Cruel Movie

CRUEL WORLD-2005-In this stupid movie a reality show reject psycho (Edward Furlong) kills the husband and wife winners and takes over their house. He creates his own life and death reality show and invites a bunch of young people to participate in it. He monitors it all from a special room while talking, smoking cigarettes and laughing. He also has the big dumb Claude (Steve Franzese) who kills the contestants. Furlong is a good nut but this movie is like a hundred other direct to video slasher movies despite it’s updated trappings. The director, Kelsey T. Howard was a second unit director on many films.

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Killer Kids

BLOODY BIRTHDAY-1981-Three brats are all born right as there is a lunar eclipse. Ten years later they have become little murderers. They are kind of creepy but also rather annoying. They shoot their strict school teacher (Susan Strasberg), bludgeon the sheriff to death and use a bow and arrow to kill. They later terrorize an older girl (Lori Lethin) and her younger brother (KC Martel). Somehow the little dorks can drive cars, shoot guns and move heavy dead bodies with no problem. Jose Ferrer has a small role as the doctor who delivered them. Director Ed Hunt also made STARSHIP INVASIONS and THE BRAIN.

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The Conspiracy Continued??

DAY OF THE DEAD-2008-This movie "based on the film by George Romero" is a piece of crap. It must be part of a conspiracy to remake and destroy any decent horror film of the past. While some might argue the original is not Romero's best work it looks like a classic compared to this talky, annoying shit which seems more influenced by 27 DAYS LATER. Once again the zombies are turned into clowns in unintentional funny attack scenes made up mostly of poor CGI SFX.

Mena Suvari (AMERICAN BEAUTY) stars as an Army corporal with an idiot brother (Michael Welch) and Ving Rhames plays an Army captain who's killed in the first half hour of the movie but comes back later and eats his own eye. As usual the government is to blame for spreading a virus that started the whole thing. Ian McNeice is a fat DJ and Nick Cannon is a dickhead private who's death scene is the only highlight of this miserable tale.

Not one likable character in the whole cast makes you wonder if a world inhabited by flesh eating zombies wouldn't be so bad....But what can you expect from a movie that's final scene is like a YOU TUBE screamer??

Director Steve Miner made the second and third entries in the original FRIDAY THE 13th series and lots of TV episodes.

I think this is also known as DAWN OF THE DEAD 2.

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Bad Girls

SO YOUNG SO BAD-1950-CASABLANCA's Paul Henreid stars as Dr. Jason, a psychiatrist sent to a girls reform school to help out. He runs into a lot of bureaucracy and is hindered in his progress to help the troubled girls by the uncaring staff. Catherine McLeod plays Ruth, a social worker who resents Jason's presence. He and Ruth have a heated debate on a moving merry go round! Mike Kellin has a few brief shots as the operator and some seem to think a guy selling balloons looks a lot like Phil Silvers! Jason tries to expose the sweat shop like conditions and ignorance of Mr. Riggs, the idiot who’s in charge. At one point, the girls sneak a rabbit into the school and a matron stomps it to death! The girls then riot and set fire to the school. As punishment some of the girls are hosed down like Charlton Heston in PLANET OF THE APES! Later Jason kind of blackmails Riggs into letting him run the school his way. He does do a lot of good but when the evil matron punishes one of the girls by cutting her hair, suicide, deception and an inquiry that could lead to Jason's dismissal follow.

It’s an earnest low budget little movie but the most interesting thing about it really is that it introduces three actresses who went on to famous careers: Anne Jackson, Ann Francis and Rita Moreno! Director Bernard Vorhaus also made THE AMAZING DR. X.

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Time Travel From TV to Movies

ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE-1967-This is two (or three) episodes of the short-lived TV show TIME TUNNEL edited together for a phony feature length release. Both feature the time traveling regulars James Darren and Robert Colbert.

