Andy's Not Dandy

CARNAGE-1984-A newlywed couple, Carol (Leslie Den Dooven) and Jonathan (Michael Chiodo) move into their new house where three years before a husband killed his bride and himself on their wedding night. Weird things happen. A gas stove goes on by itself, kitchen utensils move around and a phone hangs itself up. There's useless scenes of a mother and daughter talking about marriage and pregnancy. Then Rose (Lola Ross), the new housekeeper is terrorized by the laughing ghost of the dead bride. She tells Rose to leave and begins to strangle her. Rose winds up comatose but wakes long enough to cut her own throat. 

After more useless talk about marriage, two would he burglars break into the basement and are confronted by the insane laughing blood smeared bride ghost. 

One burglar has his hand cut off (typical Andy Milligan cheesy sfx) and the other is strangled and disemboweled,although there's little blood. The next day (?) two couples come for a housewarming party. While one guy can't seem to take a shower, his wife is visited by the ghost bride. Later at the party a rug mysteriously moves causing one woman to fall and get glass in her arms. Then a guy is electrocuted in a bathtub and the next scene is his church funeral. When Jonathan's secretary stops by, her head is chopped off. Then a priest tries to help but gets a neat cleaver in his head. In the end the ghost couple make Carol and Jonathan commit murder/suicide the way they did. 

I don't mind low budget horror movies with bad acting and cheesy sfx but this movie has so much talk unrelated to the plot that it’s ridiculous and boring! Filmed in Staten Island by writer/ director Milligan.

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The Blood of Milligan

BLOOD-1973-This time in the Andy Milligan dimension, Regina Orlovsky (Hope Stansbury), the daughter of Count Dracula and Lawrence Orlovsky (Allen Berendt), the wolfman’s son are in an unhappy marriage that revolves around blood, murder and raising carnivorous plants.

Regina: “I hate you! Go to hell!” Lawrence: “We're already there!”

They are assisted by a motley crew: Carrie (Patti Gaul), who has a gamy leg, Orlando (Michael Fischetti), who has no legs and walks on his knees and Carlotta (Pichulina Hempi) who has legs but is an abused babbling fool who’s used as a blood supply for the plants. Larry kind of falls for the secretary of Mr. Root, the lawyer who handles the estate and has been siphoning money from the account. Once or twice Larry turns into a wolf and a guy gets an axe in his head but all the sfx are laughable. The dialogue and acting are insane and sometimes it looks like a school stage play. There's some strange parts too. Like Carrie's brother comes to visit secretly. From their conversation and actions they’ve obviously had an incestuous relationship but when they part he’s killed and never talked about again. What was the purpose of this scene? Actually what was the purpose of this whole movie? I’ve read Milligan fans consider this his best film. I hope they mean his best worst film! Despite being set in the 1800’s it just looks like people in the 20th century walking around in 19th century clothes.

 It's running time is BLOOD’s saving grace. It comes in just around an hour. I wish Milligan could have gotten himself an editor. Filmed in the director's old stomping grounds of Staten Island NY

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