Short But Not Sweet

RAGE-(1995)-is an ok martial arts-action film with kick-boxing champ Gary Daniels (the same year he was in the live action version of FIST OF THE NORTH STAR) as a school teacher who becomes an experiment for some mad scientists (who previously had only used illegal immigrants as guinea pigs) and spends the rest of the movie kicking, shooting and crashing. A lot of glass is broken and Daniels has a fight with an S & M couple! A news reporter tries to help clear him. Director Joseph Merhi is an old hand at this sort of thing.



THE INVADER-(1996)-is a weird but ultimately dumb sci-fi time waster with a bevy of unemployable has-beens. Sean Young plays an infertile woman who mysteriously becomes pregnant after being kissed by Ben Cross. Turns out he's an alien and the two run away so she can have his baby. Daniel Baldwin is Young's sheriff-boyfriend who's in hot pursuit of the them. Nick Mancuso is the bad guy alien who also wants the baby.

The director, Mark Rosman later did some kids TV shows and the Hilary Duff movie A CINDERELLA STORY."

"Without fools there would be no wisdom"-character in THE WEREWOLF OF LONDON

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Four Quickies

LOST IN LA MANCHA-2003-This is a documentary about Terry Gilliam's aborted attempt to film his version of Cervantes' "Don Quixote" called "Who Killed Don Quixote".

Apparently Terry never heard of Orson Welles and his attempts to film the same subject matter!

Gilliam comes off as a naive but determined happy idiot. Had he pulled it all off and made this film (whether it was a box office success or not) he may have been hailed as a maverick genius, on par with some one like Kubrick (as the spin doctoring narration by Jeff Bridges, who starred in Gilliam's THE FISHER KING, attempts to do) but more often than not he seems to be overwelmed by the unfortunate circumstances; i.e. : Quixote portrayer Jean Rochfort's prostate problems, heavy rains wiping out a set, etc.)

A must see documentary if there ever was one!!

THE STRAIGHT STORY-1999-This is David Lynch's greatest film!

A beautifully made heart felt story (based on a true character) with Richard Farnsworth (in his last role; he died in 2000) as Alvin Straight, a crippled almost blind WW2 veteran who decides to visit his estranged brother (Harry Dean Stanton) in Wisconsin, travelling by lawnmower!

The direction and photography are excellent as is the acting, especially from Farnsworth and Sissy Spacek as his daughter.

PUBLIC ENEMIES-1996-Glossy,un-real adaptation of the real life 1930's gangster Ma Barker (Teresa Russell) who heads a gang consisting of her 4 sons and Alvin Karpis (Frank Stallone). They rob banks and kill anyone in their path. Eric Roberts shows up in the middle of the story as a cop who becomes Ma's lover.

I've seen pictures of the real Barker. Not a pretty sight I assure you. Also with Richard Eden, Alyssa Milano and Dan Cortese as Melvin Purvis.

Director Mark L. Lester once made movies like CLASS OF 1984, FIRESTARTER and COMMANDO (with future governor Swartzenegger) but in recent years his output has been mainly direct to video.

BOYS OF THE CITY-1940-The East Side Kids (lead by Leo Grocey & Bobby Jordan) go to the country to stay out of trouble and run into gangsters, a haunted house and murder. Their "adult" guardian is named Knuckles (played by Dave O'Brien from "Pete Smith Shorts" and REEFER MADNESS). Minerva Urecal is the creepy housekeeper. Black East Side member Sunshine Sammy Morrison is on hand to look scared and make watermelon jokes. Director Joseph H. Lewis directed other "Eastside Comedies", Lugosi in THE INVISIBLE GHOST and the very cool film noir THE BIG COMBO before going into TV.

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Wolf Monsters! Beach Monsters! Teenage Monsters! Oh My!

Although it's been reviewed a lot, I still wasn't prepared when I first saw FACE OF THE SCREAMING WEREWOLF (1964). Those reviews just don't do it justice to this, another Jerry Warren reworked Mexican horror opus. I've seen a lot of re-edited movies that make no sense but this one pushes it to the limit! To explain the storyline with a few sentences would be nearly impossible. Ok, I'll try.....