In the first half Robert Duvall guest stars as a time traveling spy who plants a bomb in the Tunnel headquarters and escapes into the future. Whit Bissell and Lee Meriwether try to help in the present as the duo chase the future Oscar winning actor into the far future where silver and gold-faced humanoids with no feelings are building their own time machine. It all ends in a beehive in prehistoric times!

The second half also features sliver-skinned aliens. They are planning an invasion of Earth. It takes place in The Old West. Darren winds up in jail and Colbert becomes a zombie. Stock footage from another movie is also used. There are no real “name guests” but some familiar character actors like Tris Coffin, John Hoyt and Byron Foulger appear!

The Time Tunnel was the least successful of Executive Producer Irwin Allens’s four Sci-Fi TV shows. It only lasted one season and it was apparent that before the season was even half over they were running out of ideas! Many of the sets, props, SFX and even the monsters seem to be “borrowed” from some of the earlier shows (like Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea and Lost in Space).

Allen of course went on to produce disaster films like TOWERING INFERNO and THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE.

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More Lon

LAUGH CLOWN LAUGH-1928-Lon Chaney at the top of his game.

He gives a heart breaking performance as Tito, one half of a famous clown act who takes in an abandoned baby girl. Time passes and the baby grows up to be portrayed by 15 year old Loretta Young. Of course Tito is now in love with her but one day finds a rival for her affections in Count Ravelli (Nils Asther). Although the storyline is the familiar unrequited love triangle Chaney once again carries the whole film with poignant performance!

Director Herbert Brenon directed nearly 130 movies including the silent version of BEAU GESTE in 1926. He made his last film in 1940 and died in 1958. Sadly Chaney would make only 5 more movies before dying in 1930.

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By Night but in America

LONDON BY NIGHT-1937-Murder mystery (with comic overtones) set in London but shot in an MGM studio with American actors (some with phony accents). Future US Senator George Murphy plays a newspaper reporter who gets involved with “The Umbrella Murderer”(Leo G. Carroll) but he just wants to go on vacation with his pet dog. The always entertaining George Zucco is Inspector Jones. Leading lady Rita Johnson (in her film debut) had roles in many films later on (EDISON THE MAN, HERE COMES MR. JORDAN, THE NAUGHTY NINTIES) but suffered brain damage from a blow to the head in 1948 and there after made only a few appearances. Also with Virginia Field, Eddie Quillen and Maontagu Love. Director William Thiele directed a couple of Tarzan movies then went into TV.

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Worth It!

DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE-1980-In this psycho-slasher horror flick the underrated Nicolas Worth plays Kirk Smith a deranged Vietnam vet/photographer who strangles women then takes pictures of them. He even calls a radio psychiatrist (Flo Gerrish) and talks with a Hispanic accent. Later he later convinces a prostitute to call the station and while she's talking to the doctor he kills her. James Westmoreland and Ben Frank play two wise ass detectives trying to solve the murders. I think they were trying to imitate Starskyand Hutch but they are more like Dumb and Dumber.

Worth (who died in 2007 at age 69) gives a tour de force performance, crying, laughing and talking to himself in a mirror. In a stand-out scene he talks to his "father" about how he beat up a pimp. The rest of the acting (made up mostly of TV actors and actresses) isn't as interesting and the story is quite sick (most of the victims die topless) and drags when Worth's not around but his performance makes it worth seeing. (No pun intended)

This was the only movie made by director Robert Hammer. The worst part is that while Smith is a crazed vicious killer the two cops act like jerks and aren't very likable.

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Day The Day The Movie Re-make Ended....

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL-2008-This movie really sucks! Anyone associated with this piece of shit should not be allowed to even make a movie again (except James Hong, one of the last character actors left in Hollywood who has one scene).

Since she won an Oscar Jennifer Connelly is becoming a female Orson Welles.

Keanu Reeves is perfect and idiotic as the alien who comes to destroy Earth. He lacks any of the class Michael Rennie brought to the original role but then what the hell am I saying? Audiences today don’t even realize this is a remake (which it is not anyway…). Please do me a favor and don’t watch this piece of crap (and if you do don’t tell me how wonderful and rewarding it is by watching it, ok?).

