How About Trained To Direct?

TRAINED TO KILL-1989-In this silly martial arts revenge flick two brothers go after the dirt bags who killed their father (Chuck Connors in one of his last roles). One is his natural son Matt (direct to video action star Frank Zagarino) and the other is an adopted son Sam (Glen Eaton) from Cambodia. Henry Silva is Ace Duran who leads a band of escaped army criminals (including Robert D'Zar) who steal some diamonds Sam had (unknowingly) brought with him to the US. Ron O'Neal is George, an alcoholic 'Nam vet friend who joins them and trains the duo ("When you fight get yourself back to the jungle"). Unfortunately when Duran's henchman Loc Syn (Harold Diamond looking like an overage rock star) kills George the story really suffers. 

The scene where the gang beats up Connors is ridiculous. The former RIFLEMAN star is bigger than any of his attackers and has to crouch so he doesn't tower over them! Several scenes have visible microphones and a cheesy '80's dance song plays when they all train. The fight scenes are terrible and the acting, script and direction all suck too but Silva and O'Neal  almost save it. TV actress Arlene Golonka plays Connors doomed wife and Jason Vorhees portrayer Kane Hodder has a small role. 

Director H. Kaye Dyal's biggest claim to fame seems to be he created the story for LONE WOLF MCQUADE. It was filmed in Las Vegas and Ray Dennis Steckler is credited as Las Vegas coordinator! 

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The Rifleman & Loose Girls

I was just watching some episodes of the 50's western THE RIFLEMAN with Chuck Connors in the title role, Lucas McCain, a widowed rancher who has a pretty impressive self made rifle. He's also raising his young son Mark, played by Johnny Crawford. Many of the episodes had McCain killing some desperado and then lecturing Mark on why "it had to happen this way". Paul Fix as the local sheriff was the only other regular. The best thing about the show was the guest stars. So far I've seen James (billed as Jim) Coburn, John Carradine, Lon Chaney, Robert Webber, Vic Morrow, Sidney Blackmer and Raymond Bailey (the future Mr. Drysdale on THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES).



GIRLS ON THE LOOSE-1958-Night club owner Vera Parkinson (Mara Corday) and her girl gang rob a bank of 20 thousand dollars. They bury the loot and go back to working at the club. Unfortunately, Vera's younger sister (Barbara Bostock who sings) falls for the detective (Mark Richman) who's investigating the robbery. Double crossing and death follow as Vera goes to any means to protect her ill gotten gain. The climax features a cat fight at the site of the buried money.

GIRLS ON THE LOOSE reminded me a little of Ed Wood's THE VIOLENT YEARS (made two years before) but is not nearly as entertaining. Star Corday was also in the cheapies THE GIANT CLAW and TARANTULA around the same time. Also with Joyce Johanesson, Lita Milan, Abby Dalton and Fred Kruger. 
This low budget exploitation quickie was one of the half dozen films directed by actor Paul Henreid (he did much more TV).

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Kind of A Sequel

CAPTAIN NEMO AND THE UNDERWATER CITY-1969-In this British sequel to Disney’s 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, Captain Nemo (Robert Ryan) has built an underwater city called “Templemere”. While roaming the sea in his submarine The Nautilus he and his crew rescue a group of people who’s ship was wrecked in a storm. Chuck Connors is a US senator who wants Nemo to share is fantastic technology with the world. Nanette Newman is the head strong female survivor with a small son. Bill Fraser (RUMPOLE OF THE BAILEY) and Kenneth Connor (’ALLO ’ALLO) are two gold hungry brothers who provide comedy relief. Alan Cuthbertson is a claustrophobic engineer who starts trouble. It’s pretty boring and Ryan is fairly catatonic as Nemo. Luciana Paluzzi (THE GREEN SLIME) is Mala who provides the love triangle with Connors and Nemo’s jealous first mate (John Turner).

Director James Hill previously made BORN FREE (and it’s sequel) and A STUDY IN TERROR.

