The Maddest Story Ever Told!

SPIDER BABY or THE MADDEST STORY EVER TOLD-1968-This quirky black and white horror film may not be the maddest but it's certainly one of the strangest!It starts out with the legendary Lon Chaney singing the title theme over the credits!

The story concerns the Merrye family who suffer from "Merrye Syndrome", a genetic disorder caused by inbreeding. Lon Chaney is great as Bruno the insanely smiling family caretaker, chauffeur and guardian of the three Merrye children: Ralph (Sid Haig, still doing mostly TV at this time), a bald mute lunatic, the homicidal Elizabeth (Beverley Washburn) and the spider obsessed Virginia (Jill Banner). A few cannibalistic aunts and uncles also live in a pit in their basement. After Virginia kills a messenger (the great Mantan Moreland) the family is visited by Peter (Quinn Redecker) and Emily Howe (Carol Ohmart from THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL) distant relatives who want the family house. Also along is their weaselly lawyer Mr. Schlocker (Karl Schanzer) and his secretary Ann (Mary Mitchel). When the guests decide to stay for dinner Ralph kills a cat so they have food to serve. Though everyone else acts disgusted and snobby, Peter seems oblivious to the macabre surroundings. He's very cheerful and nice to his hosts. After Peter takes Ann out for a drink Schocker snoops around.  The girls slice him up because he doesn't like spiders ("This isn't right. There are proper procedures!"). Later the girls chase Emily (clan in black underwear) through the forest and Ralph rapes her (off-screen). When Peter and Mary return Elizabeth and Ralph kidnap Mary while Virginia ties Peter up and does her spider dance. Emily now crazy finds Ralph and blinds him. Peter manages to break his bonds and flee with Mary just before Bruno blows the place up. Peter (who narrates at the beginning and the end) 10 years later lives happily ever after with his Mary, now his his wife and their young daughter...or do they?  

SPIDER BABY was pretty much ignored in it's initial release (according to director Jack Hill it was hard to get a distributor because by 1968 black and white films were out of date) but since then it's become a cult movie and it's easy to see why. Chaney really throws himself into his demented role lecturing the murdering brood:  "How many times have I told you it's not nice to hate?" "How many times do I have to tell you just because something isn't good doesn't mean it's bad!"  His career was really almost non-existent by this point and his health problems were getting worse but he still puts in a memorable performance.

It's really strange to see a once funny guy like Mantan Moreland getting stabbed to death while caught in a window. It's not graphic though except for a quick shot of his severed ear. He made a few more movie and TV appearances before dying in 1973. Quinn Redeker was a familiar TV actor and screenwriter who was nominated for an Academy Award in 1978 for co-writing THE DEERHUNTER. Both Karl Schanzer and Mary Mitchel had been in DEMENTIA 13 in 1963. Beverley Washburn was a former child actress who was on many TV shows. Her Elizabeth is very whacky and frightening.

But Jill Banner steals the whole show as the alluring, innocent but bloodthirsty Virginia who really loves her spiders. She was in a few other movies (THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST & A MAN, A HORSE, A GUN) and TV shows (she was in around 5 episodes of DRAGNET!) but quit acting soon after. She was killed in a car accident in 1982.

Director Jack Hill made this around the same time he filmed Boris Karloff's American scenes for his last 4 film appearances (produced in Mexico).

http://www.spiderbabyonline.com/

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Just In Time For Halloween

THE MAD MONSTER-1942-Dr. Lorenzo Cameron (the great George Zucco) talks to a caged wolf in his lab then turns a cheerful, dimwitted farm hand named Pedro (Glenn Strange) into a scary snarling wolf-man (in overalls). He then addresses an imaginary panel of doctors who ridiculed him and banished his ass from his chair at a university. They didn't like his idea of creating an army of wolf-men to fight wars. Cameron vows revenges.  Pedro is very friendly especially toward the mad doctor's daughter Lenora (Ann Nagel). "It must be great to be educated", Pedro says to the doc. Cameron later lets Pedro the wolf wander the foggy swamp. Although Cameron wants to use the monster to get revenge on his former colleagues the wolf monster's first victim is a little girl. Cameron gets ready to visit and execute his first victim Prof. Blaine (Robert Strange). Meanwhile Lenora's reporter boyfriend Tom (top billed Johnny Downs) talks to Blaine about the possibility of a giant lizard being the murderer. Later after a long scene leading up to the killing of Blaine, Pedro transforms without the aid of the doctor's formula. Tom comes by looking for a story but the doctor turns him away. Later he tricks another doctor into taking a drive with Pedro just as Tom has organized a small hunting party, Then Lenora snoops around her dad's lab she runs smack into the wolf man. Amid a fire, creation turns against creator and a fire destroys everything.

Despite being made by PRC, the lowest of the low budget studios, THE MAD MONSTER has it's moments. The highlight is George Zucco performance as the totally rational, totally mad Dr. Cameron. He really loses it at times. Zucco made appearances in many bigger budgeted Hollywood films but spend a lot of time at places like PRC and would go on to make a few more for the company like the vampire tinged DEAD MEN WALK the next year. Glenn Strange is ok as the unwitting pawn in his employer's cruel experiments and as the wolf-man he's downright terrifying! Especially when he's wandering through the foggy swamp. Ann Nagel had previously been a successful contract player at Warner Bros. but her career took a nosedive after her married to actor Ross Alexander. She later had un-credited roles in MIGHTY JOE JOE and the excellent low budget film noir ARMORED CAR ROBBERY. Johnny Downs was once a member of "Our Gang". Henry Hall & Mae Busch also have  small roles.

This is by far one of the best made movies by super speedy Sam Newfield who made a staggering 20 movies in 1942 (some times using pseudonyms)!

