee does not approve. Chin gets beat up a lot by Lee's thugs. Later he meets The Sheriff of Lee Chin County who's after an ex-Shoalin priest wanted for murder and robbery. The sheriff takes Johnny on as his student and teaches him Kung-Fu (with the usual crazy practice routines). Johnny then goes and beats up the bullies ("You dirty rat! You've been practicing your Gung-Fu") right before it's revealed Johnny's uncle is the ex-priest! He and the sheriff team up to kick his butt.

I think this movie is also known as RENEGADE MONK and was the first directed by Hsin Yi Chang who as a screenwriter wrote BRUCE LEE: A DRAGON STORY and BLACK BELT JONES 2 and many others.

Thanks for reading!