One Crazy Review!

36 CRAZY FISTS-1977-Don't be fooled by the DVD cover! This farcial Kung-Fu slapstick nonsense was choreographed by Jackie Chan but he's not in it which is too bad since his prescence might have saved it. As it is it's pretty stupid. 2 dumb monks try to help a brother and sister fight gangsters. One bald master has a twitch and another talks super fast in one scene. It also employs a lot of over the top sound effects. The final battle isn't bad.

Star Tony Leung was also in ENTER THE FAT DRAGON (with Sammo Hung), THE TATTOO CONNECTION (with Jim Kelly) and THE UNTOLD STORY. He also directed several features. Director Chen Chih Hua also made HALF A LOAF OF KUNG FU and DANCE OF DEATH.

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K. Gordon Murray Does It Again!

RUMPELSTILTSKIN-1965-Film “entrepreneur” K. Gordon Murray distributed all types of films (mainly in the ‘60’s) but was most infamous for his Fantasy-Fairy Tale kids matinees, although most of them were Mexican imports that Murray re-edited, dubbed, Americanized the credits and added a narrator. The Mexican shot SANTA CLAUS (in which St. Nick battles a devil and seems to be on par with Jesus) was shown for years at Christmas time and the fairy tale adaptations like PUSS ‘N BOOTS and LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE MONSTERS really packed them in.

However RUMPELSTILTSKIN is not Mexican. It was filmed in of all places Germany in the late ‘50’s but the fact that it is in color probably helped it become the perfect vehicle for KGM to unleash upon unsuspecting kiddies every-where.

The story is the basic familiar Grimm’s fairy tale. No one knows the name of The Little Man of The Forest, a dwarf who seems to be very powerful and concerned about the welfare of the animals in the woods he patrols but in reality he’s not very nice at all and one can’t help but wonder why this little guy has such a lofty position. He gets mad at a prince who’s hunting on a Sunday (apparently a strict local taboo) and makes him fall off his horse. Marie, the daughter of a local Miller finds him and tends to his wounds. It’s love at first sight even though they part still strangers. It seems to peeve the little man but he still promises to help Maria if she ever needs it.

Eventually for some dumb reason The Miller brags to The King that Marie can do anything including spinning straw into gold and all the trouble begins. The King’s two toady assistants convince their Majesty to take The Miller up on his offer and she’s locked away with a wheel and tons of straw. She asks for the little man’s help three times, promising to give him her first born child should she marry The Prince. Naturally she thinks this preposterous since a lowly peasant girl like herself would never marry such a noble kind of guy!

Of course all this time The Prince has been searching for his true love even though she’s right under his nose. Everything is cleared up in time for the two lovers to be reunited, married and have their first kid. It’s around this time we also learn that the little man likes to dance around a fire in the middle of nowhere singing a song that reveals his name to be.... Jimmy Carl Black!

I’m kidding of course. His name is Rumpelstiltskin. He wants to put the baby in a cradle in the middle of the forest for some sick reason. Anyway after much name searching (some of the names they guess are hilarious) a little bird tells The Prince where he can find the dancing Rumpy. They guess it, he freaks out and disappears…The End…

RUMPELSTILTSKIN is not that entertaining either in a good or bad sense. Werner Kruger, the actor who plays the tiny lead is the best part. He somehow manages to be both scary and silly. He kind of frightened me! But even though his character’s name is the title of the movie he doesn’t have many scenes. Most of the dubbing is funny (the only part left in Germany is a song Marie sings) but a lot of time is wasted on the “comic antics” of The King’s two toadies.

KGM “presented” another fairy tale movie called “MISCHIEF IN WONDERLAND” which also featured Kruger.

By the way, this movie was "dug up" by my friend Tony! He's found several other "gems" that I'm sure you'll be seeing here in the future! As Bela said in GLEN OR GLENDA: 'BEVARE! BEVARE!"

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ELVIS! (not really)

BUBBA HO-TEP-2002-Disregarding the jokes about a boil on a penis and senile senior citizens this is a pretty clever and funny horror spoof.

