More Quickies

Kind of busy doing stuff around here so I have to keep it short!

STRAY DOG-(Nora inu)-1949-Akira Kurosawa’s early classic film about the frantic search for a homicide detective’s missing gun. Several murder victims are found, killed with bullets from his gun. A very young Toshiro Mifune plays the harried detective Murakami and Takashi Shimura (the Japanese John Carradine) is another detective who helps him. Kurosawa had already made THOSE WHO TREAD ON THE TIGER’S TAIL and DRUNKEN ANGEL but would only establish himself the next year with RASHOMON. Sometimes overlooked STRAY DOG is a must see!!

SPIDERBABE-2003-This is a soft-core porn version of SPIDER-MAN (duh..) featuring Misty Mundae as Patricia Poker, a nerdy girl who gets spider type powers and has sex with many women. She fights a super villain called Femtilian and likes a guy named MJ. It copies several scenes from Sam Raimi’s better-known version (and one from BATMAN and ROBIN) but it’s all extremely low budget and badly executed (even for a direct to video porn). 

Mundae has starred in a lot of direct to video porn recently many of them horror themed including LUST FOR DRACULA, VAMPIRE VIXENS and SCREAMING DEAD.

MONSTER ROAD-2004-This is an interesting documentary about the brilliant but eccentric clay animator Bruce Bickford. It examines his influences, his ideas, his painstaking technique and philosophy in his own words and those of his father a retired Boeing engineer now suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Excerpts of his work are shown and they might make you want to see more. He’s also the subject of THE AMAZING MR. BICKFORD (1987) a video that was released by Frank Zappa who used much of his animation in his BABY SNAKES.

KING BOXER-1971-Not very thrilling Martial Arts film that begins with a seemingly endless scene of a couple riding an elephant. A group of friends get revenge for the killing of their “King of Boxers”. Like many boring Kung-Fu movies this one is saved by a bloody out of control finale. One of the stars Meng Fei was later in 5 FINGERS OF DEATH. Japanese actor Yasuaki Kurata who plays the main villain here later produced and starred in BLOODFIGHT (1989) a Japanese rip-off of DEATHSPORT done in English!

REVENGE OF THE DRAGON-1972-This is a typical ‘70’s martial arts action drama from Hong Kong complete with bad dubbing, unintentional laughs and crazy fights. A man seeks revenge against a gang boss responsible for his wife’s death. The title theme sounds like a “Shaft” outtake. Director Hung Chiang also made a movie called KUNG FU: THE HEAD CRUSHER. Not to be confused with Bruce Lee’s RETURN OF THE DRAGON that was sometimes called Revenge on cable TV prints.

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German Zombies

ZOMBIE DOOM-1999-Three numbskulls land on an island and are captured by a group in metal masks toting machetes. They are part of a community of maniacs led by “The Meister”, their scarred over acting leader (the director). His father, a messed up guy with metal arms and legs sits by and gets excited during a triple guillotine execution. After one of the numbskulls is killed the remaining two are joined by a “failed” Asian guard and set loose in a zombie-infested forest to be hunted ala THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. Meanwhile an idiotic doctor with a Hitler moustache does experiments on victims’ brains similar to DR. BUTCHER M.D.

After the two numbskulls are killed the guard is joined by some other (Asian) escapees (who have dubbed in comically racist voices). They beat up the zombies and take revenge. The anything goes storyline features a battle with bad black robed ninjas, a “Jason” clone who looks more like one of TV Mikels’ “Astro Zombies” and even “The Master of The Flying Guillotine” shows up! The fight scenes are extremely gory and laughable.

All the bloody effects are over the top and pretty phony. Heads are cut in half, eyes are gouged, limbs are cut off, victims are disemboweled and blood spurts everywhere. But the worse part is the dubbing. It’s so totally off and un-synched like they didn’t care at all! Most of it is shot on video but one particularly gruesome flashback (featuring full frontal nudity and terrible stop animation) is on film. In the movie’s most disgusting scene a guy’s ass is ripped open. It’s actually the third part of a trilogy entitled VIOLENT SHIT.


ZOMBIE 90-1991-What the hell are they smoking in Germany??

The “creative minds“ behind ZOMBIE DOOM are also responsible for this deplorable horror zombie gore film. The American distributors must have realized how moronic the whole thing was and dubbed it with ridiculous voices that have no business being attached to the characters. For example the mad white surgeon talks in cliqued black jive. His assistant has a high cartoonish voice. Meanwhile zombies roam the countryside eating hapless victims. It’s very excessive and derivative and most of it makes no sense. “To Be Continued” is threatened at the end!

Both these movies are the product of German director Andreas Schnaas, a kind of modern day HG Lewis. He seems to “borrow” from every horror genre (Italian cannibal, Romero’s Dead series, Shaw Bros Kung Fu) and for some reason even remade Joe d’Amato’s 80’s cult classic ANTHROPOPHAGOUS. In 2002 he made a horror film in the US called NIKLOS. Apparently he’s not ready to go away.

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I'm Feeling Zombified!

I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE-When I saw this whacked out horror comedy years ago I never thought I see it again but lo and behold it actually showed up on IFC one night!

It’s intentionally funny, a little sick and surprisingly gory (though some effects are very phony looking).

After 5 idiotic high school students kill a drug dealer and dump his body into the local river contaminated by toxic waste, he comes back as a green faced killer bent on revenge. A dumb biker named Bird has his tongue ripped out and another guy has his head twisted completely around. The sickest death is a woman who’s raped on a car hood right before her legs are broken. After the group’s attempt to kill the undead pusher fails and the dumb jock of the group is killed the survivors decide to dump their friend into the river and create their own zombie. He comes back all dead looking and for some reason reminds me of Ted Danson! My favorite character was the dumpy nerd Libermann who freaks out and faints during a police interrogation. All the characters are very doofy and oddball and some of the scenes are pretty hysterical! It’s kind of like a Troma movie but not as sleazy.

