More Like A Circle

TRIANGLE-A woman named Jess (Melissa George from 30 DAYS OF NIGHT) with a special needs child goes on a boating trip (without her son) with her boyfriend and some of his friends. They hit a freak storm and the boat is capsized. Luckily a big cruise ship comes to their rescue and they board it. Unluckily it seems to be deserted although a mysterious figure is quickly seen twice. They search the ship (with Jess having feelings of deja vu) but all they can find is the message "go to the theater" written in blood on a mirror. After Jess is attacked by one of the guys, she escapes and meets another couple in the theater where a masked assassin shoots at them from the balcony. The couple is killed but Jess gets out. Later she confronts the killer with an ax. Just before falling over the side, the killer mumbles something about "killing everyone".

Quick movie, huh? Not so fast. The rest of this annoyingly dumb British production borrows ideas from David Lynch's LOST HIGHWAY, MEMENTO and even the low-budget 1960's SF cheapie JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TIME. Director Christopher Smith made several horror movies after this. (You've been warned)

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60's Western

HOSTILE GUNS-1967-This AC Lyles production features George Montgomery as US Marshall Gid McCool who transports convicted criminals to the state pen. He needs a deputy but can find no one willing so he "recruits" bad boy Mike Reno (Tab Hunter). Their first prisoner is Hank Pleasant (Leo Gordon) on his way to the gallows for killing a child. They later pick up a corrupt railroad official (Robert Emhardt) and a goat thief (Pedro Gonzales-Gonzales who croons a tune). Their fourth pick up is Laura Mannon (Yvonne DeCarlo), who shot her boyfriend. Laura (she and McCool had once been lovers) manages to come between the duo which leads to them fighting and almost being killed by Pleasant's brother (John Russell) and other family members.

This low budget western has lots of witty dialogue and a great cast which also includes smaller roles with Brian Donlevy, Richard Arlen, James Craig, Fuzzy Knight, William Fawcett, Emile Meyer and Don Barry. It was directed by RG Sprignsteen, a veteran of Westerns since the late forties but by this time (not untypically) he had done a lot of TV. Unfortunately the low budget shows through several times especially with camera crew lights reflecting off the scenery at times!

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Early '50's

CAUSE FOR ALARM!-1951-A woman (Loretta Young) is taking care of her bed ridden husband (Barry Sullivan) who seems to be suffering from a heart ailment. However although she seems to be a dedicated and loving wife hubby believes she and his doctor (Bruce Cowling) are plotting to kill him. He writes a letter to the district attorney incriminating the pair, saying they are poisoning him but in fact he is poisoning himself!  He plans to frame the two of them by over dosing on his heart medicine but for some reason (he's not sane I guess) he decides to shoot his wife. Fortunately for her he dies before he can accomplish this. Unfortunately with the incriminating letter on it's way to the DA and hubby dead circumstantial evidence points at Loretta. What follows is a wild and occasionally annoying "Faulty Towers" like escapade (though serious) with Loretta trying to retrieve the letter and prevent anyone  from finding dearly departed hubby. Familiar character Irving Bacon is the neighborhood mailman and there are bits by Richard Anderson, Kathleen Freeman, Art Baker and Robert Easton. Look quick for Alfalfa himself Carl Switzer!

Director Tay Garnett had started as a gag writer in silent films and made his first movie in 1928. He later directed THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE and A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT. Soon after ALARM he went into TV.

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Germany

BLOODLUST-THE FEATURE-1977-This is a bizarre psychological drama, this time from Germany. It's about a traumatized office worker (Werner Pochath; also in Franco's DEVIL HUNTER) who has become deaf and mute after being beaten by his father as a little boy. He also saw dad molest his little sister. He seems to be a good worker but everyone at his job makes fun of him because he collects dolls (they even play a joke on him with an inflatable doll). He goes to prostitutes once in a while but can never perform and they mock him. The only person who seems to treat him nicely is a (slightly abnormal)  female neighbor who likes to dance around the building they live in but even her mother warns her to stay away from him (I don't think the character has a name and if he does I don't think it's mentioned in the film!). After she falls to her death (it almost seems like suicide) he becomes very unhinged and takes to mutilating and dismembering corpses. He even digs up the dancer's body and tries to revive it with his own blood (it doesn't work). He leaves the word mosquito at the scenes of his crimes and the press dub him "the vampire". Later he kills a couple having sex in a car and drinks their blood. Then the police arrest him. It's actually inspired by a real life German grave robber and necrophiliac.

Director Marijan David Vajda does a good job showing how the character's handicap alienates him from society and makes him the subject of ridicule (even though he can function normally it's people's ignorance and cruelty that are the real culprits) and some have hailed this as an unheralded masterpiece but I found it slow going. The version I saw was dark,choppy and badly dubbed but it has been remastered so you might want to check it out.