In an old age home Elvis Presley (Bruce Campbell), who may actually be a Elvis impersonator or the real Elvis who traded identities with an Elvis impersonator teams up with John F. Kennedy (Ossie Davis!). He says that after he was “assassinated” they dyed his body and filled his head with sand! They battle an Egyptian mummy dressed like a cowboy who steals souls.

Director/screenwriter Don Coscarelli (who made the PHANTASM series) adapted it from a short story by S.F. writer Jon Lansdale. PHANTASM regular Reggie Bannister runs the old age home. There may be a sequel in the works.

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5 Crammed Into 1

MIGHTY PEKING MAN-1977-Nutty stuff from Hong Kong about a legendary giant hairy ape-man (guy in a suit) living on an island with a scantily clad normal sized white woman named Samantha (Russian born Evelyne Kraft; later in the German made LADY DRACULA). Their odd relationship is interrupted by Johnny (Danny Lee) an explorer looking for the big guy. She and Johnny kind of fall in love and MPM gets a little upset when he sees the two having sex. Johnny convinces Sam to bring “her friend” back to Hong Kong. (He’s strapped to a ship in a sitting position) After pulling (toy) trucks on TV, MPM loses it totally when he sees Samantha being abused by a sleazy promoter. He wrecks the town looking for her. Parts of it are pretty funny. Leading man Lee had previously used the name Li Hsiu Hsein and appeared in several film including the very wacky INTRA-MAN. He later made his mark in Hong Kong classics like BETTER TOMORROW, CITY ON FIRE and THE KILLER.

RONIN GAI-1992-Interesting Samurai drama is more of a character study than an action film. They include several prostitutes, a drunken Samurai, a guy who tests new swords on corpses and a drunken bouncer named Bull who acts a lot like Toshiro Mifune! It takes place in a village where The Shogun is cracking down on prostitution. The climax is excellent.

HEROES OF SHOALIN-1979-Boring Kung-Fu drama with the usual duels and bad dubbing. Shing Chen (AKA Chen Xing) is the hero. Yuen Biao and Corey Yuen were the action directors (and have small roles). One of the villains is played by Lo Lieh from 5 FINGERS OF DEATH. Director William Chang also worked as a film editor. There is a William Chang who works as a production designer for director Wong Kar-Wai (IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE) but I’m not sure if they are the same person.

PHONE-2002-Very intriguing Korean horror film featuring a haunted cell phone. Mysterious phone calls, apparitions and computer messages plague a young woman. Her sister’s child seems to become possessed and does a lot of weird things. The little girl who plays this role gives an incredible performance.

BIO-ZOMBIE!-2000-Cantonese horror-comedy features toxic infected zombies terrorizing morons at a mall. The two main characters are idiotic “wise guy” wannabes. The Zombies attack and there’s some gore but too much stupid humor with everyone screaming and acting foolish.

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The Atomic Monstrosity

MONSTROSITY-1964- (aka THE ATOMIC BRAIN)-Sub-low budget Sci-Fi nonsense with a decrepit old rich woman (Marjorie Eaton from ZOMBIES OF MORA TAU who’s pretty scary herself) financing the atomic brain transplants of mad scientist Dr. Frank (familiar low budget character actor Frank Gerstle). She wants her brain transferred to a younger body and seems very excited over that fact that the Doc put a live dog’s brain into a dead human body. The resulting “man-dog” looks like something left over from the basement scene climax of Brook Peter’s THE UNEARTHLY. The old lady also has a cynical “gigolo” companion named Victor (Frank Fowler). Their relationship is only hinted at, thank God!

After Frank’s grave robbing efforts prove fruitless, the old lady invites three young women to stay at her mansion. One is Mexican, another is from Vienna and the third is a “foxy blond” (with an English accent). When the doctor gives them physical check-ups, the Mexican girl is deemed unacceptable because she has a birthmark on her back! So that nothing goes to waste Frank gives her a cat’s brain and she spends part of the movie scratching and clawing and making cat noises. The “man-dog” prowls around the grounds at night too. When things get too boring a narrator (who’s suppose to sound like Rod Serling?) shows up and tells us what some of the characters are thinking. I read somewhere that the uncredited narrator is actor Bradford Dillman. There is another Dillman in the credits so maybe he was helping out a relative?