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Below Good

BELOW ZERO-2011-A screenwriter (haggard looking Edward Furlong) has himself locked in a freezer so he can finish a script (?). The movie then turns into the story he's writing. A tow truck operator (also Furlong) seeks shelter in a slaughterhouse where a evil looking guy (Michael Berryman) cries while chopping up a body. The story changes occasionally when the writer changes his mind about the plot. Then it's back to reality when he finds a dead body in the freezer with him...maybe...

This is a bad attempt to combine horror with "The Singing Policeman". The director Justin Thomas  should not be acknowledged,

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Shaolin Prince

SHAOLIN PRINCE-1982-The last survivors of a clan must protect two princes. 2 "prime ministers" each take a boy and flee. This martial arts drama starts off with a bang as the guardians are attacked by warriors representing fire and water. A guy with an iron glove who can break swords is also featured. One prime minister arrives at a safe destination with one of the kids but the other  kid is thought dead. Of course he's alive and is taken in by 3 Shaolin holy fools who raise the boy in secret. The trio due a lot of slapstick Kung-Fu. During an exorcism a women grows long finger nails and kills. The "twin princes" eventually meet and team up to fight the evil "9th prince" in a truly whacked out ending! Director Chia Tang was a stunt coordinator on many films and only directed a few himself.

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It Played at Cannes!

FROM WITHIN-2008-Weird THE RING/THE GRUDGE inspired nonsense set in a town run by religious fanatics. They once killed a woman thought to be a witch and now a rash of suicides have occurred. A young girl named Lindsey (Elizabeth Rice; later in the TV show MAD MEN) tries to discover the truth with the help of the accused witch's son (Thomas Dekker; TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNORS CHRONICLES TV show)  and his stupid cousin (Kelly Blatz). A curse seems to be killing everyone. The best part of this is the interesting twist ending. The director Phedon Papamichael has done more work as a cinematographer. 

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Not a Jurassic Park Sequel!

THE LOST WORLD-1960-The great Claude Rains (with red hair) portrays Prof. Challenger, the grumpy, ill tempered explorer in this Technicolor adaptation of Arthur Conan Doyle's novel. He's back from the Amazon where he claims to have seen living dinosaurs. He's ridiculed by his colleagues at a meeting but organizes an expedition that includes the pompous Prof. Summerlee (Richard Haydn), big game hunter Lord Roxton (Michael Rennie), his girlfriend Jennifer (Jill St. John), her brother David (Ed Stricklyn, RETURN OF DRACULA) and reporter Ed Malone (David Hedison, in the TV show FIVE FINGERS at the time). They are joined by guitar strumming Gomez (Fernando Lamas), their helicopter operator and his assistant Castro (Jay Novello). After a dinosaur wrecks their helicopter Malone chases and catches a native girl (Vitina Marcus) and kills a giant green spider. While Roxton and Malone have a fist fight they find the diary of Burton White, another explorer who got to the prehistoric land before Challenger (Roxton was suppose to go with them but he was delayed). The dinosaurs that menace the party are actually little lizards made up to look scary. They terrorize the group and 2 "dinos" have a long tussle. Everyone is taken captive by the local cannibal natives. The native girl helps them escape and takes them to see the still alive but blind White (Ian Wolfe) who tells them how to escape (before the whole place blows up) although they have to go through many obstacles plus a revenge seeking Gomez.

THE LOST WORLD is fairly entertaining. It has a good cast and acting (although some seem to think Rains is too bombastic) but really not much happens. The SFX and sets aren't that great. Two standout points: One is that until the last 15 minutes not one of the group gets killed. The other is Jill St. John's Jennifer who is explained by several characters as being a person capable of being in the expedition despite being a woman yet all she does is scream when there's danger (with her pet poodle in tow)!

This was Irwin Allen's first movie as director since THE STORY OF MANKIND in 1957. Most of the dinosaur footage was re-used in his '60's TV shows. Screenwriter Charles Bennett wrote for many of the TV shows Allen later produced. Claude Rains was coming to the end of his long career (he died in 1967) and doing mainly TV (he starred in 5 ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS) at the time.

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Short Fu

(THE) BUDDHA ASSASSINATOR-1980-An evil prince (Hwang Jang Lee) is searching for a former Shoalin monk (Chien Yuet San) in this typical martial arts movie. Chow Ya (Mang Hoi), the monk's pudgy faced ex-student fights to protect his former teacher. There's too much talk until the climax. Made in Taiwan by director Chin Hu Tung.

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Dr. Masbuse'!

DR. MABUSE'-THE GAMBLER-1922-Fritz Lang's incredible crime drama introduces Dr. Mabuse' (Rudolf Klein-Rogge; later Rotwang in the director's METROPOLIS),an evil doing master of disguise, manipulator of the world market and counterfeiter. He's also a respected doctor of psychoanalysis who gives lectures to a bunch of weird bearded guys. Folks gather at the Petit Casino where he uses hypnotism to win at cards but state prosecutor Wenk (Bernard Goetzke) proves a good match. Meanwhile Mabuse's "hench-woman" Cara (Aud Egede-Nissen) has an affair with a guy named Hull who owes the doctor a large sum of money. Love plays an important role in all the goings on but Mabuse' proclaims: "There is no such thing as love-there is only passion!". No such thing as luck-only the will to gain power!". Once again showing his genius Lang uses 4 short shots to convey the history of one character! It's nearly 4 hours long but usually shown in two parts: The Gambler and Inferno. Novelist Norbert Jacques (who created the Mabuse' character) and Lang's then wife, actress Thea von Harbou wrote the story with Lang, who made two sequels at the beginning of the sound era.

