JJ Strikes Again

JUNGLE JIM IN THE FORBIDDEN LAND-A scientist Dr. Linda Roberts (Angela Greene; Tess Trueheart in the short lived DICK TRACEY TV show) goes to find Jim (Johnny Weissmuller). Unfortunately her raft is attacked by a hippo and her small crew is killed. She survives and wanders the jungle and is lucky enough to be rescued by Jim when a panther attacks. He kills it with his trusty knife (it's a stuffed animal). Dr. Roberts is looking for "The Land of The Giant People". Jim takes her to see "The Old One", a ancient blind white haired guy who talks like Master Po. On their way a hippo attacks again and Jim kills it (a silly looking model). Later he helps out a man who is legally dealing in ivory. His ward (Jean Willes) causes trouble. Somehow she and a phony doctor convince a commissioner to use two captured "giant people" to find their hidden land. They look like wolf people and aren't very gigantic. Jim is shot with truth serum and reveals where the giants hang out. Then he's framed for murder. Good of course triumphs in the end and Tamba the monkey gets its name in the credits!

Director Lew Landers started directing (under his real name Louis Friedlander) in the early 30's and made THE RAVEN with Karloff & Lugosi in 1935. Among his over 100 credits (!) he made THE BOOGIE MAN WILL GET YOU (with Karloff & Lorre), THE RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE (with Lugosi) and THE MASK OF DIJON (with Erich Von Stroheim).  Like many "work-aholic" directors he later went into TV. He died in 1962. I'd like to see his last movie TERRIFIED. 

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Health Short

HER NAME WAS ELLIE, HIS NAME WAS LYLE-1967-Bruce (John Pleschette) is a NYC high school basketball player who believes he has syphilis. He's rude to his girlfriend, takes lots of showers and when his grouchy father tries to talk to him he clams up. He tries to steal some penicillin from a druggist and then goes to a clinic and gets examined by an African American doctor who tells Bruce he's got the clap. Bruce got it from a waitress named Ellie (Lynne Lipton) and he breaks the bad news to her. ("Of all the lousy luck"). She goes to the clinic for help and gets a lecture.  His well informed girlfriend gets very angry when he tells her the truth (apparently from their conversation they were having sex) then she goes to the clinic and gets checked out. The counselor at the health clinic searches for a guy named Lyle who gave the dose to Ellie. By the end of this 28 minute short Lyle is still out there and "remains dangerous to himself and the community".  This black and white Dept. of Health warning  is the only directorial effort by German born Lothar Wolff who according to some sources edited Fritz Lang's THE TESTAMENT OF DR. MABUSE and THE LAST WILL OF DR. MABUSE! Filmed in Manhattan.

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Little People, Big Hero

PYGMY ISLAND-1950-Some army officers (one of them is Selmer Jackson)  in DC discuss a jungle plant that could replace rope while newspaper headlines report the disappearance of Capt. Kingsley who was looking for the source of the plant. A flashback then tells us that this is another Jungle Jim adventure as Jim (Johnny Weissmuller) finds the captain's missing dog tags. No sooner does the real story start then Jim is in the water fighting an alligator! While investigating the death of a pygmy Jim discovers the plant is fireproof. The flashback ends and the US army (with THE MAD GHOUL's David Bruce) shows up in Bugandi (?) to check out a group of white Pygmy people and find the missing captain who we also learn is a woman (Ann Savage). She's hiding out with them. Meanwhile a tribe of "bush devils" threatens the little people. A local trader named Marco (Steven Geray) is also after the plant. The bush devils start an elephant stampede and of course it turns out "the devils" are actually foreign agents (lead by Tris Coffin). A gorilla (probably the same one from MARK OF THE GORILLA) attacks Jim and destroys a bridge (with Jim on it!). Billy Curtis leads the little natives (who include Billy Barty & Angelo Rossitto) who save the day when Jim is taken captive. William Tannen and Tommy Farrell are also in it. This is one of the few JJ movies that contains non-jungle scenes. 

Director William Berke was a veteran of low budget movies (and later TV) since 1934. His last work was on 1958's THE LOST MISSILE.

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Bava

HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON-1970-John Harrington (Canadian actor Stephen Forsyth), a bridal designer kills brides to be with a hatchet because of a repressed childhood trauma and uses their bodies for fertilizer. He thinks "My name is John Harrington. I'm 30 years old. I'm paranoiac. Paranoiac. An enchanting name word. So civilized. Full of possibilities". 

He wants a divorce from his rich wife Mildred (Laura Betti) but she refuses. In a hidden room at his dress shop he hugs, kisses and dances with some mannequins. He and Mildred go to a seance' because Mildred is trying to contact her dead former husband but instead she seems to channel John's mother. A police inspector suspects John and they have several conversations about a missing employee. When one of his models gives her notice (she's going to be married) he has her put on a wedding dress, dances with her then kills her while a female voice calls his name and he thinks lines like "someone is tip toeing in my brain".  Her replacement Helen (Dagmar Lassander; Fulchi's HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY) turns out to be the missing model's sister who's investigating her disappearance (John admits he killed her and buried her in his green house but she thinks he's joking). Later he puts on a bridal veil and chops up Mildred.  Occasionally John sees a young boy watching him. Later people see Mildred even though John can't. After some talk John puts Mildred's ashes in a bag and goes to a disco.