The excellent Enigma soundtrack features The Fleshtones, Smithereens, The Waitresses and others.

After making this one movie the director John Elias Michalakis became a monk! Too bad more directors working in horror today don’t follow his lead…

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It's Harrowing!/

DUNGEON OF HARROW-1962 -If GALLERY OF HORROR is Babe Ruth then DUNGEON OF HARROW is Marv Throneberry. It strikes out in every category! It’s insane, depraved and down right revolting and to top it all off it’s not very well made! Shot around San Antonio, Texas by future comic book artist Pat Boyette, it begins with a guy named Fallon who on a stormy night decides to write down how he wound up in such a dreary and cheap movie. It quickly dissolves into a flashback.

We learn that Mr. Fallon (the remarkably bad Russ Harvey) is the privileged son of some aristocrat who is sailing to England. The ship he’s on hits a bad storm. The scenes of his cabin rocking back and forth and the subsequent flooding of the ship are hysterical. Only he and the ship’s Captain (co-scripter Henry Garcia) survive, washed ashore on an uncharted island.

Suddenly Fallon’s flashback is interrupted by the introduction of Count DeSade, a sweaty drunk who sits in the dark talking to some kind of ghost/spirit who reminds him of his evil past and throws a rubbery snake and bat at him. When the ghost disappears The Count muses, “It must have been the wine”. If only the viewer could say the same thing!

The Count lives on the island with his “Nubian servant” Mantis (who looks like Dennis Rodman and talks like an ex-boxer), his indentured “personal assistant” Cassandra (“I’m not much of anything now”) and the mute Ann who’s tongue was torn out by pirates and now mostly serves as The Count’s nightly S &M victim.



But there’s more! Mantis captures the duo. The Captain is set on the rack (DeSade thinks everyone is a pirate) but Fallon is invited to dinner where DeSade insults Cassandra, rants like a jerk and passes out. However before that happens we learn the fate of DeSade’s wife, a leper who went mad and now resides in an underground chamber/mausoleum in full wedding dress ready to re-enact her wedding night! Yikes!

Fallon and Cassandra decide to leave/escape/fly the coop. Unfortunately DeSade and Mantis will have none of it. He subjects Ann to a water torture after she’s caught trying to help The Captain escape, who in turn is impaled by Mantis. Poor Fallon! He’s chained up in the underground chamber where Mrs. DeSade (in full wedding dress and rotting face) wants to consummate her marriage! Eek! A leprous kiss turns Fallon’s hair white in one of the sickest scenes ever in a movie! Cassandra kills The Countess (a little late; why couldn’t she have done this three scenes earlier?) and the two of them flee to the woods with The Count, Mantis and hunting dogs in hot pursuit. Eventually, DeSade kills Mantis. Fallon kills The Count. He and Cassandra live happily awaiting the arrival of a supply ship to rescue them, right?

Wrong! When the ship does come the crew hightail it outta there as fast as they can because Fallon and Cassandra are now lepers themselves! Back in the present Fallon finishes his narrative and proceeds to put Cassandra in the former wedding chamber of Mrs. DeSade because she has gone mad too! The End…

What can I say? Yes, this movie reeks. The “leprous wedding night kiss” scene is creepy but the most depressing thing about the whole deal is the end where it’s revealed that both leads are now lonely lepers living in solitude. The Fallon character while a bit pompous perhaps was totally innocent. Did he really deserve such a cruel fate? Wasn’t he supposed to be the hero? Yet he ends up screwed and insane. He laments, “I’m so alone” and wishes he had someone to talk to. It’s pathetic and eerie all at once. Inept filmmakers usually don’t care much about their subjects (especially in such low budget surroundings) and DUNGEON OF HARROW really drives this point home!

The same year he made DOH director Pat Boyette also made something called THE WEIRD ONES. In ’64 he teamed once again with DOH star Russ Harvey to make NO MAN’S LAND about a US soldier in Korea (but filmed in Texas!). Fortunately for all of us the comic book world beckoned and Boyette put down his megaphone and picked up a pencil (though he did find time to write episodes of the TV police drama ADAM-12 in 1968). He did most of his work for DC comics and died in 2000.











One of ex-director Pat Boyette's self published comic books from the 1980's.







WARNING: THIS MOVIE HAS OCCASIONALLY PLAYED ON TV AS "DUNGEON OF HORROR"!! (actually a more approriate title)

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Now This Is A Great Bad Movie!

GALLERY OF HORROR-1967–Man, if bad movies could hit home runs this Z budget anthology would be Babe Ruth! Everything connected with it is sub-par. The photography, the direction, the sets, SFX, the script and the acting!

But it wasn’t bad enough that the producers assembled a bunch of rank amateurs to play multiple roles in the 5 stories…Oh no! They had to include three “name stars” from the past too!



John Carradine (in ill fitting tux) is our narrator who introduces each tale and talks about vampires, werewolves, etc. He does this to the background of the rough sea crashing against breakers. Since Carradine could read the phone book backwards and hold our interest these scenes by default are the best-filmed parts!

John was a busy actor in films & TV at the time (in fact I would have to say that before in died in 1988 he was always a busy actor) but still he finds time to star in the first episode, “The Witches’ Clock” as a Warlock who uses an old clock to terrorize a newlywed couple. This is the only segment that is not a period piece.