Wooo, John Cleese has the Sam Jaffe role! Maybe he and Keanu should have done something with a dead parrot instead!

Director Scott Derrickson had previously made such gems as HELLRAISER:INFERNO and THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. Oh yeah Will Smith’s son and Kathy Bates are also in it!

Sorry for the rant..thanks for reading it though!





　



　

They Broke It Out..

Hi! I was just watching some silent shorts DW Griffith did for the Biograph studio between 1910 and 1913. One called FOR HIS SON (1912) is a wild morality tale about a businessman (Charles Hill Mailes) concerned he can't provide for his greedy son (Charles West) so he invents a soda pop of which the main ingredient is cocaine! He calls it "Dopokoke" and it becomes a big hit. Soon he has enough money to keep his son satisfied. Unfortunately the son becomes an addict and dies at the end! Blanche Sweet is the son's fiancee and future director Christy Cabanne are also in it. It's around 15 mins. Incredible!



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Why Did They Bother?

FINISHING THE GAME-2007-This fake documentary is about the search for a new Bruce Lee so a producer (played by Sam Bottoms) can finish Lee's GAME OF DEATH. It's not really about Bruce Lee or Martial Arts but more about stereotyping Asian American actors and similar to THIS IS SPINAL TAP but more influenced by reality show TV. Parts of it are clever (especially scenes from a Martial Arts movie starring "Breeze Loo") but most of it is silly, pretentious interviews with the would be loser cast members. Some are amusing but most just go on too long.

The one serious part features an Asian-American actor who tries unsuccessfully to fight against stereotyping. It's certainly true but in a way it doesn't fit with the rest of the nonsense!

It seems a little strange to be doing a take off on Lee (although his influence in Martial Arts is still felt) and '70's Kung-Fu drive-in movies (although I guess they are still popular). It's sort of like when Mel Brooks made SPACEBALLS.

I understand what the filmmakers were trying to do but maybe I was just disappointed because the synopsis I read for it made it sound like a real documentary. The director Justin Lin also made FAST & FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT.

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More Hammer Mummies

BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB-1971-In this Hammer "mummy" entry, a dead (but amazingly preserved) Egyptian queen named Tera (Valerie Leon) is brought back to England by Prof. Fuchs (Andrew Keir; Quartermass in 5 MILLION MILES TO EARTH). Unfortunately it's at the exact same time his wife gives birth to their daughter. Several years later when the daughter Margaret (also played by Leon) is an adult and the result of the expedition is still a mystery Tera takes control of Margaret and she slashes several throats.

James Villiers is a weirdo scientist who thinks he can control Tera with "the scroll of life". George Coulouris plays a fellow scientist confined to an asylum. It's a nice little horror movie with good flashback scenes, some bloody deaths and an interesting, unexpected climax.

The production was shrouded by some bad luck. Peter Cushing was the original Fuchs but left early when his wife passed away. Director Seth Holt (who had made THE NANNY and SCREAM OF FEAR earlier for Hammer) died before completing the film and it was finished by studio head Michael Carreras.

Unfortunately the very hot Valerie Leon never really had another role like this but strangely made appearances in two movies featuring James Bond (THE SPY WHO LOVED ME with Roger Moore and NEVER SAY NEVER with Sean Connery). It's based on a story "Jewell of The Seven Stars" by Bram Stoker and there's a character in the film named Tod Browning!

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Even A Man Who Is Pure In Heart (even in a remake!)

THE WOLFMAN-2010-This big budget gory over acted horror story is actually a kind of homage to the 1941 Universal original. (It gives credit to being "based" on the motion picture screenplay by Curt Siodmak!)

