He's A Bad Mother...

SHAFT-1971-This kind of relic from the '70's is in a way the ultimate "black exploitation" film. In most movies the lead character has trouble with a racist individual or racism in general but here John Shaft "the private dick who's a sex machine for all the chicks" really has nothing but disdain for white people. In the mostly actionless plot Shaft (Richard Roundtree) refuses to help a white police captain fight crime but takes the case of finding the daughter of a ruthless Harlem gangster named Bumpy (Moses Gunn) kidnapped by the Mafia. He enlists some black militant drug dealers to assist him. He has sex with his girlfriend but when she says "I love you" to him over the phone he just replies "Yeah, I know" and hangs up and later has sex with a white prostitute. In the climax he leads the gang (dressed up like cooks, janitors and bellhops) in an assault on the building where the mob is holding the daughter. After the rescue and some fighting, Shaft just laughs as the police have to deal with the mess he's made.

Shaft acts cool and tough but there's too much talk. Perhaps Life magazine photographer turned director Gordon Parks wasn't sure which way to take the story: serious cultural drama or action packed crime drama. The best part to me was the on location scenes of NYC in the early '70's (especially the 42nd Street area).

 Author Ernest Tidyman (THE FRENCH CONNECTION) wrote the screenplay based on his novel. SHAFT spawned two sequels and a short lived TV series. The Isaac Hayes soundtrack won an Academy Award.

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Not A Remake!

MIMESIS-2011-Several people are invited to a party where they are drugged. They wake up to find themselves dressed like characters in the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and later all take refuge in a replica of the farmhouse and are terrorized by zombies. All the characters have the first names of the real cast of the George Romero classic (i.e.: Duane, Judith, Russell, Karl) and there's some gory scenes. For the most part it's pretty good (though not really scary) but toward the end it almost turns into another SAW influenced torture film. Fortunately it's saved by a good climax. Sid Hiag has a good but small role as a former horror director who speaks at a horror convention and later figures in the outlandish plot.

Director Douglas Schulze made this a few years after DARK FIELDS.

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More Found Footage

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS-2011-This Canadian production is influenced heavily by THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT but I was actually surprised by a couple of scenes. It's told through the video cameras of a film crew doing a segment of a reality TV show called "Grave Encounters" who go to an abandon mental hospital to film an episode. The host of the show Lance Preston (Sean Rogerson) only interested in a TV contract is accompanied by several camera people and a phony psychic. After they interview some locals the group has themselves locked up in the asylum over night. At first they only hear noises but a few things happen that they don't notice. Later they become trapped in the place and one by one everyone starts to disappear. They actually do meet up with some real ghouls and eventually it turns out a mad doctor who was killed years before is still doing lobotomies (and maybe devil worshiping) in the basement. It's well done (with some gory SFX) but the ending goes on too long.

It was written, produced and directed by two guys who go by the name of "The Vicious Brothers". They wrote and produced a sequel in 2012.

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In The Shadows

SHADOW PEOPLE-2011-This supernatural thriller is presented as a partial pseudo-documentary using fake interviews, You Tube posts and excerpts from a real documentary called YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.

A loser late night radio DJ Charlie Crowe (Dallas Roberts) investigates reports of people dying in their sleep. A CDC scientist (Alison Eastwood) says they are related to the real life "Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome" that affected Hmong refugees in the US in the 1980's. But Crowe comes to believe that "shadow people", mysterious dark figures who kill victims in their sleep, are responsible. This is mostly talking and quick editing using "found footage" and really nothing happens. Director Matthew Arnold later created a TV series called SIBERIA.

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I Got Sea Sick

SEA BEAST-2008- The skipper of a fishing boat (Corin Nemec) teams with a female biologist (Camille Sullivan) to battle a strange sea creature that paralyzes its victims then eats them alive. Meanwhile his daughter (Miriam McDonald) and his first mate (Daniel Wisler) are terrorized by the creatures' babies on a nearby island. The obviously CGI created monsters have very long tongues and there's some graphic violence but a mundane and derivative movie like this always poses the question "why was this made at all?".

Director Paul Ziller has been around for a while (BACK IN ACTION, SNAKEHEAD TERROR) so you'd think he's know better!

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More Like A Circle

TRIANGLE-A woman named Jess (Melissa George from 30 DAYS OF NIGHT) with a special needs child goes on a boating trip (without her son) with her boyfriend and some of his friends. They hit a freak storm and the boat is capsized. Luckily a big cruise ship comes to their rescue and they board it. Unluckily it seems to be deserted although a mysterious figure is quickly seen twice. They search the ship (with Jess having feelings of deja vu) but all they can find is the message "go to the theater" written in blood on a mirror. After Jess is attacked by one of the guys, she escapes and meets another couple in the theater where a masked assassin shoots at them from the balcony. The couple is killed but Jess gets out. Later she confronts the killer with an ax. Just before falling over the side, the killer mumbles something about "killing everyone".

Quick movie, huh? Not so fast. The rest of this annoyingly dumb British production borrows ideas from David Lynch's LOST HIGHWAY, MEMENTO and even the low-budget 1960's SF cheapie JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TIME. Director Christopher Smith made several horror movies after this. (You've been warned)

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60's Western

HOSTILE GUNS-1967-This AC Lyles production features George Montgomery as US Marshall Gid McCool who transports convicted criminals to the state pen. He needs a deputy but can find no one willing so he "recruits" bad boy Mike Reno (Tab Hunter). Their first prisoner is Hank Pleasant (Leo Gordon) on his way to the gallows for killing a child. They later pick up a corrupt railroad official (Robert Emhardt) and a goat thief (Pedro Gonzales-Gonzales who croons a tune). Their fourth pick up is Laura Mannon (Yvonne DeCarlo), who shot her boyfriend. Laura (she and McCool had once been lovers) manages to come between the duo which leads to them fighting and almost being killed by Pleasant's brother (John Russell) and other family members.

This low budget western has lots of witty dialogue and a great cast which also includes smaller roles with Brian Donlevy, Richard Arlen, James Craig, Fuzzy Knight, William Fawcett, Emile Meyer and Don Barry. It was directed by RG Sprignsteen, a veteran of Westerns since the late forties but by this time (not untypically) he had done a lot of TV. Unfortunately the low budget shows through several times especially with camera crew lights reflecting off the scenery at times!

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Early '50's

CAUSE FOR ALARM!-1951-A woman (Loretta Young) is taking care of her bed ridden husband (Barry Sullivan) who seems to be suffering from a heart ailment. However although she seems to be a dedicated and loving wife hubby believes she and his doctor (Bruce Cowling) are plotting to kill him. He writes a letter to the district attorney incriminating the pair, saying they are poisoning him but in fact he is poisoning himself!  He plans to frame the two of them by over dosing on his heart medicine but for some reason (he's not sane I guess) he decides to shoot his wife. Fortunately for her he dies before he can accomplish this. Unfortunately with the incriminating letter on it's way to the DA and hubby dead circumstantial evidence points at Loretta. What follows is a wild and occasionally annoying "Faulty Towers" like escapade (though serious) with Loretta trying to retrieve the letter and prevent anyone  from finding dearly departed hubby. Familiar character Irving Bacon is the neighborhood mailman and there are bits by Richard Anderson, Kathleen Freeman, Art Baker and Robert Easton. Look quick for Alfalfa himself Carl Switzer!

Director Tay Garnett had started as a gag writer in silent films and made his first movie in 1928. He later directed THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE and A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT. Soon after ALARM he went into TV.

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Germany

BLOODLUST-THE FEATURE-1977-This is a bizarre psychological drama, this time from Germany. It's about a traumatized office worker (Werner Pochath; also in Franco's DEVIL HUNTER) who has become deaf and mute after being beaten by his father as a little boy. He also saw dad molest his little sister. He seems to be a good worker but everyone at his job makes fun of him because he collects dolls (they even play a joke on him with an inflatable doll). He goes to prostitutes once in a while but can never perform and they mock him. The only person who seems to treat him nicely is a (slightly abnormal)  female neighbor who likes to dance around the building they live in but even her mother warns her to stay away from him (I don't think the character has a name and if he does I don't think it's mentioned in the film!). After she falls to her death (it almost seems like suicide) he becomes very unhinged and takes to mutilating and dismembering corpses. He even digs up the dancer's body and tries to revive it with his own blood (it doesn't work). He leaves the word mosquito at the scenes of his crimes and the press dub him "the vampire". Later he kills a couple having sex in a car and drinks their blood. Then the police arrest him. It's actually inspired by a real life German grave robber and necrophiliac.