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Not An Elvis Remake!

THE CURSE OF EL CHARRO-2005-This typical gory mean spirited horror tale takes place in California where a young college student named Maria (Drew Mia) suffers from nightmares while coping with the suicide of her sister. Her roommate (Heidi Androl) invites her to go along with two other girls to her uncle's remote house in Arizona. Along the way the meet a hick cop who, after oral sex, takes them to a scary dark bar where a weird guy in a wheelchair sings a terrible punk metal like song. Later they meet some guys at a club (run by dwarfs) and return to the house for drinking, drugging and sex but not before Maria has a strange vision done in a super 8 black and white silent film (with title cards) relating the tale of El  Charro (executive producer Andrew Bryniarski with Danny Trejo's voice), a Mexican demon who wanted Maria's ancestor for himself but she rejected him so in retaliation he slaughtered her whole family. Before the townspeople destroyed him El placed a curse on the family bloodline and swore he'd be back. Well he keeps his promise and dismembers, hacks and kills everyone until the archangel David (James Intveld) appears and kills Charro. Unfortunately for Maria she winds up in a padded cell and blamed for all the murders. Motorhead's Lemmy has a brief bit as a priest.

This usual bloodletting nonsense was directed by Rich Ragsdale who since CHARRO has wisely only made film shorts. Much of it is too dark and the script and acting are terrible (but what else is new?). El Charro portrayer Bryniarski was Leatherface in the 2003 remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (and it's later sequel). He kind of looks like a trick or treat version of pro-wrestler The Undertaker.

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Not So Fantastic

THE FANTASTIC FOUR-1994-Scientists Reed Richards (Alex Hyde-White) and Victor Von Doom (Robert Culp's son Joseph) are conducting an experiment involving a passing comet but the experiment goes awry and Victor seems to die. Years later Reed and his big former college buddy Ben Grimm (Michael Bailey Smith) decide to test a new type of spacecraft just as the comet is going by again. They take along the sister/brother duo of Sue (Rebecca Staab) and Johnny (Jay Underwood)) Storm who's mom runs the boarding house Reed lives in. The mission goes haywire due mostly in part because a decrepit guy called The Jeweler (Ian Trigger) steals a diamond from the ship. After being bombarded with cosmic rays the group find they have acquired amazing powers. Reed can stretch his body (a really terrible special effect), Sue can become invisible, Johnny can emit flames and Ben turns into the brick like coated The Thing (stuntman Carl Ciarfallo). They also discover that Victor is still alive, now resides in a suit of armor and calls himself Dr. Doom bent on getting revenge on Reed (who he blames for his disfigured face) and his pals. He also wants the stolen jewel but The Jeweler has other plans: he wants it as a gift for "his queen", a captured blind sculptress named Alicia Masters (Kat Green). Needless to say the bad guys are stopped. Ben saves Alicia, Reed disposes of Doom and The Human Torch stops the comet from striking Earth (this scene looks suspiciously like the ending of the first 1941 Superman cartoon by The Fleischer Brothers!).

This low budget adaptation of the famous Marvel comic has nothing going for it. Everything is sub-par: the acting, the special effects, the sound, the direction, you name it. The Thing isn't bad and Doc Doom is ok except you can't understand most of his dialogue....

It seem German producer Bernd Eichinger somehow acquired the movie rights but couldn't get anyone interested in an adaptation. When he realized his option would run out unless he made a movie of it, Eichinger contacted Roger Corman who agreed to help produce the film using mainly TV actors and a music video director named Oley Sassone (though he had made a few other movies before this including BLOODFIST 3  with Don "The Dragon" Wilson). Needless to say it was never released but has been available as a bootleg for years.

Eichinger's stunt must have paid off because he produced the big budget Hollywood version (with not much of a better story line) in 2005!

Warning! At the time of this writing a new "re-boot" is in post production!

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Gory Junk

HEADCRUSHER-1999-In this low budget horror atrocity a mobster kills his cheating wife and her soldier lover. With the help of some underlings he hangs the woman and crushes the head of the man. 20 years later some stupid racist construction workers are digging around and unearth something. Suddenly someone or something is running around crushing people's heads. Meanwhile a female police detective investigates and the daughter of the first construction worker tries to find some answers with the help of some friends (bad move). The killer (he resembles the killer in 1981's THE PROWLER)  was used as an experiment in Vietnam. It's probably the only slasher movie I've seen where a pro wrestling  "sleeper hold"  comes into play at the climax.

Crap like this always makes me wonder about the mental state of the director, this time Richardo Islas but perhaps he's just an incompetent boob trying to win a place among "gore hounds" wrapping bad acting, stupid dialogue, disposable characters, clumbsy sex scenes and substandard direction around extreme violence.

Also called BROKEN SKULL. 

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