Happy New Year!

AREA 407-Another BLAIR WITCH PROJECT inspired movie has the story of some plane crash survivors told through the POV camera of one of the young passengers. The bloodied and battered survivors are menaced by some kind of dinosaur. After a small group find a cabin to hide in, a car pulls up and asks some questions but then drives away. After much terror and an adventure in a car only two sisters remain but they are killed by a driver who picks them up. It's never explained but it's obvious it's some kind of experimental base created by our "evil" government. There's also a government warning leader at the start.

Great finale scene!

I liked this better than CLOVERFIELD! It had two directors.  A Part 2 was recently made...

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Green Dragon

THE GREEN DRAGON INN-1977-This is another crazy period piece Kung-Fu movie (from Taiwan). It's full of fights, several characters that are hard to distinguish from each other, a confused story and bad dubbing. The son of a local warlord kills a family. 2 swordsmen, Silent Tracker (Lieh Lo from FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH) and Bold Dragon (Yueh Hua) hunt him separately. They clash several times. The son is taken into custody and some incompletent assassins try to free him. It's kept at the title place which is rigged with different deadly trap. This also features a "white ninja" woman (Polly Shang Kuan).

The director was an actor and stuntman too.

Also known as BRUCE IS LOOSE...for some reason...

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Beneath....

BENEATH THE DARK-2011-A horny couples' hotel sex is foiled by the guy's inability to perform. There's a weird hotel manager and a strange security guard. The guy named Paul (Josh Stewart) meets a black man  (Afemo Omilami) who says "I'm the son of god". The security guard is caught on camera doing something with woman's underwear and is fired. Meanwhile Paul's wife (Jamie-Lynn Sigler) changes her clothes and cheats on him. A lurid video of Paul's college initiation plays into the crappy story. The whole thing turns into a CARNIVAL OF SOULS rip-off with a little of THE SHINING (and MANOS, HANDS OF FATE!) thrown in. The director Chad Feehan must have hit his head hard before making this....

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One Man, One Alien, One Horrible Movie

HUNTER PREY-2010-This movie really sucks. Some "hunters" in armored suits are tracking a creature ("the last of it's kind") on a desert world. They carry guns and shields but seem to be no match for their prey. Much of their dialogue was hard for me to understand. The two remaining hunters are weird looking aliens but at least when the take off their helmets they are easier to understand. There is also lots of walking and talking in this movie. Of course their prey turns out to be a human being. They want information but eventually the human turns the tables on the stupid aliens. It's almost like a live action anime except it's not cool....

 The director Sandy Collora, a protege' of Stan Winston will hopefully forget directing and stick to doing what he does best, SFX.

Overage Teenagers

UNTAMED YOUTH-1957-Two hitch-hiking sisters Jane (Mamie Van Doren) and Penny (Lori Nelson; THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED) are arrested for skinny dipping by a local sheriff (Robert Foulk). A corrupted judge (Lurene Tuttle; MA BARKER'S KILLER BROOD) sends them to an "agricultural" work farm to pick cotton. It's just a front to provide cheap labor for the mean owner Mr. Troup (TV actor John Russell). Almost immediately upon arriving Penny breaks into song when in her underwear! Then Jane gets into a cat fight with the owner's former mistress (Jeanne Carmen; THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS). The judge's song Bob (Don Burnett) goes to work there and early rock and roll legend Eddie Cochran leads the male prisoners and sings "Cotton Picker". There's a wild dance number where Jane sings and the old cook calls their dancing "African antics"!  Troup gives Penny an "audition" at his house but when he puts the moves on her Bob helps her escape. He sics his dogs on her but once again Bob saves her. When Bob complains to his mom about a female prisoner dying and the conditions at the farm, mom reveals her secret: she and Troup are secretly married. "Man oh man, this is wild ain't it?". To complecate things Bob and Penny fall in love. In the end Penny gets to do a Calypso number on TV!

 Rock and Roll, illegal immigration, corruption and teenage (?) rebellion are combined in this far fetched but entertaining musical drama or drama with music maybe??

Director Howard W. Koch had already made BOP GIRL GOES CALYPSO the same year as UNTAMED YOUTH, and would also directed Van Doren again  in THE GIRL IN BLACK STOCKINGS. The next year he'd directed Karloff in FRANKENSTEIN 1970.

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Hong Kong Craziness

FATAL FLYING GUILLOTINE-1979-Shen Mo Chao (Chan Sing) has spent years in solitude (after he "got sick through too much exercise"!) perfecting his "lightening strike". He also has a strange weapon, "the flying guillotine". Some guys with swords try to take it away and he kills them. After the credits his son Shen (Carter Wong) fights a bunch of monks. To get medicine for his sick mom he must face three trials. The third is to fight the master of the Shaolin monastary. Unfortunately he fails. The monks want Shen Sr. and his weapon on their side and send out a group of fighters (to No Return Valley) to find him. They don't fare too well. All but one is killed by Shen's crazy weapon. The son tries the 3rd trial again and wins (but he kind of cheated). They give him a book that will help mom, however on his way back he's attacked and thrown off a cliff into the water. He survives but a rainstorm also impedes his progress. Fortunately he makes it back in time to give mom the elixir that cures her but only for a few minutes. She dies anyway but not before telling Shen all about his evil father. After several other twists, plot holes and more characters entering the action, father and son battle it out in a crazy finale that ends very abruptly.

This has nothing to do with the better known MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE from 1975 (or it's sequel). Director Raymond Lui was also an actor and stuntman.