Lawrence Talbott (Benicio Del Toro with a Moe Howard haircut) returns to his native England (after living in America for many years) to investigate the disappearance of his brother at the request of said brother's fiancée (Emily Blunt). He's haunted by the memory of seeing mother's bloody corpse right after she committed suicide. His father Sir Henry (Anthony Hopkins) seems like a nice bloke but may harbor s secret. Meanwhile a werewolf terrorizes the countryside and during an attack on a gypsy camp Lawrence is bitten and "cursed". He wastes no time changing into a wolf and graphically kills lots of people. Hugh Weaving is a Scotland Yard police officer tracking him down. Rick Baker did the special make-up effects and is a victim. Also with Art Malik, Anthony Sher and Geraldine Chaplin. Del Toro was also one of the producers and the score is by Danny Elfman.

Director Joe Johnston previously made HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS, THE ROCKETEER, JUMANJI and JURASSIC PARK 3.

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Before Larry Cohen's Killer Babies

IT’S ALIVE-1969-This infamous horror film was made by director Larry Buchanan right after completing a batch of direct to TV remakes of AIP '50's horror films.

Two tourists, Norman (Corveth Ousterhouse) and Leila (Shirley Bonne) from the city get lost on a back road somewhere in Texas. They wind up being held prisoner by a loony farmer (Buchanan regular Bill Thurman) who has a prehistoric monster living in a smoky cave under his house. A helpful paleontologist named Wayne (Tommy Kirk) tries to help but gets captured too. The monster (Thurman doing double duty) is goofy and rubbery with fangs and ping pong ball eyes! Thurman’s over the top acting is the real highlight of this awful film (“Perhaps you know of my creature? It’s great and powerful! My greatest discovery!”) but it also features Ann McAdams (later in DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT) as Thurman’s abused servant who narrates a long flashback.(with no dialogue; just her narration and some incidental music) which explains how she became the farmer’s servant.

In one scene she tries to escape by throwing some liquid in Thurman's face but right before that happens you can see his face is already wet! The scene they used must have been take 2!

Former Disney teen star Tommy Kirk was at the nadir of his career having already starred in Buchanan’s MARS NEEDS WOMEN in 1967. A few years later he’d star in Al Adamson’s BLOOD OF GHASTLY HORROR. I’ve read the plot seems to be based on a short story by Richard Matheson.

Buchanan (who provides some un-credited narration during the credits) made the Bergman influenced (?) STRAWBERRIES NEED RAIN next.

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Don't Be Fooled By The DVD Photo!

UNREST-2009-Stupid meandering talky movie about pre-med students dissecting cadavers. One student, who everyone refers to as doctor (Corri English) believes the cadaver she’s working on is possessed. And she’s right. For some reason the corpse is from Brazil but is possessed by an Aztec demon. Director Jason Todd Ipson leaves a lot of plot holes during the boredom.

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Not Untold Enough

THE UNTOLD (AKA: SASQUATCH)-2002-A group lead by a billionaire bio-tech CEO (Lance Henriksen) goes looking for a crashed plane that carried his daughter and some kind of DNA machine in this inept boring Canadian horror film that borrows from THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. They run into the legendary monster and Lance watches a video his daughter left behind. The group argue about the rich guy's real intentions and are terrorized by a hairy bigfoot creature (shown mostly in POV shots). The direction by the debuting Jonas Quastel is really annoying at times.

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My Diagnosis is Shit!

DIAGNOSIS: DEATH-2010-This a weird New Zealand horror comedy (I think).

A corrupt high school English teacher (Raybon Kan) goes for a special drug trial after being told he has incurable cancer. While there he meets another patient, a female high school student (Jessica Grace Smith). They are given a special drug and hallucinate a lot. After much talking it becomes clear they are being used as guinea pigs in an experiment. The ghost of a dead author who killed her child has something to do with it too ... or is it just the drugs? It all seems to be the work of a deranged nurse (Suze Tye).

Director Jason Stutter made something called TONGAN NINJA (also with Kan). I could have been sleeping instead of watching this nonsense!

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