'80's Mutant

MUTANT HUNT-1987-In the NYC of the future a brother and sister are making cyborgs for the Inteltrax corporation run by Z (Bill Peterson) a nut who injects a line of them with drugs to make them have fun killing people. The sister Darla (Mary Fahey) escapes and hires a jerk named Riker (Rick Gianasi; later the lead in Troma's SGT. KABUKIMAN) to help them. His first scene has him fighting two cyborgs (who can stretch their arms like Reed Richards) in his underwear! Meanwhile Domino (Stormy Spill), a former Inteltrax employee has her own plot. The cyborgs are suppose to be unstoppable killers but everyone beats them up. Later Riker has to fight some super mutant that looks like Curly Howard! 

Director/writer Tim Kincaid shot this forgettable low budget Sci-Fi borefest back to back with his equally forgettable BREEDERS.

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Divorce 1930's Style

WHAT BECOMES OF THE CHILDREN?-1936-Fred (Glen Boles) and Marion (Joan Marsh) are close knit brother and sister, the children of a railroad magnate John Worthington (Robert Frazer) and his uncaring wife Edith (Natlie Moorhead). The Siblings are split up by the divorce of their parents. 15 years later Fred is a college dropout who gets a job as a saloon piano player. Marion marries hastily to Roy (Larry Kent), a diamond smuggler arrested on their wedding night! Almost thrown out of her apartment, she meets Elsie Ford (Barbara Pepper) who takes her to the saloon where her bro is working. Roy also shows up and taunts and manhandles Marion until Fred lays him out. Brother and sister are finally united but Roy is shot when he tussles with Fred again. Dad comes to the rescue and it's proven someone else did the shooting. Mom and dad get back together and everyone lives happily ever after in this low budget badly acted rumination on the pitfalls of divorce.

This is a remake of an 1918 silent film of the same name that starred the director of this sound version Walter Shumway (his only directorial effort) and his wife Corra Beach, who wrote the book it's based on.

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Part 4?!

WITCHCRAFT 4: THE VIRGIN HEART-1992-This third sequel in the series seems to follow from part 3 and is very bad. A lawyer named Will (Charles Solomon; from the last one) investigates the case of a guy accused of killing his girlfriend. He spends much of his time having sex with a stripper named Belladonna (Julie Strain). The murders are the work of a killer associated with her strip club where musicians sell their souls to the devil for success. The killer is actually a warlock and claims to be Will's brother. This direct to video production and has bad acting and is boring but was followed by another sequel. The director James Merendino later made SLC PUNK. 

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I Spit On Your Remake

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE-2010-A novelist (Sarah Butler) goes to a secluded cabin to write her new novel. She jogs, smokes pot and drops her cell phone in the toilet bowl. Some white trash rednecks spy on her and eventually break in, humiliate her, beat her, gang rape her and film it. She escapes the assholes before they can kill her. Unlike the original (which I'm not a fan of), her revenge it more detailed and exacting. The director of this (and it's useless sequel) Steven R. Monroe went on to making movies for the Hallmark and Lifetime cable channels and this:

 https://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-will-it-end-bad-movie-making-i-mean.html

 There was a part 3 that also starred Butler by a different director.

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Serial Killer Short

I WAS A TEENAGE SERIAL KILLER-1993-Crappy, pseudo-arty black and white nonsense features lots of close-ups and dialogue that's not synced to the person talking. Mary (Kristin Calabrese in her only acting role) is a slut who has sex with men and then kills them. After killing one guy, she sticks a banana in his mouth. She meets a male psycho Henry (Corey) who kills “straight white males”. They seem to fall in love and kill people. Later she kills him. I think it might have been some kind of black comedy but I don't think the director, producer, etc. knew exactly what they wanted from this 20 minute waste of time. Director/writer Sarah Jacobson later made MARY JANE'S NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE.

Sayonara Mr. Moto

MR MOTO IN DANGER ISLAND-1939-While recovering in Puerto Rico from an appendectomy, Mr. Moto (Peter Lorre) investigates the smuggling of stolen diamonds. He gets help from pro wrestler Twister McGirk (Warren Hymer) who talks like Slip Mahoney. Suspects include a diamond merchant Sutter (Jean Hersholt), Col. Castle (Charles D. Brown), Commissioner Gordon (Richard Lane), Lt. Bentley (Robert Lowery), Commissioner Madera (Leon Ames) and La Costa (Douglas Dumbrille). Castle's daughter Joan (Amanda Duff) tries to help after her father is accused of murder. When Moto is accused of being an infamous Japanese criminal, he and Twister lam it. Later they are taken into the confidence of the crime gang. Renie Riano is a blond haired librarian and Willie Best is a frightened boat driver.]