The great Lon Chaney (Jr.) is a mummy-werewolf (?) being experimented on by some doctors (?) in a laboratory inside a wax museum (?). There's a whole intro having to do with another mummy and a woman named Ann Taylor who seems to be a reincarnated princess (and all these scenes come from another movie!). Chaney spends a good deal of time in a cage with a bandage on his head. When he does escape, he carries off a woman in a park. He climbs up the side of a building (and a scientist follows him up like a human fly!). Once he gets to the top he takes the stairs down! All the while with his female victim in tow!

He chases another woman around her apartment and is startled when he sees his own funny reflection in a mirror. Eventually Lon-Wolfman is beaten into submission by the scientist as 2 American FBI agents look on. They are actually added American scenes. Most of the actors in these scenes seem like they're drunk!

I've read this was actually a "real" comedy starring Mexican funnyman Tin Tan (who can still be seen in a couple of scenes!). The original movie made in 1959 was called LA CASA DEL TERROR.

As one of the FBI agents says at the end: "It's great what the imagination can do, huh?".

So say we all!!




THE BEACH GIRLS AND THE MONSTER (1965) is a pathetic production mixing horror with the topical beach movies of the time. It's a bad mix. In fact, it sucks! Retired '40's actor Jon Hall directs and stars as a fish expert. The doofy monster makes some token appearances but most of this is people talking, drinking and dancing in the sand. The groovy sounds of Frank Sinatra Jr. highlight this reverse epic!



METEOR MONSTER (1957) is also known as TEENAGE MONSTER. It's a weird western that kind of looks like it was made for early TV!

A young boy named Charles lives with his Ma and Pa near a mine. A meteor falls from the sky and kills Pa. Charles however gets hit and 7 years later he's become a big hairy wimpering giant killer (who sort of looks like Glenn Strange in MAD MONSTER). Mom (played by former '40's siren Anne Gwynne) and monster son mine for gold while Charles kills locals. The noisy speech the monster uses when talking to mom is very funny. He kidnaps Kathy the maid (Gloria Castillo from INVASION OF THE SAUCER MEN) but mom bribes her not to tell anyone. Kathy uses Charlie Monster to kill her boyfriend then tries to convince him mommy doesn't love him but Monster-Son comes to his senses (?) before being destroyed.

Anne Gwynne had been a B-movie star in the '40's starring with Karloff & Lugosi in BLACK FRIDAY, RIDE 'EM COWBOY with Abbott & Costello, the all star horror line-up HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, DICK TRACY MEETS GRUESOME (also with Karloff) and others. MM was her last movie except for something in 1970 called ADAM AT 6 AM.

Monster portrayer Gil Perkins was a stuntman originally from Australia who made over a hundred movie and TV appearances.

METEOR MONSTER is the only movie Jacques Marquette directed. He was actually a busy cinematographer with many TV credits and movies including THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS, ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN and BUCKET OF BLOOD.

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Aloha Charlie!

CHARLIE CHAN IN HONOLULU-1939-This is the first Chan portrayal by Sidney Toler who took over the role after the first series regular Warner Oland died in 1938.The murder mystery takes place mostly on a cargo ship full of circus animals. The story coincides with a sub-plot of the birth of Chan’s first grandchild. The opening scene features Charlie, his wife and their 13 children eating dinner. Victor Sen Young is No. 2 son Jimmy who tries to solve the ship board murder before “Pop” even gets there. He gets some help from No. 5 son Willie (Layne Tom Jr., who’s character should have been in more of the series). George Zucco is at his eerie and eccentric best as Dr. Cardigan, a mysterious scientist with a human brain in his cabin!

Phyllis Brooks (who’s also in the later CC in Reno), John “Dusty” King (who later became a Western star for Monogram), Eddie Collins, Claire Dodd and Marc Lawrence also star. Phillip Ahn (who was actually of Korean descent) plays Chan’s nervous son in law.

This was the only Chan/Toler film directed by H. Bruce Humberstone who had directed three previous ones with Oland.

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Broken Strings

BROKEN STRINGS-1940-I really love this all black “race film” (a movie made exclusively for black audiences). Sure, it’s cheap and badly acted but it’s no worse than any dozen Monogram films of the time!

