Time Is Running Out

I have to go shovel snow so these will be very short!



SANJURO-1962-This is a sequel to Kurosawa's classic YOJIMBO (1961) but throws in some comedy between the swordplay. The always amazing Toshiro Mifune stars (he made CHUSHINGURA the same year). He helps some young clansmen against a corrupt "superintendent". It also feaures Tatsuya Nakadai and Takashi Shimura, the "Japanese John Carradine", a mainstay in the films of Kurosawa (and Ishiro Honda).




TRAPPED-1949-Not bad film noir with Lloyd Bridges as a counterfeiter sprung from jail by The US Treasury Department. Barbara Payton is his girlfriend. John Hoyt is an undercover Treasury agent. Director Richard Fleischer went on to make huge Hollywood shit like MANDINGO, AMITTYVILLE-3D and CONAN THE DESTROYER. He also made two other "noirs" around this time: ARMOURED CAR ROBBERY and NARROW MARGIN.



THE WILD BEES-(Divoke' vcely)-(2001)-From the Czech Republic and a first time director (Bohdan Slama) comes this quirky sometimes bizarre look at a small town and it's unusual inhabitants (including a Micheal Jackson impersonator). Everyone has a story and a lot of drinking goes on (suposedly the cast drank heavily during production!). Interesting.....





T.R.Y.-2003-Ok China/Japan co-production features Ken Watanabe (right before THE LAST SAMURAI) as a renegade military officer involved in an illegal arms deal. Yuji Oda (from TOKYO LOVE STORY) is the hero. The director Kazuki Omori also made GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE (1989) and GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH.

Thanks for reading and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It Might Bug You

MIMIC-(1997)-Some people like insects. Love 'em or hate 'em Guillermo del Toro's MIMIC at the very least will make your skin crawl.

A entomologist (Oscar winner Mira Sorvino) accidently creates a mutant type cockroach that likes to eat humans. It's pretty routine until the fairly exciting climax in an old subway terminal where blood, guts and gore fly. Charles Dutton is on hand as a cop who says "fuck" a lot. Jeremy Northam (who was in ARMISTAD the same year) is Sorvino's boyfriend- doctor who whispers most of his lines. Giancarlo Gianini hangs around too. You could do worst....

Del Toro's next effort was the excellent THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE and then BLADE 2.

Thanks for reading!

Untold Till Now

THE UNTOLD STORY-1992-This is kind of like a Chinese IN COLD BLOOD but much more graphic, bloody and shocking. Because it’s supposedly based on a true story the film makers figured they could go all the way and show everything in gory detail.

Anthony Wong (from HARDBOILED and THE HEROIC TRIO) plays Wong, the new owner/butcher of The Eight Immortals Cafe. He’s a whacko guy who cheats at mah-jogg and is generally mean to everyone. He kills a guy who works for him and then chops him up and makes barbecued pork buns out of his flesh and guts. He later on rapes and kills his cashier and puts her through the grinder!

The Police (led by THE KILLER’s Danny Lee) suspect Wong might be responsible for the death of the previous owner and his family. The cops seem like a bunch of ignoramuses (they berate the one female officer for having small breasts) but they get it together and eventually arrest the suspected murderer. When he won’t confess they do everything in their power to make him talk. Interrogation, beatings, torture. They even put him in a prison cell with the brother of one of his victims. Eventually after much sadistic treatment he finally owes up and explains, in a blood spattered flashback, how he murdered the cafe owner, his wife and children and mother in law. This is one of the most bizarre and brutal scenes I’ve ever seen. He’s shown savagely killing all the kids. Then chopping up the bodies with a cleaver. Blood flies everywhere until there are piles of dripping limbs and heads! When he admits the ingredients of the meat pies the cops (who’d gouged themselves on free ones) all throw up. At the end he commits suicide.

THE UNTOLD STORY is a very strange film. Director Herman Yau seems to take sadistic pleasure in the pure and unadulterated scenes of shock and depravity. There seems no other reason for it’s viciousness. Few films have shown such graphic violence especially where children are concerned. His rape/killing (with chopsticks) of his cashier is hard to take.