The second tale involves a police hunt in foggy old England for the killer known as “King Vampire”. Lon Chaney shows up in the third installment “Spark Of Life” as a cheerfully crazy Dr. Frankenstein, doing experiments at a local college where two students decide to help him bring a corpse back to life. The fourth and longest episode (well it seems like the longest anyway!) is called “Monster Raid”. It’s about a doctor’s revenge on his unfaithful wife and her lover, also his ex-colleague who killed him. Fortunately a loyal assistant brings him back to life. Much of it is POV shots and flashbacks. Former 30’s Hollywood film star Rochelle Hudson plays the wife. I hope she wasn’t using this role as springboard for a comeback. Maybe she just lived next door and needed beer money.

And finally there’s the intriguing “Count Alucard” (yeah… right!) a tale of vampirism featuring someone named Mitch Evans in the title role and possibly giving the worst performance as the legendary vampire this side of Zandor Varkoff. This story has the funniest ending. And like all the others once the “surprise ending” is revealed the screen turns red (much like the faces of the theater owners who charged unsuspecting patrons to see this in 1967…).

The story goes that GOH was originally suppose to be an adaptation of the black & white horror comic CREEPY published by Warren (they also printed FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND) but eccentric owner Jim Warren pulled out at the last minute. The producers bravely (insert your own word here if you want) forged ahead and made their own humble opus. Many of the actors play several different roles and are all pretty bad.

Director David Hewitt would work with Carradine again in THE WIZARD OF MARS and make a few other films like the incoherent THE LUCIFER COMPLEX (where Robert Vaughn fought clones of himself, Keenan Wynn and Hitler while some guy watches it all on a TV in a cave!).

GOH is also known as “Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors” perhaps to draw on the Hammer made anthology DR. HORROR’S GALLERY OF TERRORS which may have been playing in US theaters around this time. It also showed up on very very late night TV as RETURN TO THE PAST occasionally missing the “Monster Raid” sequence. For some reason known only to a chosen few it also played under the title “Blood Suckers”.

Grab a six-pack and enjoy!

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Lon Is Messing With The Devil!

DEVIL’S MESSENGER-1961-Lon Chaney is the devil or the devil’s secretary who sits behind a desk in a short sleeve shirt and tie grinning fiendishly while consulting a Rolodex of damned souls. He takes a shine to Santanya (Karen Kadler; also in THE BEATNIKS and IT CONQUERED THE WORLD) a suicide victim who’s glad she’s dead.

Unfortunately evil Lon decides to send her back to the land of the living to take care of some business. What unfolds are three tales of the unknown. In the first a photographer (US actor John Crawford who was later in a lot of TV stuff produced by Irwin Allen) kills a woman and her image appears in a photograph he took after she died. The second features a scientist who becomes obsessed with a woman he sees frozen in a block of ice and third has a guy with bad dreams visiting a fortune teller who foretells his death at midnight.

THE DEVIL'S MESSENGER is actually three episodes of a Swedish TV show made several years earlier called 13 DEMON STREET. It was created and directed by Science Fiction author Curt Siodmak (“Donovan’s Brain”) but this version is credited to Herbert Strock, usually a film editor who directed a few films like HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER. Strock may have directed “the hell’s waiting room” framing sequences although I believe Chaney was the host of the series too. Some of the dialogue is dubbed and some funny out of place close-ups occur. Strangely the stories (especially the third one) are very reminiscent of US based shows like THE TWILIGHT ZONE, ONE STEP BEYOND and THRILLER all of which came later!

By the middle ‘50’s Lon Chaney’s career had taken a serious dive despite credible performances in big studio productions like HIGH NOON, I DIED A THOUSAND TIMES and THE DEFIANT ONES. He appeared on TV in the short-lived LAST OF THE MOHICANS (1957) and was great as the successful junk dealer who goes back to school in THE GOLDEN JUNKMAN (an episode of TELEPHONE TIME in 1956). He starred as the silent resurrected killer in Jack Pollenfex’s THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN but mainly was wasted in other low budget films like THE BLACK SLEEP, Bert I. Gordon’s THE CYCLOPS and THE ALLIGATOR PEOPLE. The last quality production he was in was probably Roger Corman’s THE HAUNTED PALACE (with Vincent Price) in 1963. After that it was mostly seldom seen junk like HOUSE OF BLACK DEATH (with John Carradine and 2 directors) and several Al Adamson movies. He was in Jack H. Harris’ deranged but fun SPIDER BABY (1968) which years after it’s release became kind of a cult film. Despite health problems Chaney (who’d dropped the “Jr.” years before) kept plugging away right up till his death, working on his autobiography, writing a horror script he hoped to produce and appearing in the obscure FIREBALL JUNGLE. His last role was that of another mute killer in Adamson’s FRANKENSTEIN MEETS DRACULA. He died of throat cancer (the same disease killed his dad in 1930).

There was always some question as to how many episodes actually were made for Swedish TV or if in fact there were any other episodes at all but lo and behold a few years ago "Something Weird Video" released a bunch of them on DVD....

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One Crazy Review!

36 CRAZY FISTS-1977-Don't be fooled by the DVD cover! This farcial Kung-Fu slapstick nonsense was choreographed by Jackie Chan but he's not in it which is too bad since his prescence might have saved it. As it is it's pretty stupid. 2 dumb monks try to help a brother and sister fight gangsters. One bald master has a twitch and another talks super fast in one scene. It also employs a lot of over the top sound effects. The final battle isn't bad.

Star Tony Leung was also in ENTER THE FAT DRAGON (with Sammo Hung), THE TATTOO CONNECTION (with Jim Kelly) and THE UNTOLD STORY. He also directed several features. Director Chen Chih Hua also made HALF A LOAF OF KUNG FU and DANCE OF DEATH.