Clarence Muse (also the co-writer) stars as famous violinist Arthur Williams who gets “one thousand dollars a performance” but loses his ability to play when his hand is injured in a car accident. He becomes a pretty mean and bitter music teacher especially to his son Johnny (William Washington) who prefers swing to the classics. One of his other students is played by Ex-Our Gang member Stymie Beard (“Just because his father owns a grocery store he puts on airs…”)!

Meanwhile older daughter Grace has man trouble at work. Her boss tries to frame her boyfriend for stealing. Eventually, a world famous “nerve specialist” says he can do an operation for 300 dollars! I guess Arthur didn't save much of his money because Johnny and his cute pianist girlfriend Mary (Tommie Moore who was in MYSTERY IN SWING the same year ) play swing at some clubs to raise the cash. Unfortunately dad finds out and makes Johnny practice playing the classics until he passes out!

Finally Johnny plays on a radio program (where Stymie tries to sabotage his set) and dad gets cured through the power of swing!

Darby Jones who played the scary lead zombie in I WALK WITH A ZOMBIE (1943) and was usually reduced to playing tribal chiefs and natives has a standout comic role here. Muse usually played stereotypical servants in Hollywood films so this was a standout role for him. He had started his career in 1929 and died in 1979.

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The First Blair Witch?

THE LAST BROADCAST-2003-I heard a lot of bad things about this pseudo-documentary that was made before the widely released box office hit THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.

 A group of men lead by a radio DJ go out searching for the legendary "Jersey Devil". It's not that bad although most of the time I didn't really believe I was watching a real documentary. The "found video footage" is the highlight and very well done but the ending really makes no sense. Unlike BLAIR WITCH, the makers of this film felt they needed a pay-off instead of leaving it to the audience to decide. Of course since the whole movie was a set-up anyway how it ended really doesn't matter. At times I felt as though the movie was laughing at itself!

I'm sure the makers of BLAIR WITCH saw this and figured they could do a better job. However, an 1980 Italian cannibal gore-fest called MANGIATI VIVI, directed by Umberto Lenzi and known in the US as EATEN ALIVE BY CANNIBALS also used the "found footage" motif though in a much more graphic and exploitable way.

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Doc Bruce Banner Belted By Gamma Rays..

...Winds Up In a Bad Movie...


HULK-2003-Bill Bixby! Where are you?



I thought Ang Lee was going to make a big screen version of the comic book super hero The Incredible Hulk? The only thing the two have in common is a big green guy. Why did they pick this guy Eric Bana to play Bruce Banner? Because their last names sound alike? And any big budget theatrical release that would give Sam Elliot (as General Ross) so much screen time (this guy should stay in TV westerns where he belongs) has serious problems. And the the main villian is Banner's father?? His father? I don't even think he had a father! Where's The Leader? The Abomination? The Absorbing Man. Hell, I'd even accept The Rhino!



But no, we get Nick Nolte (looking a lot like his mug shot) whispering and ranting and generally acting out of control, sending mutated dogs to kill The Hulk! A killer poodle? What is this? Monty Python?




The SFX are pretty bad and The Hulk himself quite comical. I guess Lee bit off more than he could chew with this one. It's ok to be serious but a movie like this should be fun. It's not. It's depressing. A real downer. Where as in the comic The Hulk was a misunderstood monster, here he is just a victim of crazy people who just don't give a shit....



Jennifer Connelly (fresh from her Academy Award winning role in A BEAUTIFUL MIND) is ok as Banner's love interest/co-scientist Betty Ross but the guy who plays Talbott (Josh Lucas who was also in A BEAUTIFUL MIND) is the pits.



Stan Lee & Lou Ferrigno have cameos together though!



Cavedog no like...Smash instead...

From The Cradle To The Video Bin

CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE-2003-A jewel thief (Rapper DMX) steals some black diamonds from some international gangsters (Mark Dacascos and Kelly Hu). His daughter winds up being kidnapped by them and Tiawanese government agent Jet Li comes to the rescue. There's a lot of gun battles and car chases. The best part for me is when Li gets locked in a cage and has to fight a bunch of UFC fighters (including Chuck Liddell, Tito Ortiz and Randy Couture) and a 'Mini-Me" like anouncer.

The finale fight between Li and Dacascos is pretty good too. Tom Arnold provides the comic (?) relief.