This is slick sickness from the master Mario Bava (who co-wrote the script) uses great lighting and dream like sequences marred somewhat by the cliched dubbed dialogue: "You like horror films, do ya?". "I don't find them very entertaining. I keep thinking that reality is more terrifying than fiction".  But it's still one of Bava's best, an entertaining entry into the Italian "giallo" genre with a great final ending.

Sometimes listed as HATCHET FOR A HONEYMOON. This was star Forsyth's last movie role after a brief career in Italian films.

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Hey Abbott?

WAGON TRAIN-"The Tobias Jones Story"-1958-This episode of the long running western about a wagon train crossing the western plains to California features the only dramatic role by comedian Lou Costello! He plays Toby Jones, a drunken itinerant who stows away on a wagon with a little girl name Midge (Beverley Washburn) who's devoted to Toby like a daughter to a father. Due to his drinking the wagon master Seth Adams (star Ward Bond) has Midge stay with Mrs. Folsom (June Clayworth) and her mean, abusive husband (Morris Ankrum). Things don't work out too well as Toby's drinking gets him into a lot of trouble. It comes to a head when Folsom is stabbed to death (with Toby's knife) and 10,000 dollars is stolen. The would be settlers want to string Toby up but Adams makes sure cooler heads prevail. Except Toby feels it would be better for him, Midge and everyone else if he was dead. Of course Toby is innocent and it's up to Adams to find out the truth. This episode also features Peter Breck as a rabble rousing cowboy and Harry Von Zell (who wrote the script) as a level headed easterner. The story itself is typical of the time but Costello is very good in the serious role. It was directed by Herschel Daugherty. Lou Costello made one more filmed appearance the next year in his only solo effort THE 50 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK. He died of a heart attack at age 52 before it was released. Ten years later Beverley Washburn would co-star as one of the Merrye sisters in Jack Hills' SPIDER BABY! TV and radio announcer Harry von Zell was featured on THE BURNS AND ALLEN SHOW at the time.

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Jungle Jim

MARK OF THE GORILLA-1950-Johnny Weissmuller as Jungle Jim returns! After a narrator (un-billed Holmes Herbert) tells us about a jungle preserve, a gorilla kills a messenger carrying an important letter. Fortunately Jim's faithful crow retrieves the letter. It turns out a million dollars is buried on the preserve and some unscrupulous bad guys led by Onslow Stevens (HOUSE OF DRACULA) as Brandt want it so two of them disguise themselves as apes. It's a switcheroo! This time it really is suppose to be a man in a gorilla suit! A princess (Trudy Marshall) also gets involved looking for the lost treasure of her people. Jim gets to fight a lion, leopard and has a underwater fight with a giant snake. The princess is taken prisoner by the phony gorilla men but Jim saves her by donning his own gorilla suit! 

Much of this Sam Katzman production was filmed at the famous Bronson Canyon in LA. Director William Berke would do several more in the series.

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Nonsense

DARK FLOORS-2008-A nurse, a high strung guy, a security guard, a nutty guy and man with a semi-comatose daughter are trapped in a hospital. All the doctors and patients have disappeared and they are menaced by a strange apparition (it looks like Uncle Creepy from the black and white Warren comics). It all seems to be related to the daughter. A scaly monster bites the high strung guy's leg. Later the monster (which looks like The Predator dressed to go clubbing) kills some of them. Two survivors become "displaced" in time and eventually corpses come back to life. It's all Stephen King/David Lynch/J-horror inspired nonsense very drawn out and un-entertaining.

This Finland/Iceland co-production (in English) was directed by Pete Riski and features English actor Ronald Pickup and the Finnish rock group Lordi  (I like their song "Hard Rock Hallelujah") as most of the demons.

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Lake Shit

"Sick minds make sick movies"....me




LAKE DEAD-2007-This begins with an old man getting shot in the head. Two sisters inherit a hotel from their grandfather. Sister number one is a foul mouthed drunken whore. Sister number two is nice and married to a construction worker. Their estranged father warns them not to go because granddad was a bad man. Slutty sis goes to the hotel herself and winds up being dunked in the lake and weighted down by a cinder block. Then nice sis and hubby take some friends up there (the more victims, the merrier). The place is run by Gloria (Pat McNeeley) a too cheerful lady who denies knowing anything about slutty sis so you know right away she's part of whatever nonsense is going to happen. The idiots decide to go camping. The stupidest part is when hubby goes for a swim underwater. He keeps his eyes closed and doesn't see slutty sis's body.  After one couple has sex two long haired dweebs attack them. The duo later go after the whole group but they escape. They ran afoul of the local redneck sheriff who's in on the plot which has to do with some hillbillys who want the married sister to help continue the hick inbred mentally deficient bloodline. 

