VHS Tape? What's that?

V/H/S-2012-A bunch of losers who post “Jackass” like videos online are hired to go to a house and steal one certain VHS tape. In the house they find a dead old man in front of a wall of TVs. The group goes in search of the tape and leaves one guy in the room with the old man. The guy watches some VHS tapes and the following stories are shown.

“Amateur Night”-Some assholes doing drugs and drinking encounter a weird woman at a club. They take her to a hotel only to find out she's a castrating, cannibal succubus who can fly. Directed by David Brucker.

“Second Honeymoon”-A husband and wife on a road trip are kind of terrorized by a woman who breaks into their motel room and films them while they are asleep. She also steals some money and puts the husband's toothbrush in the toilet. It seems women are lovers out to kill the guy. Directed by Ti West.

“Tuesday the 17th”-Some dorks go to a lake front where one girl has been before. She jokingly says “You are all going to die up here”. They are menaced by a hooded killer who only appears as a glitch on the tape. The girl wants to catch him because he killed her friends and she is using her new friends as “bait” to trap him but it doesn't work out like she plans. Directed by Glenn McQuaid.

“The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger”-A guy and a girl talk via an online chat room. It seems her apartment is haunted and she has a mysterious cut on her arm. They seem to be far apart but he's actually nearby helping aliens breed with humans. At the end he has a new victim set up. Directed by Joe Swanberg.

“10/31/98”-Some yuppies go to a costume party but the house they go to is devoid of people. There's only a lot of empty rooms and a little girl apparition. In the attic they interrupt an exorcism and run away but have second thoughts when the hear the screams of the girl being exorcised. They go back and rescue her but she eventually leads the group to their doom on some railroad tracks. This is the only segment that features any tolerable characters you would care about! Directed by Radio Silence.

In between some of the segments (the wraparound story was directed by Adam Wingard) the old man's body disappears and reappears (though no one notices) and before the final segment the old man (maybe some kind of creature ) kills the leader of the gang.

V/H/S kind of represents a new trend in the horror anthology that was much more popular in the '60's and '70)'s with Hammer and AIP. Personally more “horror directors” should be involved in making them since 9 out of 10 modern horror movies are way too long. The trouble with this “found footage” production as with most found footage stories is it's all a cheat. Nothing needs to be explained, there's no beginning and sometimes no conclusion. The stories seem like idea never fully thought out. It's just there. You make what you want of it. That's ok once in while but it gets tedious after a while. But then again this has already generated 2 sequels so what do I know. I rather watch David Hewitt's GALLERY OF HORRORS. At least Lon Chaney and John Carradine are in it!

Accept no substitutes!

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lee's Game

GAME OF DEATH-1978-Every martial arts movie fans' favorite paste up job. The legendary Bruce Lee began this film as producer/writer/director in 1973.

While filming Lee got an offer from Warner Bros. to star in the most expensive budgeted martial arts at the time (ENTER THE DRAGON). He planned to resume shooting on GAME but died of a cerebral edema (some might disagreed with the cause of death) before DRAGON's release leaving behind about 100 minutes of footage. In 1978 DRAGON's director Robert Clouse was hired to make a movie out of the remaining footage.

The story concerns a martial arts film star Billy Lo (either Kim Tai-jung aka Tony Lung, or Yuen Biao doubling for Lee who appears briefly in close-ups and in scenes from WAY OF THE DRAGON (used as the film he's working on; Chuck Norris also appears). He's under pressure from a syndicate boss Dr. Land (Dean Jagger) and his smart ass henchman Steiner (Hugh O'Brian; still alive at the time of this writing). Billy refuses to buckle under the syndicate's grip so Land sends an assassin (Mel Novak) to kill the star. Billy is shot but not killed but with the help of his reporter/friend (Gig Young in his last role) fakes his death and has plastic surgery so he can get revenge on the gang. He wears various disguises (so he doesn't look like the real Lee) and beats up a corrupt American martial artist (real pro Karate fighter Robert Hall). Later, after his girlfriend (Coleen Camp) has been kidnapped,  in the film's most famous scenes, Billy (the real Lee) has to fight three guardians played by Don Insanto (his real life student), Korean Hapkido master Ji Han-jae and former pro basketball player Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Writer/director Robert Clouse does a good job of editing together scenes of the real and fake Lees but even still the movie doesn't ring true and the re-editing and Lee doubles ultimately do in the production.

Thanks for reading!

Cool TV

 
A TV show I've been watching recently on ME TV is the western WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE starring Steve McQueen as Josh Randall, a tough but not so ruthless bounty hunter who sometimes helped out needy people for free and/or sometimes proved his charges innocent of the crimes they were said to commit. A few episodes have comedic overtones and Randall is kind of a buffoon but usually after killing a man he had some remorse. It ran for three seasons on CBS from 1958-1961.