This movie would have been much better if they'd eliminated DMX's character and plotline and concentrated on Li. Polish born cinematographer Andrzeji Bartkowiak (SPEED, LETHAL WEAPON 4, DANTE'S PEAK) had previously directed ROMEO MUST DIE with Li and EXIT WOUNDS with Steven Seagal and DMX (and Tom Arnold). I think he's in a rut. He later directed DOOM starring pro wrestler The Rock.


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Out For The Count!

BODY COUNT is a US/Japanese co-production shot in New Orleans in 1994. It's a haphazard action-revenge flick that's only really redeeming quality is the appearance of Japanese martial arts icon Sonny Chiba!

He plays Macado, a pony tailed assassin responsible for several mob deaths. The porous faced Robert Davi plays an investigating cop who tries to take out Macado at a topless bar. After wrecking the place they manage to capture him (but mistakenly interrogate him in Chinese!).

18 months later he's in prison meditating, doing one arm push-ups and taking flack from guards while serving on a chain gang. He's sprung by former Stallone girlfriend Brigitte Neilsen. Once out, Macado goes around killing cops, trying to find the one who set him up.

At one point Davi's character says "It's the '90's" but the weird disjointed structure of this film makes it seem like something out of the '70's! Com'on! When the highpoint of a movie is that a minor character is wearing a "Residents" t-shirt...well, what more do I have to say???

Actually a lot.

To show how far his career had sunk by this time, Jan Michael Vincent has a small role as a cop who's thrown off a roof. And too much time is spend on Davi's relationship with a female special agent (Cindy Ambuehl). Since Davi looks like his face has been scrubbed with sandpaper why would anyone care whether he gets laid or not???


Despite his bad English Chiba could be a low budget action star (he had a role in KILL BILL VOL.1) but this is too talky and drawn out. He does comandeer a trolley, wreck a bus and kill in various ways (but usually with a samauri sword). Steven Bauer is on hand as a mobster/victim and hardly has anytime to do his usual scenery chewing (I guess that's a plus.....). The topless dancing was ok though......

Many hands were behind the making of BODY COUNT. The weak story is credited to David Prior who has been making his own shitty movies (many of them starring his brother Ted) for untold years. One of BC's producers David Winters has also been on the low budget film scene far too long and even directed ALICE COOPER'S WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE TV special and a musical version of DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE starring Kirk Douglas & Donald Pleasance! Really!!!

Director Talun Hsu also helmed WITCHCRAFT 5 and GEDO and has a small role as the Chinese interpreter.



Beware! There are several movies known as BODY COUNT! This one is also called CODENAME:SILENCER. Chiba also made a movie with wrestler Roddy Piper around this time called IMMORTAL COMBAT where he played a good guy.



Go watch STREETFIGHTER instead..



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Don't Be Fooled By The Cover!

CURSE OF THE EVIL SPIRIT-1971 -This is director Ray Dennis Steckler’s THE CHOOPER before he added about 40 minutes of meaningless rodeo footage because the original was too short. It’s also known as BLOOD SHACK and tells the story of a rundown shack haunted by “The Chooper” a vengeful Indian spirit who kills anyone who enters.

The story opens with a cool, acoustic rock-a-billy song courtesy of co-star/co-writer Ron Haydock (in his last movie). Then we meet ranch hand Daniel (Jason Wayne in his first and last film role) who warns two little girls (The Steckler’s own kids, Linda & Laura) to stay away from the shack or The Chooper will get them. He tells the same thing to a young (and seemingly stoned) hitchhiker but she stays anyway and gets killed by a mysterious killer in black brandishing a long knife in a very dark scene.



We then learn the story of a famous actress named Carolyn Brandt who as luck would have it is actually played by Steckler’s then wife Carolyn Brandt! She inherits the rundown, barren place from her uncle and goes to live there after “some bad experiences in the film business making horror films”! We are also introduced to “the ranch” foreman Tim (Haydock looking some what Ed Nortonish). After Brandt and Daniel discuss two of Steckler’s real movies she goes for a walk and meets the two little girls (they’re pretty good actresses ! ) who discuss The Chooper again. They seem to pop out of nowhere several times during the story to play with a chair or get into mischief. More narration and walking ensues. Tim shows up drinking a coke, wanting to buy the ranch. Then Carolyn wanders around at night.