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K. Gordon Murray Does It Again!

RUMPELSTILTSKIN-1965-Film “entrepreneur” K. Gordon Murray distributed all types of films (mainly in the ‘60’s) but was most infamous for his Fantasy-Fairy Tale kids matinees, although most of them were Mexican imports that Murray re-edited, dubbed, Americanized the credits and added a narrator. The Mexican shot SANTA CLAUS (in which St. Nick battles a devil and seems to be on par with Jesus) was shown for years at Christmas time and the fairy tale adaptations like PUSS ‘N BOOTS and LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE MONSTERS really packed them in.

However RUMPELSTILTSKIN is not Mexican. It was filmed in of all places Germany in the late ‘50’s but the fact that it is in color probably helped it become the perfect vehicle for KGM to unleash upon unsuspecting kiddies everywhere.

The story is the basic familiar Grimm’s fairy tale. No one knows the name of The Little Man of The Forest, a dwarf who seems to be very powerful and concerned about the welfare of the animals in the woods he patrols but in reality he’s not very nice at all and one can’t help but wonder why this little guy has such a lofty position. He gets mad at a prince who’s hunting on a Sunday (apparently a strict local taboo) and makes him fall off his horse. Marie, the daughter of a local Miller finds him and tends to his wounds. It’s love at first sight even though they part still strangers. It seems to peeve the little man but he still promises to help Maria if she ever needs it.

Eventually for some dumb reason The Miller brags to The King that Marie can do anything including spinning straw into gold and all the trouble begins. The King’s two toady assistants convince their Majesty to take The Miller up on his offer and she’s locked away with a wheel and tons of straw. She asks for the little man’s help three times, promising to give him her first born child should she marry The Prince. Naturally she thinks this preposterous since a lowly peasant girl like herself would never marry such a noble kind of guy!

Of course all this time The Prince has been searching for his true love even though she’s right under his nose. Everything is cleared up in time for the two lovers to be reunited, married and have their first kid. It’s around this time we also learn that the little man likes to dance around a fire in the middle of nowhere singing a song that reveals his name to be.... Jimmy Carl Black!

I’m kidding of course. His name is Rumpelstiltskin. He wants to put the baby in a cradle in the middle of the forest for some sick reason. Anyway after much name searching (some of the names they guess are hilarious) a little bird tells The Prince where he can find the dancing Rumpy. They guess it, he freaks out and disappears…The End…

RUMPELSTILTSKIN is not that entertaining either in a good or bad sense. Werner Kruger, the actor who plays the tiny lead is the best part. He somehow manages to be both scary and silly. He kind of frightened me! But even though his character’s name is the title of the movie he doesn’t have many scenes. Most of the dubbing is funny (the only part left in Germany is a song Marie sings) but a lot of time is wasted on the “comic antics” of The King’s two toadies.

KGM “presented” another fairy tale movie called “MISCHIEF IN WONDERLAND” which also featured Kruger.

By the way, this movie was "dug up" by my friend Tony! He's found several other "gems" that I'm sure you'll be seeing here in the future! As Bela said in GLEN OR GLENDA: 'BEVARE! BEVARE!"

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ELVIS! (not really)

BUBBA HO-TEP-2002-Disregarding the jokes about a boil on a penis and senile senior citizens this is a pretty clever and funny horror spoof.

In an old age home Elvis Presley (Bruce Campbell), who may actually be a Elvis impersonator or the real Elvis who traded identities with an Elvis impersonator teams up with John F. Kennedy (Ossie Davis!). He says that after he was “assassinated” they dyed his body and filled his head with sand! They battle an Egyptian mummy dressed like a cowboy who steals souls.

Director/screenwriter Don Coscarelli (who made the PHANTASM series) adapted it from a short story by S.F. writer Jon Lansdale. PHANTASM regular Reggie Bannister runs the old age home. There may be a sequel in the works.

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5 Crammed Into 1

MIGHTY PEKING MAN-1977-Nutty stuff from Hong Kong about a legendary giant hairy ape-man (guy in a suit) living on an island with a scantily clad normal sized white woman named Samantha (Russian born Evelyne Kraft; later in the German made LADY DRACULA). Their odd relationship is interrupted by Johnny (Danny Lee) an explorer looking for the big guy. She and Johnny kind of fall in love and MPM gets a little upset when he sees the two having sex. Johnny convinces Sam to bring “her friend” back to Hong Kong. (He’s strapped to a ship in a sitting position) After pulling (toy) trucks on TV, MPM loses it totally when he sees Samantha being abused by a sleazy promoter. He wrecks the town looking for her. Parts of it are pretty funny. Leading man Lee had previously used the name Li Hsiu Hsein and appeared in several film including the very wacky INTRA-MAN. He later made his mark in Hong Kong classics like BETTER TOMORROW, CITY ON FIRE and THE KILLER.

RONIN GAI-1992-Interesting Samurai drama is more of a character study than an action film. They include several prostitutes, a drunken Samurai, a guy who tests new swords on corpses and a drunken bouncer named Bull who acts a lot like Toshiro Mifune! It takes place in a village where The Shogun is cracking down on prostitution. The climax is excellent.

HEROES OF SHOALIN-1979-Boring Kung-Fu drama with the usual duels and bad dubbing. Shing Chen (AKA Chen Xing) is the hero. Yuen Biao and Corey Yuen were the action directors (and have small roles). One of the villains is played by Lo Lieh from 5 FINGERS OF DEATH. Director William Chang also worked as a film editor. There is a William Chang who works as a production designer for director Wong Kar-Wai (IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE) but I’m not sure if they are the same person.