In the end Victor gets stabbed with a hatpin, Frank gets atomic fried by his own machine and the old lady’s brain winds up in her cat’s body! The girl from Vienna gets all the old lady’s money but the cat is still on the loose too.

Joseph Mascelli who was the director of photography on Ray Dennis Steckler’s infamous monster/musical THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES… directed MONSTROSITY. Since the latter film is fairly well shot Mascelli must have been better at that job than as a full-fledged director. Of more mainstream historical importance he shot the Ariel footage of the first Bikini Island H-Bomb blast.

In 1965 he published the book “The Five C’s Of Cinematography”.

MONSTROSITY is kind of creepy in a sleazy exploitation way but mostly characters just stand around talking or staring aimlessly. Ms. Eaton (who had an un-billed role in MARY POPPINS the same year!) is the most frightening character by far!

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One Good, One Bad

HOLLOW TRIUMPH (1948) is a neglected film noir (also called THE SCAR) by Hungerian born director Steve Sekely who also helmed other underrated low budget minor classics like REVENGE OF THE ZOMBIES, WOMEN IN BONDAGE and BLOND SAVAGE. (Well, maybe not real classics but they are pretty good!)

 In this dark drama Paul Henried (late of CASABLANCA who was also the producer) stars as a career criminal who hatches a plot to impersonate a look alike psychiatrist after he steals the gambling winnings from a bunch of gangsters (led by B movie vet Thomas B. Henry). He romances the doc's sectratary (Joan Bennet) to get what he wants. Although he eventually is able to copy the Doc's signature and mimic his voice, a scar and a photograph cause him problems. With Edouard Franz (who 11 years later would play the lead in the classic low budget horror film THE 4 SKULLS OF JONATHAN DRAKE) as Henried's brother, Leslie Brooks as the real doctor's gambling girlfriend and nice ironic twist ending.

Many well known character actors appear in HT credited and uncredited including Herb Rudley, John Qualen, Sid Tomack, Robert Bice, Henry Brandon, Lucien Littlefield, Vera Marshe, Benny Rubin and in one scene future Sgt. Frday, Jack Webb!!



A movie that should be neglected is THE GRANNY. (Really! That's the title!) Stella Stevens stars in this 1995 production written & directed by B-movie actor Luca Bercovici. She plays a crabby old rich lady who says things like "Beauty is having a healthy bowel movement once a day". She has a bunch of greedy relatives except for one illegitamite granddaughter Kelly (Shannon Whirry) who takes care of her. Stevens dies but thanks to a screwed up elixir she comes back to life as a revenge seeking zombie grandma with a dubbed "Exorcist" voice. She kills the stupid relatives in various disgusting and violent ways but the best scene is when she beats up and kills her obnoxious nephew with pro wrestling moves! Unfortunately for Kelly she gets trapped in the house with granny and some resurrected ghouls (who have a dinner party where the main course is a talking head!). She's almost rescued by a mystic (director Bercovici) but he's killed! All the ghouls wind up exploding in the end though. Also with Brant Von Hoffman, director Anthony Hickox, some nudity and a not very good heavy metal end theme. Stevens' son Andrew became a direct to video actor/director for a while....

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This Is Very Long!

DAY THE WORLD ENDED-1956–My two favorite Roger Corman Sci-Fi movies of the ‘50’s are NOT OF THIS EARTH and this one whose “story begins with The End”. Jim Maddison (Paul Burich; NOTE’s alien) has a house in a valley fortified against a H-Bomb drop. He and his daughter Louise (Lori Nelson) await the arrival of her fiancée. He never gets there but 5 others do. A geologist named Rick (Richard Denning), Tony, a gun toting thug (Mike “Touch” Connors) and his abused stripper “moll” Ruby (Adele Jurgens), a prospector (Jonathan Hale) and his donkey Diablo (no credit listed) and the radiation scarred Radek (Paul Dubov).

