Slaves

SLAVES IN BONDAGE-1937-Jim Murray (Wheeler Oakman from ESCORT GIRL) and Belle Harris (Florence Dudley) are running whore houses using kidnapped girls. A reporter named Phil (Donald Reed) tries to crack the ring with the help of his girlfriend manicurist Donna Lee (Lona Andre). For some reason two guys do a weird acrobatic dance for Phil, who's unimpressed. It turns out the manicure parlor is actually a front for it's real business: prostitution! A thug named good looking Freddy is shot and his dead body dumped on the street. An Asian woman does a fan dance. Meanwhile two of Murray's stooges Nick (John Merton) and Dutch (Richard Cramer)) plot to take over. Jim (who's sweet on Donna) frames Phil with some marked money while Belle tries to "recruit" Donna. Nick and Dutch try their takeover and a big fight ensues. The police finally get wise and arrest everyone and Phil rescues Donna from Jim's evil clutches. This badly directed and edited exploitation film is full of comic drunks, cliched dialogue, a cat fight and 2 woman spanking each other.

Lead actress Lona Andre was in OUR RELATIONS with Laurel & Hardy and lost out the role of "the panther woman" in ISLAND OF LOST SOULS to Kathleen Burke.

Producer J.D. Kendis also produced ESCORT GIRL. Director Elmer Clifton started his career in silent films (his most famous was DOWN TO THE SEA IN SHIPS) but made mostly low budget dramas in the sound era. One of his last projects was the serial CAPTAIN AMERICA.

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Vampire Gangs of Hong Kong

VAMPIRE WARRIORS-2010-Young vampires (who are actually hundreds of years old) frolic in Hong Kong. Ar (Luxia Jiang) is a vampire hunter looking for her sister. There are good vampires who don't drink human blood, bad vampires who do and vampires who prey on other vampires. It turns out Ar's sis is the tormented ex-lover of "vampire eater" Mung (Wah Yuen from KUNG-FU HUSTLE and SUPERCOP). Ar becomes a vampire herself so she can beat the evil sadistic Mung. The fights are action packed and well choreographed but in between they vamps do a lot of wondering whether un-dead is good or not.

Director/writer Dennis Law also made TRIAD WARS and KING OF TRIADS using many of the same actors.

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Canada

EYE OF THE BEAST-2007-A scientist (James Van Der Beek) goes to an island community to find out why there are hardly any fish in the lake. The white racist residents say it's the work of the local Indians, who aren't so great either. It turns out a giant squid is terrorizing the water. The sheriff (Alexandria Castillo) says it killed her father but none of her colleagues believe her. More JAWS inspired nonsense with a very bad looking monster. This Canadian production, directed by Gary Yates is part of a series of films called MANEATER.

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The Hilton Sisters

CHAINED FOR LIFE-1952-The stars of this low budget morality tale are The Hilton Sisters, Daisy and Violet, the real life Siamese twins who were in Tod Browning's FREAKS way back in 1932.

In CHAINED they basically play themselves but are called Vivian and Dorothy, the famous Hamilton sisters as this is not really a biography. It begins with one of the sisters being charged with murder. They tell their life story to the judge and jury in flashbacks. They sing a song and are signed to a Vaudeville act. Their manager Hinkley (Allen Jenkins) cooks up a phony romance angle with Dorothy and the greasy Andre (Mario Laval), a target shooter for the publicity. Unfortunately Dorothy really falls for the gold digging Andre which ticks off not only sister Vivian but Andre's girlfriend Renee' (Patricia Wright). He seems sincere at first, even singing a (terrible) song over the phone! But he's two timing her. Dorothy has a weird dream where she is no longer attached to her sister and she and Andre dance in a garden (this scene is well done with a double). They go see Dr. Thomas so they can have an operation and be separated but after much soul searching decide against it. Instead Dorothy decides to marry Andre but 27 states deny them a license! A blind minster finally helps them. Later it's discovered Vivian killed Andre. This causes a courtroom dilemma for the judge.

I'm sure it was a unique feature for the time but very cheaply made and the acting (except for Jenkins) and direction are atrocious. The director Harry L. Fraser also made THE WHITE GORILLA.

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Madness?