Rape, torture and incest also figure in the screwed up plot. The "twist ending" in this HILLS HAVE EYES inspired garbage is given away early when hubby instead of killing one of the long haired geeks only knocks him out.

As of this writing director George Bessudo has made only one other movie. (keep your fingers crossed)

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Mystery Title!

SHAOLIN KUNG FU MYSTAGOGUE-1977-This crazy Kung-Fu period piece has lots of fights, violence, bad dubbing and nutty costumes crammed into this story with stars Carter Wong and Hsu Feng fighting for King Tang (Chang Yi). Parts of it are unintentionally funny but of course bad dubbing and editing has something to do with that. Personally, the best thing I liked about this martial arts film was the strange title! It's original title is DA MO MI ZONG and was directed by Pen I-Chang.

Drunk Mantis Dance Fever

DANCE OF THE DRUNK MANTIS-1979-Jackie Chan style martial arts comedy full of stupid characters, terrible dubbing and hackneyed editing but it's slapstick acrobatic fights are great! An old woman beats up a much younger money lender and two bullies cluck like a chicken and a duck when they fight. An old Kung-Fu master, Sam the Seed (Siu Tin Yuen also in SNAKE IN THE EAGLE'S SHADOW who died soon after this) teaches his adopted son Foggy (Shun-Yee Yuen  also in INFRA-MAN) "drunk fighting". They have a falling out but later get back together to fight the old man's white bearded former pupil Old Rubber Legs (Jang Lee Hwang also in BRUCE LEE: A DRAGON STORY). After getting beat the son meets his thought to be dead uncle who teaches him some new moves so he can destroy Rubber Legs. 

Director Woo-ping Yuen (Siu Tin Yuen's son) directed several movies with Jackie Chan and was stunt coordinator on many more.

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When Will It End? (bad movie making I mean...)

END OF THE WORLD-2013-Sometimes I do think the world is coming to an end when I see movies like this! Some dweebs who like science fiction movies try to survive when deadly balls of electricity bombard the Earth. They also try to locate a famous author (Brad Dourif) who could help but he's locked up in an insane asylum. Most of them are killed but somehow two of them manage to set off a nuclear warhead to destroy the deadly force!

The director Steven R. Monroe previously did the remake of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.

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Flying Monkeys

FLYING MONKEYS-2013-In Kansas, a father misses his daughter's high school graduation so to say he's sorry he buys her a cute pet monkey. However at night it turns into a flying monkey monster (kind of like the ones in THE WIZARD OF OZ) called a Zego, an ancient demon from China. Meanwhile in China 2 locals and some mercenaries hunt another one. It turns out that when they are shot they don't die they split in two and multiple. After all the mercs are killed the two locals go to Kansas to stop it because "everyone in America owns a gun". The acting, script and SFX are terrible.

This is the only feature film made (so far) by Robert Grasmere, usually a 2nd unit director.

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Pongo!

WHITE PONGO-1945-In the unexplored swamps of East Africa, a white guy is tied up while natives dance around a fire. A white gorilla (Crash Corrigan) watches the festivities and gets angry when he sees the chief's wife with a  (real) pet chimp on a lease. The captive guy escapes (with the help of an older white guy who also seems to be a prisoner) but sticks around long enough to see the gorilla trample the chief and rescue the chimp.  The captive guy is rescued but dying of jungle fever. British explorer Sir Henry (Gordon Richards) and his daughter Pamela (Maris Wrixton from THE APE) arrive just in time to hear the last of his rantings. They deduce that the gorilla is White Pongo, the legendary missing link! They set out on an expedition. Although one of the white hunters is Clive (Michael Dyne), a "suitor" of Pamela's, she prefers their hired hunter/guide, the mysterious hard nosed Bishop (Richard Fraser). Also along is Baxter (George Lloyd from I ACCUSE MY PARENTS also by PONGO's director) talking in an exaggerated English accent. The group sets a trap for Pongo then stands around talking, waiting for something to happen. Bishop gets into hot water when he's caught kissing Pamela. It turns out that their German guide Kroegert (Al Eben who had a small role in CITIZEN KANE) is actually after gold and he and Clive team up to betray the rest but Bishop is actually working for the US secret service and is on to the German's shenanigans. After Kroegert kills Clive and threatens Pamela he's killed by Pongo who takes a shine to Pam and takes her back to his lair. He scares a lion away and fights a regular (man in a suit) gorilla in defense of his fur-less love. At the end the group captures Pongo, puts him in a bamboo cage and takes him back to the US!

WHITE PONGO resembles another PRC production from the same year THE WHITE GORILLA (also with Corrigan in the simian lead) which is even more cheaply assembled. Most of it is silent movie footage!