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Old Dark Remake

THE OLD DARK HOUSE-1963-Tom, an American car salesman in England (Tom Poston also in the director's ZOTZ) gets involved ]with the Femm family. He goes to their ancestral  hall on the urging of his roommate Casper Femm (Peter Bull)). He arrives (by trapdoor) and finds his friend Casper dead from a fall. He meets Cicely Femm, Casper's cousin (Janette Scott; DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS) who says he was murdered. Cicely warns Tom to leave before uncle Roderick (Robert Morley) comes back but too late! Roderick arrives and insists Tom stay the night. At dinner Tom meets the rest of the family:  father Jasper (also Bull), mother Agatha (Joyce Grenfell), sister Morgana (Fenella Fielding) and cousin Potafer (Mervyn Johns)) who's building an ark. The eccentric family seems to think that Tom could be related to them. Jasper also has a twin (same actor) who says Roderick want to kill them all. Agatha is stabbed with her knitting needles. Jasper is strangled with tongs. Roderick is shot. Who done it? Despite all the murders there's slapstick comedy and one liners but it's really not funny.

It's a remake of the 1932 James Whale production starring Boris Karloff. Director William Castle collaborated with Hammer Pictures on this macabre horror comedy misfire made between 13 FRIGHTENED GIRLS! and STRAITJACKET.

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Rip-Off

THE DEVIL WITHIN HER-1975-Former exotic dancer Lucy Carlesi (Joan Collins) gives birth to a rather large and strong baby (at least that's what the doctor's say; it looks like any normal baby). Weird things happen almost immediately. Baby scratches mommy and later bites their housekeeper. Her Italian husband Geno (Ralph Bates with an accent) hires a nanny but the baby pushes her into a pond and she dies! Lucy reveals a strange story to her girlfriend (Caroline Munro) about the last time she danced and how a dwarf actor "cursed" her ("You will have a baby as big as I am small! A monster!"). She believes her baby is possessed and even sees the dwarf's face in place of her son's. Their doctor (Donald Pleasance) doesn't believe it but when he visits he's decapitated. Dad winds up dead by hanging and his body is stuffed in a drain pipe. Dad's sister, a nun (Elleen Atkins) suspects no good and eventually performs an exorcism but by then everyone is dead! John Steiner is also in it as a Cockney club owner. Much of it doesn't make sense and there's some unintentional humor and it all seems to be inspired by THE EXORCIST, IT'S ALIVE and ROSEMARY'S BABY. 

Director Peter Sasdy did better with previous efforts like TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA, COUNTESS DRACULA and HANDS OF THE RIPPER. For some reason it has recently been re-titled SHARON'S BABY.

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Mystery Martial Arts

SHAOLIN EX-MONK-Watching this Golden Sun production took me back to the days of the good old Harris Theater on 42nd street in NYC! The opening features black and white scenes from the movie but no credits. Not even the title!

Johnny Chin (John Liu) likes big shot Mr. Lee's daughter but Lee does not approve. Chin gets beat up a lot by Lee's thugs. Later he meets The Sheriff of Lee Chin County who's after an ex-Shoalin priest wanted for murder and robbery. The sheriff takes Johnny on as his student and teaches him Kung-Fu (with the usual crazy practice routines). Johnny then goes and beats up the bullies ("You dirty rat! You've been practicing your Gung-Fu") right before it's revealed Johnny's uncle is the ex-priest! He and the sheriff team up to kick his butt.

I think this movie is also known as RENEGADE MONK and was the first directed by Hsin Yi Chang who as a screenwriter wrote BRUCE LEE: A DRAGON STORY and BLACK BELT JONES 2 and many others.

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Fatty Arbuckle

LOVE-1919-Director/star Fatty Arbuckle tries to win his girlfriend (Mabel Normand) back after her father plans to marry her off to some stupid skinny guy (Al St. John; Arbuckle's real life nephew). Lots of characters get kicked in the ass in this very enjoyable violent slapstick silent comedy short. Fatty even dresses as an old woman and then tricks the pastor into marrying him and his beloved. It's from a 4 DVD boxed set called THE FORGOTTEN FILMS OF ROSCOE "FATTY" ARBUCKLE from Laughsmith Entertainment. Only 2 years later Arbuckle's career would be ended by scandal.

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Pre-Frank Boris

THE GUILTY GENERATION-1931-Architect John Smith (Robert Young) is really the son of mob leader Tony Ricca (pre-FRANKENSTEIN Boris Karloff!). Smith just wants a respectful life free of his father's underworld ties. Ricca's rival is mobster Mike Palmero (Leo Carrillo). His right hand man is his other son. After a lot of threats and gangland violence (mostly shown through newspaper headlines) Palmero goes to Florida to give a big party for his daughter Maria (Constance Cummings). Of course she and Smith accidentally meet and fall in love. Each gang then take turns killing each others family members. Palmero learns Smith's real identity just as he and Maria are ready to elope. Rowland V. Lee directed this very early sound (politically incorrect) film based on Romero & Juliet with neither gangster given much sympathy. It has a kind of surprise ending. Glenn Strange has a small un-billed role.

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Who Was Her Mom?

DRACULA'S DAUGHTER-1936-This "sequel" to Tod Browning's DRACULA (filmed 5 years later)  begins right after Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan) kills the count (a dummy substitutes for Bela). Two dimwit policemen arrest the doctor right near the body of Renfield (it looks like Dwight Frye). After Van Helsing explains what a vampire is to the chief of police, a mysterious veiled woman appears at the morgue and Drac's body disappears. Later the woman performs a ceremony and burns the body. She tells her servant Sandor (Irving Pichel) that now the curse of Dracula is broken and she can lead a normal life. Yet later after playing the piano, she goes out and kills a guy then comes back just before dawn to sleep in a coffin.

Enter Jeffery Garth (Otto Kruger), a vacationing psychiatrist and former student of Van Helsing's who's called back to London to defend his former teacher who's charged with murder! The mystery woman turns out to be Countess Zaleska (Gloria Holden) who wants Garth to "heal her mind" and says "I never drink...wine". She kills a young girl (Nan Gray) she brings home to pose for her. There's much mumbo-jumbo about the mind and souls but it seems if she'd just look in the mirror (which she shuns) a lot of time would be saved. Of course she is (or believes she is) the daughter of the infamous late king of vampires. She kidnaps Garth's secretary Janet (Marguerite Churchill; she was in THE WALKING DEAD with Karloff the same year) to force him to make a journey with her. Eventually everyone winds up in Transylvania. But all's well that end's well in the convoluted ending.