SEX MADNESS-1938-This venereal disease melodrama starts off with two old fogies complaining about young people. Then two secretaries talk about being strippers. They decide to go to a show where pasty faced theater goers (including a lesbian couple) oogle dancing girls. Later at a party everyone goes upstairs to have sex (not shown). A dancer named Millicent (Vivian McGill) is seeing a doctor who's treating her for syphilis and she relates how it all happened. He shows her patients permanently damaged by "the disease". Then two doctors talk about sex and social diseases. Millicent later returns home (after hanging in NYC getting her treatments) a cured woman and marries her boyfriend, Wendel (Mark Daniels). They even have a baby. Unfortunately the local doctor who was treating her turns out to be a lying quack who is arrested. This means Millicent wasn't actually cured and has passed the clap on to her husband and baby. An old doctor gives them a cautionary speech and when it seems suicide is the only way out they both come to their senses, take a new cure and live happily ever after. The End.

his badly directed and acted exploitation tale was made by Dwain Esper, the man responsible for the notorious and better known MANIAC (1934).

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More Fu

DEADEND BESEIGERS-1992-A Japanese martial artist named Wuwechimatao (Chinese actor Rongguang Yu from IRON MONKEY; recently in THE KARATE KID remake) travels to China to learn Chinese kung-fu. When he gets there he realizes the boat he's been on is actually a pirate ship who's crew have come to plunder a village. He saves a little girl and the pirates try to kill him. When one of the villagers gives him a bone to gnaw on he thanks them in Japanese so they think he's one of the pirates and beat him up. The little girl saves his ass several times, hides him in a cave, gives him food and teaches him Chinese (the first phrase she teaches him is "I am a son of a bitch"!). Later he meets the little girl's sister Cui Gu (Cynthia Khan) who is a master of the dog fist style of kung-fu. A flashback reveals why he came to China. He was beaten up and humiliated by "a foreigner" (real martial arts champion Dale Cook, who's hilarious) dressed like a cross between one of the Dutch Masters and Little Lord Flaunteroy. He considers suicide but is told by a Shaolin monk to go to China. Cui Gu agrees to teach him. After some training he overhears some of the pirates plotting to steal a treasure but the villagers beat him up and almost behead him! They nail him shut in a coffin (although this is actually done to save him). Later he convinces the whole village to fight the pirates. As usual the finale (in a burning warehouse) is great!

Also known as DEADEND OF BESEIGERS.

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Another Silent

THE DRAGON PAINTER-1919-Tatsu (Sessue Hayakawa) is an eccentric painter who lives alone waiting for the gods to return his princess who they took away from him and turned into a dragon. His work is shown to a famous artist who realizes Tatsu is a genius. One problem. He won t leave his mountain home. The artist s daughter Ume Ko (Tsuru Aoki, Hayakawa's real life wife) dresses up as the princess to lure him out. Then the trouble begins. The two fall in love and Tatsu seems to lose his passion for painting. A nicely made silent film with beautiful photography and a heartfelt story. 

Japanese born Sessue Hayakawa was the first Asian film star(his other famous film is THE CHEAT) and by 1919 was as popular a star as Douglas Fairbanks Sr. The director William Worthington was also an actor.  

Once again thanks to TCM for showing this and thanks for reading!

Dead Cyclists

PSYCHOMANIA-1973-This starts off with a motorcycle gang riding through graveyard in slow motion while the credits play. Then the gang, called "The Living Dead" and led by Tom (Nicky Henson) drive a car off the road, killing the driver. ("Teach him a lesson. Blow his mind!"). Later Tom makes out with his girlfriend Abby (Mary Larkin) on a grave. He talks about them killing themselves and takes home a frog he finds. At home he talks to his mother (Beryl Reid) about a room that will help him come back to life after he's dead. Their butler Shadwell (George Sanders) hangs around too and offers Tom a medallion to protect him when he's in the room. Tom goes into the room and nearly freaks out but in a smoky mirror he sees a giant frog and what appears to be his mom selling him to a figure all dressed in black. He promptly faints. After he recovers he and his gang really cause a lot of trouble in town. After a high speed police chase Tom drives his motorcycle off a bridge and dies. His friends bury him (sitting on his motorcycle) in a place where some witches were killed while a guy sings a song ("Riding Free"). Later Tom rides out of his grave and kills a gas station attendant. He picks up a girl but later kills her too. He convinces most of the gang to commit suicide so so they all can enjoy being un-dead. Unfortunately Abby doesn't want to die. She pretends to be dead but Tom won't buy that and decides to kill her. His mom decides to break the spell by turning herself into a toad. Tom decomposes before Abby's eyes (a terrible effect) as do all the other un-dead members. Robert Hardy is also featured as a police inspector. The gang members have names like Hatchet, Gash, Hinky and Chopped Meat.