Director Marijan David Vajda does a good job showing how the character's handicap alienates him from society and makes him the subject of ridicule (even though he can function normally it's people's ignorance and cruelty that are the real culprits) and some have hailed this as an unheralded masterpiece but I found it slow going. The version I saw was dark,choppy and badly dubbed but it has been remastered so you might want to check it out.

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Not An Elvis Remake!

THE CURSE OF EL CHARRO-2005-This typical gory mean spirited horror tale takes place in California where a young college student named Maria (Drew Mia) suffers from nightmares while coping with the suicide of her sister. Her roommate (Heidi Androl) invites her to go along with two other girls to her uncle's remote house in Arizona. Along the way the meet a hick cop who, after oral sex, takes them to a scary dark bar where a weird guy in a wheelchair sings a terrible punk metal like song. Later they meet some guys at a club (run by dwarfs) and return to the house for drinking, drugging and sex but not before Maria has a strange vision done in a super 8 black and white silent film (with title cards) relating the tale of El  Charro (executive producer Andrew Bryniarski with Danny Trejo's voice), a Mexican demon who wanted Maria's ancestor for himself but she rejected him so in retaliation he slaughtered her whole family. Before the townspeople destroyed him El placed a curse on the family bloodline and swore he'd be back. Well he keeps his promise and dismembers, hacks and kills everyone until the archangel David (James Intveld) appears and kills Charro. Unfortunately for Maria she winds up in a padded cell and blamed for all the murders. Motorhead's Lemmy has a brief bit as a priest.

This usual bloodletting nonsense was directed by Rich Ragsdale who since CHARRO has wisely only made film shorts. Much of it is too dark and the script and acting are terrible (but what else is new?). El Charro portrayer Bryniarski was Leatherface in the 2003 remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (and it's later sequel). He kind of looks like a trick or treat version of pro-wrestler The Undertaker.

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Not So Fantastic

THE FANTASTIC FOUR-1994-Scientists Reed Richards (Alex Hyde-White) and Victor Von Doom (Robert Culp's son Joseph) are conducting an experiment involving a passing comet but the experiment goes awry and Victor seems to die. Years later Reed and his big former college buddy Ben Grimm (Michael Bailey Smith) decide to test a new type of spacecraft just as the comet is going by again. They take along the sister/brother duo of Sue (Rebecca Staab) and Johnny (Jay Underwood)) Storm who's mom runs the boarding house Reed lives in. The mission goes haywire due mostly in part because a decrepit guy called The Jeweler (Ian Trigger) steals a diamond from the ship. After being bombarded with cosmic rays the group find they have acquired amazing powers. Reed can stretch his body (a really terrible special effect), Sue can become invisible, Johnny can emit flames and Ben turns into the brick like coated The Thing (stuntman Carl Ciarfallo). They also discover that Victor is still alive, now resides in a suit of armor and calls himself Dr. Doom bent on getting revenge on Reed (who he blames for his disfigured face) and his pals. He also wants the stolen jewel but The Jeweler has other plans: he wants it as a gift for "his queen", a captured blind sculptress named Alicia Masters (Kat Green). Needless to say the bad guys are stopped. Ben saves Alicia, Reed disposes of Doom and The Human Torch stops the comet from striking Earth (this scene looks suspiciously like the ending of the first 1941 Superman cartoon by The Fleischer Brothers!).

This low budget adaptation of the famous Marvel comic has nothing going for it. Everything is sub-par: the acting, the special effects, the sound, the direction, you name it. The Thing isn't bad and Doc Doom is ok except you can't understand most of his dialogue....

It seem German producer Bernd Eichinger somehow acquired the movie rights but couldn't get anyone interested in an adaptation. When he realized his option would run out unless he made a movie of it, Eichinger contacted Roger Corman who agreed to help produce the film using mainly TV actors and a music video director named Oley Sassone (though he had made a few other movies before this including BLOODFIST 3  with Don "The Dragon" Wilson). Needless to say it was never released but has been available as a bootleg for years.

Eichinger's stunt must have paid off because he produced the big budget Hollywood version (with not much of a better story line) in 2005!

Warning! At the time of this writing a new "re-boot" is in post production!

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Gory Junk

HEADCRUSHER-1999-In this low budget horror atrocity a mobster kills his cheating wife and her soldier lover. With the help of some underlings he hangs the woman and crushes the head of the man. 20 years later some stupid racist construction workers are digging around and unearth something. Suddenly someone or something is running around crushing people's heads. Meanwhile a female police detective investigates and the daughter of the first construction worker tries to find some answers with the help of some friends (bad move). The killer (he resembles the killer in 1981's THE PROWLER)  was used as an experiment in Vietnam. It's probably the only slasher movie I've seen where a pro wrestling  "sleeper hold"  comes into play at the climax.

Crap like this always makes me wonder about the mental state of the director, this time Richardo Islas but perhaps he's just an incompetent boob trying to win a place among "gore hounds" wrapping bad acting, stupid dialogue, disposable characters, clumbsy sex scenes and substandard direction around extreme violence.

Also called BROKEN SKULL. Thanks for reading!

Arch Halls

THE CHOPPERS-1961-A group of juvenile delinquents strip cars for kicks in this seldom seen low budget teenage crime drama. The leader of the group is spoiled rich kid Cruiser (Arch Hall Jr. in his film debut), assisted by Torch (future director Robert Paget), Snooper (Larry Buchanan regular Burr Middleton), Ben (Chuck Barnes; later OJ Simpson's agent) and Flip (Russ Holman from MA BARKER'S KILLER BROOD). Parts of it are narrated by a reporter named Jim Bradford (producer/writer Arch Hall Sr. in an un-billed role) concerned because  "our greatest national resource is in danger".The gang uses a truck full of chickens and a guitar case full of tools to disguise their operation.

They do business with junk man Moose (Bruno VeSota who had a cameo role in NIGHT TIDE the same year) and harmonica playing Cowboy (Britt Wood who also sings a song). Insurance investigator Tom Hart (Tom Brown) tracks them down with the help of his blonde secretary Liz (Marianne Gaba; also in MISSILE TO THE MOON) and police Lt. Fleming (William Shaw). Cruiser uses a two way radio (while lounging in his cool hot rod) to warn his gang when "the bandits" are closing in.

Arch performs "Monkey In My Headband" and another of his compositions "Konga  Joe" plays on the radio. No matter what anyone says, these songs are cooool! Eventually their car stripping leads to a massive shootout in a junk yard where, after two cops are killed  Cruiser wants to give up but Torch refuses. The cops resort to using a bulldozer to get the gang. After his arrest Cruiser  dejectedly says: "We had a ball. A real ball".

There's a lot of jive talk and it's fairly violent for the time. It was the last movie directed by Leigh Jason who's career started in the late '20's. By the time of THE CHOPPERS he's been working mostly in TV.

Next up for the father and son Hall team would be EEGAH!

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Zombie Wrestling

"Zombie killings hard"-Roddy Piper




PRO WRESTLERS VS. ZOMBIES-2013-The title kind of says it all. Pro wrestler "The Franchise" Shane Douglas (playing himself) accidentally kills an opponent in a match. The dead wrestler's brother (Ashton Amherst) creates a zombie army to kill Douglas and his friends including other real life wrestlers Rowdy Roddy Piper, Facade, Matt Hardy and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Instead of using the usual zombie killing weapons like shotguns and machetes many of the living dead are dispatched with wrestling moves. There's some gory scenes but not as many as I would have expected in this type of craziness. It's mostly the wrestlers fighting the zombies with most of them getting killed. Later Douglas has to fight and kill family members (including his young nephew) who have been "zombified". The acting ranges from ok to pretty bad.
Another pro wrestler Kurt Angle (also the only American to win an Olympic gold medal in wrestling) appears as himself and is turned into a zombie for one fight.

At one point Piper says "This is fucking ridiculous".

The director Cody Knotts (who appears briefly as himself) got initial funding through Kickstarter.

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Karloff & Lugosi

BLACK FRIDAY-This is the last of the Universal Pictures "team up" of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi. It's more a crime revenge drama with horror overtones. Dr. Ernest Sovac (Karloff) faces death by electric chair. Before he goes he gives his notebook to a news reporter (James Craig) and we learn through flashbacks how Sovac became a murderer.