 I like to watch these kind of shows mainly for the guest stars and WANTED had it's share: DeForest Kelly, Lon Chaney, Warren Oates, Martin Landau, Jay North (in a strange Christmas episode), Michael Landon, John Dehner (in several episodes), Jay Silverheels, John Carradine and James Coburn to name a few. For around a dozen episodes in 1960 Wright King was also featured as fellow bounty hunter Jason Nicholls (he played a different role in an earlier episode), King had a featured role in Elia Kazan's A STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE (1951), hosted a TV kid's show JOHNNY JUPITER (1953-54) and was in two episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE. Later he had a small role as a simian doctor in the original PLANET OF THE APES.

 McQueen of course went on to super stardom with roles in THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, THE GREAT ESCAPE, BULLITT and others.

Thanks for reading!

An American In England

 THE FIRST MAN INTO SPACE-1959-A US astronaut Don Prescott (Bill Edwards) is launched into space. He runs into some problems and crashes back to Earth. His brother Commander Charles Prescott (Marshall Thompson) investigates. He finds the ship but not his brother. It turns out Don, an uptight wise guy beat it out to be with his Italian girlfriend Tia (Marla Landi)! On a second flight, Don hits a meteor shower and disappears. After the mysterious death of cattle and people and the destruction of a blood bank, it becomes obvious that Prescott has come back home a wheezing blood drinking monster! He looks like he's encased in dried mud but that doesn't stop him from driving a car. Tia, who also happens to be a scientist at first blames everything on Charles but later warms to him and helps out. Roger Delgado (the first "master" on the original DOCTOR WHO) plays a Mexican diplomat who's upset because the space crash ruined a bull fight!

Despite it's low budget THE FIRST MAN INTO SPACE is a decent British production partially filmed in the US. It starts off kind of stupidly but gets better when the monster shows up. Two of it's producers Charles Vetter and Richard Gordon had already made two memorable horror films : FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (also with Thompson) and THE HAUNTED STRANGLER with Boris Karloff. Wyatt Ordung is one of the credited writers as his original script was first offered to AIP who turned it down.

Director Robert Day made the previously mentioned Haunted Strangler as well as the usually overlooked CORRIDORS OF BLOOD, also with Karloff. He went on to make the Hammer version of SHE as well as several '60's Tarzan movies and worked on British and American TV.

Thanks for reading!

Out Of Their League

 

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA-1997-This CBS TV movie was an unsold pilot based on the DC comic book team. I see why it was never released (but is readily available as a bootleg).  It takes place in New Metro where a tornado is created by bad guy The Weatherman threatens the city. The Flash, The Green Lantern and The Atom destroy the tornado and save endangered residents (and a cat). Guy Gardner (Matthew Settle) and Ray Palmer (John Kassir) are roommates with Fire (Michelle Hurd) but Barry Allen (Kenny Johnson) is a dysfunctional jerk who gets thrown out of his apartment so he later joins them. Tori (Kim Oja)), a meteorologist who works at a weather institute run by Dr, Eno (Miguel Ferrer) later becomes Ice and joins the league which is run by Martian Manhunter (David Ogden Stiers). The SFX aren't very good and the story is just like some disaster movie. It's further bogged down by wraparound scenes of the main characters talking about themselves and each other.

Director Felix Enriquez Alcala is still a busy in TV (BLUE BLOODS, THE GOOD WIFE, CRIMINAL MINDS). I read Lewis Teague (ALLIGATOR) may have directed some scenes. 

Thanks for Reading!

Mr. Baker

 

BEWARE OF MR. BAKER-This is a crazy but interesting documentary about rock drummer Ginger Baker told mainly by him while living in South Africa in deteriorating health having lost none of the shit ass attitude that made him so notorious. It's pretty thorough starting with his Jazz beginnings with Graham Bond to Cream, Blind Faith, Air Force, Masters of Reality, etc. It details his marriages, health and drug problems, time in Nigerian, anger issues and features interviews with Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce, John Lydon, and family members. Funny how Bruce can muster up some kind words for his musical partner/adversary but Baker's own son can't. The present day interviews with him are pretty funny/insane but considering how it ends I have a hard time believing most of it isn't a put on especially when he attacks the director Jay Bulger.

Thanks for reading!

Argento

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE CAT O'NINE TAILS-1971-A blind ex-reporter Franco Arno (Karl Malden) who likes puzzles teams up with a local reporter Carlo Giordani (James Franciscus) to solve a series of brutal murders that seem connected to a “hush-hush” genetics corporation. There are a lot of suspects but most are killed. After Arno's niece is kidnapped and Carlo is stabbed and thrown off a roof he discovers the murderer who has a “weird chromosome” make up. The ending is way too abrupt and doesn't actually tell you the fate of the Carlo character. Catherine Spaak gives a pretty bad performance in a co-starring role (and has a terrible hair style) and the plot is very confused. Even the score by Ennio Morricone doesn't help.

 

 It's the second film directed by Dario Argento who of course went on to make more interesting and stylish (but sometimes just as confusing) “Giallos”.

 

Thanks for reading!