Director Don Sharp (RASPUTIN-THE MAD MONK) can't do much with this dumb premise and the whole thing is pretty much a bore. The bikers don't do much more than any living bikers would do but it was nice to see the great George Saunders (sadly in his last role; ironically he committed suicide before the movie was released) try to bring some dignity to this stupid production.

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"Acting is like roller-skating. Once you know how to do it, 
it is neither stimulating nor exciting"-George Sanders

Al Adamson

E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY-1999-AL ADAMSON-This documentary produced by cable station E! about the life, career and death of the notorius B-movie director Al Adamson. Although it starts off the a statement that Adamson's movies would have faded into posterity if not for his violent death (the fact is the makers of this couldn't have given two shits about the director or his movies if he had died of a heart attack) this does turn into a very good look at Adamson's life (his father was B-movie western star Denver Dixon, his mother was silent screen actress Dolores Booth) and how many of his films were devised on extremely low budgets. There's comments from his brother, his friends, actors Bud Carlos, JC Wells & Marilyn Joi and his "Independent International" partner Sam Sherman. It also details his marriage to Regina Carroll (who co-starred in many of his films) and her untimely death and a palimony suit brought against him by his last girlfriend. It ends with an examination of his murder by hired handyman Fred Fulford who was later arrested and convicted of first degree murder in 1995.

Enjoy an Al Adamson movie tonight and toast his enthusiasm for the genre!

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Lost in a Harem

I like the comedy team of Abbott and Costello a lot. Their TV show is my favorite TV show of all time! Their movies are great too. Even their less than classic ones always have some funny bits. I wasn't sure where to start but I figured to skip over their most popular ones (for now) and concentrate on their later output.




LOST IN A HAREM-1944-"The boys" play Peter Johnson (Bud) and Harvey Garvey (Lou) two inept magicians in the Middle East who wind up in jail with a beggar (Murray Leonard) who goes crazy when he hears the word "Pokomoko" during their "Slowly I Turn" routine. Marilyn Maxwell (who'd been a singer on A & C's radio show) plays their assistant Hazel. The three of them get involved in helping a Prince Ramo (John Conte) who wants to overthrow the rule of his evil Uncle Nimativ (Douglas Dumbrille who's also the villain in A & C IN THE FOREIGN LEGION). They try to steal some rings he uses to hypnotize people but he winds up hypnotizing them into thinking they're termites! There's some funny routines ("Go in and outwit him") and exchanges (Nimativ: "Eyes bad?" Costello: "Dat so?"). Nimativ puts Hazel under his power and plans to marry her. Of course since this is an Abbott and Costello comedy some time is taken up by the blooming romance between Ramo and Hazel and Jimmy Dorsey and his orchestra play a few tunes (there's also a long useless dance number). Though most of that is kept at a minimum.  Lock Martin plays Bobo a huge guard who helps the team (they tell him they're Hollywood talent scouts) by hiding them in Nimativ's harem and lovable Tor Johnson is one of Nimativ's majordomos! When Nimativ throws them in a dungeon they meet up again with the beggar and his imaginary friend Mike. ("I shot him with a knife!") Later Bud dresses as Nimativ and Lou plays one of his wives. They also do short mirror bit similar to the one The Marx Bros. did in DUCK SOUP.

Bud and Lou made this at  MGM as a "loan out" from Universal. It was directed by Charles Reisner, veteran of silent movie shorts who'd directed the last Marx Brothers film THE BIG STORE in 1941.

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PS-I kind of screwed up again as I posted a review for ABBOTT AND COSTELLO IN THE FOREIGN LEGION a few days ago which was made after LOST IN A HAREM which should have been posted first. Sorry for the confusion....

London Murder

DR. CRIPPEN-1964-This film is based on the actual murder case of Dr. Hawley Crippen (Donald Pleasence (in a very low key performance) the infamous wife murderer who's trial caused quite a sensation in 1910 London.

Coral Browne (also great) is Belle his shrewish, insulting wife who dreams of a singing career and flirts with other men and says things like "Don't be so damned British!". A policeman describes her as a "healthy looking cow". A young Samantha Eggar is Ethel Le Neve, a young office worker who becomes the doctor's lover. Most of the story is told in flashbacks as Crippen is verbally abused and embarrassed by his (sometimes) drunken spouse who he finds repulsive and is only happy when he is with Ethel. When Belle goes too far with her threats Crippen drugs and murders her, hiding her body in a coal bin.  When he suspects the police are closing in (they aren't) he and Ethel decide to hightail it to America (with Ethel dressed as a boy).  They are caught (in part by Marconi's wireless) and brought to trial. Crippen is found guilty and hung. Ethel was acquitted of being an accessory. In his final moments the doctor's only concerns are for his lover.