When his good friend Prof. George Kingsley (Stanley Ridges) is involved in a near fatal car accident, Sovac uses a secret, illegal brain transplant to save him. Unfortunately, Sovac uses the brain of a violent gangster Red Cannon (also Ridges). Everything goes well but when Sovac learns that Cannon stashed away half a million dollars he's anxious to get his hands on it so he can "continue my research. He takes Kingsley to NYC hoping familiar surrounding will jog his memory (they even stay in Cannon's old hotel room). The two go to a nightclub where Cannon's former lover Sunny (Anne Nagel) sings. They also run across Cannon's old gang members now led by Marley (Bela Lugosi). They are also looking for the hidden loot. Eventually, the Cannon persona gets out of control starts killing in revenge but reverts back to Kingsley just in time before the police arrive. He and Sovac return to their sleepy town and seem to live fairly normally till a siren brings the Cannon personality back. He attacks Sovac's daughter (Anne Gwynne) and Sovac is forced to shoot him (he reverts back to Kingsley and dies).

BLACK FRIDAY is often ran down by detractors as not being a horror film but the real thing wrong with it seems to be that while Lugosi does get second billing, he's hardy in it at all (and badly miscast). He doesn't even have any scenes with Karloff! It's said Karloff (who smokes a lot!) was originally cast in the Kingsley role with Lugosi as his friend Sovac but his version of the Red Cannon gangster wasn't effective enough so Karloff was given the Sovac role and character actor Sidney Ridges replaced Karloff and he makes the most of the role giving quite a performance first as the timid bookish Kingsley and then as the ruthless revenge bound killer Cannon. (Some Jack P. Pierce make-up helps though). Lugosi was given the only other male role of any substance, that of Cannon's former second in command.

Director Arthur Lubin would make BUCK PRIVATES with Abbott and Costello the next year and go on to make many of the team's most famous movies (and many of the FRANCIS THE TALKING MULE series) Co-screenwriter Curt Siodmak would write the similar theme novel "Donovan's Brain" in 1942 and would work on many of the Universal horror film s of the '40's.

BLACK FRIDAY is fairly well done if improbable little story of which the only real failing is Lugosi wasted in a minor role.

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End of The World (the first time)

FIVE-1951-This low budget post apocalyptic drama was produced, written and directed by Arch Obler, creator of the radio (and later TV) program LIGHTS OUT.

It concerns the last 5 survivors of a nuclear holocaust. Michael (William Phipps), a poet/philosopher who really doesn't seem to miss mankind, Roseanne (Susan Douglas), a pregnant woman who wants to go to the city to find her husband, Charles (Charles Lampkin), an optimistic African American, Mr. Barnstaple (Earl Lee), a brain addled banker and eventual troublemaker (and bigot) Eric (James Anderson), a European spared because he was on Mt. Everest. Eric (who kind of talks like Paul Burich's alien character in NOT OF THIS EARTH) wants to go to the city on the pretense that there will be more survivors and presents the theory the little group is actually immune to the bomb's radioactivity but he's really only interested in plunder. After the banker dies and Eric reveals himself to be a racist Michael delivers Roseanne's baby. Despite Michael's care and protection Roseanne still clings to the hope that her husband is alive. Stupidly, she agrees to accompany Eric to the city in hopes of finding her husband right before Eric kills Charles. All they find are empty streets, abandoned cars and skeleton remains (including Roseanne's husband). Eric gets radiation poisoning and somehow Roseanne and Michael meet up again but her baby dies. After they bury the baby, Roseanne joins Michael in planting crops (which Eric had deliberately destroyed). The final scene of the couple standing together could signify a new beginning and maybe the end....

FIVE was the first atomic bomb survival and despite the minimal budget the acting pulls this one through despite Eric's weird accent. Actor Anderson would play with more success another bigoted role eleven years later in TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. Obler made the first feature length 3-D movie BWANA DEVIL next and later made THE TWONKY and THE BUBBLE.

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Hell's Bell

BELL FROM HELL-1973-Weird psychological drama from Spain about a guy named Juan (Renaud Verley; also in Visconti's THE DAMNED) who returns home after being released from an insane asylum. He wants revenge on his aunt (Viveca Lindflors) and her daughters who he believes had him committed because they wanted his inheritance. Before that however he works for a short time at a slaughterhouse where it seems to hint that John is planning something horrible for his relatives (before he leaves he says "I've learned enough"). He does some strange things like after he saves a girl from being raped by some hunters he pretends to be in a body cast and makes one of the hunters (Alfredo Mayo) hold his penis while he pisses. Later he pretends to pull out his own eyes and makes the hunter's wife faint. Some of Juan's actions do seem to infer that he may not have been crazy when he was committed and only became that way after his incarceration.

The finale involves a large bell tower which director Claudio Guerin Hill fell to his death from on the last day of shooting! This was too slow going. dark and confused for me though lots of people seem to view it as a classic. Christina von Blanc who was in Franco's A VIRGIN AMONG THE LIVING DEAD is featured as one of the daughters.

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'50's Corman

IT CONQUERED THE WORLD-1956-AIP low budget S.F. classic from Roger Corman! When a government satellite disappears and then crash lands in the town of Beachwood California, a disgraced scientist Tom Anderson (Lee Van Cleef) claims that a visitor from Venus has landed and is preparing to take over the world. He tries to convince his friend Dr. Paul Nelson (Peter Graves) that this is a good thing ("That superior intelligence happens to be a personal friend of mine"). One way it hopes to accomplish a takeover is by sending out weird pulsating flying creatures that turn humans into emotionless zombies who herd the local populace into the desert for "protective custody" (we never see this however). Beverley Garland plays Claire, Anderson's hard nose wife who tries desperately to convince him of his folly despite being in love with him. Sally Fraser is Paul's cheery wife Joan who Paul is forced to shoot after she's taken over.

The script by AIP vet Lou Rusoff (DAY THE WORLD ENDED) provides a lot of great dialogue (Graves' speech at the climax is particularly memorable). The rubbery "inverted ice cream cone" monster/invader (created and operated by Paul Blaisdell) is usually a target of much ridicule and his demise (involving a blowtorch) is wacky but it hardly takes away from the enjoyment of the story which is really put over by the acting ans script. Also added is a small army patrol led by Dick Miller and his comical phony Hispanic sidekick (Jonathan Haze), Russ Bender as a general and usual screenwriter Charles B. Griffith as a scientist.

This is the only sci-fi/horror film Roger Corman made in 1956 but the next year he made the ultra cool NOT OF THIS EARTH! (which also features Garland)

One last note: Frank Zappa talks about IT CONQUERED THE WORLD at the beginning of the song "Cheepnis" on the album/CD "Roxy and Elsewhere".

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Cold

COLDBLOODED-1995-A weird emotionless bookie named Cosmo (Jason Priestly) is, for some reason, promoted to hit-man by his new Mafioso boss (Robert Loggia). He becomes the protege' of the present hit-man named Steve (Peter Riegert) and proves to be better than his teacher. He kills various people (including one of the film's producers Michael J. Fox in a cameo) and falls in love with his yoga teacher (Kimberley Williams). Eventually he wants out of "the company" but doesn't find it that easy to do.

This is a strange black comedy that has some funny moments especially from Riegert who's great but Priestly to me seems to channeling Johnny Depp in his performance and the conclusion isn't very good. Director Wallace Wolodarsky wrote MONSTERS VS. ALIENS.

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Al's Back!

BRAIN OF BLOOD-1971-Sometimes this Al Adamson horror film is said to have been made in The Philippines because it was produced by Hemisphere, a company that put out the John Ashley/Blood Island movies. According to Sam Sherman the whole production was wrapped up in 90 days. It looks more like it took nine days.

In the far off Middle East country of Kalid, their benevolent leader Amir (Reed Hadley) is dying. Some of his fellow countrymen who seem to worship him hatch a plot to take him to America after he dies and have his brain transplanted into a new body. His future wife Tracy (Regina "Mrs. Adamson" Carroll) and two colleagues Bob (Grant Williams; THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN in better days) and Mohammed (Zandor Varkov; the count in Adamson's DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN the same year) take him to Dr. Trenton (Kent Taylor in one of his 6 Adamson movies), a mad, egotistical surgeon who's created a some kind of brain transplant and is assisted by mean dwarf Dorro (2' 11" Angelo Rossitto who'a also in DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN).  When the body they intend to use is damaged, Trenton uses his very big, mentally challenged go-fer Gor (7' 4" John Bloom also in THE INCREDIBLY TWO HEADED TRANSPLANT the same year) to temporarily house Amir's brain. Gor is also disfigured because some yahoos once threw battery acid on his face (terrible make-up job). Later, after Mohammed is killed, Tracy urges Amir to turn against Bob and Trenton and they run away but have problems getting a car. Trenton goes after Gor/Amir with a crazy ray gun. In the end Trenton transplants Amir's brain into Bob's body and goes to help rule Kalid.