PHONE-2002-Very intriguing Korean horror film featuring a haunted cell phone. Mysterious phone calls, apparitions and computer messages plague a young woman. Her sister’s child seems to become possessed and does a lot of weird things. The little girl who plays this role gives an incredible performance.

BIO-ZOMBIE!-2000-Cantonese horror-comedy features toxic infected zombies terrorizing morons at a mall. The two main characters are idiotic “wise guy” wannabes. The Zombies attack and there’s some gore but too much stupid humor with everyone screaming and acting foolish.

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The Atomic Monstrosity

MONSTROSITY-1964- (aka THE ATOMIC BRAIN)-Sub-low budget Sci-Fi nonsense with a decrepit old rich woman (Marjorie Eaton from ZOMBIES OF MORA TAU who’s pretty scary herself) financing the atomic brain transplants of mad scientist Dr. Frank (familiar low budget character actor Frank Gerstle). She wants her brain transferred to a younger body and seems very excited over that fact that the Doc put a live dog’s brain into a dead human body. The resulting “man-dog” looks like something left over from the basement scene climax of Brook Peter’s THE UNEARTHLY. The old lady also has a cynical “gigolo” companion named Victor (Frank Fowler). Their relationship is only hinted at thank God!

After Frank’s grave robbing efforts prove fruitless, the old lady invites three young women to stay at her mansion. One is Mexican, another is from Vienna and the third is a “foxy blond” (with an English accent). When the doctor gives them physical check-ups, the Mexican girl is deemed unacceptable because she has a birthmark on her back! So that nothing goes to waste Frank gives her a cat’s brain and she spends part of the movie scratching and clawing and making cat noises. The “man-dog” prowls around the grounds at night too. When things get too boring a narrator (who’s suppose to sound like Rod Serling?) shows up and tells us what some of the characters are thinking. I read somewhere that the uncredited narrator is actor Bradford Dillman. There is another Dillman in the credits so maybe he was helping out a relative?

In the end Victor gets stabbed with a hatpin, Frank gets atomic fried by his own machine and the old lady’s brain winds up in her cat’s body! The girl from Vienna gets all the old lady’s money but the cat is still on the loose too.

Joseph Mascelli who was the director of photography on Ray Dennis Steckler’s infamous monster/musical THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES… directed MONSTROSITY. Since the latter film is fairly well shot Mascelli must have been better at that job than as a full-fledged director. Of more mainstream historical importance he shot the Ariel footage of the first Bikini Island H-Bomb blast.

In 1965 he published the book “The Five C’s Of Cinematography”.

MONSTROSITY is kind of creepy in a sleazy exploitation way but mostly characters just stand around talking or staring aimlessly. Ms. Eaton (who had an un-billed role in MARY POPPINS the same year!) is the most frightening character by far!

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One Good, One Bad

HOLLOW TRIUMPH (1948) is a neglected film noir (also called THE SCAR) by Hungerian born director Steve Sekely who also helmed other underrated low budget minor classics like REVENGE OF THE ZOMBIES, WOMEN IN BONDAGE and BLOND SAVAGE. (Well, maybe not real classics but they are pretty good!)

 In this dark drama Paul Henried (late of CASABLANCA who was also the producer) stars as a career criminal who hatches a plot to impersonate a look alike psychiatrist after he steals the gambling winnings from a bunch of gangsters (led by B movie vet Thomas B. Henry). He romances the doc's sectratary (Joan Bennet) to get what he wants. Although he eventually is able to copy the Doc's signature and mimic his voice, a scar and a photograph cause him problems. With Edouard Franz (who 11 years later would play the lead in the classic low budget horror film THE 4 SKULLS OF JONATHAN DRAKE) as Henried's brother, Leslie Brooks as the real doctor's gambling girlfriend and nice ironic twist ending.

Many well known character actors appear in HT credited and uncredited including Herb Rudley, John Qualen, Sid Tomack, Robert Bice, Henry Brandon, Lucien Littlefield, Vera Marshe, Benny Rubin and in one scene future Sgt. Frday, Jack Webb!!



A movie that should be neglected is THE GRANNY. (Really! That's the title!) Stella Stevens stars in this 1995 production written & directed by B-movie actor Luca Bercovici. She plays a crabby old rich lady who says things like "Beauty is having a healthy bowel movement once a day". She has a bunch of greedy relatives except for one illegitamite granddaughter Kelly (Shannon Whirry) who takes care of her. Stevens dies but thanks to a screwed up elixir she comes back to life as a revenge seeking zombie grandma with a dubbed "Exorcist" voice. She kills the stupid relatives in various disgusting and violent ways but the best scene is when she beats up and kills her obnoxious nephew with pro wrestling moves! Unfortunately for Kelly she gets trapped in the house with granny and some resurrected ghouls (who have a dinner party where the main course is a talking head!). She's almost rescued by a mystic (director Bercovici) but he's killed! All the ghouls wind up exploding in the end though. Also with Brant Von Hoffman, director Anthony Hickox, some nudity and a not very good heavy metal end theme. Stevens' son Andrew became a direct to video actor/director for a while....

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This Is Very Long!

DAY THE WORLD ENDED-1956–My two favorite Roger Corman Sci-Fi movies of the ‘50’s are NOT OF THIS EARTH and this one whose “story begins with The End”. Jim Maddison (Paul Burich; NOTE’s alien) has a house in a valley fortified against a H-Bomb drop. He and his daughter Louise (Lori Nelson) await the arrival of her fiancée. He never gets there but 5 others do. A geologist named Rick (Richard Denning), Tony, a gun toting thug (Mike “Touch” Connors) and his abused stripper “moll” Ruby (Adele Jurgens), a prospector (Jonathan Hale) and his donkey Diablo (no credit listed) and the radiation scarred Radek (Paul Dubov).