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Korea

THE HOUSEMAID-2010-A young girl becomes the new maid/nanny for a rich decedent couple with a small daughter. Along with having to put up with the stone faced Mrs. Cho, she has to watch the daughter, cook meals and even wash the hair of the pregnent wife. The wine drinking husband sort of seduces the maid and they have an affair. She winds up pregent herself. Mrs. Cho finds out and tells the wife's mother. She tries to kill the maid and make it look like an accident but the maid is only slightly hurt. When the husband goes on a business trip the wife and Mrs. Cho decide to punish her. They poison her but she survives although she loses her baby. The maid vows revenge but in the end she hangs herself (and sets herself on fire) in front of the whole family. Much has been made about the ambiguous final scene which to me seems to signify insanity.

Director Sang-soo Im puts together a lot of excellent scenes in this Korean thriller/mystery but the story could have been better. It's a remake of a 1960 film.

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Subway Horror

STAG NIGHT-2008-According to this nonsense 100,000 people go missing in NYC every year and no one looks for them. Maybe they are looking in the wrong place as this cannibal horror movie was filmed Sofia, Bulgaria!

Four blockheads having a bachelor party encounter 2 women on a subway. After one of the women maces one of the guys they are let off at an abandoned station. Most of them walk around endlessly and insult each other but two of them stay behind to have sex and the guy gets bitten by a homeless person. They all wind up being terrorized and killed by underground cannibal maniacs who cut up body parts and feed them to their dogs. There's dismemberment, be-headings, maulings, the usual CGI gore and enough shaky camera work to send anyone running for the Excedrin bottle.

The filmmakers obviously had no idea how the NYC subway system operates (or what it looks like) and this makes the story even more idiotic. It reminded me of the English '70's film DEATHLINE (aka RAW MEAT). This was the first movie directed by Peter A. Dowling. Warning: He's working on another!

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More Garbage

THE HAZING-2004-A college professor (Brad Dourif) uses a Necronomicon like type book to open a secret portal to a dark dimension. He has to kill a few people to achieve this. Some assholes on a Halloween scavenger hunt almost kill him (he was trying to kill them). They take him to a hospital. Later on they decide to have a party and get trapped in the house and menaced by Dourif's spirit. There's one fairly sick sex scene and as usual who really cares if these idiots live or die? One guy is killed and comes back to life and there's a beheading. Dourif is killed in the hospital but the three survivors must close the portal in a stupid ending. Also known as DEAD SCARED but it still sucks. The director Rolfe Kanefsky also made several titles in a new EMMANUELLE series.

It Comes In a Tube!

TEST TUBE BABIES-1948-in this "story as old as time", George (William Thomason) and Kathy (Dorothy Duke) are a happily married couple until Kathy starts hanging around with some boozy friends. At one of their get togethers there's some brief nudity. After two women have a tussle at the house while George is working late the couple decide to have a family but nothing happens. Kathy visits Dr. Wright (Timothy Farrell in his film debut) for help. "Do you think it's me?" asks George then finds out he's sterile. They decide to use artificial   insemination. Like in GLEN OR GLENDA?, Farrell gets to explain all the details and Kathy really comes across as a dumb Dora. 5 years later they have 3 kids!

Director W. Merle Connell also made THE DEVIL'S SLEEP and UNTAMED WOMEN and later cinematographer on THE UNEARTHY. Producer George Weiss (still alive at this posting)  made the aforementioned GLEN OR GLENDA? plus the OLGA series of movies in the early '60's.

Badly made, badly acted, bad print. For Timothy Farrell completists only!

Lost Film Found (well half anyway...)

THE WHITE SHADOW-1924-Although Graham Cutts is the credited director, the assistant director, editor, set designer and scenarist are all credited to one man: Alfred Hitchcock, a year before he directed his first film.

This film was long thought to be lost but an incomplete print (only 3 of it's 6 reels were located) was found in New Zealand. A lot happens and this new version uses title cards to explain what's missing (most importantly the ending!). It's a tale of two sisters, one bad and one good both played by American actress Betty Compson. Murder, a case of mistaken identity (deliberately caused by the twins) and a gambling hall called "The Cat That Laughs" figure in the plot. Clive Brook (who played Sherlock Holmes in 3 early sound films) and Henry Victor (WHITE ZOMBIE) are also in it.

I found it ironic that I watched this after posting ESCORT GIRL which Compson (at the time of SHADOW a box office star) starred in many years later!

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Exploitation Movie For A Christmas Night

ESCORT GIRL-1941-A sleazy guy named Breezy Nolan (Guy Kingsford) runs an escort service but the real owners are Greg (Wheeler Oakman) and Ruth (Betty Compson) who oversee the operation while running a respectable cafe'. Ruth's daughter June (Margaret Marquis) pays a surprise visit with her fiance' Drake (Robert Kellard) who's going to work for the DA in bringing down the escort service. Of course June has no idea of her mother covert actions. Drake manages to get a job with the service (undercover). Through a big mix up Drake winds up thinking June is working as an escort. She wants to expose Greg as the leader of the illegal activities but when he reveals who his partner is June relents. Greg gets her drunk (she's pretty funny boozed up!) and Ruth freaks out when she finds them together. When Drake and Greg fight it out Ruth is shot and Greg falls out a window. Ruth confesses the truth and the couple live happily ever after.

The direction and acting are sub-par but the fights are entertainingly bad and the print I saw was choppy. It's the only director credit for Edward E. Kaye.