Next day comes some of the infamous rodeo footage. The hitchhiker’s husband comes looking for his wife and boom The Chooper strikes again! Daniel runs around like Norman Bates cleaning up after the deaths and yelling things like “ Oh my god, I warned you! I told you The Chooper would get you!”. Carolyn talks to the kids again and whammo! Off we go to the rodeo! Tim shows up still trying to buy the ranch. A fat sheriff comes by and is killed by The Chooper in a dive off the roof attack. Meanwhile Carolyn takes the kids on an endless ride with Peanuts The Pony! More narration follows and on and on . Tim and Daniel have a fist fight that kills a few minutes and breaks up the monotony while the kids dig in the dirt. Then it’s back to the rodeo! Dudes bust their broncos while a not too bad James Bondish type guitar song (“Dream Your Dreams”) plays. Finally The Chooper’s real identity is revealed in the not so exciting climax and a rather blasé Brandt leaves. THE END!

his is not Steckler’s worst movie. It’s close but THE HOLLYWOOD KILLER MEETS THE SKID ROW SLASHER (1979) had even more talk and less action. It’s tedious for sure and the sound, editing and acting are sub-standard but like most Steckler projects it has some unexplainable appeal.

And Steckler is not a bad director! Scenes when The Chooper attacks are actually quite startling in a way. In the first murder he appears out of the darkness yelling. The second (in broad daylight) he cuts across the camera out of nowhere. It gets your attention! The best parts for me were the weird American Indian influenced title paintings and the music.

Co-star Ron Haydock had an “Ed Wood” type career writing lurid pulp novels,, editing a Sci-Fi magazine and acting in other movies by his friend Steckler (who also co-wrote, edited and photographed “Curse”) that was marred by mental illness. He was killed in 1977 at the age of 37. There is a great compilation album of his fun Gene Vincent inspired bop called “99 Chicks”.

Steckler made a lot of adults only movies (usually under a pseudonym) around this time. His next “real movie” was the aforementioned THKMTSRS. It’s kind of sequel THE LAS VEGAS SERIAL KILLER appeared in 1986. His last outing WARCAT (1987) was completed by TV Mikels.

Sad to report Ray Dennis Steckler died in January 2009.

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions without also remembering my reasons for them"-Nietzsche

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Scream of The Wolf; Yawn of The Viewer...

SCREAM OF THE WOLF-1974-There were a lot of TV movies in the '70's. ABC even had it's own "MOVIE OF THE WEEK". and produced a lot of movies in all different genres. Several of them were of the horror variety. SCREAM OF THE WOLF is one of them. It was written by sci-fi/horror veteran scribe Richard Matheson (who's story DUEL was directed by the then unknown Steven Speilberg three years earlier and would become one of the most famous made for TV movies of all time....) and produced and directed by Dan Curtis, who's most famous creation, TV's first horror soap opera DARK SHADOWS had expired in 1971 after a 5 year run. Curtis and Matheson had worked together before on TV horror, most notably on THE NIGHT STALKER and it's sequel THE NIGHT STRANGLER and a version of DRACULA with Jack Palance in the lead.



Sounds like SCREAM should be a winner, right?



Well...actually...ummm...NO!



SCREAM is a typically disapointing TV movie that presents itself as a horror film then blows it by trying to offer a "normal explanation" for all the violent goings on....



Peter Graves (who's long running gig on MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE had ended one year earlier) plays an ex-hunter (now a writer) investigating the murders of some local residents by something that seems to be a werewolf. Clint Walker (who had his own long running TV show CHEYENNE in the '50's) plays Graves' ex-partner who seems determined not to hunt down the mysterious "monster". He also seems like a nut but the local sheriff (Phillip Carey) doesn't suspect him.



It's all kind of boring and the climax kind of rips off THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME! Jo Ann Pflug (who was also in Curtis' THE NIGHT STRANGLER) plays Graves' love interest. Walker's limping manservant (lover?) is played by Don Megowan, the husky western actor who starred in the 1956 horror film THE WEREWOLF!


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Azteca Strikes!