The video box screams: “Based unfortunately, on real events” and “Horrifying because it’s true” but this is plain and simply a sick gore film trying to disguise itself as something more. Wong (who won 1993 equivalent of a Hong Kong Oscar for his performance) is very good though. He’s a pathetic, brutal psycho who’s treatment by the police almost has us feeling sorry for him (but not quite).

Unlike HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER this movie is hard to recommend. AKA: HUMAN MEAT PIES and BUN: THE UNTOLD STORY.

Thanks for reading!

Elementary My Dear Blogger

TERROR BY NIGHT-Universal-1946-Murder On The Orient Express Sherlock Holmes style. Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce return as Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous duo.

Holmes is called in to protect the famed “Star Of India”. Nearly all of the story takes place on a moving train bound for Scotland. Of course, the diamond gets stolen and there are a few murders, most from a poison dart. Suspects naturally, abound. A mysterious woman (Vivian Vedder) with a coffin (that has a secret compartment), a conductor ( the always creepy Skelton Knaggs), a cranky professor (Frederick Worlock) and Watson’s old friend (Alan Mowbray) are all suspects. Holmes deduces that it could be the work of Col. Sebastian Moran, a former henchman of the insidious Dr. Moriarty! But no one knows what he looks like! Inspector LeStrade (Dennis Hoey) is on board too and he and Holmes actually work together for a change. Watson is his usual incompetent self until the climax where he actually helps out a bit!

This was the second to last entry in the very successful series, all of them (since SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE SECRET WEAPON in 1942) directed (and produced and even occasionally written) by Roy William Neil, the underrated veteran responsible for THE BLACK ROOM (1935), FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN (1943) and a host of others. Sadly, he died later in ’46 at the age of 59 after making two more pictures. Screenwriter Frank Gruber wrote MASK OF DIMITRIOS (1944) and the last Holmes effort DRESSED TO KILL. Make-up was provided by the soon to be released master Jack Pierce.

Because this blog is up in the air and backwards, I reviewed the last Rathbone/Holmes movie first. Here's the link in case you are interested:

http://moviemeltdown.blogspot.com/2008/07/curse-of-mr-basilbone.html

Thanks for reading!

Blood Is The Life.....

If you like bloody low budget horror movies you're probably familiar with Herschell Gordon Lewis, sometimes referred to as "The Father of Gore" and generally considered to have made the first "gore" film, BLOOD FEAST in 1963. (Ok, I've been told otherwise but for the sake of my crummy review please bare with me!)

It tells the story of one crazy killer named Fuad Ramses who cuts up women and sacrifices their body parts to an Egyptian goddess called Ishtar. Two weird cops try to catch him while he plans his next dismemberment but he winds up getting crushed in a grabage truck instead!

Man, they just don't make 'em like that anymore! BF influenced countless future films...maybe too many!

BITS & PIECES is a 1983 production directed by one Leland Thomas who as of this writing has mercifully not made another film. I think he must have watched BLOOD FEAST once too often. Arthur Hill (SE Zygmont in his film debut and swan song all in one) is a demented killer taunted by a mannequin head he thinks is his mother. He hears her voice in his head and it even tells him when to eat! Poor Arthur is nuts because his mom and boyfriend dressed him up like a girl when he interrupted them during sex. Flashbacks also show that later on he killed her. Now he has dreams of a laughing skull with a wig on! He's killing girls because "they're all dirty whores like mommy".

There's also a would be victim named Rosie (Suzanna Smith) who's doing a term paper on male strippers. She has a funny conversation with a cop (Brian Burt; are these names real?). Director Thomas shows off his talent as script writer too. When the cop asks Rosie about her dead friend's sex life she replies: "What kind chauvinistic disgusting question is that?". Naturally, they get together and have fun at the beach and in a jacuzzi while Arthur is killing women. Much like the aforementioned Fuad Ramses Arthur even snatches a victim in broad daylight. A lot of blood abounds but most of the killings are off screen. The finale is pretty gory though. But that can't save this braindead production!