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Merry Christmas

RACKET SQUAD-THE CHRISTMAS CAPER-1952-This is a Christmas episode of the long running TV crime drama that based it's stories about "bunco" artists and con men on true events. Reed Hadley stars as Captain John Braddock who works for the San Francisco police department. In this seasonal story a nice old man Charles Dooley (Lloyd Corrigan) promises some kids a lot of Christmas toys, so to make money he gets a job as a Santa Claus collecting for a charity which is actually a front for some con men (future Uncle Fester Jackie Coogan and familiar TV actor Alan Dexter). Willie Best shows up in one scene as a janitor who actually explains the whole caper to Dooley! After the two bad guys are arrested Dooley takes the stolen money that he was suppose to deliver to his fraudulent bosses and spends it on presents for some needy kids (including a cripple girl) while of course dressed as Santa Claus. Braddock's hot headed detective (John Phillips) wants to arrest Dooley but Braddock relents and they give some of their own money to help the kids. Argentina Brunetti and William Fawcett are also featured.

This episode was directed by Earl C. Kenton who in the forties had made several Abbott & Costello comedies and THE GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN. It was written by Arthur E. Orloff, who wrote many TV episodes around this time. I just wanted to mention that because his last name is Orloff. Ironically, strangely, coincidentally (?) Santa portrayer Corrigan also played a guy impersonating Santa in a episode of WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE that I recently saw!

Merry Christmas and thanks for reading!

30's Drug Culture

COCAINE FIENDS-1935-In this crude low budget drug exploitation film Nick (Noel Madison) pushes drugs, sometimes at a drive-in diner where Fanny and Eddie work. When Fanny (Sheila Bromley) wants to "make woopie" at a nightclub Eddie (Dean Benton) says he's too tired so Fanny gives him some cocaine to wake him up. It works and they go to "The Dead Rat Cafe" to watch a famous actress dance. Nick is there with his wife who is Eddie's sister but she pretends not to know him. Fanny and Eddie wind up moving in together but Eddie becomes a hopeless addict (the landlady calls him a "hophead").  "I need a shot!" he implores Fanny who becomes a prostitute to help feed his habit. Fanny eventually becomes an addict too and gets pregnant to boot. Another character the well to do Dorothy (Lois Lindsey) frequents the drive-in, Her boyfriend Dan is an undercover cop. Eddie says a lot of hateful things to Franny who commits suicide. Nick winds up kidnapping Dorothy but his wife shoots and kills him. The police arrive just in time to arrest the big boss: Dorothy's prominent father! The Eddie character is totally forgotten about.

COCAINE FIENDS is filled with preachy dialogue without much action. Characters say "swell" a lot and there are some terrible musical numbers that take up time. Also known as THE PACE THAT KILLS, the print I saw was terrible. Director William A. O'Connor was an assistant director on many low budget westerns. I couldn't find a date for his death but if he is still alive he's be 113!!!

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Silent Demons

HAXAN: WITCHCRAFT THROUGH THE AGES-1922-Another incredible silent movie!

Although it purports to be a documentary and there is a narrator who uses various pictures and charts to tell the story this in reality is a great horror film!!

Told in several episodes it traces the history of witchcraft, witch burning and how confessions were coerced from the witnesses and victims. Mind blowing scenes of hell include scary demons, a baby sacrifice and worshipers literally kissing the devil's ass. It's depictions explaining the various ways of torture are graphic for the time. Pretty shocking stuff for 1922! No wonder it was banned in the US and heavily censored in other countries.

This Danish production was the brainchild of Benjamin Christensen (who portrays the devil) a contemporary of fellow countryman the great Carl Theodor Dreyer (who made his own witchcraft trial movie in 1943). Two slightly different versions appeared later. One in 1968 had added narration by William S. Burroughs. Director Christensen later came to the US and made MOCKERY, a film about the Russian revolution, often considered one of Lon Chaney's weakest MGM films. After several other misfires he returned to his native Denmark.

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Blue Sunshine

BLUE SUNSHINE-1978-People are losing their hair and going crazy! At a small get together a guy sings and dances but it's revealed that he's wearing a wig. He bugs out and runs away but later returns and burns three women to death. Nice guy Jerry Zipkin (Zalman King) is blamed for the murders. He and his girlfriend Alicia (Deborah Winters) investigate. It seems everyone who goes crazy graduated from Stanford in the same year. It all leads to Edward Flemming (Mark Goddard), a former drug dealer now running for office and a type of LSD called "blue sunshine". The weirdest part is when a babysitter (Ann Cooper) freaks out, takes off her wig and tries to kill two kids. It's basically a good story done in by poor direction, a dumb script, bad acting and out of place close-ups of King. The funniest part is when Flemming's bodyguard (Ray Young) goes crazy in a disco and starts throwing everyone around ("There's a bald maniac in there. He's gone bat shit!"). The piss poor ending tries to make it seem like it's based on a real story. Also with Robert Walden as doctor, familiar TV actress Alice Ghostley in one scene, Brion James and pro-wrestler Rock Riddle.

Writer/director Jeff Lieberman had made the worm horror movie SQUIRM in 1976 and later made the TV movie DOCTOR FRANKEN and the hillbilly slasher JUST BEFORE DAWN.

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Somehow They Finished It

EYE OF THE DEVIL-1966-David Niven plays Philippe de Montfaucon who returns to his family vineyard at Castle Bellenac to help when the crops fail. He leaves his wife Catherine (Deborah Kerr) and children behind but they soon follow and Catherine sees many strange things including a weird ceremony involving the killing of a dove. Later she is menaced by Odile de Caray (Sharon Tate with dubbed voice) and her bow and arrow toting brother Christian (David Hemmings). Donald Pleasance is the "out there" priest who talks mysteriously and watches while Philippe whips Odile after she nearly kills Catherine Flora Robson is Philippe's "I don't want to be involved anymore" sister. Later Catherine is terrorized in the woods by some cloaked figures. After Philippe drugs her and padlocks her in her room, she escapes and discovers a family secret involving witchcraft, pagan rituals and murder although the real culprit seems to be be madness. Edward Mulhare has a small role as a family friend.