Trouble starts almost immediately when Tony takes a liking to Louise. This makes Rudy jealous. Tony plans to make Louise his “Eve” and eliminate everyone else. He and Rudy spit vicious dialogue at each other. Jim and Rick discuss “The Matsuo Project” and look at sketches of animals with fangs and claws. Jim thinks the women should bear children as soon as possible. The prospector bemoans his lost gold strike, makes moonshine and talks to his mule. When Louise goes swimming she hears “something” calling her name…

Meanwhile, Radek makes nightly rounds out in the woods eating contaminated animal meat. He has some great eerie dialogue, telling Rick about ‘the wonderful things going on” above the radiation line and declaring, “I have an enemy. He wants to kill me”.

The enemy turns out to be an armor-plated mutant with claws and a third eye! After Tony kills Ruby and throws her (very phony) body over a cliff, Radek decides make a meal out of Diablo but never gets to munch as he’s killed by his “enemy”. Heartbroken, the prospector decides to go get his gold and is killed by the radiation. Unfortunately Jim tries to save him and gets infected.

Through what seems to be a telepathic link the mutant monster gets Louise in a trance and kidnaps her as it begins to rain. Rick goes after her. When Jim discovers the rain is not contaminated Tony figures it’s time to make his move. Meanwhile Rick and Louise encounter the monster but the rainfall kills it. Tony zeros in his gun on Rick but Jim shoots and kills him (the look on Connors' face when he dies is priceless).

Jim dies but not before offering some philosophical wisdom and Rick and Louise go off to become the new Adam and Eve (although Jim hears some voices on the radio before he shoots Tony).

DTWE is a great claustrophobic little sci-fi film. Although a few parts are unintentionally funny Corman keeps it fairly serious and creepy. The mutant as played by it’s creator AIP SFX specialist Paul Blaisdell is cool but a little bit “rubbery” as all of his monsters tended to be but hell, this was the ‘50s! It’s also interesting to note that the monster was probably Louise’s now mutated fiancée, which would sort of explain his telepathic link to her.

Another unusual touch occurs near the beginning when all the survivors are assembled and Jim reads them the riot act. He mentions that “the women” will sleep in Louise’s room and “the men” will sleep in his room. Tony’s reaction, a glance at Ruby, says he's pissed.

Since this was an American International Picture many of the cast and crew made numerous appearances together in other projects around the same time. Paul Burich was in another interesting AIP cheapie in 1956, THE BEAST WITH A MILLION EYES. He delivers much of his dialogue stiffly but seriously. My favorite line is what he says about Tony: “I know his kind. Spawned in bilge water”. Richard Denning may have seemed a little old to play the heroic love interest lead but after all this was “the end of the world”. How choosy could you be! DTWE was one of two Roger Corman movies Denning made in 1956. The other was THE OKLAHOMA WOMAN (also written by DAY’s scripter Lou Rusoff). He also starred in Edward L. Cahn’s GIRLS IN PRISON with Adele Jurgens. It too was written by Rusoff. Denning’s other well known Sci-Fi films include CREATURE WITH THE ATOM BRAIN, TARGET: EARTH, THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON and UNKNOWN ISLAND.

Lori Nelson herself was terrorized by “The Gill Man” in THE REVENGE OF THE CREATURE. Her other AIP movies include HOT ROD GIRL and UNTAMED YOUTH. Adele Jergens known for playing hard-boiled “floozy” types made only two more pictures then retired. Her husband was Glenn Langan, The Amazing Colossal Man himself! Mike “Touch” Connors was actually an AIP movie vet but would go on to TV stardom in the shows TIGHTROPE and MANNIX. He was also in THE OKLAHOMA WOMAN as well as SHAKE RATTLE AND ROCK (with Jonathan Hale & Paul Dubov) and THE 10 COMMANMENTS in 1956! AIP veteran player Jonathan Haze appears briefly as a hungry radiation victim that Radek winds up eating!

DAY THE WORLD ENDED was one of a bunch of movies remade in the early ‘60’s by the recently departed Larry Buchanan for AIP-TV. That version used the same plot and some of the dialogue and featured former teen idol Paul Peterson (from THE DONNA REED SHOW) in the Richard Denning role.

A made for HBO movie starring Randy Quaid is a remake in name only!

Hey! Look What I Found!

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Junk times two...

No Frills Friday:

VIRTUOSITY-1995-I really hated this movie a lot. Denzel Washington is a cyborg. It's weird to see him in this sci-fi mess that looks more like it should have starred Don "The Dragon" Wilson. Russell Crowe chews the scenery as a computer image that comes to life. Gee, both these guys went on to win Best Actor Academy Awards! This movie must have been ahead of it's time! Actually it was more like a warning of things to come!

The director (Brett Leonard) later made an adaptation of the comic book "Man-Thing" for the big screen. I'm sure he's destined for an award too....

STALKED-1994-This is a weird low budget stalker movie. Crazy Darrell (Jay Underwood who portrayed "The Human Torch" in the unreleased FANTASTIC FOUR movie the same year) saves the life of Maryam D'Abo's son. He falls in love with her and becomes a nuisance. He takes pictures of her, breaks into her home, smells her underwear and talks about her to his mini-tape recorder. He kills his friend (Lisa Blount) in a car wash and throws his mother down a flight of stairs and makes it look like an accident. When D'Abo (from THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS) rejects him he really goes nuts and starts killing everyone! Director Douglas Jackson has made a lot of junk and also worked on the FRIDAY THE 13TH TV show.

