MISTRESS OF THE APES-1979-Redneck conspiracy theorist Larry Buchanan apparently took a dim view of NYC when he made this cheap laughable film which begins in “a jungle on the Eastern seaboard” where three black druggies (I guess Buchanan must have read all druggies are black) just walk into a hospital to steal drugs. Not content with that they cut the power then interrupt an operation. Two pot smoking cops in the US murder capital (according to this movie it's Central Park) respond and are both shot by one of the thugs. Next day all is forgotten and scientist Susan (Jenny Neuman) is visited by her doctor and a guy named David (Walt Robin) after she loses her baby. They talk about her missing husband Jameson in The Congo. Later she and another egghead Paul (Garth Pillsbury) visit David. They show her some slides from the jungle. He believes the natives there are homo habilis, the missing link. The trio plus David's wife Laura (Barbara Leigh) go off to Nairobi to find Susan's hubby where we learn David is in cahoots with local trader Matthews (Mark Rhudy) who he hired to kill Jameson.
The foursome with three Nairobi “maidens” as porters walk around aimlessly while being tracked by Matthews and his partner Brady (Stuart Anderson). After an encounter with the “near men”, a near woman is shot and killed by David. That night one of their female porters is killed. After Susan has a nightmare, she and Paul go out alone to explore. David lets the two killers rape Laura. Meanwhile Susan approaches the near men (with terrible makeup) by doing a monkey imitation while some stupid theme song plays. They are basically primitive clowns. It takes 4 or 5 of them to kill one rabbit. Paul and Laura are held captive but they kill one of the killers and escape. They meet up with Susan and Paul gives everyone a useless recap on what's been happening. Susan goes back to the cave peeps and at night encounters a gorilla which one of the cave guys saves her from. This scene is very dark.
While the boys gather round the fire, Susan bathes topless which arouses at least one of them to go to Susan’s cave and do the nasty. Not a good idea as an angry cave friend beats lover boy to death. Susan leads the near men on a hunt and kill David and the last bad guy. Paul and Laura leave intending on keeping the tribe a secret. Susan stays to be their leader (“They need me”) and presumably their baby making machine.
This stupid movie is chock full of bad acting, bad dialogue and inept directing. Co-star Leigh was once a girlfriend of Steve McQueen and was the first human version of Vampirella.
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