Friday, July 10, 2009

Junk times two...

No Frills Friday:

VIRTUOSITY-1995-I really hated this movie a lot. Denzel Washington is a cyborg. It's weird to see him in this sci-fi mess that looks more like it should have starred Don "The Dragon" Wilson. Russell Crowe chews the scenery as a computer image that comes to life. Gee, both these guys went on to win Best Actor Academy Awards! This movie must have been ahead of it's time! Actually it was more like a warning of things to come!

The director (Brett Leonard) later made an adaptation of the comic book "Man-Thing" for the big screen. I'm sure he's destined for an award too....

STALKED-1994-This is a weird low budget stalker movie. Crazy Darrell (Jay Underwood who portrayed "The Human Torch" in the unreleased FANTASTIC FOUR movie the same year) saves the life of Maryam D'Abo's son. He falls in love with her and becomes a nuisance. He takes pictures of her, breaks into her home, smells her underwear and talks about her to his mini-tape recorder. He kills his friend (Lisa Blount) in a car wash and throws his mother down a flight of stairs and makes it look like an accident. When D'Abo (from THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS) rejects him he really goes nuts and starts killing everyone! Director Douglas Jackson has made a lot of junk and also worked on the FRIDAY THE 13TH TV show.

Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Fight Me!

The '90's seemed a popular decade for sub-standard direct to video martial arts movies starring Chuck Norris wannabes, has-beens and never was-ers.

Black belt Michael Worth who had starred in the TV show ACAPULCO H.E.A.T. and later performed stunts in the big budgeted BATMAN FOREVER heads the cast of FISTS OF IRON, an 1995 production from director Richard Munchkin (who should have followed the yellow brick road into another profession). Worth stars as Dan, an auto mechanic who seems to know a little bit about fighting but always gets beat up. Jenilee Harrison (who in better times had co-starred in the popular TV shows DALLAS and THREE'S COMPANY) is his love interest. Dan gets involved with some illegal fights put on by a rich gangster (Marshall Teague). After Matthias Hues kills his obnoxious friend, Dan wants revenge. Alcoholic Sam Jones and his Japanese friend (Eric Lee) decide to help him. You know the rest! Boring fights, talk, wise cracks, nonsense, all leading up to the inevitable showdown where despite all odds Dan whips big Hues' ass. Worth actually studied martial arts under Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do pal Dan Insanto. Well, I knew it wasn't acting!

Although Van Damme and Seagal were probably the main inspiration for much of the direct to video martial arts mania that was sprung upon the tape viewing public in the 1990's, Pay Per View events like the wildly successful UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) were also to blame!

SUPERFIGHTS from 1995 features a dork named Brandon Gaines as a dork named Jack, an incredibly dull fuckwad who wants to be a fighter in "The Superfights", wrestling like martial arts battles. Jack studies some kind of self defense but should actually be hit in the head with a brick. An old man asks him "Are you a complete moron?". A resounding "YES" can be the only reponse from the viewer! After getting beat up by the old man, Jack saves his grand-daughter (Faye Yu) from a mugging and goes to train to be a superfighter. This cliche' ridden, "Rocky" inspired story has terrible acting but some good fights. Director Tony Leung was also the fight co-ordinator (one out of two ain't bad I guess) and Keith Valtali (from NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER) was a co-producer and appears as the main villain. Too bad their leading man was a dick. Filmed in Harrisburg, Pa., if anyone cares.....

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

3 Reviews For The Price of One On Tuesdays!







LOST HIGHWAY-1997-I’ll be the first to admit that David Lynch is a unique director with a visual style that sets him apart from other filmmakers. I also admit that I am not a fan. While I find his work behind the camera startling and unusual, his story telling technique seems muddled and overly symbolic. What good is making a movie that will only be understood (if in fact it’s suppose to be understood at all) by no one but the director? Of course there are those who would disagree with me and find HIGHWAY to be a challenging puzzle that grows better with each viewing (and in some ways this is true).

