The Bad Things Directors Do...

 

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THE GOOD THINGS DEVILS DO-2020-The weirdo who made this horror shit must have hated women. 

This is about a dumb schoolteacher Melvin (David Rucker lll) who accidentally resurrects a vampire while his home is invaded by a father, Richard (Bill Oberst Jr.), his daughter Mouse (Mary Katherine O'Connell) and sadistic perverted companion Percy (Kane Hodder who must have needed money desperately to have done this). After his wife (Linnea Quigley) is bitten, Melvin and his dysfunctional stepdaughter Caroline (Kelly Wilson Robinson) hide in a bedroom. 

Despite bloody gore, this is a talky emoting piece of crap with characters screaming and cursing. The director Jess Norvisgaard worked on TV shows like “The Biggest Loser” and “LA Ink” before this.

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Witchtrapped

 

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WITCHTRAP-1989-A group of psychic researchers go to the haunted Lauder House. 3 moronic security officers accompany them. The first victim of the group is Ginger (Linnea Quigley), who takes a nude shower and has the good sense to get killed (by a shower head) early on. A woman named Whitney (Kathleen Bailey) has a lot of seizures. A psycho handyman roams around too. The acting is terrible. 

Writer/director Kevin S. Tenney (who also has a role) also made WITCHBOARD, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS and THE CELLAR.

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The Lone Star State of Horror

PSYCHO FROM TEXAS-1975-A nutty redneck named Wheeler (John King lll) has flashbacks of his mom having sex. Meanwhile a local rich retired businessman  named Phillips (Herschal Mays), who fishes with an African American kid, plans the wedding of his daughter Connie (Candy Dee). Turns out Wheeler was hired to kidnap and rob Phillips. He and a local fool kidnap Phillips and after tying him up at a remote cabin, Wheeler goes to score some weed. Now he may be psycho but he's not very smart leaving the shit for brains local to watch over their captive. Sure enough while Wheeler is out making a pest of himself Phillips escapes. The local gives chase. They keep referring to Phillips as an “old man" but he takes off and their chase scene seems to go on forever!  Meanwhile Wheeler visits Connie and a neighbor informs her that her daddy is missing. (The kid he goes fishing with found his abandoned car) It seems Connie's fiance Steve (Reed Johnson) is behind the plot. The long long chase finally ends with Phillips stabbing the local ass in the neck. He eventually makes it to police headquarters.  After Wheeler kills Connie's friend, he gets some KFC and visits a bar. Steve is arrested but when he sees Phillips is alive he grabs a cop’s gun and bolts. Yes! Another chase scene! The chase is inter-cut with Wheeler's antics at the very darkly lit bar where he kills the only other customer and makes the bartender (Linnea Quigley) dance naked and pours beer on her (she looks like she's laughing on one point). A cop shoots Steve in the head, father and daughter are reunited and the sheriff (who’s daughter Wheeler killed) shoots Wheeler whose last words are “Don't hurt me, mama!”.  

This fairly boring slasher film began life as the never released WHEELER. It went through several changes and titles before it became PSYCHO FROM TEXAS. The bar scenes with  Linnea Quigley (this could be her first film role depending on when the scenes were shot) were added to this version providing the only actual highlight of the whole film. Seems like they put it toward the end to give at least some kind of payoff. Two directors are credited: Jack Collins (who plays the sheriff) and Jim Feazell.

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Early For Christmas

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT-1984-On Christmas Eve in 1971 a young boy is told by his senile grandpa that Santa will punish him and his brother on Christmas. Later the boy named Billy sees his parents killed by an intruder dressed as St. Nick (Charles Dierkop). Three years later the brothers are in an orphanage where Billy gets into trouble with the uptight nuns because of some violent drawings he made. The Fuehrer like Mother Superior whips a boy and girl caught having sex (“punishment is good”) and Billy gets a whipping too because he saw them. On Christmas Eve he's tied to a bed and the head Mother says “I see nothing but greed where there should be gratitude”. He freaks out when Santa visits. Cut to 1984 and Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) has a job hauling furniture in a warehouse but still gets nuts at the sight of Santa. As bad luck would have it, his boss makes him dress like Santa for the company Christmas Party. (“It's six o'clock. Time to get shit-faced!”) He interrupts his foreman trying to rape Pamela, another employee and strangles him with a string of lights. She's not grateful at all and calls him crazy so he stabs her. He kills his drunken boss Mr. Sims with a hammer then uses a bow and arrow on another female worker. 

