No, It's A Real Movie!

 

 (themoviedatabase.org)

IMAGINARY-2024-More derivative, unoriginal horror, this time with an interracial couple (DeWanda Wise, Tom Payne) moving into her childhood home with his two kids. The older teenager Taylor (Taegan Burns) is a bitch who doesn't like her black stepmother, Jessica. The cute younger sister Alice (Pyper Braun) seems to come under the influence of a teddy bear she finds in the basement. There's a lot of false scares and psycho-logical claptrap. Later a crazy neighbor (Betty Buckley) helps them visit a dark strange place where Alice has been taken. There they are menaced by the girls’ real mom and an evil giant Muppet bear. 

Dreadful junk but what can you expect from director Jeff Wadlow, who made KICK ASS-2 and a horror movie version of TV's “Fantasy Island”?

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Warning! Bad Sequel Ahead!

 

 (imdb)

SPECIES 2-1998-A lab, lead by Dr. Baker (Marg Helgenberger) recreates the original Sil from a frozen embryo so they can study it and determine how to fight it if one ever comes to Earth again (sounds like a bad idea). Baker and the new Sil now named Eve (Natasha Henstridge), seem to be friends. Meanwhile, 3 astronauts return from space. Capt. Patrick Ross (Justin Lazard), lead astronaut, whose father is a senator (John Crom-well), is infected by a similar alien and impregnates two women who almost immediately die while giving birth. A clumsy scientist Orinsky (Baxter Harris) breaks a beaker which contains alien blood. 

A one-eyed Colonel (George DeZundza) calls in a now reluctant Press Lennox (Michael Madsen) to find the new alien. A doctor named Crom-well (uncredited Peter Boyle) who discovered there may be life on Mars might be able to help but he's in a padded cell. Ross prowls around impregnating and killing women. Eve has a kind of psychic connection with Ross which helps Lennox, now joined by astronaut Gamble (Mykelti Williamson), to track him down. 

Most of this loser sequel seems to be an excuse to show a lot of gratuitous gore, violence, rape and topless women. It also includes several creatures bursting ALIEN like from women’s stomachs. Pretty bad. It bombed but of course another sequel was made. Filmed in Baltimore. 

Director Peter Medak in better times made THE RULING CLASS (1972), LET HIM HAVE IT (1990) and THE KRAYS (1991).

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Alien DNA Monster

 

 (themoviedb.org)

SPECIES-1995-A kind of mad scientist (Ben Kingsley) puts alien DNA into a human fetus and winds up with an alien human female monster that kills and regenerates. He puts together a group to hunt it. An assassin (Michael Madsen), 2 scientists (Alfred Molina, Marg Helgenberger) and an empath (Forest Whitaker). Named Sil, she/it (Natasha Henstridge) is looking for a mate. After a lot of killing she gives birth and the climax takes place in an underground cave. It was ok and the cast is good. 

Director Roger Donaldson directed big-budgeted things like THE BOUNTY (1984) with Mel Gibson, NOW WAY OUT (1987) with Kevin Costner and COCKTAIL (1988) with Tom Cruise. After this he made the mad volcano hit DANTE'S PEAK (1996). Of course, they couldn't quit while they were ahead...

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Buster 3 Times

 

 (themoviedb.org)

THE THREE AGES-1923-3 stories featuring the one and only Buster Keaton. The first story is set in prehistoric times. Keaton is a caveman who rides a stop motion dinosaur. He’s sweet on Wee-gee (Margaret Leahy in her only movie role), a cave woman. But his elephant trading rival (Wallace Beery) likes her too. The second story takes place in Rome. A low ranking Roman (Keaton)) is in love with a woman (Leahy) also being courted by a high ranking official (Beery again).The third is set in the modern day. A young man (Buster again) tries to win a woman (Leahy again) despite the fact that she is also being wooed by a rich businessman (Beery of course). 

There's lots of great slapstick in the great Keaton style. It was his first full length film which he also directed (with help from longtime colla-borator Eddie Cline). Some think it's a parody of DW Griffith's BIRTH OF A NATION but it seems more like a takeoff on Griffith's INTOLERANCE (1916) to me.

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Witney Western

 

 (imdb)

THE LONG ROPE-1961-In a town run by a rancher named Ben Matthews (Robert J. Wilke), a judge (Hugh Marlowe) comes to preside over the trial of a Mexican accused of killing Matthew's brother. With the reluctant help of the sheriff (Alan Hale, Jr.), Stone investigates. He also meets gun-slinger Reb (Chris Robinson) who tries to reform. There's a trial where the real murderer is revealed and a quick gun fight. Also with William Kerwin and Lisa Montell. 

The Long Rope was produced by actress Margia Dean (she's in MESA OF LOST WOMEN). She hired veteran B-movie director William Witney who does a good job with this low budget minor western. Dean had planned at least one more movie but no more were ever made.

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A Pair of Palances

 

 (imdb)

HOUSE OF NUMBERS-1957-Arnie Judlow (Jack Palance) is in San Quentin after killing a man. His wife Ruth (Barbara Lang) and his twin brother Bill (also Palance) plan to help him escape. It's a little complicated and dangerous, playing on the twin aspect. They switch roles and Bill meets cellmate Frenchy (Timothy Carey with a hearing aid) while Arnie builds a hiding place at night. Later, Bill leaves the prison and Arnie plans his escape. He breaks out but nosy prison guard Hank Nova (Harold J. Stone) makes too many educated guesses. Edward Platt is a helpful warden. 

Far-fetched but enjoyable film noir with Palance good in the dual role. Earlier director Russell Rouse had written D.O.A. (1949) and directed THE THIEF (1952), a movie with no dialogue and WICKED WOMAN (1953) starring his wife, Beverley Michaels. He later directed THE OSCAR (1966), sometimes named one of the worst movies ever made. Hey! Nobody's perfect!

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It's The Limit

 

 (wkipedia)

CITY LIMITS-1984-After a plague kills off most adults, a young guy, Lee (John Stockwell) goes to the city to join The Clippers. He and Yogi (Rae Dawn Chong) fight a gang dressed as nurses. James Earl Jones is Albert, Lee's mentor, who helps them fight the army of overacting evil. Carver (Robby Benson) is behind a plot and sits at a desk for his few scenes (they could have been filmed in his home!). Also with Kim Cattrall, Pamela Ludwig and Don Keith Opper (also a co-writer).  

Stupid hi-jinx from director/co-writer Arnold Lipstadt a few years after his first film ANDROID (1982). At least that movie had Klaus Kinski in it...

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