This well done, well acted black & white drama was directed by Robert Lynn who also made POSTMAN'S KNOCK with Spike Milligan. Pleasence was in THE GREAT ESCAPE and an episode of TV's THE OUTER LIMITS the same year.

A German production of the story had been made in 1942.

For more about the murder (and it's connection with Marconi) read "Thunderstruck" by Erick Larson.

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Early '30's

THE DEATH KISS-1932-This murder-mystery is sometimes advertised as a horror film as it has three stars  from the previous year's DRACULA.

 An actor (who no one seems to like) is shot dead while filming a scene for the Hollywood film "The Death Kiss". His leading lady Marcia Lane (Adrienne Ames) comes under suspicion because they were once married. Her boyfriend Franklyn Drew (David Manners) is the "scenario" writer playing amateur detective. Other suspects are the film within a film's director (Edward Sloan), the cliched Jewish studio owner Grossmith (Alexander Carr who says "Oy! This is gonna cost me a fortune !" when informed of the murder), his prissy male secretary (Harold Minjir) and studio manager Joseph Steiner (Bela Lugosi). Two detectives (John Wray and Wade Boteler) investigate. When the filmed scene is shown to the crew the murderer pours acid on the film and the explosion and smoke are tinted! Drew teams up with a comical studio guard (Vince Barnett) to solve the murder.

There's a lot of clever dialogue but Lugosi (in WHITE ZOMBIE and ISLAND OF LOST SOULS the same year) is wasted in a small role and Manners' character is too cocky. It's the first film directed by Edward L.Marin who later made the 1938 version of A CHRISTMAS CAROL and many other low budget features.

THE DEATH KISS was one of the last films produced by the small Tiffany Pictures (1921-1932) before it went bankrupt. Their other productions included westerns, comedy shorts and the James Whale directed (and seldom seen) JOURNEY'S END.

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Snakes On Everythig

CULT OF THE COBRA-1955-In this Universal horror story, 6 US G.I.s stationed somewhere in Asia and almost ready to return to the states meet a snake charmer (Leonard Strong) who gets them into a secret ceremony where (he says) a human being will change into a snake. They get drunk, put on hooded robes and go see the ritual. Though they were forbidden to take pictures one stupid guy (James Dobson) takes a flash picture. A riot ensues wherein the GIs beat up the cultists and burn the place but not before one of cultists (un-billed Ed Platt!) curses them with death. ("One by one you will die!") The stupid guy runs away with a basket containing the snake and gets bit. He survives but later is killed. The rest return to the states. Marshall Thompson is Tom Markel, a commercial artist who meets the mysterious Lisa Moya (Faith Domergue) who turns out to be a snake! His other pals include his roommate is Paul Able (Richard Long), ladies man Carl Turner (Jack Kelly), bowling alley owner Rico (David Janssen) and Pete (William Reynolds). While Tom falls in love with her, Lisa does away with his friends by turning into a cobra and killing them. Later Lisa realizes she's in love with Tom. It's the age old question: Can a woman who turns into a snake find happiness with the man she loves after killing all of his friends?

Paul figures out what's going on but no one believes him until he and Tom are the only ones left alive. When cobra-Lisa threatens Paul's fiance' (Kathleen Hughes; IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE) Tom uses a coat rack to subdue the deadly reptile as it transforms back into Lisa after it's dead.

CULT isn't a bad little film. It has a good cast and the cobra attacks are ok but it's drawback is it's predictable story. The minute the dark, enigmatic Lisa character shows up you know where it's all going. Director Francis D. Lyon worked in TV and later made the very low budget films DESTINATION INNER SPACE and CASTLE OF EVIL (both starring Scott Brady).

Almost every male star went on to have his own TV show. Star Faith Domergue had a busy year in '55. Besides playing a cobra woman she was in THE ISLAND EARTH, IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA and THE ATOMIC MAN. COTC also features bits by Olan Soule, Myrna Hansen and Bing Russell. A  hot dog vendor in quick scene looks to me like Ben Frommer (he mostly has his back to the camera) who was in Ed Woods' BRIDE OF THE MONSTER the same year....

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Funny Axis?

