Ape vs. Rip-Off

 

 (imdb)

APE VS. MONSTER-2021-A baby monkey lost in a space experiment returns as a giant ape. An African-America scientist Linda (Arianna Scott) and a Russian agent (Katie Sereika) investigate with a wimpy white guy (Shane Hartigan) when a gigantic lizard also shows up. Linda wants to save the ape but the army wants to destroy it. Eric Roberts is the head of National Security. The acting and dialogue is pretty bad. Later Linda's estranged father (Rudy Bentz) (who of course is white) shows up to help. An alien spaceship seems to be controlling them. Both monsters show up in DC to duke it out the same year as Kong vs Godzilla. 

What a coincidence! The Asylum strikes again! 

The director Bunny Bravo later made THE ADVENTURES OF DANIEL LUSKO...er...sorry. That should be the director Daniel Lusko later made THE ADVENTURES OF BUNNY BRAVO....

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Saddle Up Your Dino

 

COWBOYS VS. DINOSAURS-2015-A mining company's explosions unearth T-Rex like dinosaurs that terrorize yokels. The sfx are terrible and the acting is atrocious, especially by the two lead actors. Eric Roberts as the drunken puking father of the lead character (played by Rib Hills) and Vernon Welles as the self centered CEO are the only legit actors. Just when it seems like it's all over a pterodactyl show up! 

This made for TV movie (obviously inspired by the big screen COWBOYS VS. ALIENS) was shot in Montana by a company called The Oracle Film Group. The director Ari Novak was also a producer on TV's “Martha Stewart's Everyday Food”.

Terror

 

THE TERROR OF HALLOW'S EVE-2017-A bullied kid Tim (Caleb Thomas) summons a jester like demon called “The Trickster” to get revenge. A fat guy eats a pie full of worms and is gutted by a demon that eats his intestines. He sounds like Curly when he's screaming. A stoner is stabbed to death by puppets with knives. The main asshole has his throat slit. His girlfriend is next but Tim destroys the demon. She's killed anyway. Tim winds up possessed and getting blamed for all the deaths. Flash ahead many years later and adult Tim is in a mental hospital. It seems like the movie is going to start all over again and The Trickster is still at it...

Eric Roberts has one short scene as an angry father and Juliet Landau (one of the producers) has a brief role as a nurse. The director Tony Tucker did mainly SFX and make up for movies and TV before this... 

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Canadian Blood

BLOODWORX-2012-Two college dorks volunteer for an experimental drug test (RXZ-19) to make some money. It's obvious from the other “patients” lead by obnoxious English guy Nigel that things aren't what they seem. After “dose one” they start to hallucinate and act weird. One guy has sex with a woman while cockroaches crawl on them. The doctor who heads the project explains that in actuality the experiments involve organ regeneration and he has a roomful of deranged animals to prove it! Everyone gets loonier and loonier as the doses increase. The experiment descends into madness with most of the patients becoming cannibal killers craving the drug. The real head of the project (Eric Roberts) shows up trying to cover the whole thing up. One guy escapes but goes back for his friend and the whole place blows up. The two friends escape but don't get away. 

This Canadian-American co-production is also known as BLOODWORK or THE LAST EXPERIMENT. Director Eric Wostenberg was a producer of the TV show “Ax Men”.

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Dead On Release

D.O.A.: DEAD OR ALIVE-2006-This martial arts fantasy comedy drama is based on a popular video game. It's about a bunch of dorks who are invited to a martial arts tournament (D.O.A.). The three main characters are female: a pro-wrestler (Jamie Pressly), an assassin (Holly Valance) and a princess (Devon Aoki) who's looking for her brother (Collin Chou), said to have been killed in the last D.O.A. The guy who runs the thing is played by Eric Roberts. There's a lot of swordplay and fights using CGI and “Jet Li wires”. (The director Corey Yuen made several movies with Li) Kane Kosugi plays a friend of the princess and pro-wrestler Kevin Nash is in it. There's a lot of smart ass jokes and dialogue and most of the men getting beat up by the women. Robin Shou from the MORTAL KOMBAT movies appears briefly as a pirate. 

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They Definately Live Up To Their Name!

THE EXPENDABLES-2010-Director and star Sylvester Stallone is Barney Ross who leads a mercenary group which includes Jet Li, Jason Stratham, Randy Couture and Terry Crews. Dolph Lundgren is also part of the team but gets kicked out. Ross wants Tool (Mickey Rourke) to take his place.

Despite the odd ball cast promotion most of the film is Stallone and Stratham trying to save the daughter (Giselle Itie’) of a dictator (David Zayas) who’s teamed with an ex-CIA agent (Eric Roberts, the only real actor in the group and he wasn't even featured in the ads!) who’s bodyguard is played by pro wrestler Steve Austin. Li gets to do some martial arts toward the end and the climax is an all out violent gun and hand to hand battle. The best fight occurs during this sequence. But Stallone isn’t a great director and there’s too much CGI effects. This was a real hyped up movie that fails to deliver anything that hasn’t been done already in countless direct to video movies!

As of this writing a sequel is planned to include Jean Claude Van Damme...

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