EYE is alright for a while but it's drawn out and talky at times. Niven seems to be sleep walking through the whole thing. It seems to have been inspired in part by Henry James and may have had an influence on the later THE WICKER MAN.

Originally Kim Novak was cast as Catherine and most of her scenes were finished however production was shut down when she left the film. One story is she was injured when she fell off a horse. Another says she had a falling out with the producer Martin Ransohoff. Whatever, Deborah Kerr was hired and all of Novak's scenes were re-shot. Michael Anderson (AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS) started the film then was replaced by Sidney Furie and Arthur Hiller. Credited director J. Lee Thompson finished it. Some prints say 13 (the film's original title) at the end.

Kerr and Niven were reunited the next year in CASINO ROYALE.

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Bad Action

24 HOURS TO MIDNIGHT-1985-Cynthia Rothrock is Devon Grady, a martial artist who's husband (Juan Chapa) is killed by gangsters led by "White Powder" Chan (Stack Pierce). Meanwhile two kung-fu cops (one male, one female) ride around beating up thugs. To get revenge Devon dresses as a ninja and bumps off the gang members in various ways. The story line with Rothrock was filmed by writer/director Leo Fong but never finished (several stories abound as to why). A few years later Fong filmed another story featuring the two cops and Brinke Stevens (who also dubbed Rothrock's voice) as Devon's avenging ninja. Scenes of Rothrock crying over her hubby's death and him showing her some martial arts moves are repeated several times. Fong himself shows up un-billed toward the end and is blown up. 

This inept paste up job was only Rothrock's second role (she made many more direct to video) and martial artist/actor/preacher Fong's first as director (he only got slightly better). He and Pierce acted together in LOW BLOW and KILLPOINT.

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And Now For Something...you know...

Last month my dad (age 95) fell and fractured his hip. He had an operation and came through it ok. While in the re-hab facility he contracted pneumonia. It looked bad for a while but now he's rid of that and back in re-hab. Hopefully he'll be better soon. Today is also Pearl Harbor day or the Attack on Pearl Harbor day, whatever. I don't hear too much about round here, especially with more important things like the deaths of Paul Walker and Nelson Mandela and Robinson Cano signing a 240 million contract with The Seattle Mariners. But because of this day in 1941 my dad (and lots of others) spent 5 years defending his country in the Pacific. Many didn't make it back but he did. If he hadn't I wouldn't be writing this now. Thanks, Dad!!! 

I should review my dad's favorite movie THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY but everyone knows that film. Here's a music review as a change of pace:

JOHN CALE: FRAGMENTS OF A RAINY SEASON-1992-I've been a big fan of the Welsh born John Cale ever since The Velvet Underground broke up. Here's a concert filmed in Brussels. Cale solos on all the songs playing only piano or guitar. 16 songs are featured from different times in his career including 3 Dylan Thomas poems put to music. Highlights are THE BALLAD OF CABLE HOGUE, FEAR (IS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND) and PARIS 1919. He even throws in STYLE IT TAKES from his Andy Warhol tribute collaboration with Lou Reed (who died in October of 2013). It ends with a dynamite version of Leonard Cohen's HALLELUJAH (later featured in SHREK!). At the same time Cale also released a CD of the same concert that features 20 songs. 

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Fred Sears

THE NIGHT THE WORLD EXPLODED-1957-Short (64 minutes) science fiction quickie features an egghead scientist Dr. Conway (William Leslie; also in HELLCATS OF THE NAVY the same year) and his older mentor Dr. Morton (Tris Coffin) who invent a machine that detects earthquakes. When they find  "a big one" is going to hit LA the warn the governor but he ignores them. After the quake hits as predicted the government wants to know more (things haven't changed that much). Kathryn Grant plays "Hutch" the duo's assistant who's sweet on Conway but he doesn't notice. They all go to Carlsbad Caverns to check out some readings. Along the way they discover a new element that explodes when it makes contact with air.

THE NIGHT THE WORLD EXPLODED almost plays like an episode of TV's SCIENCE FICTION THEATER. It was directed (and narrated) by Fred Sears (for a double bill with his atrocious THE FLYING CLAW), a veteran of extremely low budgets who's rapidity rivaled Beaudine and Newfield. He died suddenly at 54 of a heart attack leaving 5 (!) movies (including WORLD) to be released posthumously. Many of them produced by Sam Katzman (as WORLD was).

Grant who got to be Bing Crosby's widow was in THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD the next year.

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ABBOTT and COSTELLO

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN-1948-This Universal production is one of the best horror comedies ever made. It's arguably Abbott and Costello's best film but unfortunately it also ushered out the era of the studios classic horror monster movies. Bud and Lou play baggage handlers Chick (Abbott) and Wilbur (Costello) who get into trouble almost immediately when they deliver to crates to "MacDougal's House of Horrors", a wax museum. The crates contain "the remains" of Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi) and the Frankenstein monster (Glenn Strange). Meanwhile, Larry Talbott (Lon Chaney) tries to convince "the boys"  he's the wolf-man. It turns out Wilbur's girlfriend Sandra (Lenore Aubert who's also in ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KILLER BORIS KARLOFF) is in league with the count to put Wilbur's brain inside the head of the monster! Jane Randolph (CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE) plays an insurance investigator who pretends to be sweet on Wilbur. There's lots of great bits and one liners and director Charles Barton does a great job of combining the comedy and horror. Frank Ferguson plays the owner of the museum and there are appearances by A & C "regulars" Joe Kirk and Bobby Barber. Vincent Price is the voice of the invisible man.