Speedy Sam Newfield made 12 other features in 1945. I wonder if he stopped for lunch?

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Taiwan

ANGEL FORCE-1991-Taiwan sends a government rescue team to free a hostage in Burma. A guy named Peter (Wilson Lam) assembles a team (including his female partner played by Moon Lee) to do the assignment. Strangely Peter gets shot up and his partner has to take over. There's a lot of shoot-outs, fights and a motorcycle chase though the print I saw was badly dubbed and edited. It's sometimes hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. It starts out as "cops vs gangsters" and switches to a jungle commando action film with some surprising violence. The story goes on too long with a lot of predictable twists. Yukari Oshima plays an arms dealer. Of the two directors credited one Shan Hua directed the crazy INFRA-MAN.

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Horror in Connecticut

THE CURSE OF THE LIVING CORPSE-1964-Somewhere in the 1800's, the Sinclair family gathers for the reading of the recently deceased father's will. The old boy had a fear of being buried alive and leaves intricate details on how to make sure he's dead. The will states that if the greedy ones do not follow his instructions they will all die in the way the fear the most (drowning, burning, smothering, etc.). Later a mysterious masked killer in hat and cape does away with them (it's easy to figure out who it is). This leaves some of the nervous relatives to cry that dad is still alive. Roy Scheider (in his film debut) plays the sarcastic drunken second son and CARNIVAL OF SOUL's Candace Hilligoss has a mostly wasted role until the climax. The highlight is a severed head served on a dinner plate.

CURSE OF THE LIVING CORPSE was shot in Connecticut by Del Tenney, the director behind the much more entertaining HORROR OF PARTY BEACH. But CURSE is a funny period piece with outrageous dialogue and some early gore. Much of it seems to be  a parody especially with the arrival of an inquisitive detective and his stupid policeman assistant.

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French Zombies

MUTANTS-2008-Gory full of its self 28 DAYS LATER inspired horror film from France. Sonia (Helene de Fougerolles), a doctor and her boyfriend Marco (Francis Renaud) hide in some kind of medical building while an airborne virus turns The French populace  into zombies. Sonia, who seems to be immune to the disease gets a message from NOAH, a military/scientific recovery group that they are on the way to rescue the pair. Unfortunately Marco becomes infected. He gets weaker and weaker, his hair and teeth fall out and he vomits blood. Finally he becomes a raving lunatic that pisses blood. Sonia decides to kill him but relents at the last minute and locks him in the basement (so don't go in the basement...). Later two idiots Franck and Nico show up. Sonia and Frank go to an underground radio base so she can send an SOS while Franck fights off some (unintentionally comical) mutants with a machete'. They return but Frank and Nico beat her up until a pack of mutants attack (they seem to have been called by Marco, still in the basement). The finale is a sick CGI video game inspired drawn out chase/battle. 

Director David Morlet obviously thought he was doing something great and by the reviews I've seen he wasn't wrong. It must be me....

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Everyone's Kung-Fu Fighting Again!

SHAOLIN INTRUDERS-1983-A gambler (Tung-Shing Yee)  and a fighter (Jason Pai Piao)  known as "master of the golden sword" investigate a murder blamed on a woman. The deaths all seem to have been committed by Shaolin martial artists but that should be impossible. A renegade Shaolin monk seeking revenge is to blame. The woman is his daughter and is actually helping him ("Evil bitch! I'm gonna kill you!"). This period piece has great fights especially the crazed bloody finale! This was one of only three features directed by legendary martial arts stunt choreographer Chia Tang

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Why????

PIRANHA-2010-This useless remake (I think parts of it were suppose to be comical) takes the scary but fun original premise and turns it into a CGI driven bore-fest. Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames are law officers investigating some deaths during Spring Break. It seems the fish are of a  prehistoric variety that somehow survived and are very hungry. They look like something from the old "Diver Dan" kid's TV show! Like most horror movies today it's just a mean spirited excuse to spotlight grotesque SFX and unlikable overacting characters. Christopher Lloyd as a fish expert provides the only highlight. Jerry O'Connell is shredded from the waist down but keeps on emoting. One character manages to hold off the deadly fishies with a frying pan! The quick comic final scene is good though. 

Over arty direction is by Alexandre Aja (THE HILLS HAVE EYES remake) who seems to have confused Spielberg with Corman and features Richard Dreyfuss as pre-credit scene as a victim. 

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Japan Ghost

EMPIRE OF PASSION-1978-In Feudal Japan circa 1895, Seiki (Kazuko Yoshiyuki) is a hard working unhappy wife married to Gisaburo (Takahiro Tamura), a rickshaw driver. She has an affair with Toyoji (Tatsuya Fuji). After several passionate encounters they decide to kill the husband. One snowy night they get him shit faced then strangle him and throw the body down an old well. Three years later Gisaburo's ghost returns to haunt Seiki who's still unhappy. 

