A Pair of Palances

 

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HOUSE OF NUMBERS-1957-Arnie Judlow (Jack Palance) is in San Quentin after killing a man. His wife Ruth (Barbara Lang) and his twin brother Bill (also Palance) plan to help him escape. It's a little complicated and dangerous, playing on the twin aspect. They switch roles and Bill meets cellmate Frenchy (Timothy Carey with a hearing aid) while Arnie builds a hiding place at night. Later, Bill leaves the prison and Arnie plans his escape. He breaks out but nosy prison guard Hank Nova (Harold J. Stone) makes too many educated guesses. Edward Platt is a helpful warden. 

Far-fetched but enjoyable film noir with Palance good in the dual role. Earlier director Russell Rouse had written D.O.A. (1949) and directed THE THIEF (1952), a movie with no dialogue and WICKED WOMAN (1953) starring his wife, Beverley Michaels. He later directed THE OSCAR (1966), sometimes named one of the worst movies ever made. Hey! Nobody's perfect!

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Sudden

 

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SUDDEN FEAR-1952-Playwright Myra Hudson (Joan Crawford) doesn't think the lead actor in her new play, Lester Blaine (Jack Palance) is right for the role and has him fired. Later, they meet on a train. After dinner, dancing and smoking cigarettes they have a fling. He almost leaves her but she changes his mind and they get married. They seem happy until Irene (Gloria Grahame), a woman from Lester's past shows up. It soon becomes clear Lester wants more than love from Myra. Soon she finds evidence that Lester with the help of floozy Irene want to do away with her. When the evidence is accidentally destroyed, Myra comes up with an intricate plan to thwart the macabre duo. 

Suspense filled film noir directed by David Miller (LOVE HAPPY (1949)) with great performances all around. Crawford (also one of the exec-utive producers) was nominated for a best actress Academy Award (her last) and Palance got a best supporting nomination. Also with Bruce Bennett, Mike “Touch” Con-nors and in smaller roles Arthur Space, Bess Flowers and Selmer Jackson. It's based on a novel by Edna Sherry.

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Jackula

 

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DRACULA-1974-Jonathan Harker (Murray Brown; also in VAMPYRES the same year) goes to Transylvania and meets Dracula (Jack Palance) who's looking to relocate to Carthax Abbey in England. In due course Harker learns his employer is a vampire and becomes a victim of Drac's wives. 5 weeks later The Count is in England. Mina (Penelope Horner), Harker's fiancée, visits her best friend Lucy (Fiona Lewis; she was in LISZTOMANIA the next year), who Dracula took a fancy to when Harker showed him a picture. Lucy is sick in bed with a wound on her throat. Her boyfriend Arthur (Simon Ward) brings in Dr. Van Helsing (Nigel Davenport; PHASE lV the same year) who has his suspicions. Of course, Lucy is a victim of vampirism. Despite their best efforts, Lucy dies and she comes back to try and put the bite on Arthur. Fortunately, Van Helsing intercedes and later puts a stake in her. The Count goes crazy when he finds Lucy dead (apparently, she looked like his long dead love). When he sets his sights on Mina, Arthur and Van Helsing move into action. 

This is a not bad adaptation of the Bram Stoker classic, in fact very good for a TV movie, with Palance putting his own personal touch on his interpretation of the character. Virginia Whetherell, Sarah Douglas and Barbara Lindley play the count's undead wives. Director Dan Curtis and screenwriter Richard Matheson also made the not as good SCREAM OF THE WOLF the same year.

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Silly Cyborg

 

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CYBORG 2: GLASS SHADOW-1993-In 2074, Japan and the US vie for cyborg producing supremacy. At the center of this nonsense is a female cyborg Cash (Angelina Jolie) who has been injected with something called "GS" and she's going to blow up in 5 hours. A guy Colt (Elias Koteas) helps her escape while some kind computer voice (Jack Palance) aids them. The CEO (Allen Garfield) hires dip stick psycho Bench (who else but Billy Drago) to destroy them. "I think you kissed the wrong goodbye". Palance (who also narrates) shows up at the climax to make sitting through this tolerable but I was surprised by the final scene. Also with Karen Sheppard and Tracey Walter. 