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Fight Me!

The '90's seemed a popular decade for sub-standard direct to video martial arts movies starring Chuck Norris wannabes, has-beens and never was-ers.

Black belt Michael Worth who had starred in the TV show ACAPULCO H.E.A.T. and later performed stunts in the big budgeted BATMAN FOREVER heads the cast of FISTS OF IRON, an 1995 production from director Richard Munchkin (who should have followed the yellow brick road into another profession). Worth stars as Dan, an auto mechanic who seems to know a little bit about fighting but always gets beat up. Jenilee Harrison (who in better times had co-starred in the popular TV shows DALLAS and THREE'S COMPANY) is his love interest. Dan gets involved with some illegal fights put on by a rich gangster (Marshall Teague). After Matthias Hues kills his obnoxious friend, Dan wants revenge. Alcoholic Sam Jones and his Japanese friend (Eric Lee) decide to help him. You know the rest! Boring fights, talk, wise cracks, nonsense, all leading up to the inevitable showdown where despite all odds Dan whips big Hues' ass. Worth actually studied martial arts under Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do pal Dan Insanto. Well, I knew it wasn't acting!

Although Van Damme and Seagal were probably the main inspiration for much of the direct to video martial arts mania that was sprung upon the tape viewing public in the 1990's, Pay Per View events like the wildly successful UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) were also to blame!

SUPERFIGHTS from 1995 features a dork named Brandon Gaines as a dork named Jack, an incredibly dull fuckwad who wants to be a fighter in "The Superfights", wrestling like martial arts battles. Jack studies some kind of self defense but should actually be hit in the head with a brick. An old man asks him "Are you a complete moron?". A resounding "YES" can be the only reponse from the viewer! After getting beat up by the old man, Jack saves his grand-daughter (Faye Yu) from a mugging and goes to train to be a superfighter. This cliche' ridden, "Rocky" inspired story has terrible acting but some good fights. Director Tony Leung was also the fight co-ordinator (one out of two ain't bad I guess) and Keith Valtali (from NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER) was a co-producer and appears as the main villain. Too bad their leading man was a dick. Filmed in Harrisburg, Pa., if anyone cares.....

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3 Reviews For The Price of One On Tuesdays!

LOST HIGHWAY-1997-I’ll be the first to admit that David Lynch is a unique director with a visual style that sets him apart from other filmmakers. I also admit that I am not a fan. While I find his work behind the camera startling and unusual, his story telling technique seems muddled and overly symbolic. What good is making a movie that will only be understood (if in fact it’s suppose to be understood at all) by no one but the director? Of course there are those who would disagree with me and find HIGHWAY to be a challenging puzzle that grows better with each viewing (and in some ways this is true).

That said, LOST HIGHWAY does have the possibilities for cult status. It’s nearly incoherent story line is oozing symbolism. Bill Pullman plays Fred Madison, a jazz saxophonist who murders his wife (Patricia Arquette) who he believes is unfaithful. While on death row he “creates” a new identity (now played by Balthzaar Getty from HABITAT) to “escape reality” and becomes involved with sleazy thug Mr. Eddie (Robert Loggia) and his mistress (also played by Arquette who has a lot of nude scenes). Lurking around the whole time is Mystery Man (Robert “Baretta” Blake,looking like a CARNIVAL OF SOULS ghoul) who may be death, the devil or just another figment of Madison’s psycho killer’s mind. The key to the whole thing seems to be the phrase “Dick Laurent Is Dead”.

Co-star Natasha Gregson Wagner also has a nude scene. A strange bunch of smaller appearances highlight the film. Gary Busey plays Fred’s father and Richard Pryor and Henry Rollins have brief roles. For me the weirdest casting was Guy Siner (who played the gay Lieutenant Gruber on the British TV show ‘ALLO ‘ALLO) and Gene Ross (who played The Judge in DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT!!) both featured in a prison parole scene! And of course Lynch regular Jack Nance (who was killed before this was released) puts in an appearance. The script is by Lynch and Barry Gifford (who wrote the novel Wild At Heart!).



This was kind of touted as Robert Blake’s “comeback” film but he went on to bigger and badder things.






CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB-Hammer-1964 -A usually over looked Hammer production directed and written by Hammer head honcho Michael Carreras takes along time to get started but is highlighted by an amusing performance by Fred Clark as (what else?) a big mouth, PT Barnum like American promoter who says things like: “Of course I have enemies. I’m in show business!”. Too bad he’s killed off before the action starts. I guess it’s a kind of follow up to THE MUMMY though hardly up to the standards set by Terence Fisher.

Roland (son of Leslie) Howard stars as an archeologist who helps open the cursed tomb of Ra-Antef. Naturally, the mummy (Dickie Owen) is stolen and comes back to life looking for revenge. It looks kind of like Lee’s bandaged ancient one except it has less facial features. Meanwhile Howard’s French fiancée (Jeanne Roland) is being wooed by the real villain (Terence Morgan), the mummy’s brother! It features nice flashbacks, severed hands and Michael Ripper in a small cameo. CURSE is by no means classic Hammer but is entertaining nonetheless. Quite ignobly, Ra-Antef meets his end in a sewer. The studio’s next mummy effort would be BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY’S TOMB in 1971 (which Carreras would finish after the death it’s original director, Seth Holt)!

And last and least:

MURDERCYCLE-1998 - A suspicious CIA agent, a psychic and a group of Marine troopers (led by a suicidal sergeant) battle an alien possessed motorcyclist armed with deadly lasers. The alien was sent by it’s race to recover a device the CIA won’t give back. This is pretty standard direct to video stuff except that all the characters have the names of real life comic book people: Lee, Kirby, Wood, Frazetta, Ditko, Buscema, Kubert, Vince Coletta and Joe Sinnott! Some of the troopers even compare themselves to The Fantastic Four! Most of them argue, scream and then get killed.