THE VAMPIRE’S COFFIN-1958-This Mexican made vampire film is actually a sequel to THE VAMPIRE (made the year before). Both star German Robles as the long fanged Count Lavud. This time a medical doctor steals his body and a thief removes the stake from The Count’s heart. He rises once more to make humans his slaves. The movie’s producer Abel Salazar (who would later star in the weird classic THE BRAINIAC) returns in the role of Dr. Enrique who tries to make the police believe a real life vampire is on the loose. Parts of it take place in a wax museum and there are a couple of unnecessary dance numbers.

Though made quickly and cheaply these Mexican made horrors do have a lot of atmosphere and TVC is no exception (even if you can see the string on the flying bat!) but the dubbing has always left much to be desired. Yet in the right mood (say after a couple of beers, preferably Dos Ecces..) that flaw can be pretty enjoyable!

From the same folks who brought us “The Aztec Mummy” Series and off the wall madness like CURSE OF THE DOLL PEOPLE (which Salazar co-wrote)! Robles later starred in another series as a vampire named Nostradamus!

Happy Birthday Eric Burdon!

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Max Twice

Sweden's Max Von Sydow is great actor but having him in your movie doesn't mena your movie is going to be great!



THE KREMLIN LETTER-1970-This all-star cold war spy drama directed by John Huston isn’t very good. There’s a lot of talk and it’s overly complicated. Old spies get together for some dirty work. Patrick O’Neal is the ex-navy man recruited to impersonate a Russian male prostitute. He has an affair with Bibi Andersson who’s husband is a sadistic Russian officer (played by her THE SEVENTH SEAL co-star Max Von Sydow) but the underrated Richard Boone steals the show as O’Neal’s “uncle” despite his bad blond dye job.

The always-interesting George Sanders plays a gay agent called Warlock. Nigel Greene is The Whore, Dean Jagger is Highwayman and Michael MacLiammoir is Sweet Alice. Huston tries hard to make this brutal tale work but it really doesn’t. Orson Welles, Barbara Parkins, Raf Vallone and Huston himself round out the cast.





MINORITY REPORT-20th Century-2002-Steven Spielberg blows it again with this sci-fi tale based on a short story by the late Phillip K. Dick.

In a futuristic society authorities use a Pre-Crime Unit to prevent murder. Three “pre-cognitive freaks” help predict when violent crimes will happen. Tom Cruise heads a squad that then must arrest the pre- guilty party before they commit the crime. He takes drugs and watches hologram images of his dead son. Turns out he’s about to become the next pre-killer…. Sounds fascinating, right?

Yeah, right. There’s too much talk, too much over acting, the SFX are pretty bad considering the budget and you’d think SS would have learned from his mistakes after the boring depression of AI but Mr. Hollywood is so hung up on his massive “genius” he could put a bag of shit on film and it would get released. Fortunately Colin Farrell is on hand to chew the scenery actually making Cruise’s performance a little easier to take than usual. Max Von Sydow plays the Pre Crime director.

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One Rarely Seen, One That Should Be Seen Rarely

UNDERWORLD-2003-Yes! Werewolves and vampires have been duking it out in a war for over 1,000 years! Didn't know that, didja?

A lot of overacting, snarling and whispering goes on amid CGI sfx, crashes and gun battles. All the actors try to be dark and moody way too much. Star Kate Beckinsale (who's husband Len Wiseman directed this; it was his first film but unfortunately he directed a sequel in 2006) looks fine as the main vampire trying to help a human who gets bitten by a werewolf foe (there's more to the plot but that's all you really need to know...) but it's just a big to-do about nothing. And despite this premise there really aren't that many werewolves hanging around. Shane Brolley as a vampire called Lucian is the worst actor of the bunch. Bill Nighy is pretty funny as Viktor, the head vampire.

A good idea wasted in a big smash 'em up Hollywood non-epic.




COLE JUSTICE-1989-A high school film teacher named Cole Justice (Carl Bartholomew who also directed) goes around town killing rowdies because his girlfriend was raped years before. He uses a six gun and a Bowie knife to dispatch scumbags while dressed in a long coat and cowboy hat. He also kills by hanging and sticks a pool cue in the barrel of a gun when it's fired at him. When he dynamites a bar some imitation "spaghetti" western" guitar music plays. He seems to get much of his inspiration from the movie SHANE. Scenes from that and ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST are shown and the script contains many western quotes. He gets shot at the climax but gets away while a cop asks:
"Who was that guy anyway?"