This is one of eight Abbott & Costello comedies directed by Charles Barton who had been assistant director on the Marx Bros. movies MONKEY BUSINESS and HORSE FEATHERS.

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Late Corman, Early Coppola

DEMENTIA 13-1963-This begins with a husband and wife out in a row boat at night discussing his mother's inheritance. He has a heart attack and dies. She fears that she will be cut out of MIL's will if his death is discovered so she throws his weighted body into the water. After some brief credits, the woman Louise (Luana Anders) packs hubby's suitcase and forges his signature on a note to his mom (Eithne Dunne). Louise is living in an old Irish castle with her two brothers in law. William Campbell is the older brother Richard, an artist who works in metal and is engaged to Kane (Mary Mitchel). Billy (Bart Patton) is the younger bro, shy and weak. They are all haunted by the memory of Kathleen, a sister who drowned when she was a little girl. The woman schemes to make MIL change her will by making the old woman think Kathleen has come back. Her plan doesn't work as she is killed by a mysterious ax murderer who also decapitates an old poacher. Patrick Magee is the weird family doctor who figures it out. 

Producer Roger Corman wanted a low budget PSYCHO rip-off made with money left over form his THE YOUNG RACERS (which had featured Campbell, Anders and Magee). He hired Francis Ford Coppola (only his third film) to write and directed it in Ireland. It's dark and bizarre and the acting is very good. Corman and Coppola clashed over the final cut's running time and Corman added a  "gimmick" prologue (directed by either Jack Hill or Monte Hellman) to pad it out.  So Corman wanted to rip-off Hitchcock and William Castle??

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1960

THE LEECH WOMAN-1960-A stuck up scientist Paul Talbott (Phillip Terry) insults his alcoholic wife June (Coleen Gray; still alive at this writing) at his clinic where he's trying to reverse the aging process. An ancient woman named Malla (Estelle Hemsley) visits him and claims to be 142 years old. She says that her tribe in Africa holds the secret to eternal youth. After some tests, Talbott decides to take a journey there and convinces June to come along. He acts very cheerful and nice but only wants to use her. They hire a European guide (John Van Dreelan) and are eventually captured by the tribe where they meet Maila who promises to show them the eternal youth ceremony but then they must die! Malla does turn young (and into actress Kim Hamilton who just passed away in September) but the secret ingredient is human fluid found at the base of the skull. So a life has to be sacrificed when doing it. When June is offered the "treatment" she gets her revenge on hubby by picking him as her victim/sacrifice. She turns young and hightails with the guide to civilization but not before June starts to turn old again and kills the guide. 

Back home she's beautiful and youthful (and bitchy) and posing as her own niece where she seemingly mesmerizes her lawyer Neil Foster (Grant Williams; THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN), much to the irritation of his fiance' Sally (Gloria Talbott with a terrible hairstyle). When she gets old again June (now posing as herself) puts on her finest jewelry and lures an unsuspecting robber/gigolo (familiar TV actor Arthur Batanides, who had an un-billed role in SPARTACUS the same year!) to his death.

Just when June thinks she has everything going her way (she kills Sally for her vital fluid and plans to have Neil all to herself) the injections fail to work, she turns permanently old and falls out a window to her death.

Director Edward Dein (SHACK OUT ON 101) moves the episodic story along quickly (maybe too quickly!) giving it  a "Corman" type of feel. Producer Joseph Gershenson (also a music supervisor on many films) work on lots of things including MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS and several Abbott & Costello comedies.

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Italy

L'AMORE-1948-This landmark film (actually two short films) by Italian neo-realist Robert Rossellini was banned in many parts of the US until a Supreme Court decision citing "artistic expression" was protected by "freedom of speech". The film is also a tribute/tour de force for it's star Anna Magnani. 

The first story is "The Human Voice" written by Jean Cocteau (based on his play). It's about a woman speaking on the phone to her lover who no longer loves her. It takes place entirely in the woman's bedroom. The second story called "The Miracle"  (co-wrtten by Rosellini & Fredrico Fellini) is the one that caused the controversy. It concerns Nammi (Magnani again), a simple very religious peasant who meets a stranger (Fellini) she believes is St. Joseph.  He gives her too much wine and she passes out. When she awakens (and the stranger is gone) she goes on her way only to discover a few weeks later she is pregnent. She thinks it's immaculate conception but the town shuns her and later publicly humiliates her. She goes off alone and has her baby. The end.

Despite all the controversy the reason it was rarely seen for years had to do with a copyright on the Cocteau play.

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JJ Strikes Again

JUNGLE JIM IN THE FORBIDDEN LAND-A scientist Dr. Linda Roberts (Angela Greene; Tess Trueheart in the short lived DICK TRACEY TV show) goes to find Jim (Johnny Weissmuller). Unfortunately her raft is attacked by a hippo and her small crew is killed. She survives and wanders the jungle and is lucky enough to be rescued by Jim when a panther attacks. He kills it with his trusty knife (it's a stuffed animal). Dr. Roberts is looking for "The Land of The Giant People". Jim takes her to see "The Old One", a ancient blind white haired guy who talks like Master Po. On their way a hippo attacks again and Jim kills it (a silly looking model). Later he helps out a man who is legally dealing in ivory. His ward (Jean Willes) causes trouble. Somehow she and a phony doctor convince a commissioner to use two captured "giant people" to find their hidden land. They look like wolf people and aren't very gigantic. Jim is shot with truth serum and reveals where the giants hang out. Then he's framed for murder. Good of course triumphs in the end and Tamba the monkey gets its name in the credits!