The late Al Adamson made this crazed horror movie between FIVE BLOODY GRAVES and THE FEMALE BUNCH. There's lots of talk, long chase scenes and a bloody but phony brain operation. The acting is bad with only old timer Kent Taylor rising above the mediocre script. Vicki Volante (who's film career seems to be made up entirely of appearances in Adamson movies) plays a captive who kills Dorro with a hypodermic needle.

BRAIN OF BLOOD used to play on late night TV as THE CREATURE'S REVENGE. It's also been released as THE UNDYING BRAIN and THE OOZING BRAIN.

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Fulci!

HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY-1981-This starts off with a woman looking for her boyfriend in empty building. She finds him but he's a bloody mess. Then she gets a knife through her head. In NYC Norman (Paolo Malco; also in THE NEW YORK RIPPER for the same director) and his wife Lucy (Catriona MacColl; also in THE BEYOND by the same director) are packing to go live in a rural Boston house (in a cemetery) where Norman's co-worker killed his mistress then committed suicide. Their young song Bob (Giovanni Frezza; also in the director's MANHATTAN BABY) looks at a picture of the house and sees a young girl in the window. Later, when his parents go to pick up the keys Bob meets the little girl, named Mae who only he can see. She warns him to stay away. While they unpack Norman discovers that the basement door has been boarded up. Soon the mysterious looking Ann (Ania Pieroni; also in TENEBRE) shows up to be their babysitter. At night Norman catches her trying to break open the door. When she is alone in the house the next day, Lucy is terrorized by weird noises. Norman decides to open the door to show Lucy there's nothing there and the two of them are attacked by a bat. They decide to move but then the real estate agent is killed in a bloody poker attack by a grunting unseen killer. Meanwhile Bob plays tag with Mae. Ann gets decapitated and Bob is chased by the killer. Lucy doesn't believe him but when he's trapped in the basement (and Norman has to break down the door with an axe) we learn that for some reason a Dr. Freudstein, a deformed one armed killer who needs human cells to survive is living in the basement! When Norman stabs him maggots ooze out of his body. Despite this the monster doctor kills both Bob's parents then terrorizes Bob until Mae (who also seems to be a Freudstein) pulls him to safety (or does she?). Her mother? /grandmother? leads them away (to heaven? or the past?) in the "makes no sense" ending.

HOUSE was directed by cult Italian gore-master Lucio Fulci and to me is one of his weakest films. It's full of plot holes and characters saying ambiguous things that are never explained. Who is the little girl Mae? How suddenly did Norman find out about Freudstein? And what the hell was actually going on? Why did Freudstein become an ugly killer living in the basement? And more importantly where did they get the kid who plays Bob? He was kinda of scary himself a few times and reminded me of Mick Jagger! The story also seems to hint that Norman and Anne could have had an affair.

It does feature some extreme gore (a Fulci specialty) and a little suspense.

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DUEL TO DEATH-1983-This crazy violent period piece is essentially about the bad blood between Chinese Kung-Fu and Japanese "sword fighting". The Japanese look down on the "weak" monks and are clearly the aggressors while the Chinese are honorable and would rather live in peace but every ten years a tournament to the death is held between the two countries. Ching Wan (Damian Lau; THE HEROIC TRIO), known as "lord of the sword", is the Chinese contender while his main rival is Hashimoto (Norman Chu also in Tsui Hark's WE'RE GOING TO EAT YOU)), an intense Japanese swordsman who had to kill his own sensei as a final test. The two become friends when a plot to rig the tournament is discovered. This is full of good fights, blood, dismemberment, exploding ninjas and a severed head that talks.

Director Sio-Tung Ching also made A CHINESE GHOST STORY. The remastered DVD is called DUEL TO THE DEATH.

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Plan 47

47 RONIN-2013-Universal Pictures tries to emulate the Tom Cruise hit THE LAST SAMURAI with this fictional fantasized version of the Japanese story of the 47 Ronin (known as "Chushingura" ) as a band of masterless samurai seek vengeance for the death of their master. It would have been great if Hollywood hadn't decided to make it a vehicle for Keanu Reeves. He's Kai, a half-English/half-Japanese "changeling" taken in by Lord Asano (Min Tanaka). Of course no one likes him especially Oishi (Hiroyuki Sanada; also in THE LAST SAMURAI). Only Asano's daughter Mika (Ko Shibasaki) accepts him and they fall in love. The film does afford Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa a good role and the photography and scenery are excellent but Reeves character brings the whole thing down.

The director Carl Rinsch had previously made shorts and commercials.

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Chupastupid

CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO-2013-This is by far the worst "made for TV/direct to DVD"  atrocities I have seen in recent memory.

It's about a pack of chupacabras who come across the border from Mexico to eat victims. The plot is fairly routine and predictable but this nonsense is made even more pathetic and overbearing because it stars Erik Estrada who at one time in decade called the '70's starred in the now forgotten TV show "CHiPs". His performance is worst than terrible even for such low budget trash. He plays a San Antonio narc named Carlos. He has a new female partner (Julia Benson) who he eventually works with to hunt down the little vicious buggers and protect his stupid daughter and drug gang member son. Since his superiors won't  help him he has to enlist his son's gang to help destroy the famous monsters. Somehow they wind up at The Alamo and blow it up!

The CGI doggie like Chupacabras  are horrible. I'd rather watch and THE KILLER SHREWS! Director Terry Ingram made other movies I never heard of and worked on TV (R.L. STINE'S THE HAUNTING HOUR).

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Lyle Talbot!

SHRIEK IN THE NIGHT-1933-Two reporters from rival newspapers Pat Morgan (Ginger Rogers) and Ted Rand (Lyle Talbot) investigate the death of a well known millionaire after his accidental fall from a high rise apartment is ruled a homicide. After Rand gets Morgan accidentally fired they two team up. It turns out the victim was connected to a mobster and other murders occur. There's some weird characters like a serious police inspector (Purnell Pratt) with a clumsy comical assistant named Wilfred (Arthur Hoyt), an always frightened dumb maid and Louise Beavers in a degrading, stereotypical role as an hysterical cleaning lady. It's a little slow going and has the usual stilted "stage" acting common to early talkies (although there is some clever dialogue and the fate of the murderer is a little different) but Talbot is great as the wise talking reporter. Harvey Clark is a suspicious janitor.

This low budget comedy-mystery is in the public domain and used to play a lot on various TV stations in the 1990's. The year before director Albert Ray (who made many silent shorts) made THE THIRTEENTH GUEST also starring Rogers and Talbot. Rogers would team with Fred Astaire for the first time the same year in FLYIN' DOWN TO RIO and achieve stardom soon after (she's win an Academy Award in 1940).

Grin and Lambert It

DAY OF WRATH (GAME OF SWORDS)-2005-In Spain in 1542, during the inquisition, a drunken sheriff (Christopher Lambert) investigates a series of murders that leads to a conspiracy involving corruption, torture, murder and aristocrats covering up their Jewish bloodline.  This medieval tale is very slow going and Lambert's character is kind of a fool but it was nice to see Brian Blessed as the pompous mayor. James Faulkner is Friar Anselmo who conducts some tortures. A few higher production values can't cover up the fact that this is just more Lambert boredom. Filmed mostly in Budapest by director Adrian Rudomin.

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The Cheat

THE CHEAT-1921-Cecil B. DeMile directed this silent drama that was a big hit in its time.

It tells the story of a society woman Edith Hardy (Fannie Ward) who's high living is interrupted by her husband's financial investing. When a friend tells her of a sure fire stock she embezzles 10 thousand dollars (from a Red Cross fund of which she was the treasurer) to invest in it but the stock goes blooey and she loses everything.

A Burmese businessman Hara Arakau (Sessue Hayakawa) agrees to lend her the money on the condition that they become lovers. When the her husband Richard (Jack Dean) strikes it rich with his investments he gives Edith  $10,000 (she says she lost it playing bridge!) and wants to renege on her deal with Arakau but he'll have none of it. They have an intense struggle which ends with Arakau branding Edith (he does this with all of his "property"). She then shoots Arakau in the shoulder and flees. However Richard had followed and learns of his wife's deception. He winds up taking the rap for Edith. It all ends in a courtroom where Richard is found guilty of the shooting but Edith throws herself at the mercy of the judge, admitting she actually did the shooting and shows the brand on her back. A near riot ensues as angry spectators try to get their hands on Arakau. The judge sets aside the verdict and all charges are dropped and the couple leave happily.

