Silent Magic

THE MAGICIAN-1926-Interesting and macabre silent film that seems to be a trendsetter for future films in the same genre. It’s based on a Somerset Maugham novel of the same name.

When a famous surgeon Dr. Burton (Ivan Petrovitch) saves the life of Margret (Alice Terry) with a spine operation, they end up falling in love. Enter Dr. Haddo (THE GOLEM’s Paul Wegener), a medical student (?; he seems kind of old!) who's searching for a way to create life in his laboratory. He finds an ancient book of magic that says he needs “the blood of a maiden” to succeed. Guess who he sets his sights on? He uses hypnotism to control Margret and shows her an incredible scene of hell (tinted red with a pan pipe playing Satan). Wegener is down right frightening as Haddo (said to be based on English occultist Alastair Crowley).

The film was adapted and directed by Rex Ingram who had had a very successful career in Hollywood with his versions of THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE, SCARAMOUCHE, BEN-HUR, THE PRISONER OF ZENDA and others. 12 of them co-starring his wife Alice Terry. He would make only 4 more and retire. He died in 1950. His wife would also retire at the advent of sound. Wegener returned to German and acted another 22 years and died in 1948. Director Ingram should not be confused with actor Rex Ingram from CABIN IN THE SKY and THE THIEF OF BAGDAD.

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Was This Ever In A Theater Near You?

THE WOODS-2006-A problem teenager named Heather (Agnes Bruckner) is sent by her parents (Emma Campbell and Bruce Campbell) to a mysterious girls school run by Patricia Clarkson (who whispers a lot). Besides having trouble with the usual bullies and strict rules Heather sees a ghost and learns the legend of three witches who once emerged from the foreboding woods that surround the school.

This spooky story features some very weird SFX and although a little talky it’s entertaining and has a few twists. With all the crap thrown in theaters these days I was surprised to read that it took 3 years to get it released! Director Lucky McKee had previously made a horror film I like a lot called MAY. T

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The Crime Doctor

THE CRIME DOCTOR'S COURAGE-1945-Warner Baxter starred in a series of 10 features (from 1943-49) playing Dr. Robert Ordway, "the crime doctor", formerly a criminal who suffers amnesia and turns good. It began life on radio and unlike many of these "whodunnit" series at the same time Ordway isn't usually a suspect in the investigation. 

In "Courage" Ordway investigates the murder of a man who's two previous wives died under mysterious circumstances. Hilary Brooke plays almost wife #3. Two Spanish dancers seem to be vampires. The man is played by usual tough guy Anthony Curuso and his wife is played by Lupita Tovar (who was in the 1931 Spanish version of DRACULA; still alive at the time of this writing).


Baxter is engaging as the doc and it's a well done as far as "quickies" are concerned but a final shootout where two characters fire point blank at each other and miss several times is pretty dumb. Jerome Cowan is on hand to help out. Emory Parnell is a police inspector. Director George Sherman started out doing westerns and made THE LADY AND THE MONSTER in 1944 (the first version of "Donovan's Brain"). He made many more low budget films before going into TV.

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Terror of Warren

TERROR OF THE BLOODHUNTERS-1962-This no budget junk is suppose to take place on Devil’s Island but of course since it was written and directed by Jerry Warren it means a minimal cast, stock footage and a lot of talk.

Bingo! Jerry scores on all three!! Robert Clarke (THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON) is a painter/writer who tries to escape with the help of the warden’s daughter (Dorothy Haney) and another guy. Meanwhile the daughter’s fiancée Whorf (Robert Christopher) hunts for them in a surrounding jungle where we see footage of native girls dancing and panther attack. Later Whorf and his second in command (Warren regular Steve Conte) ran afoul of headhunters and Clarke tries to save them.

It’s just a lot of boring talk. Warren released FACE OF THE SCREAMING WEREWOLF in 1964.

Happy Birthday Harry Houdini where ever you are!

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They're Not Hookers From Heaven

VIRGINS FROM HELL-1987-Outrageous out of control action film from Indonesia has scantily clad women on motorcycles battling the criminal activities of Mr. Tiger and his gang.

Two sisters who lead them want revenge because Tiger killed their parents. When the ladies launch one last siege against Tiger’s stronghold they are all captured and imprisoned. They are mostly abused by their male guards although the commander is a lesbian with a facial tattoo (“Get off me, you lesbo!”). Some are used as guinea pigs for a aphrodisiac drug Tiger is creating. In one nasty scene he whips two of the women who are handcuffed together. Despite the violence (one woman is put in a body bag with a live rat, another is roasted on a spit), gore (a guard is injected with a drug that causes him to melt) and crude subject matter it’s all quite cartoonish and funny, maybe due to the weird English dubbing and sound effects. In one gross scene a mystic sticks a snake into a gapping wound (for some reason…). Later, a martial artist/scientist (who had been force into making the drug) escapes and helps get revenge.

Director Ackyl Anwari made many Indonesia based films like this including ANGEL OF FURY with Cynthia Rothrock. (Thanks to my friend Tony for giving me this!)