Bill Claus hits the town killing a baby sitter (Linnea Quigley) who dies topless impaled on some trophy antlers. Her boyfriend puts up a good fight but falls out a window. Later he decapitates a bully. When the police find out how the killer is dressed a stupid cop shoots and kills a priest dressed as Santa! Billy returns to the orphanage (where his brother still resides) to get the Mother Superior but is shot and killed. It ends with his little brother grimacing and saying “naughty”. 

This infamous movie caused a huge controversy when first released because of its depiction of “Killer Claus”. It was eventually pulled form distribution even though it out grossed another horror movie that opened the same weekend: Wes Craven's NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHTS's director Charles E. Sellier Jr. only directed three other films but produced many low budget “speculation” documentaries that did well in theaters at the time. (BEYOND AND BACK, THE MYSTERIOUS MONSTERS, IN SEARCH OF HISTORIC JESUS) He also created the hit TV series “The Life and Times of Grizzy Adams”. SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT is pretty tame by today's standards and spawned several sequels.

Thanks for reading and a Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Movie Gone Dead

GIRLS GONE  DEAD-2012-In this routine stupid gore movie, a semi-religious teenager named Rebecca (Katie Peterson) goes to a friend's house with 5 bimbos to party for the weekend. Her God fearing mom (Julie Kendal) thinks she's going on a retreat. After rollicking in a pool they go to a place called Wild Wylee's where Linnea Quigley is the bartender (she also sings). They get very drunk and one of them goes off with an extremely fat guy and they become the first victims of a hooded masked killer who uses an ancient ax on victims. The next day the group (who don't really seemed concerned that their friend hasn't returned) get involved in a "Girls Gone Wild" parody (where Ron Jeremy shows up) and the killer beheads a black dwarf named Beetlejuice. Later they have some guys come over to the house and everyone starts dying. Turns out Rebecca's religiously bent mom is the killer, getting help form Rebecca's equally deranged ex-boyfriend.  Pro wrestler Jerry "The King" Lawler is a local sheriff who pile drives the killer in the fiery anti-religious finale.

Although the movie features some extreme gore and nudity, it's just like any other modern slasher film. There's a funny outtake at the end though. Two guys, Aaron T. Wells and Michael Hoffman Jr. share the director's credit.

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Live Action Manga

THE GUYVER-1991-This is a crazy kind of Sci-Fi superhero comedy drama based on a Japanese manga.

A scientist working for the evil Chronus corporation has created “the most dangerous technology since the atom bomb”. It's called The Guyver, an armor that sort of fuses with the body. It looks like an sinister version of Ultra-Man.

Chronus CEO Balcus (David Gale from RE-ANIMATOR in his last role) wants the armor. His semi-comical goon squad includes Jimmy Walker, Michael Berryman and Spice Williams. They can all mutate into monsters too. After the scientist is killed a dumb martial arts student (Jack Armstrong) accidentally gets the armor and must save the late scientist’s daughter (Vivian Wu). Mark Hamil is a CIA agent who helps out but becomes a monster in the climax. It’s a fun movie if you like outrageous monsters fighting with a little comedy thrown in.

Linnea Quigley has one scream, I mean scene and REANIMATOR star Jeffery Combs has a small role. Co-director Screaming Mad George did SFX on many movies (including BRIDE OF THE RE-ANIMATOR) but this is his only full length feature credit.

Co-director Steve Wang later made a sequel GUYVER: DARK HERO and episodes of MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS. If THE GUYVER seems to have a lot of Re-Animator connects, Brian Yuzna was the producer.



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