Lots of critics harp about the exotic lesbian overtones but I find DRACULA'S DAUGHTER a bore. Director Lambert Hillyer (THE INVISIBLE RAY) does a good job moving the story along but some of it doesn't really make much sense. It's "based" on the short story "Dracula's Guest" by Bram Stoker and James Whale was the original choice as director. Co-star Pichel was also a director. The unusual looking star Holden was later in Browning's last film MIRACLES FOR SALE.

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More Fu

LEGENDARY WEAPONS OF CHINA-1982-A martial arts "society" that practices magic decides to do way with Gung, a rival martial artist. The group do a lot of crazy stunts while preparing for the kill. This is  a weird confusing movie with strange battles, a guy controlled by a voodoo like doll, comical fights and violence. In the final fight some of the "legendary weapons" come into play and the name of the weapon is flashed on the screen. Unfortunately, the names are in Chinese. Director Chia-Liang Liu was also a stunt coordinator on many films and later made THE LEGEND OF THE DRUNKEN MASTER with Jackie Chan.

The Terrornauts

THE TERRORNAUTS-1967-For several years a trio of scientists have been working on a government funded project to communicate with life in outer space. Their project director Dr. Shore (Max Adrian) wants to shut them down. They finally hear an unusual transmission but the group head Dr. Burke (Simon Oates) heard them before when he was a child and believes them to be an SOS. They try to make contact with the aliens and their whole building is whisked away with Burke, his two assistants Sandy (Zena Marshall) and Ben (Stanley Meadows) and comical characters Mrs. Jones (Patricia Hayes), a coffee vendor and Mr. Yellowtees, an accountant (Charles Hawtrey from CARRY ON movies) in tow. They wind up on a spaceship which is actually a space fortress build by long dead aliens to protect Earth from enemies to are heading to Earth. A robot meets them and they figure out through strange cubes and a headset that looks like a bathing cap with wires on it how to stop the invaders. At one point Burke and Sandy are transported to a planet of green people where Sandy is almost made into a sacrifice! The beginning is pretty talky but once the story gets on the spaceship it gets funnier. There's lots of cheap effects including "PLAN 9" like UFOs  but that makes it all the more enjoyable. 

This Amicus production is based on an novel by American Sci-Fi writer Murray Leinster and the screenplay is by English S.F. writer John Brunner.  Irish born director Montgomery Tully later made BATTLE BENEATH THE EARTH.



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Nice Article

Johnny Depp honors Christopher Lee in surprise appearance at BFI London Film Festival

Johnny Depp surprised his friend Christopher Lee with an award from the British Film Institute.

Posted By Kate Stanton  

(UPI) --Johnny Depp showed up to the last weekend of the British Film Institute's 10-day London Film Festival to present his friend and occasional costar, British actor Sir Christopher Lee, with the organization's Fellowship award.
Depp, 50, called the 91-year-old actor "a true gentleman" and "a national treasure" in his speech on Saturday. The two have worked together on films like "Sleepy Hollow" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

“It is my great honor to bestow this award to a very great man. He’s inspired me like he has so many, he’s fascinated me like he has so many," Depp told the audience. "He’s been a wonderful individual and over the years I’ve had the pleasure of working with him and it has been a childhood dream come true."
"Johnny, I don't know what to say," Lee said, choked up and with tears in his eyes. "I didn't know you were going to be here. I must try and pull myself together."

Depp snuck into the event -- having told Lee that he wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony.
“Somebody told me Johnny wouldn’t be able to come tonight as he was somewhere else in Europe,” Lee explained."He means an enormous amount to me. He is one of very few young actors on screen today who's truly a star," he continued. "Everything he does has a meaning. He's a joy to work with, an actor's dream and certainly a director's dream. I could go on a long time but I'd probably embarrass him."
Lee also discussed his feelings about his long-lasting career in show business, having starred in hundreds of films.

“When I take a look back, and its a long one, 67 years, at the characters I’ve played I get a truly strange feeling they were all played by somebody else, and not by me," he said.

"And there are a few occasions when it has been the case I wish it had," he quipped.

Going Ape With Karloff!

Karloff is my main man. Here's his only horror movie for Monogram Pictures.




THE APE-Mongram-1940-Here’s Boris Karloff in his only Monogram horror flick. He plays Dr. Adrian, a seemingly kindly but hated doctor in the town of Red Creek. The town doesn’t like him because they believe he used patients as guinea pigs during “the epidemic”. They also believe his latest “experiment” to be a young crippled girl named Francis (Maris Wrixon) who Adrian calls his “make believe” daughter. His real daughter and her mother died during the aforementioned epidemic because Adrian lacked “the weapons to fight the disease that killed them”. However, now with a new gained knowledge he will make Francis walk! She also a real dweeb of a grease monkey boyfriend named Danny (Gene O’Donnell) who makes it clear he doesn’t trust the doctor. “I don’t like things I can’t understand”, he says. Anyway, the trouble starts when the circus comes to town. An ape handler is annoying his hairy charge. He says it killed his old man two years before. When the handler turns his back the ape strikes. His cigar falls in the hay, a fire erupts and the ape escapes. A posse is formed by the sheriff (Henry Hall) and the wounded handler is taken to Doc Adrian’s for treatment. In his mania to find a cure, he extracts some spinal fluid from the dying man. His gamble proves to be a boon. The new serum helps Francis. Unfortunately, in his exuberance the vial containing the vital serum is smashed. Bummer! However as luck (and Monogram movies) would have it the escaped ape bursts into the doc’s lab and amazingly the old man kills the attacking simian! This interval provides Adrian with the perfect front. He doesn’t tell anyone about the killings. Instead he puts on an ape suit (which he just happened to have?) and goes looking for victims. Actually Adrian as an ape only kills one guy, the town land owner, Mason (Philo McCullough) and he’s a creep no one in town likes (running right behind Adrian in The Red Creek dislike poll). He has a floozy girlfriend and spits hateful dialogue at his long-suffering wife. WIFE: I’ve got no place to go! MASON: You got the river! Meanwhile Francis is getting feeling back in her legs but is in a lot of pain. Danny the dope starts threatening the doc. Adding to Adrian’s distress is another doctor who comes to investigate suspicious needle marks on corpses Adrian wrote death certificates for. This guy (Selmer Jackson) looks like a victim to be but lo and behold he winds up congratulating the doctor on his success with the girl and invites him back to the foundation that threw him out years before! However, the visiting Doc isn’t told what the secret ingredient is. “I can’t go”, laments Adrian, who suffers another indignity while dressed as the killer ape. A rifle toting local brat shoots him!