NAZTY NUISANCE-1943-Bobby Watson returns as Hitler in this WW2 comedy sequel to THE DEVIL WITH HITLER. The Fuhrer visits a mythical middle eastern nation to sign a peace agreement. Joe Devlin is Mussolini and Johnny Arthur is Sukiyuki, the Japanese counterpart. Frank Faylen is a shipwrecked seaman who poses as a local island tribe's magician. There's a lot of politically incorrect and outright racist humor and slapstick gags involving magic and an orangutan. Jean Porter plays a native girl who helps Faylen out. Henry Victor (WHITE ZOMBIE) is one of Hitler's emissaries. The stupid trio wind up on a German sub (which Americans hijacked) trapped at the bottom of the ocean. The axis partners get shot out head first into a sand dune at the end. Ian Keith and Emory Parnell are also in it.

Though it was directed by Glenn Tryon who also did THE DEVIL WITH HITLER this isn't nearly as good. Star Watson played Hitler in at least 10 features!

Dragon

DRAGON EYES-2012-In the urban hell of a place called St. Jude, African-American and Hispanic gangs fight each other over drugs. Enter Hong (MMA fighter Cung Le also one of the producers), mysterious master martial artist haunted by his past. When he was in jail he was mentored by Tiano (Jean Claude Van Damme). After he starts trouble with the gangs he comes to the attention of MIster V. (Peter Weller, kind of stealing the show) the corrupt, cigar smoking dandy of a chief of police. Hong tries to clean up the neighborhood and give hope to its residents. He impresses Mr. V. and for a while works as his thug. But Hong has other plans. Including bringing down V. despite nearly being beaten to death (by another MMA fighter Dan Henderson).  Tiano appears in flashbacks relating his philosophy and in a flashback inside a flashback kills his own son.

The violent story is ok and Le isn't bad (but if he's to be judged by Van Damme's acting talents that's not saying much...) but the real drawbacks are John Hyams' pretentious direction, CGI enhanced fighting and a bring down ending. Van Damme's real son Kristopher Van Varenberg also appears as a corrupt police sergeant. A couple of other real fighters also appear. The director made two "Universal Soldier" entries both with Van Damme. Filmed in Louisana.

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Put Your Weight On It!

DISCO GODFATHER-1979-Oh my god! Now I know why I don't miss the '70's! The legendary Rudy Ray Moore stars as Tucker Williams, a retired cop who now runs his own disco where he is the main DJ (He says "Put your weight on it!" over and over). At first when his nephew Bucky (Julius Carry) freaks out on angel dust Tucker just says "Get a hold of yourself". Bucky imagines his uncle as a skeleton and an old hag with a sword. ("Bucky what has you done to yourself?!"). After they take Bucky away Tucker takes a tour of a PCP facility where he sees a lot of nutty addicts and hears the story about how a woman roasted and served her baby to her family. ("Haven't you heard, godfather? Our children are dying"). Later Tucker starts a "beat the whack" campaign which leads to him being targeted by Stinger Ray (Hawthorne James), an entrepreneur who runs the PCP making factories. Meanwhile a pastor and his congregation try to cure a girl on angel dust with an exorcism! The craziest part is Tucker's own PCP nightmare with scary faces and even a quick animated scene. "You're not my mother! You're E-vil!". Tucker seems to have lost his mind by the end of the movie. Carol Speed (later the star of the horror film ABBY) plays Tucker's girlfriend Noel. Keith David makes his movie debut in a small role.

DISCO GODFATHER is full of dancers in outrageous over the top '70's style clothes, terrible acting, awful fight scenes and funny out of place Moore reaction shots. It's the only film directed by J. Robert Wagoner.

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Abbott & Costello in The Foreign Legion

ABBOTT & COSTELLO IN THE FOREIGN LEGION-1950-"The boys" play a pair of wrestling promoters. Bud writes the script and tries to co-ordinate a match between (real  wrestlers) Abdullah (Wee Willie Davis, the same year he played the guy who caused the racetrack ruckus in Kubrick's THE KILLING)) and Bertram (Sam Menacker). After the two wrestlers "practice" on Lou, Abdullah quits and keeps the five thousand a mobster (Marc Lawrence who's also in the team's HOLD THAT GHOST) gave them to fix the fight. The pair put on pith helmets and white suits and go to Algiers to find him. It turns out Abdullah is the cousin of Sheik Halmud El Khalid (Douglas Dumbrille; also the villain in the LOST IN A HAREM) who is in cahoots with the corrupted Foreign Legion Sgt. Axman (Walter Slezak) and Prince Josef (un-billed Dan Seymour) in a railroad scheme. Lou accidentally buys six slaves girls (including Nicole Dupree (Patricia Medina), a French intelligence agent) and since they can't pay they run away. Also a gang of the Sheik's men (including Henry Corden) are after them. To escape they take refugee with the Foreign Legion and wind up joining! Of course this leads to a lot of A & C antics as Lou has to evade a bayonet attack and Sgt. Axman. Later they are targeted for death. There's a lot of jokes involving the word "oui".

