Don't Be a Sucker..Skip It!

GOATSUCKER-2009-This cheap horror outing has the usual variety of losers (dumb blonde, nerd, obnoxious hick, young guy, etc.) going on a hike/tour to find “goatsucker”,a local chupacabra like creature roaming the woods. The group is killed off by a POV monster's claw while an ugly girl forces the tour guide to find the monster that killed her fiancee. Lots of dumb things happen that don't even involve the monster. In the end it turns out that the goatsucker is actually a woman who turns into the monster when she kisses a man (and turns back into a woman when she drinks female blood) and there's also a nutty serial killer (the director Steve Hudgins). Filmed in Kentucky. Hudgins has made other movies (and acted in them too).

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Lon Frank

THE GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN-1942-In the wake of events that transpired in SON OF FRANKENSTEIN, the angry villagers blow up Castle Frankenstein despite the best efforts of Ygor (Bela Lugosi; also in BOWERY AT MIDNIGHT the same year) to dissuade them (the broken neck ex-assistant to Wolf Frankenstein seems to have recovered from being shot to death in the last installment). Their explosive blasts unleash the monster from his sulfur pit doom of the previous picture much to the delight of Ygor (“My friend!”). After being struck by lightening the monster becomes stronger. The duo decided to visit Vasaria where the baron's second song Ludwig Frankenstein (Sir Cedric Hardwicke) lives. Ludwig is a brain surgeon who studies “diseases of the mind” and is assisted by the cheerful Dr. Kettering (Barton Yarborough; later in the I LOVE A MYSTERY series of films) and the unhappy Dr. Bohmer (Lionel Atwill; also in PARDON MY SARONG with Abbott & Costello the same year) and his daughter Elsa (Evelyn Ankers; in the previous year's THE WOLFMAN). 

Igor and his friend walk right into the village square and scare children. The monster befriends a little girl (“Are you a giant?”) and takes her to the rooftops to retrieve her ball. After returning the girl to her daddy he's overpowered by the cops and townspeople. Cut to Ludwig's residence where town prosecutor Erik (Ralph Bellamy; also in THE WOLFMAN) tells the doctor about an imprisoned madman who killed 2 villagers. But unbeknownst to Erik, Ygor has already met with Ludwig to discuss helping fix his friend's “sick brain”. When he's put on trial the monster escapes and almost kills Ludwig but Ygor's horn playing pacifies him. Bringing him back to Ludwig's laboratory the monster kills Kettering and gas is used to subdue him. Ludwig plans to take the monster apart “piece by piece” but his father's ghost (also Hardwicke) intervenes and Ludwig decides to put Kettering's brain into the monster's head! Ygor convinces Bohmer (who feels his part in Frankenstein's experiments have been overlooked because of a mistake he made years before) to put his demented brain in the monster's skull. Erik accuses Ludwig of deception and the doc nearly 'fesses up but the monster kidnaps his little girlfriend and all that's put to the side. The operation is a success but of course the monster's evil brain has been replaced by one that is even eviler. It doesn't go as planned though. The monster, now talking with Ygor's voice plans on ruling the world but it turns out Ygor's blood doesn't match the monster's and he (they?) go blind. The monster kills Bohmer and starts a fire that burns down the house, killing him (for now) and Ludwig while Erik saves Elsa. 

SON OF FRANKENSTEIN director Earle C. Kenton made this fine if a little convoluted follow-up which although cheats on story continuity provides some good scenes and great performances. Cedric Hardwicke is excellent as the noble scientist who wants to do the right thing but once again falls victim to the “Frankenstein curse”. And having Lugosi back as the scheming Ygor (especially since he was killed at the end of SON) is a major plus. Though criticized a lot for his portrayal Lon Chaney (in the first post-Karloff role of the monster) does an acceptable job considering he's not given much to do! Atwill of course is at his best here, the seemingly co-operative assistant hiding a bitter vengeance driven other self. The screenplay is by W. Scott Darling, a prolific film writer before his death by drowning in 1953. GHOST of course features several actors in un-billed roles: Holmes Herbert, Richard Alexander, Harry Cording and Dwight Frye.

Director Kenton later worked with Abbott and Costello and also made two "sequels"  HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN and HOUSE OF DRACULA.

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It Strikes Again!

THE FLYING GUILLOTINE-PART 2-1976-A group of rebels are still trying to overthrow the emperor (now played by Ku Feng) who has a small army of guillotine toting men. Ma Teng (now played by Lung Ti) perfects another counter to the blades but a monk working for the emperor makes a wacky double guillotine! An all out battle caps the finale with blood and dismemberment where Ma Teng gets revenge but he and his comrades are all killed. It's so wild they needed two directors (Kang Cheng and Shan Hua) to handle it!