In the original 1915 release Hayakawa's character was a Japanese ivory merchant which brought about protests from Japanese Americans who objected to the cruel lead. A 1918 re-release changed him to a Burmese. Hayakawa was the first Asian star in American films and was popular and successful until the advent of sound. He returned to Japan (after making a remake of THE CHEAT in France). He was nominated for a best supporting Oscar in 1957 for THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI.

THE CHEAT also features another Japanese actor Yutaka Abe who made several appearances in Hollywood films and later became a successful director in his native country.

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Assignment: Miss This Movie!

ASSIGNMENT:OUTER SPACE-1960-This is kind of a strange film. It was made in Italy and is obviously dubbed but it seems to me the cast is actually speaking English anyway! The SFX are very cheesy and laughable (they look like outtakes from a Gerry Anderson project). It was directed by Antonio Margheriti (soon to be familiar to US horror fans under his "Americanized" moniker Antony Dawson).

In the 21st century a space ship prowls around near Mars. The crew (who have names but usually address each other as numbers) comes out of suspended animation and we learn that one of its members is a reporter named Ray Peterson (Rik Van Nutter; later Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL). George, the commander doesn't like him. He believes he's just getting in the way. He does seem like an accident waiting to happen as almost off the bat he disobeys orders, goes outside the ship and causes an incident (even though he saves a life). 

Most of the crew feel the same way (they call him "leech")  except for the kind, philosophical Al (African-American dancer Archie Savage; untypical role for a black actor in 1960)) who offers Ray lots of advice. Later another spaceship crashes on Mars and George and his girlfriend Lucy (Gabriella Farinon; she was in Roger Vadim's BLOOD AND ROSES the same year) go to investigate. Ray joins them too (he went over George's head to get permission). They rescue the one survivor of the Mars crash then head for Venus to help save the Earth from destruction. There's a lot of gobbledygook scientific talk and everyone acts very strange (most of them look kinda weird too). The print I saw had washed out color and terrible editing and looked like something made ten years earlier!

But if you really want a laugh go to the IMDB and read all the great reviews this thing gets. References to 2001 abound and one genius even says the SFX are good! Maybe they are just looking for attention!

Originally called SPACE MEN.

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Miller and Corman

A BUCKET OF BLOOD-1959-Nebbish busboy Walter Paisley (Dick Miler) works in a beatnik club and  wants to be a sculptor but everyone just puts him down. Only Carla (Barboura Morris) is nice to him. One night frustrated by his lack of inspiration, he accidentally kills his landlady's cat. A voice tells him what to do. He encases the dead feline in clay and passes it off as his newest creation called "dead cat".  All the Beats go wild over it especially Maxwell Brock (Julian Burton) a pompous poet who says lines like "I will talk to you about art because there's nothing else to talk about" while Paul Horn plays the sax behind him. Later Walter accidentally kills an undercover cop (future game show host Burt Convy) who tries to arrest him for heroin possession (a waitress gave it to him). He then covers the corpse with clay and presents "murdered man" as his latest work of art. Meanwhile Walter's boss Mr. de Santis (Anthony Carbone) discovers his secret and is aghast but when an art collector (Bruno VeSota) offers him 600 dollars for the cat he relents turning Walter in (he also tries to dissuade Walter from sculpting).

Later Walter dons a beret, ascot and cigarette holder but while being praised by Brock, a stuck up model (Judy Bamber) pisses him off and later he strangles her and makes her his latest sculpture. Brock throws a party for Walter where he becomes very drunk and despondent ("I've gotta do something before they forget") so he decapitates a guy working with a buzz saw. The next day he shows de Santis his newest creation: a severed head. Eventually his guilt ridden boss has an exhibition for Walter who proposes to Carla but she rejects him. When she discovers a real finger under under some of the clay Walter decides to make her "immortal" like the rest of his victims. After a dark chase scene Walter (who hears the voices of his victims) goes back to his apartment and hangs himself. This causes Brock to remark "I suppose he would have called it "hanging man". His greatest work.". Ed Nelson (who died on August 9th at age 85) plays an undercover cop.

A BUCKET OF BLOOD  was Roger Corman's first (intentional) comedy. It's a dark satire on the beatnik hip but  nihilistic  viewpoint, very in vogue at the time. It's obviously done on the usual money saving Corman schedule (sources say 5 days on $50,000 budget) but he holds it together fairly well. The one glaring point for me is that it seems at the end Walter wants to encase himself in clay before committing suicide but that doesn't really happen. There's lots of funny dialogue and Dick Miller is great in the lead. He'd have a co-starring role in 1960 in Corman's next horror comedy THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (which BUCKET screenplay writer Charles Griffith would write).

Barboura Morris had already been in several Corman productions (SORORITY GIRL, TEENAGE CAVEMAN) and would appear in a few more (THE WASP WOMAN, X:THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES). Unfortunately she died in 1975 at the age of 43. Anthony Carbone would be in a few more for Corman (including THE BEAST FROM THE HAUNTED SEA) and then go into TV.

A BUCKET OF BLOOD  is cheap quick entertaining and a good companion piece for THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORROS (although not nearly as well known...).

English folk singer Ewan MacColl (father of singer Kristy MacColl) appears un-credited and sings two songs.

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Armed Response

ARMED RESPONSE-1986-In this crazed sometimes funny Fred Olen Ray action drama, David Carradine plays Jim Roth, a veteran tortured by memories of Viet-Nam who now runs a bar. His war vet father Burt is played by Lee Van Cleef! A Yakusa gang leader named Tanaka (Mako) is after a stolen statue. He dispatches two underlings, Thorton (Ross Hagen acting weird as usual) and one of Jim's brothers (David Goss) to deliver a million dollars to buy the statue from the comic duo of Laurene Landon and Dick Miller. Thorton betrays his partner and a bloody shoot out ensues. He beats it out with the money and the statue. Later Tanaka has another brother (Brent Huff) tortured with some kind of acupuncture. After he dies Jim and Burt go for revenge. Fights, shootings and explosions abound. Some of the dialogue is terrible but Tanaka's main henchmen are played by Michael Berryman and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.

Also with Lois Hamilton, Burr DeBenning, Conan Lee and Bobbie Bresee (in one quick scene). This was one of Lee Van Cleef's last roles. He died in 1989 of a heart attack at age 63.

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Sandy Stuff

SAND SERPENTS-2009-A small band of US soldiers fighting The Taliban in The Middle East are taken hostage but they escape after the captors seem to be wiped out mysteriously. They are almost rescued but a giant sand worm wrecks their helicopter. They hot wire an abandoned truck but promptly get into an accident with some locals being forced by The Taliban to make bombs. The characters do a lot of stupid things, argue, complain and then get killed. If these idiots are based on real life soldiers our country is doomed. The ending surprised me a little though. TV actors Jason Gedrick and Tamara Hope star. Director Jeff Renfroe recently filmed a biography of Steve McQueen.

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More Dead

I SELL THE DEAD-2008-In this comedy horror story a grave robber named Arthur (LORD OF THE RINGS's Dominic Managhan) awaiting execution for (of course) grave robbing and murder tells his life story to a priest (Ron Perlman who starred in HELLBOY 2 the same year). He learns his trade from Willie (indie director Larry Fessenden also one of the producers) (who has already been executed). They dig up many corpses mostly for Dr. Quint (PHANTASM's Angus Scrimm) but run into trouble when they unearth a woman who's wearing a garlic necklace. When they remove the garlic she comes to life and tries to kill them. Willie manages to drive a stake through her heart and they deliver the body to Quint who removes the stake and is killed. Later the two have a fight with another guy over the body of an alien. It turns out the guy is from a notorious group of grave robbers known as The House Murphy. Arthur's new girlfriend Brenda Cooney gets them into trouble on an island where some dead come back to life. The body snatching duo then have a falling out.  The ending is fairly ridiculous but before the final credits roll the old Universal Pictures tag line "A fine cast is worth repeating" is used. Directed by Glen McQuaid.

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Funny Zombies

COCKNEYS VS. ZOMBIES-2012-English zombie comedy time again. Two dumb brothers rob a bank to get money to prevent the closing of the old age home where their grandfather (Alan Ford) is living. Just as they attempt the robbery some construction digging unearths old zombies who bite some workers. Soon local residents are turning into the flesh eating un-dead. The duo (with help from several other locals) makes their way to the old age home while blowing away the zombies in this gory horror comedy that borrows from SHAWN OF THE DEAD, DEAD-ALIVE and even the original DAWN OF THE DEAD. Later the whole cast get guns and a zombie bloodbath ensues.