In one fairly gruesome scene (for an Abbott & Costello movie) the sheik's henchman kill a troop of legionnaires (while Bud & Lou are out looking for a runaway camel). Lost in the desert they have to contend with crazy mirages (including an old time ice cream shop) and a guy (David Gorcey) selling newspapers: "Can I help it if they gave me a bad corner?"). Later on they (and Nicole) are captured by the sheik. He puts them against two wrestlers intent on killing them but one turns out to be Abdullah. The other is played by Tor Johnson! Abdullah helps them escape. Lou commandeers Axman's jeep in a very funny scene (bit man and Costello's real life friend Bobby Barber appears too).

FOREIGN LEGION is done on a lower budget then some of the team's previous efforts but it's still fun especially for fans. It doesn't really contain any of their classic routines (except briefly at the end when Bud thinks Lou is dead). Years later Patrica Medina co-starred in THE 3 STOOGES MEET SNOW WHITE! Douglas Dumbrille had been the villain in 2 Marx Brothers movies. Director Charles Lamont (born in Russia) directed most of Bud & Lou's 50's output as well Francis the Talking Mule and Ma & Pa Kettle entries.

Initial filming had to be delayed while Costello had to have a gall bladder operation but he seemed to have recovered nicely....

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Crazy '70's Stuff!

HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES-1974-6 murders are shown in 6 portraits depicting the untimely end of all the members of The Beel family during the credits. A seventh frame is empty. Then a woman practices witchcraft. Something goes wrong and she about to commit suicide when we learn it is only the filming of a horror movie on The Beel estate. John Carradine is the the caretaker Mr. Price who spoils the scene and then relates the history of the Beel family to the film within a film's director Eric Hartman (John Ireland) and his crew members. Every person in the family came to a tragic death. After a lot of talk and the cast and crew filming scenes for the movie (based on the Tibetan of the Dead!) the lead actress Gayle (Faith Domergue from THIS ISLAND EARTH) finds the dead remains of her beloved cat. They all blame Price who is wondering around in the nearby graveyard. After more filming a corpse comes to life and kills Price. Then it kills a couple of technicians. Then while filming a scene Gayle accidentally shoots her leading man to death. The corpse then kills her by hanging. After the seemingly possessed co-director tries to kill Harman another corpse rises from the grave. Hartman cracks up when he discovers the dead bodies and his film stock exposed. ("my film! my film!"). Death by falling camera follows. It seems a curse (used in the film within a film) re-enacted the famous murders and the death of a young actress is the seventh...maybe???

HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES was the only feature film directed by Paul Harrison (he also co-wrote the screenplay). He mostly worked in TV writing many episodes of the Saturday morning kids' show HR PUFNSTUF.

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Korea

HOWLING-2012-After a drug addict is burned to death by a bomb planted in his belt, a male detective (Kang-ho Song from THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD) and his female partner (Na-yeong Lee) investigate. Naturally he's a jaded chauvinist. When he finds out it's a homicide he wants to solve it all by himself and get all the credit. Later a man is attacked and killed by a wolf (the first victim had a wolf bite on his leg). Both victims seem to have ties to drugs, prostitution and porn. When he gets in trouble for withholding info the two learn to work together...sort of. After several screw-ups (most of the other detectives are assholes) the investigation leads to illegal dog fighting, a hybrid wolf-dog and a former police K-9 dog trainer seeking revenge.

There's an exciting but ultimately sad finale in this Korean production directed by Ha Yoo (A DIRTY CARNIVAL).

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Still More Kung-Fu Fighting

CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS-1980-During the credits 2 guys beat up an old man. This leads to a vendetta against the Shoalin by the Lotus Clan. The new lotus clan's leader kills one of the guys but the other (Gordon Liu) escapes with his dead friend's pregnant wife. The Lotus clan starts killing everyone. The guy and the girl seek refuge with her brother. It's easy to see why director Lo Lieh (who also acts in this Shaw Bros. produced Hong Kong entry) not Bruce Lee started the Kung-Fu craze in the USA. This features lots of crazy fighting (with choreography by Lau Kar-leung)!

Also called FISTS OF THE WHITE LOTUS.