Flying Guillotine

THE FLYING GUILLOTINE-1975-During the Manchu dynasty, Xin Kang (Ku Feng) creates the title weapon for his evil emperor Yung Cheng (Yang Chiang). After killing a German Sheppard and a rooster he trains a group of men to operate the weapon and they become assassins who get rid of the emperor's enemies. One soldier, Ma Teng (Kuen Tai Chen) revolts and runs away. He meets a woman and they have a baby. Meanwhile another soldier plots to overthrow his leader. When Ma Teng and the flying guillotine assassins cross paths again he invents an umbrella like defensive against the deadly decapitating machine. This violent and enjoyable craziness was directed by Meng Hua Ho  (THE DRAGON MISSILE) and is based on actual legends of the existence of such a weapon.

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And Again!

THE BATTLE WIZARD-1977-In this crazy revenge tale, Yellow Robe Man seeks revenge on the man who cut off his legs with some kind of magic that shoots from his finger tips. Yellow Robe (who now has iron legs) wants to kill the man's son Tuan Yu (Danny Lee; also in THE BRAVE ARCHER the same year) who doesn't like to use his Kung-Fu. YRM sits in a cave and sends his own son (or just his henchman), a vampire like ugly guy with fangs to get vengeance. Yu falls in love with his half sister (they don't know each other) but YRM captures them and puts them in a pit with a gorilla (looks like one Jerry Warren used). Yu drinks a special type of snake blood and becomes invincible. There's also a woman who can control snakes and a masked female assassin, fighting, magic and flying chopsticks. The out of control finale features fire breathing and a body melting. This Shaw Brothers production based on a novel by Louis Cha. 

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The Shaw Brothers Strike Again!

THE WEB OF DEATH-1976-In this imaginative Shaw brothers production The Spider clan (led by Lo Lieh) have a red spider that emits deadly fumes and covers it's victims in cobwebs. Two other clans fight over it and a woman cuts off her own arm. There's a lot of talk but a great nutty finale (that could have been longer). Director Yuen Chor was also an actor and screenwriter.

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Billy Dee

HIT!-1973-Billy Dee Williams is a federal agent Nick Allen out to avenge the death of his daughter by some French drug dealers. He assembles a team that includes Richard Pryor and Sid Melton and convinces most of them to join him by playing on their own lust for vengeance for crimes committed against them. There are also two assassins who seemed based on the pair in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER. It's not very good with too much talk and ridiculous drawn out scenes despite direction by Sidney J. Furie (DR. BLOOD'S COFFIN) who the year before had made the critically acclaimed LADY SINGS THE BLUES.

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Bela!

POSTAL INSPECTOR-1936- Bill Davis, a postal inspector (Ricardo Cortez) investigates mail fraud and meets famous singer Connie Larrimore (Patricia Ellis) on a plane during a storm. She sings “When You're Through with Your Shower” to calm the passengers. Later she meets her old friend Charlie Davis (Michael Loring) who works for the Federal Reverse and is Bill's brother. Gregory Benez (Bela Lugosi), the owner of the night club Connie sings at owes a gangster 50 thou. He learns that the Federal Reverse is transferring 3 million dollars in old money and he and his partners steal it while Bill deals with a flood. A high speed chase through a flooded town is the finale. Hattie McDaniels and Frank Wilcox have un-billed roles.

 POSTAL INSPECTOR is a neat little B film trying to actually give insight on the work of the US Post Office and how it deals with crime. But the real reason to see it is Bela's turn as the uptight gangster (an untypical role for him to be playing at the time). Director Otto Brower had made THE PHANTOM EMPIRE with Gene Autry the year before and made other “programmers” like POSTAL INSPECTOR. 

However as a second unit director Brower on worked bigger films like THE GRAPES OF WRATH, BRIGHAM YOUNG and WESTERN UNION (sometimes with no credit). He died of a heart attack in 1946 while doing second unit work on DUEL IN THE SUN. Screenwriter Horace McCoy wrote B movies and his novel THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY was adapted into a movie in 1969 (after two previously failed attempts). Lead actress Patricia Ellis starred in movies with Joe E. Brown, James Cagney and Jack Haley but retired form films in the late 30's.