Though a little long director Nagasi Oshima (IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES) uses some excellent photography and effects, eerie lighting and some surprising sex scenes. He won the best director award at Cannes. His next film would be MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. LAWRENCE IN 1983.

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50's British Horror

THE GAMMA PEOPLE-1956-When their private car gets detached from the rest of their train 2 music critics wind up in Gadavia, a strange German like town that's not on their map. Mike is the American played by Paul Douglas and Howard (Leslie Phillips) is British. They meet a pompous police inspector who promptly puts them in jail. After they are released the pair find a lot of weird things going on. For instance the telegram office has no telegraph. "Something very odd's going on here" says Mike. They watch a young girl play classical piano but she's interrupted by Hugo (Michael Caridia), a young boy who looks straight out of the Hitler youth who criticizes her. "What a little stinker" says Howard. Then a maid slips them a note about "saving the children". Later Howard is accosted by some zombie looking residents ("Must be a pack of local teddy boys"). They meet the mysterious Dr. Boronski (Walter Rilla) who is actually a missing scientist named Mirsch who says he's interested in educating the local kids but his "work" is far more sinister. After poor Howard is beaten up by a pack of young boys Mike discovers Boronski is using gamma rays to create geniuses and imbeciles and the children are his guinea pigs. Fortunately the doctor's assistant Paula (Eva Bartok) and little Hugo turn against their mentor and help save the village. 

Douglas is very good in the tough guy role (he was in THE SOLID GOLD CADILLAC the same year) and despite some lapses into comedy this is a good little thriller, more mystery than science fiction. Co-star Leslie Phillips went on to have roles in many English TV shows and films (and is still alive at the time of this writing!). Director John Gilling later made films for Hammer including THE PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES and THE REPTILE.

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The Original

THE FAST & THE FURIOUS-1955-Roger Corman's second production (after THE MONSTER FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR) is a low budget hot rod crime drama.

John Ireland (who co-directed with the film's editor Edward Sampson) wrongly convicted of murder escapes from jail and is the subject of a state wide manhunt. At a diner run by Iris Adrian he meets Connie Adair (Dorothy Malone). He beats up Bruno Ve Sota and steals Malone's Jaguar (taking her as hostage in the process). After arguing and avoiding the police and roadblocks he realizes the only way he can escape to Mexico is by joining a hot rod race that ends south of the border. Unfortunately he knows nothing about racing. Fortunately his hostage does. Her "boyfriend" (Bruce Carlisle) is suspicious and Ireland strong arms Malone several times but eventually they fall in love. He locks her in an old shack and joins the race. He and b.f. duel it out and later the lovers are reunited and Ireland decides to give himself up. Former silent screen comedian Snub Pollard has a brief role. It's very shoddy and preposterous but lives up to half it's name and moves along fast enough. Corman and Jonathan Haze have cameos.

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Conrad Veidt

HANDS OF ORLAC-1924-Giving his farewell performance renown pianist Paul Orlac (Conrad Veidt) is in a railroad crash that crushes his hands. A doctor seems to heel him and says Orlac will need a "strong will" to play again. Instead of playing Orlac sees a grinning face and dreams a giant fist is attacking him! He then learns the truth: the doctor couldn't save his hands and instead gave Orlac the hands of an executed murderer! He can't get over this and decides never to touch anyone again. This kind of gets in the way of being with his loving wife. After his greedy father in law is killed Orlac meets the supposedly dead murderer who claims the doctor's assistant cut off his head and attached it to a new body with metal hands! It's all a plot by the assistant to get money out of Orlac.

HANDS OF ORLAC is another excursion into German expressionism by director Robert Weine and star Veidt who earlier had the same roles on THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI. It's more psychological than horror and Veidt's performance is very off the top even for a silent film. Even though it might seem drawn out to some viewers it's still a classic! It was remade  in 1935 as MAD LOVE.

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Fong Again!

ENFORCER FROM DEATH ROW (aka NINJA ASSASSINS)-1978-Leo Fong (also a co-producer and co-writer) plays T L Young, a former Ranger on death row for a crime he didn't commit. He's busted out of the slams by some secret organization that want him to bust up NOMAD, a spy ring in this shot (badly) in the Philippines martial arts action drama. It's pretty inept with terrible fights, scenes that are way too dark, bad editing, stupid dialogue and long stretches of no action. A woman is tortured with a soldering gun. Ninjas occasionally attack and Young and his friend Danny and a demolition expert blow up a yacht after Young plucks a guy's eyeballs out. This ends so abruptly I think they forgot to film the final scene. Cameron Mitchell appears for less than a minute!

One of the directors Marshall Borden edited movies including THE NINE LIVES OF FRITZ THE CAT and JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL (he also edited this). The other credited director Efren C. Pinon directed Fong in BLIND RAGE the same year. Cinematography is by Frank Harris who later directed Fong in KILLPOINT and LOW BLOW.