The enterprising hick sheriff deduces that the real ape might hang around Adrian’s house because of the handler dying there so he has his posse staked out all over the place. Even so, Adrian needs just one more victim to complete his work so he dons the ersatz monkey suit again. But before he does, he must sense that the movie’s climax is near for he gives his notebook to his mute housekeeper Jane (Gertrude Hoffman) just in case anything goes wrong. Then in a fit of utter incomprehensible behavior he attacks a member of the posse guarding his house! Naturally he’s caught in the act and shot. However before he dies, he manages to crawl to his own doorstep where a crowd gathers and he is unmasked. Francis, seeing her savior exposed boldly rises from her wheelchair while the dying doctor looks on and with a moan utters his final words: “There you see?”. A strange final scene has boy and girl embracing as Francis reveals she and mother have burned the wheelchair. Doc Adrian and his hairy exploits seem forgotten. The End.

THE APE has all the elements of a standard Monogram Movie. It’s cheap, ridiculous and entertaining. What makes it rise above their usual production is of course the presence of Karloff in the lead role. His portrayal of Adrian is a role he would essay many times over the rest of his career (notably in his so called “Mad Scientist Series” at Columbia). A good man is driven to extremes by unfortunate circumstances. His character only does bad things when he is forced to. He is never actually evil, although the film is set up so that the only person he does kill outright is no good anyway. For more on Karloff’s “non-evil” roles see Scott Allen Nollen’s excellent and highly recommended book Boris Karloff: A Critical Account of His Screen, Stage, Radio, Television, and Recording Work (Published by McFarland).

THE APE closed out Karloff’s contract with “the poverty row” film company. It began in 1938 when they acquired the rights to a then popular Charlie Chan inspired magazine detective, Mr. Wong. Karloff signed on to the series but for his last movie with them, they switched to horror instead of mystery. This is probably due to the fact that horror films were “on the rise” once more and Karloff had already made a couple of his “mad scientist” movies for Columbia. THE APE is certainly the silliest “monster” Karloff was to play. While burying his body in tons of make-up for such classic productions as THE MUMMY or FRANKENSTEIN, here all he needs do is don a ratty, old, fake monkey suit and the effect is often hilarious (even though all the ape stunts are done by Crash Corrigan).

Screenwriting goes to Curt (here billed a Kurt} Siodmak and Richard Carroll (who would later write the screen story for FROM HERE TO ETERNITY). Perhaps it wasn't exactly collaboration though. At times, the characters’ dialogue contradicts their actions and vice-versa. Throughout most of the film the town folk want to virtually tar and feather Doc Adrian but show great concern for his safety when they think the ape is on his premise.

Director William Nigh was a veteran of low budget cinema as his career went back to 1914! He directed all 5 of the Mr. Wong series with Karloff and later directed Lugosi in BLACK DRAGONS (1942). His work here is neither good nor bad. It’s just competent and fast. There are only two other performers in THE APE who have anything more to do than stand around, although one Maris Wrixon as Francis does nearly all her acting sitting down. She had small roles in DARK VICTORY (1939), THE PRIVATE LIVES OF ELIZABETH AND ESSEX (1939), BRITISH INTELLIGENCE (also with Karloff) (1940), HIGH SIERRA and MEET JOHN DOE (both 1941) among others. She died in 1999.The only other role to standout is that of the sheriff played by Monogram vet Henry Hall. He was in THE MAD MONSTER (1942) as well as three with Lugosi: MURDER BY TELEVISION (1935), THE APE MAN (1943) and VOODOO MAN (1944). Several character actors appear in THE APE uncredited: George Cleveland (later Gramps on TV’s Lassie), Mary Field, I. Stanford Jolley, Jessie Arnold and of course the already mentioned Crash Corrigan who would go on to play the title monster in IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE.

Producer Scott Dunlap directed 45 movies from 1919 through 1929. In the ‘30’s he became a producer and production executive at Monogram. He produced all of the Karloff/Wong films. Another mention should go to cinematographer Harry Neumann, who shot hundreds of low budget films including the Bowery Boys & Jungle Jim series, the 3-D lensed THE MAZE (1953) and Roger Corman’s THE WASP WOMAN (1960), his last. I’ve read that some considered this one of Karloff’s worst movies but don’t believe it. This is an entertaining little no brainer that hasn’t been viewed or reviewed as much as some other ‘trash” classics.

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Inept Action

MANHATTAN CHASE-2000-A hit man named Jason (Loren Avedon) is busted in NYC by Nancy (Cynthia Rothrock), a tough female cop. After spending only 6 years in jail he gets out and wants to live a normal life with his young son. Meanwhile Jason's ex-boss searches for a stolen drug cache. He wipes out a family who's stupid abusive father may have been responsible but his step-daughter escapes and runs smack into Jason. His ex-wife shows up too and as it goes is also Nancy's sister. 

This movie is badly acted and directed and the fights pretty ineptly staged except when Nancy kicks ass which is about the only highlight unless you count the fact that many scenes were shot in NYC and the outer boroughs. A bad movie was shot in my hood!!! 