Director Lew Landers started directing (under his real name Louis Friedlander) in the early 30's and made THE RAVEN with Karloff & Lugosi in 1935. Among his over 100 credits (!) he made THE BOOGIE MAN WILL GET YOU (with Karloff & Lorre), THE RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE (with Lugosi) and THE MASK OF DIJON (with Erich Von Stroheim).  Like many "work-aholic" directors he later went into TV. He died in 1962. I'd like to see his last movie TERRIFIED. 

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Health Short

HER NAME WAS ELLIE, HIS NAME WAS LYLE-1967-Bruce (John Pleschette) is a NYC high school basketball player who believes he has syphilis. He's rude to his girlfriend, takes lots of showers and when his grouchy father tries to talk to him he clams up. He tries to steal some penicillin from a druggist and then goes to a clinic and gets examined by an African American doctor who tells Bruce he's got the clap. Bruce got it from a waitress named Ellie (Lynne Lipton) and he breaks the bad news to her. ("Of all the lousy luck"). She goes to the clinic for help and gets a lecture.  His well informed girlfriend gets very angry when he tells her the truth (apparently from their conversation they were having sex) then she goes to the clinic and gets checked out. The counselor at the health clinic searches for a guy named Lyle who gave the dose to Ellie. By the end of this 28 minute short Lyle is still out there and "remains dangerous to himself and the community".  This black and white Dept. of Health warning  is the only directorial effort by German born Lothar Wolff who according to some sources edited Fritz Lang's THE TESTAMENT OF DR. MABUSE and THE LAST WILL OF DR. MABUSE! Filmed in Manhattan.

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Little People, Big Hero

PYGMY ISLAND-1950-Some army officers (one of them is Selmer Jackson)  in DC discuss a jungle plant that could replace rope while newspaper headlines report the disappearance of Capt. Kingsley who was looking for the source of the plant. A flashback then tells us that this is another Jungle Jim adventure as Jim (Johnny Weissmuller) finds the captain's missing dog tags. No sooner does the real story start then Jim is in the water fighting an alligator! While investigating the death of a pygmy Jim discovers the plant is fireproof. The flashback ends and the US army (with THE MAD GHOUL's David Bruce) shows up in Bugandi (?) to check out a group of white Pygmy people and find the missing captain who we also learn is a woman (Ann Savage). She's hiding out with them. Meanwhile a tribe of "bush devils" threatens the little people. A local trader named Marco (Steven Geray) is also after the plant. The bush devils start an elephant stampede and of course it turns out "the devils" are actually foreign agents (lead by Tris Coffin). A gorilla (probably the same one from MARK OF THE GORILLA) attacks Jim and destroys a bridge (with Jim on it!). Billy Curtis leads the little natives (who include Billy Barty & Angelo Rossitto) who save the day when Jim is taken captive. William Tannen and Tommy Farrell are also in it. This is one of the few JJ movies that contains non-jungle scenes. 

Director William Berke was a veteran of low budget movies (and later TV) since 1934. His last work was on 1958's THE LOST MISSILE.

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Bava

HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON-1970-John Harrington (Canadian actor Stephen Forsyth), a bridal designer kills brides to be with a hatchet because of a repressed childhood trauma and uses their bodies for fertilizer. He thinks "My name is John Harrington. I'm 30 years old. I'm paranoiac. Paranoiac. An enchanting name word. So civilized. Full of possibilities". 

He wants a divorce from his rich wife Mildred (Laura Betti) but she refuses. In a hidden room at his dress shop he hugs, kisses and dances with some mannequins. He and Mildred go to a seance' because Mildred is trying to contact her dead former husband but instead she seems to channel John's mother. A police inspector suspects John and they have several conversations about a missing employee. When one of his models gives her notice (she's going to be married) he has her put on a wedding dress, dances with her then kills her while a female voice calls his name and he thinks lines like "someone is tip toeing in my brain".  Her replacement Helen (Dagmar Lassander; Fulchi's HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY) turns out to be the missing model's sister who's investigating her disappearance (John admits he killed her and buried her in his green house but she thinks he's joking). Later he puts on a bridal veil and chops up Mildred.  Occasionally John sees a young boy watching him. Later people see Mildred even though John can't. After some talk John puts Mildred's ashes in a bag and goes to a disco.

This is slick sickness from the master Mario Bava (who co-wrote the script) uses great lighting and dream like sequences marred somewhat by the cliched dubbed dialogue: "You like horror films, do ya?". "I don't find them very entertaining. I keep thinking that reality is more terrifying than fiction".  But it's still one of Bava's best, an entertaining entry into the Italian "giallo" genre with a great final ending.

Sometimes listed as HATCHET FOR A HONEYMOON. This was star Forsyth's last movie role after a brief career in Italian films.

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Hey Abbott?