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Cheap Cave Man

THE NEANDERTHAL MAN-1953-In the Sierra mountains a nutty anthropologist Prof. Graves (Robert Shayne) turns his cat into a saber tooth tiger that escapes into the woods and scares a hunter (Frank Gerstle). No one believes him but the game warden George Oakes (Robert Long) convinces vacationing Dr. Ross Harkness (Richard Crane) to help investigate. They go to see Graves but he's off presenting his theory about brains to a group of eggheads who wind up ridiculing him. He gets mad and insults them (“small men, small minds”). Meanwhile Graves' daughter Jan (Joyce/Joy Terry) invites Harkness to stay the night. He also meets Ruth (Doris Merrick) who's somehow engaged to the moody eccentric professor. Oakes and Ross kill a saber toothed tiger but when they bring Graves to look at the body it has disappeared. Now it's Graves' turn to laugh (he uses the phrase “vacuum of ego”). After he jilts Ruth, he injects himself with a formula that turns him into a simian like caveman and he kills a hunter and his dog. The local sheriff puts together a posse. No sooner does Graves return to his natural human form when he suddenly becomes a caveman again!

While snooping around the lab Ross develops some photos that show Graves' mute maid (Tandra Quinn; later in THE MESA OF LOST WOMEN) becoming a monster. Later professor caveman kills another local and ravages his date (Beverly Garland). The posse chases him down but Neander-Graves kidnaps his ex-fiancee and holds up in a cave. Ross saves her but the prehistoric man is mauled by another saber tooth which Ross created accidentally. Graves dies in bed and transforms back to his homosapien self.

THE NEANDERTHAL MAN was directed by EA Dupont, once a well respected director in his homeland of Germany (VARIETY, ATLANDTIK). Unfortunately his Hollywood career never took off and after spending several years as an agent was reduced to making low budget nonsense like this. His direction isn't anything special but Robert Shayne's intense but almost comical mad scientist performance holds it together despite the bad caveman make-up. The close-ups seem to be a time elapsed make-up job ala THE WOLFMAN but when he's running around terrorizing the countryside Shayne seems to be wearing a mask.

The writing team of Aubrey Wisberg and Jack Pollenfex also wrote THE SON OF DR. JEKYELL and THE MAN FROM PLANET X.

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The Zodiac

THE ZODIAC KILLER-1971-This is based on the real life incidents that took place in California,from 1968 to 1969 in which the killer was never caught. It's very cheap, exploitative and badly acted with terrible dialogue (except for the Zodiac's rantings). The story focuses on two characters who could be the killer. One is Grover (Bob Jones), a truck driving, drug user alcoholic who hates women (especially his ex-wife), goes to bars wearing an ill fitting wig, gets drunk and can't remember anything. The police suspect him but when he holds his daughter hostage they shoot and kill him. Then there is Grover's friend Jerry (Hal Reed), an unhappy mailman who likes rabbits and breaks down crying when one of them dies. He turns out to be the Zodiac and kneels in front of an idol and rants (“I am the supreme Zodiac!”). He shoots various people and taunts the police (“I want headlines!”). One couple he stabs to death then he kills an old woman with a tire and drops a jacked up car on her. He wears a false nose and glasses to kill an old man in an elevator then cuts off his ear. He kills an old woman by crushing her head with a car hood. Apparently the heart of his problem was being unloved by his father who he visits in an insane asylum (the father completely ignores him when Jerry emotes during a visit). So that the visit isn't a total loss, Jerry kills two patients. The final scenes show Jerry helping various people in his neighborhood while his ominous voice-over talks about how trusting and unsuspecting future victims are (“I'll be seeing you”). It ends with the words “This is not the end”. 

Comedian Doodles Weaver (his name is spelled “Doddles” in the credits) has one scene as Jerry's neighbor who says of women “I like them plump, juicy and dumb”. The director Tom Hanson made one other movie A TON OF GRASS GOES TO POT (also with Hal Reed and Doodles Weaver) and acted in Coleman Francis' NIGHT TRAIN MUNDO FINE'.

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Shaw Brothers

THE DRAGON MISSILE (FEI LONG ZHAN)-1975-This Shaw Brothers production features another inventive weapon: a deadly boomerang. An assassin (Lo Lieh) working for an evil governor (Ku Feng) obtains some medicine to save his boss's life but it's stolen by his old friend (Tony Liu). Later using the boomerang (called “the missile dragon”) the assassin beheads his ex-friend's mother and gets the medicine back but keeps it a secret from his entourage because they are under orders to kill him once he has it. Naturally, his ex-friend wants revenge and he's joined by the daughter of the doctor (Nancy Yen) who made the medicine. They also get help from a woman (Terry Liu) in the assassin's entourage who has retractable blades in her fingers (similar to Wolverine). After some fights and decapitations, a crazy all out battle takes place where fishing nets help to battle the boomerangs. 