Director Michael Schroeder had made the much better OUT OF THE DARK (1988). He made a second sequel CYBORG 3: THE RECYCLER the year after this.

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TV Ape

 

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THE IVORY APE-1980-Range (Derek Partridge), a murderous English poacher captures the super rare albino ape and plans to sell it in Cuba. In Bermuda, the dopey Bax (Steven Keats) and the frigid Lil (Cindy Pickett) try to stop the ship carrying the ape which escapes and kills a ship mate that taunted it. Later the ape terrorizes the island but really doesn't kill anyone else directly (a cop falls off a cliff running away, a woman crashes her car when the ape is in the middle of the road). The police constable (Earle Hyman) hires Marc Kazarian (Jack Palance), an ex-hunter haunted by the death of his son, to get the ape after the vigilante mob fails. The ape is eventually trapped in a church where something unexpected happens. 

Cheesy made for TV ABC movie of the week, one of 3 US-Japan made co-production between Rankin/Bass and Tsuburaya Studios. It was shown in theaters in Japan to unsuspecting patrons. Directed by Tsugunobu “Tom” Kotani also made THE LAST DINOSAUR and THE BUSHIDO BLADE. Only recommended if you're a Jack Palance fan and want to see everything he's done.

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Accept No Substitutes...

ALONE IN THE DARK-1982-Dr. Daniel Potter (Dwight Schultz) comes to work at a clinic for mental cases run by the eccentric pot smoking Dr. Leo Bain (Donald Pleasence). His star patients are Ronald Elster (Erland Van Lidth), a child molester, the paranoid Col. Hawkes (Jack Palance), ex-preacher Byron Sutcliff (Martin Landau), an arsonist and John Skaggs who strangles people when he gets a nose bleed. Hawkes believes Potter killed their former doctor and wants revenge (“There are no crazy people, doctor. We're all on vacation”). 

 At a club The Sic F*cks do “Chop Up Your Mother”. A blackout allows the nutty gang to escape. During a riot of stealing they get weapons. Skaggs leaves them but the rest go looking for Potter, whose sister meets a guy named Tom (Phillips Clark) at a “no nukes” rally and invites him to dinner at her brother's house. Tom helps fight off the loonies when they attack. Bain comes to help but Sutcliff cuts off his ear. (Bain is never seen again but I suppose he's killed) Despite helping the family (and killing Elster) Tom turns out to be “the bleeder” Skaggs but they kill him. 

When Hawkes closes in for the kill the electricity comes back on and a timely news report confirms the previous doctor is still alive. Hawkes evades the police, beats up a bouncer at a club and meets a weird woman while The Sic F*cks play. Hawkes pulls out his gun and points it at the woman. She just laughs. So does Hawkes. 

This was director Jack Sholder's first feature film and it's a great debut but after making NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE and THE HIDDEN he seemed to drift into TV movies. Both Palance and Landau went on to win Academy Awards.

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Van Cleef vs. Palance

GOD'S GUN-1976-Sam Clayton (Jack Palance) and his gang stop over at the town Juno after a bank robbery. One of Clayton's men kills a man and they take off. The sheriff (Richard Boone) wants to let them go but the local priest (Lee Van Cleef) goes after them. He brings the killer back to the jail but the gang breaks him out and shoots up the town and the priest is killed. A young boy named Johnny (Leif Garrett) who helped the priest around the church goes to Mexico to find the priest's brother Lewis (also Van Cleef). It seems the trauma of the killing leaves him mute but he finds Lewis and they go back to Juno. Along the way we get a flashback to the last time the two brothers met. Meanwhile Clayton's men molest the womenfolk until Johnny's saloon owner mother (Sybil Danning) reveals that Sam is her son's father. A flashback shows that as a Union soldier he raped her. Sam's pretty happy about this but before anything can happen Lewis returns in his brother's robes and some of the dumb outlaws think he's come back from the dead. Lewis gets his vengeance in a gun fight and Johnny gets his voice back. 

Great cast, terrible drawn out movie. Boone left before filming was completed so he only shows up sporadically with a dubbed voice that sounds like it's on helium. Palance usually makes anything he's in worth watching and his elation at finding out he has a son is the movie's highlight. 