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4 D Indeed!

THE 4-D MAN-1959-This Technicolor sci-fi presented by the producer/director team who made THE BLOB (from the year before) is undermined by long stretches of talk and a love triangle sub-plot. Robert Lansing stars as Scott Nelson, a good workaholic scientist corrupted by his brother Tony’s invention, which allows him to walk through solid matter. When he goes through people they turn old and die while he gets younger. Lee Merriwether co-stars as Lansing’s assistant/fiancée who is stolen away by his bro (played by future soap opera actor James Congdon).

Edgar Stehli and Robert Strauss play a pair of conniving scientists. Interestingly, Stehli’s character is killed while Strauss’ just disappears before the climax! A pre-Helen Keller Patty Duke appears as well but the fairly good (for the time) SFX are no match for the tedious talkfest plot.

Director Irvin S. Yeaworth and producer Jack H. Harris weren’t finished though. Just one year later they re-teamed to make the wacky DINOSAURUS! Harris later produced movies that were expanded from amateur shorts like EQUINOX (1970) SCHLOCK (1971) and DARK STAR (1974) and helped launch a few careers.

He produced a sort of sequel BEWARE! THE BLOB in 1972 which actor Larry Hagman directed. Incidentally, Hagman’s character’s name on TV’s I Dream Of Jeannie was named Tony Nelson...........

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Outrage

OUTRAGE-1950-Do not miss this daring (for the time) drama concerning a rape victim (Mala Powers) and the consequences of her violation. Happy soon to be married Ann (Powers) is the victim of a “criminal assault” by a sleazy fast food worker. Her fiancé (future “Hideous Sun Demon” Robert Clarke) doesn’t care and still wants to marry her but Ann can’t bear to be touched by anyone. She runs away and winds up working at an orange packing plant. A minister, who everyone call “doctor” (Tod Andrews, later in FROM HELL IT CAME)) learns of her past and tries to help her after she viciously attacks a local guy (Jerry Paris) who tries to kiss her. This film is very moving, sad and serious and deserves to be seen a wider audience especially considering it’s subject matter which was quite taboo in 1950!

Powers heartfelt performance won her her next role that of Roxanne opposite Jose Ferrer in CYRANO DE BERGERAC. Actress Ida Lupino who was just about the only woman making movies in Hollywood at the time directed OUTRAGE. She made other interesting films in the early ‘50’s including HARD FAST & BEAUTIFUL ON DANGEROUS GROUND THE BIGAMIST and THE HITCHHIKER and then moved into television directing episodes of such diverse series as THE DONNA REED SHOW 77 SUNSET STRIP HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL THE RIFLEMAN THE FUGITIVE and THRILLER.

Fear Dot Blah

When I see a movie I like I want to tell everyone I meet about it. Unfortunately if I did that I'd be arrested before I got to the corner. No one really wants to hear my opinions on movies especially since I don't go at all for much mainstream stuff. Sometimes a friend or two will tolerate my "rantings" for a little while, then change the subject. No one gives a shit about the movies I watch, that's why I have this journal so I can write about anything I want to, bad movies, bad music, the weather, life in general and no one has to listen. It's just me and my ravings.

Why do they make movies like FEAR DOT COM(2002)? The director is obviously obsessed with torture,violence and gore and for some inexplicable reason he believes everyone else is too. Stephen Rea (hey! I remember when he was a real actor not some money hungry over emoting hack) is a serial killer called "The Doctor". The Doctor? Are you kidding me? They had to name a killer after "Doctor Who"? How incompetent is that?

Besides, there was also a killer/torturer/villian fighting Charles Bronson in the equally gory EVIL THAT MEN DO many years ago! Couldn't the screenwriter come up with a more original name. Like The Mathematican? Or "The Guy Who Has To Get Up And Make The Doughnuts"? I guess the producers (one of them is Andrew Stevens!) figure any old shit is ok as long as they get your money. But let's face, there have been haunted houses, haunted cars, haunted refrigerators, even haunted movie scripts, so it was only a matter of time before some "genius" came up with this gimmick! Yes, it's all about a haunted web site that seems to kill people after they go there.

Too bad this dot com didn't go bankrupt before the movie was released....

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Tennis and Menace

HARD FAST AND BEAUTIFUL-1951-An unscrupulous mother (Claire Trevor) goes to all lengths to promote her daughter (Sally Forrest) in the sport of Tennis. She hooks up with a sleazy promoter (Carlton Young Jr.) and tries to break up a romance between her daughter and the man she loves (Robert Clarke, soon to be THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON). This is a great over looked low budget gem directed by actress Ida Lupino. She made six other films between 1949 and 1953 including OUTRAGE (also with Clarke) and doesn't get the credit she deserves. Later she directed many diverse TV shows including episodes of THRILLER, HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL and THE DONNA REED SHOW.



WAR OF THE WORLDS-2005-This plays more like some disaster film than an adaptation of a classic HG Wells novel even though they get The Tripods and their mission correct. Tom Cruise is very miscast as an estranged father trying to save his two kids from the Martian invaders. (He and his son look more like brothers!) As his daughter Dakota Fanning screams a lot. Tim Robbins shows up inexplicitly as a loony living underground with a shotgun. There’s lots of SFX and humans are either vaporized or eaten. If you sit through it look for the cameo at the end by Gene Barry & Ann Robinson, stars of the 1953 version. Morgan Freeman does some narration. Steven Spielberg doesn’t do it again.

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