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Sunday Morning Trio

Misguided, stilted attempt to make a western that had a more sympath-etic portrayal of The American Indian, GERONIMO (1962) stars Chuck Connors (riding high with his THE RIFLEMAN series at the time) as the proud Native American leader who leads 50 warrirors in a stand off with the US Army. Future WILD WILD WEST TV co-star Ross Martin plays his plain talking second ba-nana who decides to join with him even though he likes farming corn on the reservation. Adam West (who in a mere four years would rocket to TV fame as "Batman") is a sympath-etic officier. The soon to be Mrs. Connors, Kamala Devi plays Mrs. Geronimo (Wonder if she knows a pro-wrestler stole her name?). 

Denver Pyle and Lawrence Dobkin are also in the cast. It's not the laugh-fest it could have been and the filmakers seem to be sincere in their attempt to show the Indians' plight but despite some good action sequences it never really gets off the ground. Still it has it's entertaining moments.


The director, Arnold Laven had made some other movies like the seldom seen THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD but he went on to direct all sorts of TV series in all different genres in-cluding MARCUS WELBY MD, THE PLANET OF THE APES, SHAZAM, ISIS, THE ROCKFORD FILES and many many others.

Unless it's THE MATRIX beware of movies with 2 directors. Such is the case with THE DANGEROUS (1994), a violent disjoined New Orleans based crime drama featuring Cary Hiro-yuki-Tagawa as a ninja like assassin out for revenge on the shits who killed his sister. As I've said before Tagawa should be in better movies but who listens to me? Michael Pare' (who doesn't deserve to be in better movies) is a cop investigating the case. I mean does this guy Pare' really think anyone cares that he has an accent over his name? No wonder he makes crappy movies like this. Nobody wants to bother to spell his name correctly!



Smooth skinned challenged Robert Davi plays an ex-cop (?) who comes back from the Mid-West (?) to help. He teams up with Pare' and gives new meaning to the word "dicks". This plays like two different movies with two different storylines (re-member: two directors!). Juan Fer-nadez (who started his career in movies like Doris Wishman's THE AMAZING TRANSPLANT) is a mob boss. John Savage (who apparently has an agent who cares nothing about his career) is a hitman who guts a guy while opera music plays. Joel Grey (proving that even Oscar winners can hit rock bottom) is a grubby informer named Flea. Elliot Gould is a weird movie projectionist with a hair net. Former Playboy centerfold (an ex-OJ girlfriend) Paula Barbieri is the female lead but doesn't even take off her shoes!! 

Who made this movie? A Bene-dictine Monk???? 

The one good scene takes place in a movie theater. Producer David Winters is responsible for a lot of junk......




Dolph Lundgren has been around for a while. Most film goers remember him as the angry Russian boxer in ROCKY 4 (or 5?). He made a lot of action movies after that including SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO with the late Brandon Lee, the original screen version of the comicbook avenger THE PUNISHER and sci-fi movies like I COME IN PEACE. I always felt he was a little easier to take than guys like Stallone or Bruce Willis (who's so called action movies got big releases then died at the box office) but eventually he became just another direct to video "action guy" and seemed to run out of things to do.

Such is the case with PENTATHLON (1994) which begins in 1988 at The Seoul Olympics. East Germany athelete Erik (Lundgren, also a co-executive producer) shows off his expertise in swimming, fencing, shooting, horseback, eating and smirking. His authoritarian coach is played by David Soul (with a German accent). The secret police won't let Erik or the rest of his team fratentize with The Americans. He decides to defect to the US and becomes a short order cook/drunk. Roger Mosley is his boss who becomes Erik's coach when he decides to come out of retirement ("I'm gonna be your O-lympic fuel"). Soul is still around and is now a neo-Nazi. He wants to wreck Erik's chances and bring him back home. This is kind of a Rocky inspired Don Wilson martial arts/espionage/ action drama without Wilson or martial arts.

Director Bruce Malmuth (who also acts in this) once had a career, making NIGHTHAWKS with Stallone, THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (a flop comedy with Steve Guttenberg) and HARD TO KILL with Steven Seagal. Though I guess it's not hard to figure out how he wound up doing this!

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