This Italian-Israeli production (filmed in Israel) was directed by Gianfranco Parolini/Frank Kramer had early made THE RETURN OF SABATA with Van Cleef.

Also known as DIAMANTE LOBO.

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Amicus Anthology

TORTURE GARDEN-1967-Five people visit Dr. Diablo's Torture Garden at a carnival. After Diablo (Burgess Meridith) shows them a recreation of an electric chair execution he introduces them to a statue of Atropus, the goddess of destiny. Then he invites each of them to stare at the statue and a tale featuring them is conveyed.

In “Enoch” a neer do well (Michael Bryant) kills his old uncle (Maurice Denham) to get his hidden money but instead he comes under the supernatural influence of a cat named Bathaza! It makes him kill people so it can it their brains! He winds up beheaded in a jail cell. Niall McManus (CURSE OF THE DEMON) plays his doctor.

“Terror Over Hollywood” takes place in Tinseltown where actress Clara Hayes (Beverly Adams) becomes involved with a former matinee idol Bruce Benton (Robert Hutton) who is literally an 'immortal” star thanks to a weird surgeon who in the end makes Clara a “living doll”.

In “Mr. Steinway” a woman (Ursula Howells) falls in love with a brilliant but lonely pianist named Leo (John Standing) who's piano seems to be possessed by his dead mother. When the two become lovers the piano pushes her out a window!

In “The Man Who Collected Poe”, an American book collector Ronald Wyatt (Jack Palance) wants a rare Edgar Allan Poe book owned by English Poe collector Kanning (Peter Cushing). Kanning has quite a collection. In fact the real Poe is alive in his basement after making a deal with the devil! This has a weird “huh?” ending.

The framing sequence also has a nice twist ending involving a another patron (Michael Ripper) where after Diablo reveals his real identity (can ya guess?) to the viewing audience.

TORTURE GARDEN was the first of a series of anthology films Robert Bloch wrote for Amicus, the main rival to Hammer in the 1960's (he'd already done THE PSYCHOPATH and THE DEADLY BEES for them). The stories themselves aren't that great but they are weird enough (a cat that eats brains, a killer piano, Poe still alive). Director Freddie Francis (who worked on several other Amicus anthologies written by Bloch) keeps things moving but the acting makes up for any plot faults.

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Gor! Rhymes with Bore!

GOR-1987-After a car crash, a nerdy college teacher (Urbano Barberini) is transported to the alternate world of Gor while wearing his father's magic ring. Once there he meets some desert warriors fighting to overthrow the oppression of it's evil tyrant (Oliver Reed; his overacting is the only highlight) as Sarm, who likes to torture people. Paul L. Smith turns up as a trader who roughs up a dwarf.

This stupid movie was made in Italy (with a mostly Italian cast) by American director Fritz Kiersch (CHILDREN OF THE CORN). It's based on the first novel in the adult fantasy series by John Norman but was obviously more inspired by Conan The Barbarian and other sword and sorcery shenanigans popular at the time. The acting is awful, the swordplay pretty pathetic but some might enjoy it for the "attributes" displayed by female lead Rebecca Ferratti.

Though Jack Palance is third billed he only shows up in the last few minutes of the movie to set up a sequel. Yes, there was a sequel called OUTLAW OF GOR (which also starred Barberini and Ferratti) which found a fitting place in history being used for an episode of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000! Barberini was later in Dario Argento's OPERA. Arnold Vosloo has a small role in the modern day scenes.

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Bettie & Jack

First things first:

RIP Bettie Page....



Now for a movie:



KILL A DRAGON-1967-Mercenary good guy Rick Masters (Jack Palance) agrees to help some old Chinese men return some special cargo to Hong Kong. He gets help from frustrated tour guide Aldo Ray (who was in RIOT ON THE SUNSET STRIP the same year), Don Knight and some Karate guy (Hans Lee). Fernando Lamas is Patrai the “mafia of Macao” who wants the cargo. Ray appears in drag in one scene!

Director Michael D. Moore was a second unit director who made a few other movies including 2 movies starring singers: Roy Orbison in THE FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE and Elvis in PARADISE HAWAII STYLE.

According to The Internet Movie Database he was also a child actor in silent films!

"Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there"-Will Rogers

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