The big surprise is seeing 87 year old Honor Blackman swear and kill zombies! I found it pretty enjoyable except  much of the dialogue was lost on me due to the heavy Cockney accents. It's the first feature film by a TV commercial maker Matthias Hoene.

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The Return of Bela

THE RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE-1944-While World War 2 still raged Columbia had wanted to release their own vampire tale featuring Dracula and starring Bela Lugosi. Unfortunately Universal blocked the attempt to use the character's name. That didn't stop them from making this unusual horror tale, sometimes referred to as "the unofficial sequel to DRACULA".

During World War One a strange case of anemia causes Dr. Ainsley (Frieda Inescourt) to call in Professor Saunders to investigate the patient. He figures out that it's the work of a depraved Romanian scientist/now vampire named Armand Tesla (Lugosi) and his werewolf servant Andreas (Matt Willis). After Tesla kills the patient and sets his (its ?) sights on a little girl, the medical duo discover his coffin and drive a stake through his heart killing him and thereby releasing Andreas from his hairy servitude.

This part of the narrative is actually told in flashback 20 years later by Dr. Ainsley to Sir Frederick (Miles Mander) of Scotland Yard just after Prof. Saunders has been killed in a plane crash. Frederick concludes that the doctor's tale is basically nonsense and he plans to open up Tesla's grave and charge the doctor with murder! Andreas is now cured and working with Dr. Ainsley. However before Sir Frederick can act, a German air raid blows open Tesla's coffin and two unwitting gravediggers pull the stake out of him! Tesla rises from the grave, makes Andreas his hirsute servant once more and plots revenge against Dr. Ainsley. He assumes the identity of Dr. Hugo Bruckner and crashes the engagement party of Ainsley's son (Roland Varno) to Nikki (Nina Foch), granddaughter of Prof. Saunders. Tesla sets his fangs on Nikki. Eventually with the help of Andreas and another timely air raid Tesla is put to rest again. Final scene has Sir Frederick asking the audience a question.

RETURN is another nice underrated little film. Lugosi is extremely sinister in the title role and the addition of the werewolf slave is a welcome surprise. This was made by journey man Lew Landers who in 1931 had directed Lugosi (and Karloff) in THE RAVEN. Some critics consider THE RAVEN (his first film) his best film as his career was prolific but undistinguished but they usually forget RETURN. He later made MASK OF DIJON with Erich Von Strohiem, some Jungle Jim entries, then went into TV.

This is quite a highlight in Lugosi's career considering that the same year he starred in two Monogram cheapies VOODOO MAN and ONE BODY TOO MANY. It's also the last time Lugosi had top billing a major studio production.

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Not Frankenstein

THE UNDYING MONSTER-1942-An ancient curse (The Hammond Monster) plagues a family in Wales. The last of the Hammonds are a brother and sister, Oliver (John Howard) and Helga (Heather Angel). After Oliver is attacked the local inspector (Audrey Mather) calls in the Sherlock Holmes like Robert Curtis (James Ellison; I WALK WITH A ZOMBIE) from Scotland Yard who uses science to solve crimes and doesn't believe in the supernatural. He has a female assistant named Christy (Heather Thatcher) who talks a lot ("This place is colder than a tax collector's heart!") and is kind of psychic. Bramwell Fletcher (THE MUMMY) is the suspicious family friend Dr. Colbert. The family butler Walton (Halliwell Hobbs) hangs around mysteriously. A werewolf seems to be responsible.

THE UNDYING MONSTER is in a way an underrated masterpiece. It's certainly one of the best "you never really get to see the monster until the end"  horror tales. Star James Ellison is very good in the lead and his character could have easily starred in a sequel (along with his assistant Christy). The resolution may be a little too pat but hey it's only 63 minutes!

Germany born director John (nee Hans) Brahm does an excellent job creating a eerie atmosphere using shadowy effects and interesting close-ups. After this Brahm made 2 more famous film noirs THE LODGER and HANGOVER SQUARE (both starring the ill-fated Laird Cregar) and THE MAD MAGICIAN with Vincent Price. He ventured into TV in the 1950's and was a busy director in the '60's (ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS, THRILLER, THE MAN FROM UNCLE).

Future tough guy Charles McGraw makes his film debut as a poacher.

It's based on the novel "The Undying Monster: A Tale of the Fifth Dimension" written in 1922 by Jesse Douglas Kerruish.

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70's Kung-Fu Sequel

MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE-1977-This Taiwanese made hit was actually a sequel to star/writer/director Jimmy Wang Yu's ONE ARMED BOXER from 1972 and features one of the most memorable weapon of all time.

It turns out that the 2 Tibetan monks that Tien Lung (Wang Yu) killed in the finale of ONE ARMED BOXER were actually allies of a blind assassin (Kanf Chin) with very long eyebrows who now seeks vengeance on the One Armed Boxer (flashbacks are scenes from the first film). The boxer now runs a Kung-Fu school. The assassin decides the easiest way to get him is just to kill every one armed man he meets! The fights are excellent, especially Wang's one armed boxer tactics. The finale takes place in a coffin making shop where the boxer sets several traps for his adversary.

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One Armed Boxer

ONE ARMED BOXER-1972-Jimmy Wang Yu had previously played in 2 One Armed Swordsman movies for the Shaw Brothers. In 1972 he wrote, directed and starred in this martial arts movie with a similar title character for Raymond Chow.

Martial arts student Tien Lung (Wang Yu) gets into a fight with members of the drug dealing Hook Gang. The gang's leader Chao goes to Lung's school to punish him but instead is beat up himself by the school's leader Master Hang Tu. Humiliated, Chao plots his revenge by hiring a group of foreign mercenaries including a yogi, a Japanese teacher (with fangs) (Fei Lung) and his two students, a Tae-Kwan-Do master, a Judo expert, 2 Thai boxers and 2 Tibetan monks. The two fractions have a showdown after some Hook members kill some of Hang Tu's students. Some of the fights are funny with the Yogi running around on his hands at one point. The Japanese teacher seems the most powerful and to prove it he Karate chops Lung's arm off! Chao's men wipe out Hang Tu and his students except for Lung who crawls away (despite losing an arm and having no obvious medical care!). He's found and nursed back to health by a father and daughter (though this is shown in a series of stills!). The father puts Lung through a very painful ritual that makes his remaining arm almost invincible. He gets revenge on all of the killers in a series of great but quick fights.

Though pretty messed up by the end Wang Yu returned as Tien Lung in the sequel MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE a few years later. This was released in the US as THE CHINESE PROFESSIONALS.

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We're Doomed!

DOOMSDAY MACHINE-1972-In 1975 it's discovered that Red China has a "doomsday machine" are going to use it to destroy the world! Around the same time, Project Astra, a manned spaceship to Venus has it's own problems. At the last minute three of the male astronauts are replaced by women which for some reason doesn't fit in well with the other guys. Grant Williams (THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN) and TV actor Denny Miller are the two grouchy commanders and singer/dancer Bobby Van is the comedy relief. The philosophical older leader is played by Henry Wilcoxon who was Marc Anthony in Cecil B. DeMille's CLEOPATRA in 1931. Obviously things weren't going so well for the old guy if he had to be in this junk! TV actress Ruta Lee is the super serious doctor Turner and Mala Powers (OUTRAGE) is the Russian major Bronski. Lorri Scott is the flirty Lt. Carlson.

After the Earth is destroyed it becomes apparent that sending the women along was not for pure scientific purposes. It's up to the crew to make it to Venus and carry on the human lifeline! But radioactivity from the destroyed Earth threaten to sterilize the men! While most of the crew talk procreation Grant suddenly can't control his hormones and attacks Lt. Carlson. They wind up getting vaporized. Nothing much else happens until two of the space travelers almost get to Venus but are warned by the collective Venus psyche that because of the "destructive ways of earthlings" they are not allowed to land. The voice seems to suggest other adventures await the two but their spaceship seems to blow up. The End.


THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE first started filming in 1967 under the title ARMAGEDDON 1975 by director Herbert J. Leder (FIEND WITHOUT A FACE) but ran out of money and was never finished.

For some reason Harry Hope (who produced some Al Adamson movies) and Lee "Roll 'Em" Sholem (SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE MEN) saw a need to do it. They filmed an ending without any of the original cast or sets and finished and released it in 1972. The cheesy effects are some of the most ridiculous ever and their ship changes size and color several times. The spaceship scenes were shot on a very cheap set with multi-colored lighting. Stock footage from WIZARD OF MARS (directed by David Hewitt who had a hand in this) is thrown in.