WAGON TRAIN-"The Tobias Jones Story"-1958-This episode of the long running western about a wagon train crossing the western plains to California features the only dramatic role by comedian Lou Costello! He plays Toby Jones, a drunken itinerant who stows away on a wagon with a little girl name Midge (Beverley Washburn) who's devoted to Toby like a daughter to a father. Due to his drinking the wagon master Seth Adams (star Ward Bond) has Midge stay with Mrs. Folsom (June Clayworth) and her mean, abusive husband (Morris Ankrum). Things don't work out too well as Toby's drinking gets him into a lot of trouble. It comes to a head when Folsom is stabbed to death (with Toby's knife) and 10,000 dollars is stolen. The would be settlers want to string Toby up but Adams makes sure cooler heads prevail. Except Toby feels it would be better for him, Midge and everyone else if he was dead. Of course Toby is innocent and it's up to Adams to find out the truth. This episode also features Peter Breck as a rabble rousing cowboy and Harry Von Zell (who wrote the script) as a level headed easterner. The story itself is typical of the time but Costello is very good in the serious role. It was directed by Herschel Daugherty. Lou Costello made one more filmed appearance the next year in his only solo effort THE 50 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK. He died of a heart attack at age 52 before it was released. Ten years later Beverley Washburn would co-star as one of the Merrye sisters in Jack Hills' SPIDER BABY! TV and radio announcer Harry von Zell was featured on THE BURNS AND ALLEN SHOW at the time.

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Jungle Jim

MARK OF THE GORILLA-1950-Johnny Weissmuller as Jungle Jim returns! After a narrator (un-billed Holmes Herbert) tells us about a jungle preserve, a gorilla kills a messenger carrying an important letter. Fortunately Jim's faithful crow retrieves the letter. It turns out a million dollars is buried on the preserve and some unscrupulous bad guys led by Onslow Stevens (HOUSE OF DRACULA) as Brandt want it so two of them disguise themselves as apes. It's a switcheroo! This time it really is suppose to be a man in a gorilla suit! A princess (Trudy Marshall) also gets involved looking for the lost treasure of her people. Jim gets to fight a lion, leopard and has a underwater fight with a giant snake. The princess is taken prisoner by the phony gorilla men but Jim saves her by donning his own gorilla suit! 

Much of this Sam Katzman production was filmed at the famous Bronson Canyon in LA. Director William Berke would do several more in the series.

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Nonsense

DARK FLOORS-2008-A nurse, a high strung guy, a security guard, a nutty guy and man with a semi-comatose daughter are trapped in a hospital. All the doctors and patients have disappeared and they are menaced by a strange apparition (it looks like Uncle Creepy from the black and white Warren comics). It all seems to be related to the daughter. A scaly monster bites the high strung guy's leg. Later the monster (which looks like The Predator dressed to go clubbing) kills some of them. Two survivors become "displaced" in time and eventually corpses come back to life. It's all Stephen King/David Lynch/J-horror inspired nonsense very drawn out and un-entertaining.

This Finland/Iceland co-production (in English) was directed by Pete Riski and features English actor Ronald Pickup and the Finnish rock group Lordi  (I like their song "Hard Rock Hallelujah") as most of the demons.

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Lake Shit

"Sick minds make sick movies"....me




LAKE DEAD-2007-This begins with an old man getting shot in the head. Two sisters inherit a hotel from their grandfather. Sister number one is a foul mouthed drunken whore. Sister number two is nice and married to a construction worker. Their estranged father warns them not to go because granddad was a bad man. Slutty sis goes to the hotel herself and winds up being dunked in the lake and weighted down by a cinder block. Then nice sis and hubby take some friends up there (the more victims, the merrier). The place is run by Gloria (Pat McNeeley) a too cheerful lady who denies knowing anything about slutty sis so you know right away she's part of whatever nonsense is going to happen. The idiots decide to go camping. The stupidest part is when hubby goes for a swim underwater. He keeps his eyes closed and doesn't see slutty sis's body.  After one couple has sex two long haired dweebs attack them. The duo later go after the whole group but they escape. They ran afoul of the local redneck sheriff who's in on the plot which has to do with some hillbillys who want the married sister to help continue the hick inbred mentally deficient bloodline. 

Rape, torture and incest also figure in the screwed up plot. The "twist ending" in this HILLS HAVE EYES inspired garbage is given away early when hubby instead of killing one of the long haired geeks only knocks him out.

As of this writing director George Bessudo has made only one other movie. (keep your fingers crossed)

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Mystery Title!

SHAOLIN KUNG FU MYSTAGOGUE-1977-This crazy Kung-Fu period piece has lots of fights, violence, bad dubbing and nutty costumes crammed into this story with stars Carter Wong and Hsu Feng fighting for King Tang (Chang Yi). Parts of it are unintentionally funny but of course bad dubbing and editing has something to do with that. Personally, the best thing I liked about this martial arts film was the strange title! It's original title is DA MO MI ZONG and was directed by Pen I-Chang.

Drunk Mantis Dance Fever

DANCE OF THE DRUNK MANTIS-1979-Jackie Chan style martial arts comedy full of stupid characters, terrible dubbing and hackneyed editing but it's slapstick acrobatic fights are great! An old woman beats up a much younger money lender and two bullies cluck like a chicken and a duck when they fight. An old Kung-Fu master, Sam the Seed (Siu Tin Yuen also in SNAKE IN THE EAGLE'S SHADOW who died soon after this) teaches his adopted son Foggy (Shun-Yee Yuen  also in INFRA-MAN) "drunk fighting". They have a falling out but later get back together to fight the old man's white bearded former pupil Old Rubber Legs (Jang Lee Hwang also in BRUCE LEE: A DRAGON STORY). After getting beat the son meets his thought to be dead uncle who teaches him some new moves so he can destroy Rubber Legs. 

Director Woo-ping Yuen (Siu Tin Yuen's son) directed several movies with Jackie Chan and was stunt coordinator on many more.

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When Will It End? (bad movie making I mean...)