That said, LOST HIGHWAY does have the possibilities for cult status. It’s nearly incoherent story line is oozing symbolism. Bill Pullman plays Fred Madison, a jazz saxophonist who murders his wife (Patricia Arquette) who he believes is unfaithful. While on death row he “creates” a new identity (now played by Balthzaar Getty from HABITAT) to “escape reality” and becomes involved with sleazy thug Mr. Eddie (Robert Loggia) and his mistress (also played by Arquette who has a lot of nude scenes). Lurking around the whole time is Mystery Man (Robert “Baretta” Blake,looking like a CARNIVAL OF SOULS ghoul) who may be death, the devil or just another figment of Madison’s psycho killer’s mind. The key to the whole thing seems to be the phrase “Dick Laurent Is Dead”.

Co-star Natasha Gregson Wagner also has a nude scene. A strange bunch of smaller appearances highlight the film. Gary Busey plays Fred’s father and Richard Pryor and Henry Rollins have brief roles. For me the weirdest casting was Guy Siner (who played the gay Lieutenant Gruber on the British TV show ‘ALLO ‘ALLO) and Gene Ross (who played The Judge in DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT!!) both featured in a prison parole scene! And of course Lynch regular Jack Nance (who was killed before this was released) puts in an appearance. The script is by Lynch and Barry Gifford (who wrote the novel Wild At Heart!).



This was kind of touted as Robert Blake’s “comeback” film but he went on to bigger and badder things.


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CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB-Hammer-1964 -A usually over looked Hammer production directed and written by Hammer head honcho Michael Carreras takes along time to get started but is highlighted by an amusing performance by Fred Clark as (what else?) a big mouth, PT Barnum like American promoter who says things like: “Of course I have enemies. I’m in show business!”. Too bad he’s killed off before the action starts. I guess it’s a kind of follow up to THE MUMMY though hardly up to the standards set by Terence Fisher.

Roland (son of Leslie) Howard stars as an archeologist who helps open the cursed tomb of Ra-Antef. Naturally, the mummy (Dickie Owen) is stolen and comes back to life looking for revenge. It looks kind of like Lee’s bandaged ancient one except it has less facial features. Meanwhile Howard’s French fiancée (Jeanne Roland) is being wooed by the real villain (Terence Morgan), the mummy’s brother! It features nice flashbacks, severed hands and Michael Ripper in a small cameo. CURSE is by no means classic Hammer but is entertaining nonetheless. Quite ignobly, Ra-Antef meets his end in a sewer. The studio’s next mummy effort would be BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY’S TOMB in 1971 (which Carreras would finish after the death it’s original director, Seth Holt)!

And last and least:

MURDERCYCLE-1998 - A suspicious CIA agent, a psychic and a group of Marine troopers (led by a suicidal sergeant) battle an alien possessed motorcyclist armed with deadly lasers. The alien was sent by it’s race to recover a device the CIA won’t give back. This is pretty standard direct to video stuff except that all the characters have the names of real life comic book people: Lee, Kirby, Wood, Frazetta, Ditko, Buscema, Kubert, Vince Coletta and Joe Sinnott! Some of the troopers even compare themselves to The Fantastic Four! Most of them argue, scream and then get killed.

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

4 D Indeed!



THE 4-D MAN-1959-This Technicolor sci-fi presented by the producer/director team who made THE BLOB (from the year before) is undermined by long stretches of talk and a love triangle sub-plot. Robert Lansing stars as Scott Nelson, a good workaholic scientist corrupted by his brother Tony’s invention, which allows him to walk through solid matter. When he goes through people they turn old and die while he gets younger. Lee Merriwether co-stars as Lansing’s assistant/fiancée who is stolen away by his bro (played by future soap opera actor James Congdon).

Edgar Stehli and Robert Strauss play a pair of conniving scientists. Interestingly, Stehli’s character is killed while Strauss’ just disappears before the climax! A pre-Helen Keller Patty Duke appears as well but the fairly good (for the time) SFX are no match for the tedious talkfest plot.

Director Irvin S. Yeaworth and producer Jack H. Harris weren’t finished though. Just one year later they re-teamed to make the wacky DINOSAURUS! Harris later produced movies that were expanded from amateur shorts like EQUINOX (1970) SCHLOCK (1971) and DARK STAR (1974) and helped launch a few careers.


He produced a sort of sequel BEWARE! THE BLOB in 1972 which actor Larry Hagman directed. Incidentally, Hagman’s character’s name on TV’s I Dream Of Jeannie was named Tony Nelson...........

