Deadtime

 (IMDB)

 DEADTIME STORIES-1986-A reluctant babysitting uncle (Michael Mesmer) tells his nephew 3 bedtime stories. In the first 2 old hag sisters Hagnathol & Florinda search for a third sister with the help of a servant boy Peter (Scott Valentine). They kill a priest and use his severed hand to find the corpse. They plan to resurrect her using her heart and sacrificing Miranda, a local maiden (Kathy Fleig) but Peter turns against them and saves her. They are then briefly terrorized by the reanimated sister but Peter pulls her heart out. They seem saved but there's a sort of twist ending. 

Then uncle then tells his own version of Little Red Riding Hood. A stupid druggist mixes up the prescriptions of a woman named Rachel (Nicole Picard) and a pill popping loser named Willie (Matt Mitler). While Rachel and her boyfriend have sex in a shack Willie turns into a werewolf and attacks Rachel's grandmother (the prescription had been for her). Then he kills the boyfriend. Rachel kills the wolf with a silver cake knife. At the hospital grandma turns into a wolf. 

Then comes the tale of Goldilocks which takes place at the "Home For The Hopelessly Insane". A woman helps her husband and idiot son escape. Meanwhile Goldi Lox, an escaped serial killer who can kill with her psychic powers lives in their old house. This is by far the worst story with a lot of characters acting like morons. At the end a kid is attacked by a fake looking monster. Terrible music. 

Filmed in New York City by director/co-writer Jeffrey Delman.\

Thanks for reading!

Snore

SLEEPING BEAUTY-2014-Some genius at The Asylum decided to recreate the famous romantic fairy tale into a zombie gore film (Things like this are all the rage now). Unfortunately the makers failed on almost every count. The script and acting are terrible. The story is very drawn out and predictable but there are several zombie fights and a dragon like creature appears. It looks like something that will probably play on the SyFy channel with some of the gorier scenes cut out (maybe it already has!).

SLEEPING BEAUTY was directed by actor Casper Van Dien (who plays the king) and stars Finn Jones (GAME OF THRONES), Olivia d'Abo as the hammy evil sorceress and the director's daughter Grace as Princess Dawn, the sleeping title character. It was filmed in Bulgaria. Michael York narrates it.

Another film with the same name but having nothing to due with the famous fairy tale was released the same year.

Beware of The Following Image

BLACK FOREST-2012-In Germany, two geeks, a husband & wife, their baby and nanny and a doctor who has dreams about his dead wife take a "mid-summer's eve" tour. Ben Cross is Cazmar, their cheerful (and spooky) guide. He has them form a circle at a min-Stonehenge type place and a fairy appears. The the couple's baby disappears. 

They find a weird house and the nanny decides to take a nap. She's attacked and eaten by 7 dwarfs. Then a big bad wolf kills one of the geeks. Soon after the wife falls into a coma (like Sleeping Beauty). 

The remaining group meet Karin (Tinsel Korey) who resembles the doc's dead wife. She's actually in league with Cazmar because she was taken by "the people of the hill" (aka: the fair folk) when she was small. They are mad because people stopped believing in them long ago. Now they capture people (especially children) and take vengeance. Cross's performance is very wacky and almost saves this dumb tale. 

Thanks for reading!

Mischief In Germany

MISCHIEF IN WONDERLAND-1957-This German made fairy tale concerns the residents of a poor kingdom. The stupid King receives a magic button from the daughter of a fairy that grants him some wishes. He uses the wishes to give his starving populace lots of cake and candy. Soon everyone (including the children) is too fat and lazy to do any work. A turbaned king from another village wants to marry the king’s daughter but she refuses and plots to get rid of the candy oriented Wonderland. A doctor also helps out. This is more dumb but enjoyable kid oriented nonsense from Saturday matinee entrepreneur K. Gordon Murray who released this on an ignorant general public in the 1960’s. It also features Werner Kruger, the star of RUMPELSTITSKIN as “the genius” but the song he sings is cut out!!

The DVD version I saw (from Something Video) also featured two shorts. The first, SANTA’S MAGIC KINGDOM features a weird Santa Claus who gets helps from Merlin The Magician to fight an evil ogre (who is never seen). The Ferocious Wolf, Puss’N” Boots and Stinky The Skunk are also featured. It looks like someone’s holiday home movie. The second SANTA CLAUS AND HIS HELPERS has most of the same characters but also incorporates scenes from the Mexican made SANTA CLAUS (which Murray had released in the US). The stateside scenes were filmed at several Santa related playlands (“Santa’s Village”) in the US. (They are probably malls now!)



Thanks to my pal Tony for getting me a copy of this and thanks to everyone who read this!