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Cherry Bomb

CHERRY FALLS-2000-I've been told this is a "must see" cult film. Ok, I saw it. It's just more slasher nonsense but this time with a female killer preying on screwed up virgin teens in a small town. A stupid sheriff (Michael Biehn) tries to figure it all out and control his own teenage daughter (Brittany Murphy who died in 2009). It has to do with a girl who was raped by 4 football players years before (the sheriff was one of the players). I won't reveal the one other plot point about the killer who goes on a rampage killing teens who are having an orgy in an old house (since the killer only targets virgins it seems a good idea to have sex and therefore not be an intended victim). I guess it was suppose to be a grotesquely funny horror movie...I guess!

Jay Mohr and Candy Clarke also have roles.

The director Geoffrey Wright (from Australia) made ROMPER STOMPER before this.

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More Kung-Fu Fighting

BLOOD TREASURY FIGHT-1979-This is an all star Hong Kong Kung-Fu outing about a mission undertaken by a disparate group including a death row inmate (David Chiang; LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES), a law officer, a female fighter (Chen Bi Feng) and others. The main villain (Wai Man Chan) wants a treasure map tattooed on Chiang's leg. Of course a lot of other characters and obstacles are introduced along the way leading up to the enviable but pretty amazing finale showdown: a very long fight and tragic (and ironic) ending in a collapsing mill. The same year director Hsueh Li Pao made THE EIGHT ESCORTS with most of the same actors.

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The Crazy '50's

THE WILD AND THE WICKED (aka FLESH MERCHANT)-1956-In this badly acted and directed morality play, innocent dope Nancy Sheridan (Joy Reynolds) comes to Hollywood to live with her older sister Paula (Lisa Rack). Nancy wants to be a model like her big sis but Paula wants her to go back home. Instead of leaving Nancy goes to model at an "art school", modeling nude for the sleazy pair of Mr. Barnes and Mr. Sogel (Guy Manford). Sogel sends her to "the colony", run by sleazy Vito Pirelli  (Mark Perri) and his comic sidekick Joker. She strikes up a friendship with her roommate Easy. Everything goes along fine until some middle-age guy puts the moves on her. She tries to leave but Vito won't let her. She becomes a whore real fast. After a party where one of the girls does a weird dance, Vito beats up Easy and sends her to "skid row". Easy helps the cops and Vito is killed in a shootout. Ironically, Nancy gets a big surprise when Easy's replacement turns out to be sister Paula! At another party Paula freaks out and shouts "You're all drunks and lechers! You're scum! Buyers of sin!". Just before Rogell and Joker can harm the sisters the cops show up.

Director W. Merle Connell also made TEST TUBE BABIES.

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Hellman

BEAST FROM THE HAUNTED CAVE-1959-At ski resort in Deadwood,South Dakota, a petty gangster Alexander Ward (Frank Wolff) plans to blow up a mine as a distraction so he and his gang can rob a safe full of gold. His girlfriend Gypsy (Sheila Noonan, also in Jerry Warrens's INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD) flirts with Gil  Jackson (familiar TV actor Michael Forest), a ski instructor. After they've pulled off the heist the gang has Gil lead them cross country skiing to make their escape (he is unaware they are making a getaway). Things go ok until they are terrorized by a weird spider like monster (Chris Robinson, also in a small role as a bartender) who attacks and puts his victims in cocoons (like ALIEN) and sucks their blood (like in ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES which producer Gene Corman also made the same year). There's a lot of talk and the climax is over in a flash!

This was the first feature by director Monte Hellman (BACK DOOR TO HELL, TWO LANE BLACK TOP). It suffers from a low budget (Roger Corman was the executive producer) but moves along very quickly! The screenplay is by Charles B. Griffith who also wrote the Corman (Roger) directed BUCKET OF BLOOD  the same year and in 1960 penned the original  LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, This guy deserves an  honorary Academy Award!

BEAST's very minimal cast also features Wally Campos, Richard Sinatra and Kay Jennings. This was kind of remade by Corman as CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA.

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Dead On

DEAD TARGET-1991-A young woman (Sharon Kwok) in Hong Kong receives a letter from her grandfather asking her to come to Thailand and bring with her a special pendant which is the key to finding a priceless crown the old man hid years before. She's fighting and on the run almost from the first time she gets off the the plane. Besides lots of fighting she also winds up dancing in a drag revue and becoming a call girl! She keeps running into a guy (Chin Siu Ho from MR. VAMPIRE) who seems to be working for a white gangster trying to find the crown. Fortunately he's actually an Interpol agent.  There are a lot of fights but most of them are clever and comical. There's a shootout in a cattle car, drag queens, an elephant raid but mostly everyone fights. Apparently around this time many Hong Kong produced movies were filmed in Thailand.