END OF THE WORLD-2013-Sometimes I do think the world is coming to an end when I see movies like this! Some dweebs who like science fiction movies try to survive when deadly balls of electricity bombard the Earth. They also try to locate a famous author (Brad Dourif) who could help but he's locked up in an insane asylum. Most of them are killed but somehow two of them manage to set off a nuclear warhead to destroy the deadly force!

The director Steven R. Monroe previously did the remake of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.

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Flying Monkeys

FLYING MONKEYS-2013-In Kansas, a father misses his daughter's high school graduation so to say he's sorry he buys her a cute pet monkey. However at night it turns into a flying monkey monster (kind of like the ones in THE WIZARD OF OZ) called a Zego, an ancient demon from China. Meanwhile in China 2 locals and some mercenaries hunt another one. It turns out that when they are shot they don't die they split in two and multiple. After all the mercs are killed the two locals go to Kansas to stop it because "everyone in America owns a gun". The acting, script and SFX are terrible.

This is the only feature film made (so far) by Robert Grasmere, usually a 2nd unit director.

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Pongo!

WHITE PONGO-1945-In the unexplored swamps of East Africa, a white guy is tied up while natives dance around a fire. A white gorilla (Crash Corrigan) watches the festivities and gets angry when he sees the chief's wife with a  (real) pet chimp on a lease. The captive guy escapes (with the help of an older white guy who also seems to be a prisoner) but sticks around long enough to see the gorilla trample the chief and rescue the chimp.  The captive guy is rescued but dying of jungle fever. British explorer Sir Henry (Gordon Richards) and his daughter Pamela (Maris Wrixton from THE APE) arrive just in time to hear the last of his rantings. They deduce that the gorilla is White Pongo, the legendary missing link! They set out on an expedition. Although one of the white hunters is Clive (Michael Dyne), a "suitor" of Pamela's, she prefers their hired hunter/guide, the mysterious hard nosed Bishop (Richard Fraser). Also along is Baxter (George Lloyd from I ACCUSE MY PARENTS also by PONGO's director) talking in an exaggerated English accent. The group sets a trap for Pongo then stands around talking, waiting for something to happen. Bishop gets into hot water when he's caught kissing Pamela. It turns out that their German guide Kroegert (Al Eben who had a small role in CITIZEN KANE) is actually after gold and he and Clive team up to betray the rest but Bishop is actually working for the US secret service and is on to the German's shenanigans. After Kroegert kills Clive and threatens Pamela he's killed by Pongo who takes a shine to Pam and takes her back to his lair. He scares a lion away and fights a regular (man in a suit) gorilla in defense of his fur-less love. At the end the group captures Pongo, puts him in a bamboo cage and takes him back to the US!

WHITE PONGO resembles another PRC production from the same year THE WHITE GORILLA (also with Corrigan in the simian lead) which is even more cheaply assembled. Most of it is silent movie footage!

Speedy Sam Newfield made 12 other features in 1945. I wonder if he stopped for lunch?

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Taiwan

ANGEL FORCE-1991-Taiwan sends a government rescue team to free a hostage in Burma. A guy named Peter (Wilson Lam) assembles a team (including his female partner played by Moon Lee) to do the assignment. Strangely Peter gets shot up and his partner has to take over. There's a lot of shoot-outs, fights and a motorcycle chase though the print I saw was badly dubbed and edited. It's sometimes hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. It starts out as "cops vs gangsters" and switches to a jungle commando action film with some surprising violence. The story goes on too long with a lot of predictable twists. Yukari Oshima plays an arms dealer. Of the two directors credited one Shan Hua directed the crazy INFRA-MAN.

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Horror in Connecticut

THE CURSE OF THE LIVING CORPSE-1964-Somewhere in the 1800's, the Sinclair family gathers for the reading of the recently deceased father's will. The old boy had a fear of being buried alive and leaves intricate details on how to make sure he's dead. The will states that if the greedy ones do not follow his instructions they will all die in the way the fear the most (drowning, burning, smothering, etc.). Later a mysterious masked killer in hat and cape does away with them (it's easy to figure out who it is). This leaves some of the nervous relatives to cry that dad is still alive. Roy Scheider (in his film debut) plays the sarcastic drunken second son and CARNIVAL OF SOUL's Candace Hilligoss has a mostly wasted role until the climax. The highlight is a severed head served on a dinner plate.

CURSE OF THE LIVING CORPSE was shot in Connecticut by Del Tenney, the director behind the much more entertaining HORROR OF PARTY BEACH. But CURSE is a funny period piece with outrageous dialogue and some early gore. Much of it seems to be  a parody especially with the arrival of an inquisitive detective and his stupid policeman assistant.

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French Zombies

MUTANTS-2008-Gory full of its self 28 DAYS LATER inspired horror film from France. Sonia (Helene de Fougerolles), a doctor and her boyfriend Marco (Francis Renaud) hide in some kind of medical building while an airborne virus turns The French populace  into zombies. Sonia, who seems to be immune to the disease gets a message from NOAH, a military/scientific recovery group that they are on the way to rescue the pair. Unfortunately Marco becomes infected. He gets weaker and weaker, his hair and teeth fall out and he vomits blood. Finally he becomes a raving lunatic that pisses blood. Sonia decides to kill him but relents at the last minute and locks him in the basement (so don't go in the basement...). Later two idiots Franck and Nico show up. Sonia and Frank go to an underground radio base so she can send an SOS while Franck fights off some (unintentionally comical) mutants with a machete'. They return but Frank and Nico beat her up until a pack of mutants attack (they seem to have been called by Marco, still in the basement). The finale is a sick CGI video game inspired drawn out chase/battle. 

Director David Morlet obviously thought he was doing something great and by the reviews I've seen he wasn't wrong. It must be me....

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