Accept no subsitutes! Check out HG Lewis's "Blood Trilogy" of BLOOD FEAST, 2000 MANIACS and COLOR ME BLOOD RED!!!
Thanks for reading!

A Bad Movie By Any Other Name....

THE FIGHTER-(1994)-It's also known as SAVATE, so beware! Olivier Gruner (the French born kick boxing champion in only his third film; he's made around 20 more since!) is a Kung-Fu cowboy in a small Western town run by (un-billed) R. Lee Ermey in a story obviously inspired by Sam Raimi's THE QUICK AND THE DEAD, (and TV's KUNG-FU) though the opening theme sounds like "The Good The Bad & The Ugly". Ermey wants the farm owned by HELLRAZOR's Ashley Lawrence and holds a fignting tournament. Gruner beats up a lot of "evil" Yankees in defense of the people who liked keeping slaves.

Gruner is a legit champion but a stiff as as an actor (but so was Van Damme and his idiotic movies got theatrical releases!). And speaking of stiffs, Marc Singer (with a monocle) appears in a flashback as Gruner's sadistic commander, who unfortunately shows up later on. James (Mr. Striesand) Brolin even joins the festivities as a crooked colonel who gets killed. In the finale Gruner has to fight Singer with a bullet in his leg but of course wins in the end. Also with Ian Ziering, Micheal Palance & Rance Howard.

Director and co-writer Isaac Florentine directed several versions of TV's MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS.

Thanks for reading!

When Castle Was King.....

PROJECT X-Paramount-1968 -Rarely seen sci-fi from “gimmick” director William Castle (who produced ROSEMARY’S BABY the same year). It’s based on a novel by Leslie P. Davies.

In the far flung future scientists led by Henry Jones and Philip Pine try to unravel the mysterious last words of scientist/spy Hagen Arnold (Christopher George) just before he got amnesia. They re-create a bank robbery from the ‘60’s to try and confuse him. A special hologram machine reveals his past but his unconscious mind takes over.

Monte Markham is Gregory Galaya, who may want to help Arnold or he could be working for “Sino-Asia”. Greta Baldwin falls for George after he introduces her to cigerettes! Harold Gould is the military colonel in charge. Keye Luke has a small role as the Asian bad guy. A weird little film with lots of shots in negative.

Screenwriter Edmund Morris also worked on the TV show “The Wild, Wild West”. The jazzy musical score is by Van Cleave. Not to be confused with the movie of the same name from 1987 starring Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick and some chimpanzees.

Thanks for reading!

Calling The Doctor...

THE SECRET OF DR. KILDARE-1939-MGM produced the Dr. Kildare series from 1938-42. They all starred Lew Ayres as the young intern Jimmy Kildare and Lionel Barrymore as his cantankerous but lovable mentor Dr. Gillespie. Laraine Day was the nurse/love interest in most of them and Nat Pendlelton played the dumb but helpful hospitial intern in a few.This was the third entry in the series and considered one of the best.

This time out Kildare is assigned to care for a wealthy young socialite (Helen Gilbert) who suffers from mood swings and temporary blindness. Her father is played by the great Lionel Atwill, who had co-starred with Barrymore (and Lugosi) in the MARK OF THE VAMPIRE remake in '35 and was the one armed inspector in SON OF FRANKENSTEIN the same year this was made.

Meanwhile, Dr. Gillespie is having his own health problems and is sent on a forced vacation. And why have Jimmy's parents come to town with a mysterious note?

Samuel S. Hinds plays his father (he and Barrymore were later in IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE). The always recognizable (and great) character actor Byron Foulger has a cameo as well as other "familiar faces" like Martha O'Driscoll, Don "Red" Barry and William Tannen. Dated but painless.

Thanks for reading!

HenenHorror

BRAIN DAMAGE-1988-This is the kind of "forgotten" Frank Henenlotter film made between his first two BASKET CASE movies and the incredible FRANKENHOOKER.