Director Siu-Wah Lee may have been married to star Kwok.

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Time's Up!

WHEN TIME EXPIRES-1997-Travis Beck (Richard Greico) is an alien on a mission from the "Union of Peace and Progress". In 2 days he has to put a coin in a certain parking meter. He's also being targeted by some assassins. Mark Hamil plays another alien who comes to warn him of trouble. He meets a waitress (Cynthia Geary) who's crippled father (Chad Everett) is also an alien. It turns out someone wants Earth destroyed before it is allowed in the union. Even though the story isn't exactly what it appears to be it's still predictable. Tim Thomerson and Ron Masak are also in it. This played on Showtime Extreme and I understand why. It's extremely talky, extremely tedious, extremely bad. Blame director David Bourla...

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28 Days Inspired

OUTPOST: BLACK SUN-2012-In this 28 DAYS LATER inspired horror flick, a stupid arrogant woman (Catherine Steadman, her limited acting abilities might have something to do with her character being so unlikable...it's hard to tell...) hunting a Nazi comes across a Third Reich plot to make humans into zombies involving a special machine and the Unified Field Theory. She's joined by a missing physicist. Some commandos are after the machine too. The zombie making leader of course turns out to be the Nazi the woman is looking for. Most of it is too dark to see and the shaky CGI SFX camera work doesn't help. The ironic ending is stupid.

This English production, shot in Scotland, seems to actually be a sequel to a 2007 movie called OUTPOST by the same director (Steve Barker).

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Blair Witch Inspired

THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES-2012-Some American tourists in Russia try some "extreme tourism" by visiting an abandoned city near the infamous nuclear explosion area. Of course it's obvious they should'nt  go there so of course they do! They trust some stupid local named Uri to take them there even after the army forbids them entrance. Everything goes ok until Uri gets frightened and decides it's time to leave. The it starts: their van doesn't work when they want to leave, Yuri gets a gun and goes exploring, one guy (Pop singer Jesse McCarthey) goes with him and winds up getting gored in the leg, the van is attacked by dogs, then group flounders around in the dark trying to fix the wounded guy's leg. They find Yuri's remains and then are menaced by what turns out to be the escaped radiation scarred residents of the area. The direction is very good but the explanation and resolution of the BLAIR WITCH PROJECT inspired story are a letdown. Filmed in Serbia and Hungry. This was first (and so far only) film from director Brad Parker who before this was a digital artist on films like THE TIME MACHINE remake and an assistant director. One of the screenwriters Oren Peli wrote PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.

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Mikels' Angels?

THE DOLL SQUAD-1973-A senator and a government agent named Connelly watch a manned space rocket explode after a mysterious voice intones "perhaps next time you'll listen". A computer ("Big Bertha") suggests bringing in members of "The Doll Squad", a lethal all female group of agents lead by Sabrina Kincade (Francine York from Larry Buchanan's CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE). Unfortunately, her first two picks are killed by assassins. It turns out Sabrina's ex-husband Eamon O'Reilly (Micheal Ansara) is behind the destruction in his mad plan to release the bubonic plague on the world! They try to get Sabrina but she burns one guy with a special cigarette lighter. While skeet shooting the senator (John Carter), Connelly (Anthony Eisley) and Sabrina have a big discussion (she says "sex and security just don't mix") and she shows off her min-arsenal. Sabrina eventually recruits an Olympic swimmer (Leigh Christian), an exotic dancer (Tura Santana) and a carnival ticket seller (Jean London).

This was obviously ripped off by Aaron Spelling to make the TV hit CHARLIE'S ANGELS but DOLL has more violence, blood, bad acting and the leads in more revealing clothes. If the TV show had been like this I would have watched every week!

The presence of Ansara brings the movie up a notch. Both he and Eisley were busy TV actors at the time.

It was co-written, directed and produced by TV Mikels a year after BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE DEVILS. The fights are pretty badly staged but it's far more entertaining than most reviews give it credited for. It also features exploding bad guys, a few gadgets, Rafael Campos and Mikels regulars Herb Robins and William Bagdad. Except for the seldom seen ALEX JOSEPH AND HIS WIVES in 1976, Mikels next low budget exploitation movie would be TEN VIOLENT WOMEN in '83!  Theme song sung by Solomon King.