Fong (who was born in China but raised in Arkansas) also starred in BLIND RAGE the same year.

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Hammer Zombies

THE PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES-1966-Hammer teamed up with 7 Arts to release this eerie horror film. While on vacation a curmudgeonly doctor Sir James Forbes (Andre Morrell) is summon to Cornwall by his ex-pupil Peter (Brook Williams) to check out the "strange malady" afflicting his wife Alice (Jacqueline Pearce from BLAKE'S SEVEN). After a not so nice welcome, Alice dies and Sir James' daughter Sylvia (Diane Clare who was in THE HAUNTING) is harassed by a group of fox hunters under the charge of Squire Hamilton (John Carson), a weird guy who talks like James Mason. He tries to act gentlemanly by she isn't buying it. While Sylvia is walking home sees a zombie like guy dump Alice's body down a hill. Meanwhile Sir James and Peter are arrested for grave robbing but they get off when the coffin they dug up is empty! Apparently Hamilton is the leader of a Voodoo blood cult that turns folks into zombies and makes them work in the local tin mine. Hamilton wants to zombify Sylvia. Guys in robes wearing masks that have "Daredevil" horns attack a vicar. Later pasty faced zombies rise from the grave but it seems to to a dream sequence. Somehow after nearly being buried alive Sir James saves his daughter and makes the zombies turn against their master and destroy his plans. The best scene is when Alice suddenly becomes a zombie and Sir James decapitates her with a shovel. Michael Ripper is very good as one of the constables who helps out.

Like a lot of Hammer films it takes time to get going but delivers some great scenes. The under rated (at least in America) Morrell is great in the lead role. Director John Gilling also made THE REPTILE the same year. Hammer teamed with 7 Arts to make THE WITCHES the same year too.

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What Thing?

THE THING-2011-A biologist, Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) joins a team in the Arctic to investigate a UFO and it's frozen occupant in this prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 version. The pompous scientist (Ulrich Thomsen) leading the expedition decides to get a tissue sample by drilling through the block of ice. While everyone is partying "the thing" breaks out. They burn it after it kills a guy and dissect the body. Unfortunately they learn too late that the alien can turn into other people. Since nearly every horror movie today has disgusting SFX there's nothing new here (and the SFX in Carpenter's version were better....).

Joel Edgerton and Adewade Akinnuoye-Agbaje are also in it.

Once again Hollywood takes an untested director, in this case a Dutch director of TV commercials Mattijs van Heijningen to helm a big budgeted remake. Do they really care?

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Story of a Fake Bruce

STORY OF THE DRAGON-Bruce Lee lookalike Bob (Bruce Li) and his inept friend (Carter Wong) are fired from their restaurant jobs after a fight with 3 "foreigners". They prevent the duo from getting other jobs and get beat up again. They manage to get a job unloading ocean containers. The foreign gang is run by an Asian martial arts teacher with very dark skin and a black wig (I think he was suppose to be Japanese). The nephew of the container station owner shows up and beats up the gang. Though there's a lot of talk about foreigners I think this is suppose to take place in San Francisco which would explain all the white guys. Fake Bruce opens his own school and teaches everyone. The big boss, Mr. Grace says of Kung-Fu: "it's out of date. It's 900 years old!".  Later Lee-Clone beats up Mr. Charlie (Roy Horan) but a "boxing champion" wrecks the school. The boxer defeats Lee in a fight but he trains hard for a rematch. Everyone joins in for the unintentionally funny fights in the finale.

This may also be known as BRUCE LEE: A DRAGON STORY re-dubbed to "less resemble" the real Lee's life story. Co-directors Chi Chang and  Hua Chen were better know for cinematography and second unit work.

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Boredom Radio

BORDER RADIO-1987-This pretentious black and white "punk" film seems ripe for "cult-dom". The boring story concerns a musician named Jeff Bailey (Chris D., the lead vocalist for The Flesheaters) who's hiding out in Mexico after he and his two friends Chris (Chris Shearer) and Dean (John Doe, guitarist in X) steal the money they were owed from a gig they played. Jeff's wife Lu (Luanna Anders, the director's daughter) searches for him. The confused plot also uses out of place documentary style interviews to move the story along. The acting is terrible. It had three directors. Allison Anders (who later made GAS FOOD LODGING and MI VIDA LOCA) co-directed with cinematographer Dean Lett. The other credited director is Kurt Voss who later made POISON IVY: THE NEW SEDUCTION. BR also features The Blasters' guitarist Dave Alvin and Green On Red performing in one scene.