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Should Have Stayed Lost

BIGFOOT COUNTY-2012-This is an extreme rip-off of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT except this time three people investigate the legend of Bigfoot. There's interviews with locals and the usual farting around by the so called investigators but mostly it's them screaming in the dark after hearing mysterious noises. It turns out the trio are really being menaced by some asshole rednecks protecting their marijuana crop (there's a DELIVERANCE style rape scene) but the last four seconds of the movie justify the title.

I really hated this annoying piece of garbage and director Stephon Stewart (who directed episodes of the soap operas GENERAL HOSPITAL and THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS before this) should have kept his "found footage" lost....

A similar (and better I'm told) plot was done the same year in BIGFOOT:THE LOST COAST TAPES.

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On Top Of The Bed You'll Fall Asleep

UNDER THE BED-2012-In this stupid teenage horror movie, a dysfunctional kid named Neil (Jonny Weston)  returns home to live with his father (Peter Holden), stepmother (Musetta Vander) and younger brother Paulie (Galltin Grittith) after spending 2 years with an aunt in Florida following the mysterious death of his mother. It seems somehow the brothers are being terrorized by a monster that resides under their bed. Their step-mother seems generally concerned but the father is an idiot who locks the boys in their room to punish them even though they haven't done anything wrong. Later at a sleep over the monster kills their neighbors' obnoxious kids. Then it kills dad. It seems the monster comes from dead body cells left on sheets and pillows so be sure to change your bed often. Later after some bloody but too dark deaths the monster takes Paulie captive and Johnny has to journey into a dark realm to rescue him.

UNDER THE BED is just another boring excursion into the ho-hum genre of "urban horror" inspired by movies like PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and INSIDIOUS. Director Steven C. Miller will surely be heard from again. You've been warned.

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Frankenstupid

I, FRANKENSTEIN-2004-The Frankenstein monster (Aaron Eckhardt;THE BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES) finds his creator at the North Pole frozen to death. While burying Victor he's attacked by some demons but saved by some gargoyles when they come to life. He's later take prisoner by other demons led by Lenore, queen of the gargoyles (Miranda Otto). The Monster renamed Adam gets caught in between an ages long demon war. In modern times Adam comes up against Naberious (Bill Nighy), a mad scientist-demon who wants to create an army of monsters using Victor's journal. Yvonne Strahovski is a scientist who wants to examine Adam.

This box office bomb written and directed by Stuart Beattie (screenwriter of 30 DAYS OF NIGHT) seems like it wanted to start a series of movies but it's mostly talk wrapped around the usual CGI SFX that dominate most horror and fantasy films.

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Colossus in The Big Apple!

THE COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK-1958-Just after winning a Nobel prize a brilliant scientist Jerry Spensser (Ross Martin) is hit and killed by a truck while chasing after his son's toy plane. His slightly demented but famous brain surgeon father (Otto Kruger) takes out Jerry's brain and hooks it up to a machine in his lab so that his genius mind won't be wasted. His kind of jealous brother Henry (TV actor John Baragrey who is top billed) helps Pop built an over-sized robot to house Jerry's brain. It's big and bald and has glowing eyes, mechanical hands and feet and for some reason wears a cloak. Needless to say Jerry's not to pleased with his new bod and promptly faints. Although once conscious Jerry pleads with his stupid dad to "destroy me", Pop Spensser convinces his brain revived son to continue his experiments. He also develops  ESP, mind control and laser beam eyes and puts dad under his control. Later when he decides to visit his own grave, Jerry meets his son Billy (Charles Herbert also in THE DAY THE WORLD STOOD STILL the same year). He gets very angry because he's not made of flesh and blood. He blows a circuit when he sees Henry put the moves on Anne. She faints and Henry runs away! Mala Powers plays Jerry's widow Anne who seems to favor another doctor John Carrington (Robert Hutton) but he thinks Anne is just hallucinating when she says she's seen a giant robot. After Jerry-bot does in his younger brother, the climax takes place at The United Nations where an out of control Jerry lasers many spectators until Billy stops his wanton destruction ala THE GOLEM.

I've seen many negative reviews with this (at one time) seldom seen Science Fiction movie but around the time there was much more junkier stuff being made. The story is preposterous and kind of rushed but the metallic "colossus" is impressive. Director Eugene Lourie (THE BEST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS) provides some nice eerie night scenes which are given an extra jolt from Van Cleave's staccato piano soundtrack (although it's a little overbearing in a few scenes). The Ukrainian born Lourie  would later get back into the giant monster genre with THE GIANT BEHEMOTH and GORGO and also edited several Sam Fuller films.

Though she had given good performances as Roxanne in CYRANO de BERGERAC and a rape victim in Ida Lupino's OUTRAGE, Mala Powers was doing mostly TV at this time. Otto Kruger's long flim career (begun in 1915) was coming to a close but he would act 5 more years. As the obsessed analytical father is very unlikable but after being basically responsible for all of the robot's mayhem in the end he just admits he's wrong and walks away. Robert Hutton is all but wasted as the good guy scientist friend. And I'm at a loss to understand why TV actor John Baragrey is top billed. It would have seemed more logical to have Hutton in that role!

This was one of over two dozen films produced by former actor William Alland. He also produced the Jack Arnold directed THE SPACE CHILDREN  the same year.

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How About Trained To Direct?

TRAINED TO KILL-1989-In this silly martial arts revenge flick two brothers go after the dirt bags who killed their father (Chuck Connors in one of his last roles). One is his natural son Matt (direct to video action star Frank Zagarino) and the other is an adopted son Sam (Glen Eaton) from Cambodia. Henry Silva is Ace Duran who leads a band of escaped army criminals (including Robert D'Zar) who steal some diamonds Sam had (unknowingly) brought with him to the US. Ron O'Neal is George, an alcoholic 'Nam vet friend who joins them and trains the duo ("When you fight get yourself back to the jungle"). Unfortunately when Duran's henchman Loc Syn (Harold Diamond looking like an overage rock star) kills George the story really suffers. 

The scene where the gang beats up Connors is ridiculous. The former RIFLEMAN star is bigger than any of his attackers and has to crouch so he doesn't tower over them! Several scenes have visible microphones and a cheesy '80's dance song plays when they all train. The fight scenes are terrible and the acting, script and direction all suck too but Silva and O'Neal  almost save it. TV actress Arlene Golonka plays Connors doomed wife and Jason Vorhees portrayer Kane Hodder has a small role. 

Director H. Kaye Dyal's biggest claim to fame seems to be he created the story for LONE WOLF MCQUADE. It was filmed in Las Vegas and Ray Dennis Steckler is credited as Las Vegas coordinator! 

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The Fury of Hasselhof!

NICK FURY-AGENT OF SHIELD-1998-Before he became a patch wearing African-American leader of a secret US government agency, Marvel Comics character Nick Fury was a patch wearing white guy leader of a secret government agency. For some strange reason David Hasselhoff (TV's KNIGHT RIDER and BAYWATCH) is cast as Fury in this TV movie adaptation. He's terrible even when just lighting his cigar. He's too young and lacks any of the "grizzled hard-boiled roughness" that made the original tick. He seems more like comic parody.

In this Fury is called out of retirement by The President to investigate the disappearance of the body of HYDRA leader Baron Strucker (who Fury killed years before) which for another strange reason was saved in a cryogenics tank. He's joined by Contessa Valentina (Lisa Rinna) and English agent Pierce (Neil Roberts). He also meets with his former "Howlin' Commandos" buddies Dum-Dum Dugan (Garry Chalk) and Gabe (Ron Canada) and says things like "guys like you tend to cling to the bowl no matter how many times you flush" through clenched teeth while chomping on a cigar. The story revolves around Strucker's daughter (badly over acting Sandra Hess) and son (Scott Heindl) and their attempt to resurrect Hitler's "death's head virus". Peter Howarth is Arnim Zola and HYDRA agents don't wear their trademark green robes. Instead they look like CIA agents. At the end Strucker is brought back to life but fortunately for everyone no sequel was made.

Screenwriter David S. Goyer had written DEMONIC TOYS for Charles Band's company and the Jean Claude Van Damme movie DEATH WARRANT. He wrote the screenplays for BLADE (and it's sequel) and DARK CITY which were released the same year. After FURY, he was connected with several comic book projects including writing and directing BLADE:TRINITY and working on the TV series and writing Zack Synder's MAN OF STEEL. As of this writing he's working on "The Justice League of America" movie.

Australian born director Ron Hardy made FURY after a TV version of 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and an unreleased version of ROBINSON CRUSOE starring Pierce Brosnan, He later did more TV.