Thanks for reading!

Outrage

OUTRAGE-1950-Do not miss this daring (for the time) drama concerning a rape victim (Mala Powers) and the consequences of her violation. Happy soon to be married Ann (Powers) is the victim of a “criminal assault” by a sleazy fast food worker. Her fiancé (future “Hideous Sun Demon” Robert Clarke) doesn’t care and still wants to marry her but Ann can’t bear to be touched by anyone. She runs away and winds up working at an orange packing plant. A minister, who everyone call “doctor” (Tod Andrews, later in FROM HELL IT CAME)) learns of her past and tries to help her after she viciously attacks a local guy (Jerry Paris) who tries to kiss her. This film is very moving, sad and serious and deserves to be seen a wider audience especially considering it’s subject matter which was quite taboo in 1950!

Powers heartfelt performance won her her next role that of Roxanne opposite Jose Ferrer in CYRANO DE BERGERAC. Actress Ida Lupino who was just about the only woman making movies in Hollywood at the time directed OUTRAGE. She made other interesting films in the early ‘50’s including HARD FAST & BEAUTIFUL ON DANGEROUS GROUND THE BIGAMIST and THE HITCHHIKER and then moved into television directing episodes of such diverse series as THE DONNA REED SHOW 77 SUNSET STRIP HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL THE RIFLEMAN THE FUGITIVE and THRILLER.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Fear Dot Blah

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When I see a movie I like I want to tell everyone I meet about it. Unfortunately if I did that I'd be arrested before I got to the corner. No one really wants to hear my opinions on movies especially since I don't go at all for much mainstream stuff. Sometimes a friend or two will tolerate my "rantings" for a little while, then change the subject. No one gives a shit about the movies I watch, that's why I have this journal so I can write about anything I want to, bad movies, bad music, the weather, life in general and no one has to listen. It's just me and my ravings.

Why do they make movies like FEAR DOT COM(2002)? The director is obviously obsessed with torture,violence and gore and for some inexplicable reason he believes everyone else is too. Stephen Rea (hey! I remember when he was a real actor not some money hungry over emoting hack) is a serial killer called "The Doctor". The Doctor? Are you kidding me? They had to name a killer after "Doctor Who"? How incompetent is that?

Besides, there was also a killer/torturer/villian fighting Charles Bronson in the equally gory EVIL THAT MEN DO many years ago! Couldn't the screenwriter come up with a more original name. Like The Mathematican? Or "The Guy Who Has To Get Up And Make The Doughnuts"? I guess the producers (one of them is Andrew Stevens!) figure any old shit is ok as long as they get your money. But let's face, there have been haunted houses, haunted cars, haunted refrigerators, even haunted movie scripts, so it was only a matter of time before some "genius" came up with this gimmick! Yes, it's all about a haunted web site that seems to kill people after they go there.

Too bad this dot com didn't go bankrupt before the movie was released....

Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Tennis and Menace





HARD FAST AND BEAUTIFUL-1951-An unscrupulous mother (Claire Trevor) goes to all lengths to promote her daughter (Sally Forrest) in the sport of Tennis. She hooks up with a sleazy promoter (Carlton Young Jr.) and tries to break up a romance between her daughter and the man she loves (Robert Clarke, soon to be THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON). This is a great over looked low budget gem directed by actress Ida Lupino. She made six other films between 1949 and 1953 including OUTRAGE (also with Clarke) and doesn't get the credit she deserves. Later she directed many diverse TV shows including episodes of THRILLER, HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL and THE DONNA REED SHOW.



WAR OF THE WORLDS-2005-This plays more like some disaster film than an adaptation of a classic HG Wells novel even though they get The Tripods and their mission correct. Tom Cruise is very miscast as an estranged father trying to save his two kids from the Martian invaders. (He and his son look more like brothers!) As his daughter Dakota Fanning screams a lot. Tim Robbins shows up inexplicitly as a loony living underground with a shotgun. There’s lots of SFX and humans are either vaporized or eaten. If you sit through it look for the cameo at the end by Gene Barry & Ann Robinson, stars of the 1953 version. Morgan Freeman does some narration. Steven Spielberg doesn’t do it again.

Thanks for reading!