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Fontaine's Last Stand

THE WITCHES-(THE DEVIL'S OWN)-1966-Gwen Mayfield (Oscar winner Joan Fontaine in her last feature film role and still alive at the time of this writing) is a school teacher still recovering from an occult experience in Africa who goes to teach at a school in a small English town. Everyone seems to like her despite some oddballs like Alan Bax (Alec McCowen) who wears a priest's collar despite not being a priest. She becomes friends with Allan's sister Stephanie (Kay Walsh), a writer. After some mysterious goings on involving 2 teenagers and some disappearances Gwen has another breakdown and is sent to a hospital/nursing home. The doctor there (Leonard Rossiter) seems to be keeping her a prisoner....or is he? She later escapes and finds out the town's secret. Witchcraft is to blame and a young girl is to be a sacrifice!

This partnership between 7 Arts and Hammer films isn't as bad as I've sometimes read it's suppose to be though there's not a lot of action and in a way it's fairly easy to figure out the character who's behind it all. The devil worshipers do a really wild dance and there are some very haunting native masks. Screenplay (adapted from a novel by Norah Lofts, a female writer who sometimes wrote under the pen name Peter Curtis)) is by Nigel Kneale who wrote 2 of the Quatermass TV series and FIRST MEN IN THE MOON among other films. Director Cyril Frankel did a lot of BBC TV shows.

According to some sources the book's rights were purchased by Fontaine herself who brought the project to Hammer.

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Jekyll & Hyde

THE TWO FACES OF DR. JEKYLL-1960-In 1847 London Henry Jekyll (Paul Massie) is a disgraced doctor trying to discover "man as he would be". He's a loner who ignores his wife Kitty (Dawn Addams who was in Lang's THE 1000 EYES OF DR. MABUSE' the same year) and experiments on a monkey. Meanwhile Kitty is carrying on an affair with Jekyll's neer do well friend Paul (Christopher Lee). Somehow bearded, long haired, weird looking Jekyll becomes clean shaven, handsome Mr. Hyde who goes dancing and sees Paul and Kitty enjoying themselves. He dances with the unsuspecting  Kitty and nearly kills a dance hall bully(un-billed Oliver Reed). Later after making it with a snake charmer Hyde goes on a wild romp (including opium smoking) with Paul. Then extracting his revenge he sics the snake on Paul. When Kitty sees her illicit lover dead she fails to her own death. Hyde then strangles the snake charmer. Just when it seems like Hyde will literally get away with murder he reverts to Jekyll and dies.

Many times "new" interpretations of classic stories turn out to be boring and uninspired. Not so with Hammer's TWO FACES which thanks to the master of British horror Terence Fisher becomes an interesting and thought provoking take on Stevenson's Jekyll/Hyde story line. The acting and direction are excellent. The major flaw is the weird transformation of Hyde from Jekyll. Screenwriter Wolf Mankowitz later wrote the 1967 version of CASINO ROYALE. Director Fisher made BRIDES OF DRACULA and SWORD OF SHERWOOD FOREST the same year. Lee, who would later star in another Jekyll & Hyde film I, MONSTER  made CITY OF THE DEAD (HORROR HOTEL) the same year.

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Dwan's Last Stand

THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN ALIVE-1961-Gangster Eddie Candell (Ron Randell) escapes his death row prison cell to seek revenge against Damon (Anthony Curuso), a mob boss who double crossed him. While wandering in the desert Candell is caught in the fallout of a cobalt bomb blast. He (and a watermelon) turns into a literal "man of steel" as his body is fused with metal. Bullets can't hurt him. Two police officers (Gregg Palmer & Morris Ankrum) investigate. Debra Paget (who co-starred with Elvis in LOVE ME TENDER in better times) is his ex-girlfriend who testified against him. He takes her hostage and drives around in a truck full of dynamite. Another ex-girlfriend, Carla (Elaine Stewart) is more cooperative. A big manhunt ensues and Damon tries to kill Candell several times and fails. In the end he throws Damon off a cliff and is reduced to dust by flame throwers. This disjointed very low budget Sci-Fi drama, the last by screen director legend Allan Dwan seems like a TV movie missing a scene or two. The story was co-written by actor Michael Pate.

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Fung!

SHOWDOWN-1993-Some bikers beat up some drug dealers and take their stash. The Mayor assigns police captain/martial arts teacher James Long (producer/writer/director Leo Fung) to do something about it. After a botched up stakeout where an undercover officer is killed Long vows revenge against the crime boss Kincade (top billed Werner Hoetzinger). The bikers invade the small town of Sanctuary, a haven for retired gangsters where Richard Lynch is "The Commander". When an ex-mobster (Frank Marth) who recently reunited with his daughter Mickey (Michelle McCormick) is blow up by the gang The Commander calls in Long to "terminate" their leader, the weird looking kind of effeminate Kincade. (Long doesn't seem surprised when on hearing this) Long beats up three bikers and kills two of them. Later a black female gas station attendant beats up half of the gang! Things really hit a wall when one of the ex-mobsters sings at a seniors meeting. Mickey beats up a biker chick but is later taken captive. Long rescues her while beating up guys much bigger than him. Later Long uses a rocket launcher and teams up with The Commander to wipe out the gangs but Kincade escapes and the story suddenly shifts to micro-chips and 2 comedic smugglers. One of them beats down Long but he gets up, gets in his car and follows them like nothing happened! I thought this movie would never end but Long finally beats up Kincade and arrests him.