Trouble starts almost immediately when Tony takes a liking to Louise. This makes Rudy jealous. Tony plans to make Louise his “Eve” and eliminate everyone else. He and Rudy spit vicious dialogue at each other. Jim and Rick discuss “The Matsuo Project” and look at sketches of animals with fangs and claws. Jim thinks the women should bear children as soon as possible. The prospector bemoans his lost gold strike, makes moonshine and talks to his mule. When Louise goes swimming she hears “something” calling her name…

Meanwhile, Radek makes nightly rounds out in the woods eating contaminated animal meat. He has some great eerie dialogue, telling Rick about ‘the wonderful things going on” above the radiation line and declaring, “I have an enemy. He wants to kill me”.

The enemy turns out to be an armor-plated mutant with claws and a third eye! After Tony kills Ruby and throws her (very phony) body over a cliff, Radek decides make a meal out of Diablo but never gets to munch as he’s killed by his “enemy”. Heartbroken, the prospector decides to go get his gold and is killed by the radiation. Unfortunately Jim tries to save him and gets infected.

Through what seems to be a telepathic link the mutant monster gets Louise in a trance and kidnaps her as it begins to rain. Rick goes after her. When Jim discovers the rain is not contaminated Tony figures it’s time to make his move. Meanwhile Rick and Louise encounter the monster but the rainfall kills it. Tony zeros in his gun on Rick but Jim shoots and kills him (the look on Connors' face when he dies is priceless).

Jim dies but not before offering some philosophical wisdom and Rick and Louise go off to become the new Adam and Eve (although Jim hears some voices on the radio before he shoots Tony).

DTWE is a great claustrophobic little sci-fi film. Although a few parts are unintentionally funny Corman keeps it fairly serious and creepy. The mutant as played by it’s creator AIP SFX specialist Paul Blaisdell is cool but a little bit “rubbery” as all of his monsters tended to be but hell, this was the ‘50s! It’s also interesting to note that the monster was probably Louise’s now mutated fiancée, which would sort of explain his telepathic link to her.

Another unusual touch occurs near the beginning when all the survivors are assembled and Jim reads them the riot act. He mentions that “the women” will sleep in Louise’s room and “the men” will sleep in his room. Tony’s reaction, a glance at Ruby, says he's pissed.

Since this was an American International Picture many of the cast and crew made numerous appearances together in other projects around the same time. Paul Burich was in another interesting AIP cheapie in 1956, THE BEAST WITH A MILLION EYES. He delivers much of his dialogue stiffly but seriously. My favorite line is what he says about Tony: “I know his kind. Spawned in bilge water”. Richard Denning may have seemed a little old to play the heroic love interest lead but after all this was “the end of the world”. How choosy could you be! DTWE was one of two Roger Corman movies Denning made in 1956. The other was THE OKLAHOMA WOMAN (also written by DAY’s scripter Lou Rusoff). He also starred in Edward L. Cahn’s GIRLS IN PRISON with Adele Jurgens. It too was written by Rusoff. Denning’s other well known Sci-Fi films include CREATURE WITH THE ATOM BRAIN, TARGET: EARTH, THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON and UNKNOWN ISLAND.

Lori Nelson herself was terrorized by “The Gill Man” in THE REVENGE OF THE CREATURE. Her other AIP movies include HOT ROD GIRL and UNTAMED YOUTH. Adele Jergens known for playing hard-boiled “floozy” types made only two more pictures then retired. Her husband was Glenn Langan, The Amazing Colossal Man himself! Mike “Touch” Connors was actually an AIP movie vet but would go on to TV stardom in the shows TIGHTROPE and MANNIX. He was also in THE OKLAHOMA WOMAN as well as SHAKE RATTLE AND ROCK (with Jonathan Hale & Paul Dubov) and THE 10 COMMANMENTS in 1956! AIP veteran player Jonathan Haze appears briefly as a hungry radiation victim that Radek winds up eating!

DAY THE WORLD ENDED was one of a bunch of movies remade in the early ‘60’s by the recently departed Larry Buchanan for AIP-TV. That version used the same plot and some of the dialogue and featured former teen idol Paul Peterson (from THE DONNA REED SHOW) in the Richard Denning role.

A made for HBO movie starring Randy Quaid is a remake in name only!

Hey! Look What I Found!

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