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Cuban Rebel Flynn

ASSAULT OF THE REBEL GIRLS-1959-Usually referred to as CUBAN REBEL GIRLS, this is Errol Flynn's last role. In it he plays himself on assignment for The Hearst newspapers in Havana to interview Fidel Castro. Most of this pro-Castro propaganda is only narrated by Flynn. The main story concerns "the Cuban rebel girls", two young ladies (usually referred to as little girls) Jacqueline (Jackie Jackler), a Cuban  and Beverley (Beverley Aadland), an American who's boyfriend Johnny is in Cuba helping Fidel overthrown the Batista government. Secret police chase Flynn's contact Maria (Maria Edmund) when she tries to recruit some locals and Flynn's narration explains the goings-on and the terror the rebels feel while characters walk, run and deal arms with only a minimal of scenes with synchronized dialogue at first. Later as the story progresses there's synchronized scenes but it can't over come the the bad acting, shoddy direction and marginal budget. Flynn meets Beverley ("Haven't I seen you someplace before? On TV or somewhere?") and Castro takes over and the world lives happily ever after.

ASSAULT is  crummy piece of work and really shows how the once great Hollywood actor Flynn had fallen. Despite good roles the previous year in TOO MUCH, TOO SOON and THE ROOTS OF HEAVEN wild living and problems with the IRS had taken their toll on him. Although usual credits list him as the screenwriter, the film's credits just say from a story by Errol Flynn. He died of a heart attack in October of '59 before the movie was released.

This messy docu-drama was put together by Flynn's manager producer/director Barry Mahon who although born in California had served with distinction in the Royal Air Force during WW2. It's said the Steve McQueen character in THE GREAT ESCAPE is based in part on him! In ASSAULT he doesn't show much but later in the '60's Mahon became a  prolific and highly successful exploitation filmmaker (BUNNY YEAGER'S NUDE CAMERA, THE BEAST THAT KILLED WOMEN, NUDE A GO-GO).

The role of Beverley was played by Beverley Aadland who happened to be Flynn's 17 year old girlfriend! Though she had made un-credited roles in other movies before this, ASSAULT  was her last movie.

Most of the other actors had no other film credits but John McKay who plays Johnny was later in two other Mahon productions, THE DEAD ONE and ROCKET ATTACK USA.

The assistant director on ASSAULT  was Allen Baron (he also has a small role) and the director of photography was Merrill S. Brody. They would team up in 1961 to make the low budget film noir classic THE BLAST OF SILENCE.

"When you become a rebel you give up a lot of of things that make a feminine life easier".

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Bad People

THE MACHINE THAT KILLS BAD PEOPLE-1952-In a small seaside village in Italy, Celestino, a portrait photographer (Gennaro Pisano) is given the power to destroy "evil people" by a demon posing as St. Andrew. All he has to do is take a photograph of a photograph of his intended victim and they die. At first he uses it to get rid of the rich people in town who he believes are exploiting the poor residents. Later he even turns his power on them when he realizes no one is perfect. This is an unusual comedy directed by Italian neo-realist Roberto Rossellini. Parts of it are funny and the ending was unexpected. The story seems like a TWILIGHT ZONE episode if it had be written by Jim Thompson! 

 MACHINE was once thought to be lost but was restored a few years ago. Lead actor Pisano seems to have made only 3 movies. One actress Marilyn Buferd, who plays an American tourist some male villages lust after, was a former Miss America who later played John Carradine's up tight assistant in Brooke L. Peter's THE UNEARTHLY.

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Cry Baby Jack

THE CRY BABY KILLER-1958-A confused juvenile delinquent named Jimmy (skinny Jack Nicolson in his film debut) gets beaten up by a sleazy dude named Manny (Bret Halsey, one year before RETURN OF THE FLY) and his two punk underlings. Manny's new girl Carole (Carolyn Mitchell) is Jimmy's old one and he wants to get her away from Manny. They go out into the parking lot and somehow Jimmy gets his hand on Manny's gun and shoots Manny and one of the punks. Thinking he's killed them, Jimmy takes a kitchen worker (Smoki Whitfield) and a lady (Barbara Knudson, who died in March of 2014) with a baby hostage. Police lieutenant Porter (familiar TV actor Harry Lauter) investigates. A TV reporter (Ed Nelson) does a live report as a large crowd gathers. There's a lot of expounding on kids, family and growing up while the police (and his mom) try to talk Jimmy (now called "the boy with the gun") out but everything seems to go wrong. Frank Richard is Gambelli, the uptight owner of the bar (character actor Herb Vigran plays his lawyer) and Lynn Cartwright is a proselytizing waitress.

NIcolson is pretty funny as Jimmy, desperate, then crazed then sorry. It's really not that much of a role as most of the rest of the cast has the best lines. It's interesting that there is a sympathetic black character who tries to talk Jimmy into surrendering but by the end of the story he's not even thanked. The lieutenant just gives him a blank stare.

Actor Leo V. Gordon (who was married to actress Cartwright) wrote the screenplay (he performed this chore for Corman several more times) and appears in some crowd scenes (with Bruno Ve Sota). Producer Roger Corman (who's seen briefly as a TV technician) claimed this was the only movie he ever released that didn't make money!

I think this is the only feature film directed by Justus Addiss who usually worked in TV. His last work was for Irwin Allen in the '60's.

The great theme song is sung by Dick Kallman.

To read more about featured actress Carolyn Mitchell go here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0593198/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm

The version I saw was just called THE CRY BABY.

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Wizards

WIZARDS-1977-I realize 1977 was a long time ago but I found this Ralph Bakshi production a little disappointing. It's very crude and cartoonish and I thought some of the voices and characters don't quite mesh with the overall story of two wizard brothers: Avatar, a good guy who uses magic and Blackwolf, who uses the last remains of technology to conquer the post-apocalyptic Earth which resembles Tolkien's Middle Earth. There are elves, fairies, wizard, mutants and strange robots. Avatar is joined by a fairy princess Elinore, the elf warrior Weehawk and a rebel robot named Peace. To get his armies in a frenzy Blackwolf shows his troops WW2 footage including speeches by Hitler. There are some violent scenes but it almost seems to be aimed at children.

Despite some obstacles WIZARDS was a success for Bakshi and it led to him doing the first half of his often criticized THE LORD OF THE RINGS the next year. (the second half was never made).

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It's Crazy Alright

THE CRAZIES-2010-Residents of a small Iowa town are acting weird (parts were filmed in Georgia though). Timothy Olyphant (TV's JUSTIFIED) is the town's sheriff who discovers there's something wrong with the drinking water. He's almost cut to pieces by a saw wielding coroner (who had already sewn some victim's mouth shut) and another guy burns down his house with his wife and kid in it. Eventually the government gets involved and rounds up everyone including his wife (Radha Mitchell). There's lots of chaos and killing but not much to distinguish it from any of the other "modern day horror flicks" (like the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake which parts of this resemble). And while the original blurred the lines between who's crazy and who's not, this version makes it clear our evil government is once again to blame. It could also be the only horror where victims are terrorized while going through a car wash!

Director Brett Eisner (SAHARA) has taken the premise of George Romero's paranoid claustrophobic low budget classic and turned into a typical drawn out over emoting disaster movie. The acting is better and of course the budget is bigger but there's just nothing new here. Just a lot of cheap thrills and excessive violence. And as usual it makes me wonder about the mental health of the director, although Romero himself was one of the executive producers! One of the writers Scott Kosar also scripted remakes of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. The other screenwriter Ray Wright wrote CASE 39 (two writers to script a remake??).

Apparently I'm in the minority on this movie as it was both a box office and critical success.

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Curses!

DARK FIELDS-2009-A town called Perseverance has been under a curse fro several generations. It started when the farming community dug up an old hat. Now every generation has to sacrifice several of their children based on a lottery they devised. An Indian shaman and a tall bald guy with fangs also figures into it. It tells three stories at the same time but jumps around and tries to be arty (and causes much viewer confusion). The late David Carradine is seen in the 18th century segments and Dee Wallace is in the 1950's plot. Richard Lynch (who died in 2012) is featured in the modern day story as a mean crazy father who wants his cursed daughter (Sasha Higgins) to drown her own brother. Later it's just the brother and sister running around in the dark looking for a cure and useless scenes of gore and torture (some of it against children). It's kind of like Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" except it's not good.

Too bad the director (who probably needs mental help) Douglas Schulze (THE HELLMASTER) decided to the three way story line and waste the triple threat of Carradine, Stone and Lynch which is the only acting highlights. The rest of the cast is terrible.

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