Troy Donahue appears in one scene at the beginning. The direction, editing and acting in this is martial arts action drama are all sub-par but it was cool to see Lynch in a cowboy hat. Werner Hoetzinger was a set dresser for some movies and TV shows. Thank the lord this was his only acting role! Sometimes confused with the Billy Blanks movie of the same name (made the same year).

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More Hing Kong

MY YOUNG AUNTIE-1981-An old man doesn't want his brother to get his "assets" after he dies so he marries the young woman who's taking care of him. She goes to Canton to meet the old man's nephew who of course thinks she's an old woman (she's younger than he is) and to turn her husband's estate over to him. No sooner do they meet than she bats up 5 guys. Evil younger brother is after the will. This is full of dumb humor and silly dances but the highlight is a martial arts sword fight during a costume party. The director Chia-Liang Liu also made THE LEGENDARY WEAPONS OF CHINA.

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Bad Movie Ho!

ANGEL'S MISSION (aka BORN TO BE BAD)-1990-A policewoman Cynthia (Yukaro Oshima/Cynthia Luster) goes to Hong Kong to visit her mother who's boss is a gang leader. It's very anti-Japanese  and a guy gives a ranting speech about how all kidnapped women (from Japan) must be checked for AIDS. Later Cynthia is recruited by the local authorities to smash the crime ring which her mother is connected to. This is another incoherent martial arts bundle of ineptitude by Godfrey Ho (MANHATTAN CHASE). Some of the fights are very well done though.

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Silent Hitchcock

THE MANXMAN-1929-This is usually listed as the last silent film directed by Alfred Hitchcock. It is sort of but his next film BLACKMAIL had silent and sound versions released. His daughter Pat was born around the time of it's shooting.

Pete, a simple fisherman (Carl Brisson, a Danish actor who earlier had been in THE RING by Hitchcock) and Phil, a banker (Malcolm Keen, an English actor in his third film for Hitch; he was the star of THE LODGER ) are lifelong friends. They are both sweet on Kate (Anny Ondra, a Czech actress and star of the director's next film BLACKMAIL), the daughter of a pub owner (Randle Ayrton), Pete wants to propose to Kate but is scared of her mean faced father. Phil seems to put in a good word for Pete but dad isn't buying it and throws him out. Later that night Pete decides to go away and seek his fortune overseas to win Kate who agrees to wait for him. He asks Phil to watch over her while he's gone. Phil meets Kate almost everyday much to the annoyance of Phil's mother who believes Kate is beneath him and threatens her plans for Phil to become a judge. When a telegram arrives saying Pete is dead, Phil and Kate (who have fallen in love) are free to marry. But of course Pete isn't dead. Everybody seems happy by his return except for Phil and Kate (who promptly faints when Phil agrees to be Pete's best man at their wedding!). After they wed Kate becomes pregnant but Phil is the father of her child not her husband. After the child is born Phil becomes a judge (called a "deemster"). Kate can stand the deception no longer and leaves hubby for the new judge but he's worried about a scandal. Pete carries on as best he can without Kate who tries unsuccessfully to get her baby back. She winds up in court before Judge Phil on an attempted suicide charge where he reveals everything and leaves his post in disgrace. Phil and Kate leave to the jeers of the townspeople and Pete goes back to his fishing.

This familiar sad story was based on a novel and had been filmed before in 1917. Malcolm Keen is the father of familiar English character actor Geoffrey Keen. Anny Ondra was married to boxer Max Schmeling!

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Alien Nonsense

ALIEN OPPONENT-2010-This science fiction idiocy starts out with a bunch of rednecks drinking beer. Then one of them catches his wife Meghan with another man. Then Meghan's mother kills the husband with a hammer.  Then a UFO lands near by. The aliens kill the remaining hicks. Later after not much happens the MIL and daughter advertise on TV to have someone come and hunt down the alien. Lots of dorks come by including a priest (pro wrestler Roddy Piper) with a cross dagger and M-16, a waitress, an exotic dancer, a biker and a soldier of fortune. Even football and baseball teams try to fight it. Some cheerleaders fight over a jock's severed head. The metal clad alien (it looks like a cross between a Star Wars trooper and The Guyver) lets loose slug like creatures and most of  the would be "hunters" kill each other (or themselves) accidentally. It uses a reanimated severed head to communicate. Later on everybody starts killing everyone else to "eliminate the competition". This is a gore comedy satire that's not very funny. In fact it's terrible. Most movies like this make me believe the director (in this case Colin Theys) really wanted to make the story serious but couldn't hold it together and had to settle on a parody. Piper who starred in the cult film THEY LIVE! in better days shows how far he has fallen by becoming an animated corpse and getting a baseball & bat stuck in his head.

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