Director Meng Hua Ho also made THE FLYING GUILLOTINE the year before.

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Boss

BOSS NIGGER-1975-Two black bounty hunters Boss (Fred Williamson also the screenwriter) and Amos (D'Urville Martin) who hunt only white people become sheriff and deputy of a town and basically harass all the white people and give the mayor (RG Armstrong) a hard time. Later Williamson is kidnapped and tortured by Jed Clayton (William Smith) but Amos and Clara Mae (Carmen Haywood) rescue him. A doctor (Don “Red Barry) patches him up. Later after Clayton kills Clara the townspeople help fight off Clayton's gang and Boss kills Smith but he seems to be killed at the end (I think...??) 

Despite being directed by the great Jack Arnold (as noted previously he was doing lots of TV shows around this time), BN seems to to tread a thin line between drama and parody. Many critics seem to think it's a set up. I personally think it's a s disaster and the filmmakers had no idea where they were suppose to take the film.

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Man Made Lon

MAN MADE MONSTER-1941-After a near fatal car accident jolly lug “Dynamo” Dan McCormick (Lon Chaney Jr.; he made THE WOLFMAN the same year) survives an accidental electrocution because of an electricity act he does at the local carnival. He's invited to the home of Dr. Lawrence (Samuel S. Hinds) so he can be studied. June (Anne Nagel), the doctor's niece takes a shine to Dan. So does the family dog. Mark Adams (Frank Albertson), a wise ass reporter tries to get a story by wooing June. Unfortunately Lawrence's crazy genius assistant Dr. Riggs (Lionel Atwill) uses Dan for his own experiments in making an invincible man. Dan becomes a sad, slow moving “electricity addict” and turns into a glowing ghoul like monster who can kill with one touch. Despite wearing a rubber suit when not electrocuting people he kills Lawrence anyway. He's arrested, found guilty of murder and sentenced to the electric chair. Naturally he survives and gets his revenge on Riggs (by electrocution; the same way Chaney,s Frankenstein monster does in Atwill's Dr. Bohmer in GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN the next year!) For some reason he runs off with an unconscious June but drops her in time to die by touching a barbed wire fence. In a touching final scene the dog mourns over Dan's dead body. ''

The story has good acting and fine direction by George Waggner and Chaney is very good as the happy go lucky Dan. It's real shame to see him come to such a terrible end especially when he was actually exploited by the rotten Riggs. Waggner also wrote the screenplay which was based a story called “The Electric Man” although some have claimed Ed Wood came up with the story idea and was cheated out of the credit. Universal had purchased the rights to the story years earlier hoping to use it for a Karloff/Lugosi team up but that never happened. It's been noted most everywhere now that Byron Foulger is credited as Alienist #2 but doesn't appear in the film. His scene was cut prior to release but strangely his name is still listed. Even stranger, there doesn't seem to have been an Alienist #1...

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It's A Hoot!

HOOTENANNY A GO-GO (aka ONCE UPON A COFFEE HOUSE)-1965-Johnny (Curtis Taylor) likes Vicki (Karen Thorsell) so he buys the coffee house where she sings and waitresses. A lot of not much happens and there's some really silly parts like a pizza fight and an espresso machine that looks like a robot but it's mostly singing by Oscar Brand, Jim, Jake and Joan (Rivers in her film debut), The Goldebriars and The Free Wheelers. Deanna Lund (tv'S LAND OF THE GIANTS) is also in it. The director Shepard Traube didn't do much else.

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Metaluna

THIS ISLAND EARTH-1955-In this Technicolor science fiction classic Dr. Cal Beacham (Rex Reason; in THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US the next year) is saved from a jet crash by a mysterious beam. Later after receiving some weird directions he and his assistant Joe (Robert Nicols) build a communications device which puts them in touch with the high forehead alien Exeter (Jeff Morrow; also in THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US the next year) who wants Beacham for his “special group”. The doc takes a pilot-less plane to a meeting Exeter has set up. He meets the alien who explains that his home planet of Metaluna needs uranium in their war against their enemies called The Zagons. 