As far as I can tell Bartholomew (who was also a co-writer) never did anything else....

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Peter Sellers

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS-2004-It’s pretty obvious that unless a celebrity was mostly a son of bitch in real life he/she would never have a movie made about them unless they wound up with some very serious illness. HBO’s PETER SELLERS pretty much adheres to this rule.







Geoffrey Rush gives a right on performance in the title role but it’s painfully obvious that the director (Stephen Hopkins) wanted to focus more on the actor’s off screen antics than anything remotely connected with his movie roles. So much time is spent on depicting him as a bad father and husband that most of his work in his most famous films is thrown to the wayside. But I guess if you really wanted to know the motivation behind his performance in such films as THE PINK PANTHER series, LOLITA and DR. STRANGELOVE it would be better to watch a documentary.



Lots of time is wasted on his pursuit of Sophia Loren in a movie no one remembers which led to the divorce of his first wife (Emily Watson). The film seems to lay some blame on his behavior to his overbearing mother (who along with her husband talk to the camera several times). It’s cool though to hear characters talk about people like Spike Milligan.



Much is also made about how he DIDN’T want to play Inspector Clouseau even though Blake Edwards (John Lithgow) wanted him. It’s hard for me to believe that he created the character in the men’s room on a plane going to the US! Some time however is given to his quest to bring his last “masterpiece” BEING THERE” to the screen.



Stanley Tucci has a minor role as Stanley Kubrick and Charlize Theron plays actress Britt Ekland (Theron is 10 times better looking than the real actress ever was!) who became his second wife. Other actors play David Niven, Hal Ashby, Ursula Andress and Carlo Ponti.



From the director of LOST IN SPACE, PREDATOR 2 and several episodes of TV’s 24.



Do I look like him?


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Angry & Red For A Good Reason!

MARS NEEDS WOMEN-Azalea Pictures (AIP-TV)-1967 - In the early ‘60’s, AIP decided to remake some of their classic low budget sci-fi/horror films of the ‘50’s and release them directly to TV! Who knows why?



They hired Larry Buchanan to direct them all. Besides the remakes he made two “original” productions. Both starred ex-Disney star Tommy Kirk. One was IT’S ALIVE (not the Larry Cohen film) about a prehistoric monster (with a visible zipper) in a cave, although I’ve read that it bares more than a passing resemblance to a short story by Richard Matheson!



And then there’s this..... thing. Really nothing much happens to justify such a cool title. Visitors from the Red Planet (led by Kirk as Dop) are having trouble with their Y (or X I forget) genetic code. Consequently, there have been few female births. The team needs healthy, unmarried Earth women of childbearing years to accompany them back to their home-world and reproduce! Naturally, The US (and the rest of the world) will have none of it and call the invaders “the world’s first common enemy”.



Kirk/Dop and cohorts shed their doofy space suits, dress like humans and hunt for fertile females. They target a stripper, stewardess and College Bowl beauty queen. Future Batgirl Yvonne Craig co-stars as Dr. Bolen, a brainy scientist in horn rimmed glasses who falls for Dop. The Martian would be kidnappers have funny suits with weird headgear and the hotheaded Colonel Page (Byron Lord) is hilarious, but it’s basically just talk, stock footage and walking.



The punk band Sloppy Seconds on their first album “Destroyed” use dialogue excerpts from MNW on the song “Running From The CIA”.



Some dialogue is funny (Buchanan also wrote the screenplay) :

Newscaster: There is no panic, just paralysis.



Dop: Remember sizes must be exact. From shoes to ties. Follow carefully the conversion charts between Mars and the Earth planet.



Martian: These ties serve no functional purpose. Red planet abandoned the use of ties fifty years ago as useless male vanity. It simply reveals the environmental naiveté of the earthmen.



Dr. Bolan: When was the last time you took a pretty girl for a walk? I mean, a pretty girl with a PHD.



Dop: What I have to say is for your ears only. The word love went out of our vocabulary 100 years ago.



Sure, Mars Needs Women but MARS NEEDS WOMEN needs more action!


"Got any women you can spare?"
                                               

"The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows."-Martin Luther King Jr.


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