This was the last film by the incompetent Godfrey Ho (using the alias Godfrey Hall; he's used other names too) who also directed Rothrock in HONOR AND GLORY.

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No Dragons Though

VALLEY OF THE DRAGONS-1961-In 1881, 2 guys are going to have a duel. Hector Sevadac (Cesare Danova), Frenchman  and Michael Denning (Sean McClory), from Ireland are starting their paces when a comet seems to sweep across Earth. At first they think civilization has been destroyed and they are the last survivors. They battle comical looking cavemen and a large phony spider. They also encounter the overused footage of the Earth cracking open and little lizards made up to look like dinosaurs from ONE MILLION BC. When night finally falls and they look up in the sky and see the planet Earth they realize the truth. They have in fact been swept up on the passing comet! 

The duo save each others life and forget their duel and become friends. After much exploring they come upon a tribe of human inhabitants but the group runs away. Eventually Hector is found by Deena (Joan Staley), a blonde haired female of a local tribe. He tries to teach her English (shouldn't he had tried to teach her French?) and of course winds up kissing her.  Meanwhile Michael falls in with another tribe and has his own female problems in the form of cave brunette Nateeta (Danielle De Metz) and Anoka (Mike Lane), her cave guy. He causes trouble but Michael uses a sling-shot to keep him in line.

Later after Hector and Deena frolic (too long) in an underwater love scene they wander into a cave and are attacked by creatures that look suspiciously like The Morlocks (George Pal's version of THE TIME MACHINE was made the year before). Deena escapes the Morlock wannabes but is captured by another tribe. Fortunately it's the tribe Michael has been hanging with.  Just when it seems as if the two tribes are going to fight the nearby volcano erupts more stock footage. When the smoke clears everyone gets together to help rescue some survivors trapped in a cave. Hector creates gunpowder and makes a bomb to destroy the giant lizard guarding the cave! Everyone lives happily ever after on the prehistoric comet. 

VALLEY is a very low budget production with lots of stock footage, super-imposed monsters and jungle and cave scenes obviously filmed in a studio. The biggest surprise though is a cameo appearance by Japan's Rhodan! Yes, a flying creature shown quickly several times is none other than Godzilla's old pal!

Perhaps it shouldn't  be that much of a surprise as one of VALLEY's producers was Al Zimbalist, the man behind ROBOT MONSTER!

Director Edward Bernds made this between THE RETURN OF THE FLY and THE THREE STOOGES MEET HERCULES. Bernds worked a lot with The Stooges and The Bowery Boys as well. He died in 2000 at the age of 94.  

VALLEY is based on the Jules Verne story "Career Of a Comet".

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It's A Battle To Stay Interested!

BATTLE LOS ANGELES-2011-Moronic STARSHIP TROOPERS/WAR OF THE WORLDS knockoff from Jonathan Liebesman, director of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING and WRATH OF THE TITANS.

In the violent, predicable story, aliens invade Los Angeles and The Marines are called in to evacuate the place.  Aaron Eckhardt (he was in OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN soon after this) is a Staff Sgt. who's resignation is postponed because  he's needed to fight the invaders. This causes much friction and "butting of heads". So of course there's a lot of talking, yelling and arguing and it seems to go on forever. Characters say: "God dammit" a lot. It's a little different to see Marines defending the Earth rather than some galactic space patrol but it seems most of them are assholes deliberately sent to their doom.The aliens are big "transformer" like machines. Much of the story is told by (very well done) CNN newscasts. Michelle Rodriguez and singer Ne-Yo are also in it.

There are rumors circulating of a sequel. Liebesman was working on the next "Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtles" movie at the time of this writing.

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Scooby Do Be Doooooooo!

SATURDAY MORNING MYSTERY-2012-This is a weird dark ghost hunters investigating a haunted house  film but the four lead characters seem to be based on those in the cartoon series SCOOBY DOO! Although it features sex, nudity and swearing. There's a pet dog (named Hamlet) too but he just acts like a real dog. The group sets up cameras and goes about exploring. The Shaggy character (who also has drugs) watches two of his partners having sex. When it appears they might actually have found a ghost it turns out they are on acid that the ersatz Shaggy hid in their water cooler. This also helps explain the characters bird brain antics. After some BLAIR WITCH  type chase scenes the dog is eaten and there's a bloody decapitation. The guys are killed. A local sheriff (who had told the group early about the legend of the house) comes to the rescue of the two girls but in the movies stupidest scene he's captured climbing over a wall (and later tortured). The vicious deeds are done by Mona & Frankie , a brother and sister who's parents were accused of killing them after they disappeared but in fact they were hiding out somewhere in the house the whole time and are now crazy killers. This picks up steam as it goes on and despite it's derivative story line it's suspenseful and well directed. I was actually surprised at the typical cliche' ending. This was director Spencer Parsons second full length film.

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Flee When Flu Flies

 FLU BIRD HORROR-2008-A group of juvenile delinquents out int the woods are terrorized by giant birds infected by some new type of avian flu. After their counselor is killed, an idiot named Johnson (Jonathan Trent) puts himself in charge because he has a gun. They hide in an underground tunnel and debate whether they should kill their whimpering wounded comrade (he gets eaten later anyway). TV actor Lance Guest is Garrett, a ranger who tries to help them while arguing with his former girlfriend Dr. Hale (Clare Carey; a regular on TV's JERICHO around this time). Later Homeland Security gets involved. 

There's lots of bloody SFX but the acting is terrible and so is the script. Sarah Butler who plays the caring delinquent Eva starred in the 2010 remake of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.  Director Leigh Scott made other dreck including HILLSIDE CANNIBALS.

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Korean Giant Monster

REPTILIAN-1999-An archaeological expedition led by the pompously deranged Dr. Campbell (Richard Livingston)) is looking for Yonggary, a legendary dinosaur 50 times the size of T-Rex. Just when he and his assistant Holly (Donna Philipson) are on the verge of discovery the long thought to be dead Dr. Hughes (Harrison Young) shows up to say  they have to call off the dig. Campbell convinces Holly that Hughes is crazy but later on she quits the expedition and goes to a bar. She encounters Hughes again and he semi-convinces her he might be right. 