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Not So Legendary

STREETFIGHTER:THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI-2009-This is another entry into the Streetfighter video game franchise. It features Kristen Kreuk (TV’s SMALLVILLE) as Chun-Li, a dancer turned martial artist trying to save her father who is held prisoner by the evil Bison (Neal McDonough). She gets some training from Gen (Robin Shou who was in both MORTAL KOMBAT movies) and does a lot of amazing but phony looking jumps, kicks, etc. Michael Clarke Duncan is Balrog, Bison’s evil smiling henchman. She has a fight with Vega a masked assassin with Wolverine like claws who I think was portrayed by Taboo of the group Black Eyed Peas! Meanwhile two cops (Chris Klein and Moon Bloodgood) are hot on Bison’s trail too.

This really has nothing to do with the game except for some of the names. Otherwise, it’s just another derivative CGI enhanced martial arts mess. Former cinematographer Andrzej Bartkowiak directed other dubious action films like EXIT WOUNDS, FROM THE CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE, ROMEO MUST DIE and DOOM.

The Third Mother

MOTHER OF TEARS-THE THIRD MOTHER-2007-This very mean spirited movie from Dario Argento is the third part of his “3 Mothers” trilogy that started years ago with SUSPIRA and continued with INFERNO. This makes about as much sense as it predecessors but is ten times gorier.

One woman is disemboweled, strangled with her own intestines and then eaten. A creepy bald guy with a pet monkey tortures two lesbians in a very nasty scene.

When an ancient urn is opened at a Rome museum it unleashes Mater Larimore (The Third Mother) which unleashes a horde of murders, suicides, rapes and other violent acts. Asia Argento (not the best actress in the whole world but the director’s daughter) is the museum worker Sarah Mandy trying to figure it all out. Some weird women run around the city chasing her. Udo Keir (who was also in Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN remake the same year) plays a sickly priest with a courtyard full of exorcism cases who tries to explain things but suffers a bloody death. Daria Nicolodi (Asia’s real life mom and Dario’s wife) plays Sarah’s dead mother who tries to help from beyond the grave. It all has to do with the second coming of witches.

While the acting and dialogue are weak like the previous two entries it’s Argento’s directing style that really make the film. Too bad he went over the top with the violence and gore. Great soundtrack by Claudio Simonetti.

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299?

CENTURION-2010-It's the Romans against the Picts in this 300 inspired CGI gore fest. Many heads are hacked. A small band of Romans try to escape back to Rome with their enemies in pursuit. Occasionally the Romans say "fuck". A violent and depressing piece of junk.

Michael Fessbender (from INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and JONAH HEX; was also in 300), Dominic West (also in 300) and Andreas Wisniewski (THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS) star. Writer/director Neil Marshall made other "splatter flicks" like THE DESCENT and DOOMSDAY.

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I Hope It's The Last Last House!

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT-2009-This remake of the notorious ‘70’s exploitation is just an excuse to show graphic images of rape, murder and gore. I’m sure the director thought everyone would remember this for “the microwave finale” but it just shows that Hollywood has no new ideas and doesn’t know how expand the old ones. I loved the one end credit: “based on the movie written and directed by Wes Craven” (Craven, along with original producer Sean “Friday The 13^th” Cunningham, was one of the executive producers). No mention of Ingamar Bergman’s THE VIRGIN SPRING though.

The story is basically the same. Some scumbags rape and torture 2 girls. One is killed. One is left for dead. The scumbags take refugee at the home of the one of the girls. The parents find out and extract revenge. The best scene is death by garbage disposal. More horrifying than anything in the movie is that I’ve read director Dennis Iliadis (from Greece) is attached to a remake of THE BIRDS!

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The Gate Opens

THE GATE-1987-Some stupid parents leave their teenage daughter in charge of their house and her younger brother Glen (Stephen Dorff) for three days. Glen and his nerdy friend (Louis Tripp) find a rock buried in the ground. The death of Glen’s dog and a heavy metal album played backwards somehow open up a gate that releases stop motion mini-monsters to terrorize the trio.

 The effects are pretty good in this low budget but entertaining movie. Director Tibor Takacs later made I, MADMAN and GATE 2: THE TRESPASSERS.

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Did You See Saw?

SAW-2004-Two seemingly innocent guys are trapped in a secluded room, each of them chained to a pipe. They are given saws to cut away their legs if they want quick freedom otherwise the one guy, a doctor (Cary Elwes) must kill the other (Leigh Wannell from THE MATRIX RELOADED; also the screenwriter) or else his wife and child will die. It’s all a plot by some idiotic serial killer called “The Jigsaw Killer”. Flashbacks featuring Danny Glover and Kim Leung (later in LOST) show some of his past exploits. Also with Dina Meyer, Shawnee Smith and Michael Emerson (also later in LOST). This stupid talky trash was a big box office hit that spawned (at least at the time of this writing) 5 sequels!

Director James Wan also made a movie I liked better, DEAD SILENCE.

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