This was the last of the 8 Mr. Moto movies made by 20^th Century Fox between 1937 & 1939. It is also the second Moto script to be rewritten from an unmade Charlie Chan script (because of Warner Oland's death). Herbert I. Leeds also directed the Charlie Chan mystery CITY IN DARKNESS (with Sidney Toler) the same year.

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The Chinese Cat

CHARLIE CHAN IN THE CHINESE CAT-1944-The intrepid detective (Sidney Toler) and number 3 son Tommy (Benson Fong) investigate the murder of Thomas Manning at the request of his step-daughter Leah (Joan Woodbury). 6 months previously he was shot to death in a locked room. A famous doctor Paul Recknik (Ian Keith) has written a book about the case that implicates the girl’s mother (Betty Blythe). They are joined by taxi driver Birmingham Brown (the great Mantan Moreland) who says “Freedom of speech is gonna get me in trouble yet” and a police detective (Wendel Heyburn) who investigated the murder. Manning's business partner wants Chan off the case. It has to do with smugglers and stolen diamonds. The bad dudes hide out in a fun house so this provides several reasons for Birmingham to get scared. However he helps save Chan and Tommy when they are roughed up by the brutal thugs.

 This was director Phil Rosen's second Chan mystery in a row. Among his over 140 credits (!) are the underrated PHANTOM OF CHINATOWN, SPOOKS RUN WILD and two more Chan/Toler entries.

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Charlie Chan returns in BLACK MAGIC aka MEETING AT MIDNIGHT. 

Chan In Secret

CHARLIE CHAN IN THE SECRET SERVICE- 1944-A rocket scientist is killed in his home and his plans for a secret torpedo invention are stolen. As usual he has a whole houseful of guests as suspects (including the unbilled Gene Roth). Against his wishes Charlie (Sidney Toler) is assisted by son Tommy (Benson Fong) and daughter Iris (Marianne Quon), It's also the debut of Birmingham Brown (Mantan Moreland), Chan’s future chauffeur who says “Just ain't no future for a man in this house”. This Phil Rosen directed whodunit wasn't that interesting to me.

Next: CHARLIE CHAN IN THE CHINESE CAT. Thanks for reading!

Chan In The Desert

CASTLE IN THE DESERT-1942-After a murder at Manderley castle, a mysterious place in the desert with no electricity or telephone, Charlie Chan (Sidney Toler) is contacted by a letter from Lucy Manderley (Lenita Lane) to investigate. A guest was poisoned and since she is a descendant of the infamous Lucretia Borgia  everyone thinks she did it. In the pest hole town he meets the locals who are all loonies. The stupid hotel owner (Oliver Blake) says Mrs. Manderley is a witch. When a castle car picks him up Charlie is joined by the snobbish Watson King (Henry Daniell). Once there he meets Mr. Manderley (Douglass Dumbrille), a historian with half a disfigured face he keeps covered, doing research on The Borgias. Manderley gets mad at his doctor Retling (Steve Geray) who says Manderley is perfectly fine. Still he does act rather nutty. Chan also meets Prof. Detheridge (Richard Derr) who once helped him on a case. Also present are Mr & Mrs Hartford (Edmund MacDonald and Arleen Whelan).

When Chan meets Mrs. M she says she never called for his services and the letter he received is a joke. Charlie is ready to depart but the castle car breaks down. Jimmy comes out to the place with an old town psychic (Ethel Griffies).  Before that though a private investigator Fletcher (Milton Parsons) shows up to ask about the poisoned victim. After he's poisoned, everyone tries to convince Manderley that Lucy is an insane murderer. Of course Chan thinks otherwise and later proves that when it seems three murders have been committed it's actually only one! Jimmy spends some time in a suit of armor. 

Harry Lachman directed this one. Thanks for reading!

Next up: CHARLIE CHAN IN THE SECRET SERVICE