Exeter has gathered scientists from over the world to help solve the problem but it's obvious he has an ulterior motive. Beacham meets Ruth Adams (Faith Domergue; in CULT OF THE COBRA the same year) who he has met before but she doesn't seem to remember him. He also meets Dr. Carlson (Russell Johnson) and Exeter's sinister assistant Brak (Lance Fuller) who wants to put the trio under a “transformer” to control them. They try to escape but are attacked by a death ray and Carlson is killed. Beacham and Ruth almost get away by plane but a beam brings them back. They go to Metaluna which is under attack by The Zagons. There they meet Exeter's boss The Monitor (Douglas Spencer; Scotty in THE THING) and encounter the famed Metaluna mutants. Metaluna's real mission is also revealed. They want to relocate to Earth and subjugate the human race but when The Monitor tries to put Beacham and Ruth in the Thought Transference Chamber to make them mindless slaves Exeter rebels and helps them escape being wounded in the process by a mutant. Metaluna is destroyed and after a quick appearance by another mutant who stowed away on their ship, Beacham and Ruth are returned to Earth. Exeter stays on board as the damaged ship crashes into the ocean. 

The same year as THIS ISLAND EARTH was made producer William Alland (the reporter trying to figure what “Rosebud” meant in CITIZEN KANE) also served the same capacity on THE REVENGE OF THE CREATURE and TARANTULA. ISLAND seems a bigger type of production with a lot of scientific mumbo jumbo, nice SFX and of course the famed Metaluna Mutant (made somewhat more well known than it should have been in the pages of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND). For me it was always a little disappointing. 

The acting is ok but the story isn't that engaging. It's based on three short novels by Raymond F. Jones, a prolific science fiction short story writer at the time. Director Joseph Newman started out doing short subjects and eventually feature films like 711 OCEAN DRIVE and THE OUTCASTS OF POKER FLATS. Science fiction was not a subject he was familiar with and Universal was unhappy with some of his scenes. They brought in Jack Arnold (who worked with producer Alland frequently) to re-shoot the Metaluna scenes. A sequel was planned but never made. ISLAND also features Richard Deacon, Olan Soule and Coleman Francis in uncredited roles. 

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There's A Riot Going On

RIOT IN CELL BLOCK 11-1956-In this Allied Artist documentary style prison uprising film, prisoners Dunn (Neville Brand) and Crazy Mike (Leo Gordon) lead a prison revolt for better conditions. A former colonel (Robert Osterloh) helps them with their list of grievances while the warden (Emile Meyer) lock horns with a callous senator (Frank Faylen). When Dunn is injured the sadistic Mike takes over and the cons begin fighting among themselves. Eventually Dunn wins his case with the approval of the governor (Thomas B Henry) but it's overturned and Dunn faces 30 more years in stir. “Still there are small steps forward” says the narrator. 

Alvy Moore, Whit Bissell, Paul Frees, Dabbs Greer and William Phipps are some of the other prisoners. 

 Screenwriter Richard Collins also wrote THE CULT OF THE COBRA and was blacklisted for a while. Later he worked mostly in TV. Director Don Siegel made this 2 years before his classic THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.

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Sabata!

SABATA-1969-Sabata, a very cool gunfighter (played by the very cool Lee Van Cleef) interjects himself into the happening of a small town run by weird guy Stengal (Franco Ressel) who wants to buy up all the land because a railroad is going to be built. A redneck jerk named Banjo (William Berger) shoots people with with his banjo which is actually a rifle. Later Sabata is joined by fat drunk Carrincha (Pedro Sanchez) and his Indian friend Alley Cat (Aldo Canti) and along with Banjo lay siege to Stengal's ranch. 

This “spaghetti-western” was the first of a trilogy directed by Frank Kramer (real name: Gianfranco Parolini) and all starring Van Cleef.

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Bad!

BAD LANDERS-1992-Horri-terrible (I couldn't decide which word described this movie better, so I combined them) science fiction space nonsense about a Mad Max wannabe named Blaine (James Phillips} involved with slave traders led by Broxton (Michael Foley) on the planet Annakin (!) while looking for an old man named Himshaw and a place called Cypress. Apparently at one time Himshaw was the king of Annakin but was banished by his evil brother Akira. After being drugged and tortured by Broxton Blaine is saved by Kabilya (Deborah Thompson-Carlin) and they escape together. They find Cypress destroyed but meet Himshaw (Jack Willcock). Nearly everyone is killed in the finale and when you think it's finally over there's one more stupid fight between Blaine and Broxton. 

A sneaky con-man in a suit and tie seems to be based on Curly Howard. Another cinematographer, this time Armand Gazarian tries his hand at directing and fails!