The two go back to the dig just in time to see Campbell unveil the skeleton of the ancient Yonggary. It's promptly revitalized by some aliens in a spaceship (it's of alien origin to begin with) and stomps Campbell to death. Then proceeds to wreck the town. When missiles and bombs fail, a group of soldiers with jet packs and laser guns fight it. They discover that the aliens use a diamond embedded in the monster's head to control it. Once the diamond is destroyed Yonggary becomes a good guy so the aliens (who look like metallic Ridley Scott aliens and talk like Darth Vader) send another prehistoric monster to fight the new hero. An all out monster battle ensues! 

The goofy dialogue sounds just like it would have been used to dub an Asian movie even though it's not dubbed! Despite this there is some funny intentional humor. The SFX could have been better but it's still more enjoyable than any shit on The SyFy channel. Despite being filmed in English and starring American actors this was produced in Korea by director Hyung-rae Shim. It was inspired by the 1967  Godzilla inspired Korean Kaiju/giant monster film YONGGARY. 

An "updated" version with new scenes was released in 2001.

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Found Monster Footage

CLOVERFIELD-2008-A monster attacks New York. A group of friends at a farewell party try to survive. The story is told through the eye of a hand held camera one of them is using. The monster is huge and drops smaller creepy alien types with big teeth. Although it's a chaotic mess, the director Matt Reeves does a good job of getting the whole story across. The group dwindles as they try to stay alive and find their friends but it seems to me if they had made their way to The 59th Bridge they could gave escaped to Queens! The jiggly POV shots are ok but it doesn't really look like some amateur film. And can anyone explain why the camera battery lasted so long? Director Reeves previously directed episodes of the TV show FELICITY and later made LET ME IN. At the time of this writing he was working on a Planet of The Apes sequel. JJ Abrams was one of the producers. (and like his TV series LOST, where the monster came from or what happens to it and the world are left unexplained) The big surprise for me was it was only 85 minutes!

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PS: I was just informed that a huge video campaign (including fictional websites like in LOST) were used before and during CLOVERFIELD's release. Using hints from that there are ways to piece together where the monster came from. Apparently I'm the only person who didn't know about this!

Thomasine and Bushrod

THOMASINE & BUSHROD-1974-This neglected blaxploitation film is set in 1911 and follows the exploits of Thomasine (Vonetta McGee from HAMMER and BLACULA), a bounty hunter when she teams with outlaw Bushrod (Screenwriter Max Julien, a year after starring in THE MACK).  They rob banks, dressed in various outfits and make their getaways in a car (and later a motorcycle with a sidecar) stolen from a banker Thomasine killed. They give a lot of their stolen swag to poor folks and are obviously patterned on BONNIE & CLYDE (made by Arthur Penn in 1967). They are pursued by a U.S. Marshall played by George Murdock. After they become infamous "folk heroes" they start to argue a lot about money. When Thomasine is captured and held in an old church Bushrod dresses as a nun to rescue her. Veteran actress Juanita Moore plays a blind Comanche mystic who tells Bushrod: "you don't have much time". Glynn Thurman (J.D.'s REVENGE) shows up toward the end as their weird friend Jomo who plays blues harmonica before he's dropped into a snake pit by the Marshall.

The film isn't bad but the ending could have been better. The one kind of dumb part is when the duo steal the car. At first they look at it with awe, having never seen one before but then they steal it and Bushrod has no trouble operating it! Herb Robins (director of THE WORMS EATERS) is also in it. Arthur Lee & Love perform the theme song which Lee wrote. It was one of only four movies directed by Gordon Parks Jr., made between SUPERFLY and THREE THE HARD WAY. He made one more film AARON LOVES ANGELA before being killed in a plane crash in Kenya in 1975.

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Kung-Fu Drunks

KUNG FU OF EIGHT DRUNKARDS-1980-More inebriated martial arts craziness. An alcoholic Kung Fu master Wu Shing tries to teach a young student Kam Fung (Fei Meng) but the student gets frustrated and leaves. He goes to work  in a noodle shop for his uncle who constantly abuses him. Meanwhile, Monkey, a thief who says he doesn't care about women but every time one passes his queue goes rigid, causes trouble with some firecrackers. When Kam's uncle's place is vandalized he realizes the town bad guy wants Kam to reveal the whereabouts of Wu Shing. The bad guy's daughter also comes around looking for trouble unaware of her father's involvement. The main story is fairly serious but the the fights are comical until the finale. 

A pre-credit introduction explains that the "drunkard style" has nothing to do with drinking. It's just that the moves resemble a drunken man. Still the old master drinks constantly. Oddly, the movie never refers to it as "drunken style" (despite the title). Characters always call it "8 Immortals Style"!  The plot is very confusing but this is probably due to bad editing and dubbing. And despite a lot of tragic battles this ends on a comical note! 

Directior (that's how it's spelled in the credits!) Ma Wu was also an actor. For some reason at certain points in the film a version of "Dixie" is played!

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Teenage Strangler

TEENAGE STRANGLER-1964-This once obscure made in West Virginia slasher movie gained a new audience when TV viewers saw it on an episode of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000.

A small town is terrorized by a killer who strangles women and leaves a red cross on their foreheads. Jimmy Walton (Bill Bloom), a member of the local hot rod gang "The Fastbacks" comes under suspicion because he keeps sneaking out to meet his girlfriend Betty (Jo Canterbury) who was eyewitness to one of the murders. It seemed the killer was wearing a Fastbacks leather jacket. At their local dive Mickey's, a girl sings a weird song called "Yikes Stripes" after mentioning Peter, Paul and Mary, The Beatles and the Chad Mitchell Trio! Another Fastback member Curly starts trouble bullying a nerd. The hard nosed police Lieutenant Anderson (John Ensign) investigates lectures the teens, argues with the adults and does seem to care despite his gruff exterior (and lack of acting skills). The school janitor Mr. Wilson hangs around too but nobody suspects him. Most of the acting is bad but top acting honors go to John Humphries as Jimmy's little brother Mikey who whines and cringes constantly every time he's on camera. Much of Jimmy's trouble seems to involve a bike Mikey stole but Jmmy got blamed for. According to his father the family had to move to a new town because of it! Jimmy and Curly have a hot rod race where Mikey gets slightly injured and Curly is suspected of the murders. Of course Mr. Wilson is the culprit, a former teacher ruined by a student's accusations.

TEENAGE STRANGLER is hilariously inept. I've never seen so much bad acting in one movie! Director Ben Parker may have made a few other movies and shorts but it seems none of the cast ever acted again. The music is by Danny Dean and The Daredevils. Originally called TERROR IN THE NIGHT.

Evil Remake

EVIL DEAD-2013-Sam Raimi's classic low budget horror masterpiece is given the big budgeted Hollywood treatment. Some stupid young people decide to take their drug addicted friend Mia (Jane Levy) to an isolated cabin in the woods to cure her. Bad idea. No really, it's idiotic even if one of them is a nurse. After one dork reads some passages from The Book of The Dead, Mia starts acting real weird. She sees dead people, spits blood, levitates and talks in a Linda Blair/Exorcist. It sorts of copies the original in some respects but as usual with so many modern horror stories you don't about the characters, the SFX are more disgusting than horrifying and the acting sucks.  

It was the first feature made by Uruguayan director Fede Alvarez (who also co-scripted). He had previously made a Sci-Fi short ATAQUE DE PANICOL (PANIC ATTACK) which debuted on You Tube. You can see it here and decide whether it was a good enough to warrant him a debut film costing 30 million dollars:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dadPWhEhVk .


But the movie did well so I guess it doesn't matter.

Original director Sam Raimi and original producer Robert Tapert were to of the producers for this remake as well as original star Bruce Campbell (who has a cameo).

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Zzzzzzz...Zombies!

APOCALYPSE Z-2013-This is an exceptionally bad zombie film originally called "Zombie Massacre" but probably changed when WORLD WAR Z was released. The evil United States needs to destroy a chemical plant they were using illegally anyway in Europe that has produced a horde of ugly zombies. They send a team of merecenaries to plant a bomb. An American G.I. (Christian Boevig), a Scottish soldier of fortune (Mike Mitchell),  a samurai woman (Tara Cardinal) and a sniper (Daniel Vivian) who looks like a homeless man. After killing loads of zombies, the group now down to 3 after the sniper is killed meets Sam (Ivy Corbin)) the daughter of the doctor who created the whole thing, although he was "trying to save lives", it was our evil government that wanted to abuse it. Later a mutant zombie shows up.

Most of the bad Americans have English or European accents and Z's producer Uwe Boll, the hack director of  HOUSE OF THE DEAD and the BLOODRAYNE series plays German accented president of the US! (Maybe the old boy hasn't gotten over his ancestors being whipped by America in WW2....????) This seems influenced by Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD and the low budget nonsense of Andreas Schnaas. And it took two directors to make it!

Once again, thank to my pal Tony for getting me this (I think...lol....)

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Ultra Crap

ULTRA-COP 2000-1995-This crazy comedy/fantasy/action film from the Philippines is very hard to follow! A special police team tries to infiltrate a gang called the Black Dragons. Meanwhile 2 Martians (?) have a couple of sword fights. Two cops one male (Ricky Davao) one female (Yukari Oshima aka  Cynthia Luster) search for a drug dealer named Wong. In a very weird comical scene a suicidal gay guy comes on to one of the Martians. He later explains his story to the duo but the male cop says "Maybe he was just the same like you, a queer!". The Martians seem to be sucking the life force from helpless Earthlings. There's several gun battles and a car chase (with explosions) but the movie really descents into stupidity with jokes about the gay character they are trying to protect. The two Martians later fight it out in an airline hangar while the police shoot it out with the drug dealers.

Fortunately it all seems to be a dream. Some movies are based/inspired/ripped off from other movies ULTRA-COP 2000's only inspiration is stupidity. The direction, dubbing and fights are terrible. Director Phillip Ho may have once been married to lead actress Oshima.

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Wong!

PLASTIC CITY-2008-I'd watch anything with Anthony Wong in it but this Brazil/Hong Kong/Japan co-production was a disappointment.

Yuda (Anthony Wong Chau-Sang) is a  Chinese mobster working as a smuggler in Sao Paulo. His adopted son Kirin (Jo Odagiri), who he found in the jungle runs their street operation. After years of building up their bloody empire Yuda grows weary of it when it starts to crumble. Nelson Yu Lik Wai 's direction is excellent but the story is confused and not that interesting. The best scene is a CGI laden dreamlike street fight.

Wong was in THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR the same year.

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Ghost Stuff

THE PRESENCE-2010-A woman writer, the victim of incest (Mira Sorvino, also one of the producers) spends time in a isolated cabin. She is observed (SIXTH SENSE like) by a ghost (perhaps her father played by Shane West from the cable TV show WEEDS). Nothing really happens until "The Man" arrives. This seems to be her boyfriend and he asks her to marry him. She accepts and then begins to display unusual erratic behavior. Meanwhile another ghost, the man in black (Tony Curran) advises the ghost on how to possess the woman. After the man in black fails to kill (?) the woman an African American ghost shows up and takes the ghost away.  This pretentious "art film" seems to have been made by a guy just out of film school who saw too many Ingmar Bergman films.  Movies like this don't surprise me though. It's typical of many actresses like Sorvino who wins an Academy Award early in her career then struggles to find  more mainstream roles and winds up co-producing vehicles like this for herself. Director Tom Provost edited episodes of TV's THE BACHELORETTE.

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