It tells the story of "Aylmer", an ancient symbiotic slug like parasite that eats brains to survive. It also secretes a euphoric drug into it's host body that creates an LSD like high. It latches on to Brian (Rick Hearst), an anemic dullard who lives with his brother (Gordon MacDonald). An old couple had been keeping Alymer prisoner in their apartment by feeding him only animal brains to keep him weak but he escapes to find more tasty human grey matter. He talks too! One highlight is him in a sink singing "Aylmer's Song" while Brian rolls on the floor in agony. Aylmer's voice is provided (un-credited) by the one and only Zacherley, the NYC based TV horror host of the '60's (He recently turned 90!).

BD is well made despite it's low budget and there's lots of bloody deaths (in a junkyard, a toilet stall, a club called Hell) and clever dialogue. The funniest scene though takes place in a subway car where BASKETCASE's Kevin Van Hentenryck makes an appearance!

In addition to writing and directing Henenlotter (who should have made more films) co-produced and co-edited this wonderful insanity!

Thanks for reading!

Strangely, lead actor Hearst went on to become a soap opera star......

The Blog Where Human Timebombs Dwell....

HUMAN TIMEBOMB from 1995 stars Bryan Genesse (who co-starred with Carl Weathers on the 1991 TV crime show STREET JUSTICE) as an FBI agent battling Cuba drug lords. The head mobster plants a micro-chip in him that turns him into an assassin. With the help of a female lawyer (J. Cynthia Brooks) he rebels. Video vet Joe Lara is the control freak villian. The usual car chases, shootouts and explosions abound. Director Mark Roper later did a lot of syndicated TV shows like CONAN THE BARBARIAN and RELIC HUNTER.



What's worst than seeing a bad movie on cable? Seeing a bad movie on cable and then seeing it in the movies a year later under another name!!!

This was my fate when I happened to view a creaky low budget murder mystery called DELUSION on cable one night around 1980. The story concerns a woman (Patricia Pearcy from SQUIRM) who goes to work for invalid Joseph Cotton and people in his household start getting murdered. Everyone's a suspect! Who's doing it? Cotton's brain damaged son? How about his weird grandson? The drunk butler? The gardener? The lawyer? Maybe the maid? Even though the film makers try to be different you can pretty much figure out the twist ending as not many of the cast survive! Gets an A for effort I guess.

But that is not the end!
(It never is...)

A year or so later I went to a double feature at a local theater. For those of you who don't remember, a double feature was when a movie house showed two movies for the price of one! Really! They used to do that! Anyway, I don't even remember what the main feature was but the second feature was called THE HOUSE WHERE DEATH DWELLS. I was all set for some great unheard of low budget tomfoolery and what do I get?

You got it!

DELUSION under another name........

Thanks for reading!

Hammer's Other Time

BLACK CAESAR-1973-Blaxplotation classic starring Fred Williamson (who had starred in HAMMER the year before) as Tommy Gibbs who rises from abused shoeshine boy (who helps with a mob hit) to Black Caesar, the head of the Harlem underworld. He gets help from a phony black preacher (frequent co-star D’Urville Martin) and a corrupt white lawyer (William Wellman Jr.) to secure some ledgers that can expose some corrupt politicians and nearly kills his own father (Julius Harris). In the wildest scene he puts shoe polish on the face of a corrupt white cop (Art Lund) and makes him sing “Mammy” while beating him to death.

Gloria Hendry (who had a role in LIVE AND LET DIE the same year) plays his girlfriend who later betrays him. Val Avery is a mob leader Gibbs muscles out and Don Pedro Colley is Crawdaddy Gibbs’s right hand man who causes a lot of trouble. The ending finds Gibbs seemingly dying near a burned out building in his old neighborhood after being beat up by local kids. 

He doesn’t die though. Gibbs/Williamson returned in HELL UP IN HARLEM later in the year.

BC was the second feature directed by Larry Cohen (who also wrote and produced). Besides the sequel he also made IT’S ALIVE around the same time and went on to make other quirky features. He and Williamson re-teamed (with Jim Brown, Pam Grier, among others) for ORIGINAL GANGSTAS in 1996.



HELL UP IN HARLEM-1973-This sequel was pushed into production and it shows. It’s a major letdown after the incredible BLACK CAESAR and has a lot of unintentional laughs.

Gangster Tommy Gibbs apparently didn’t die. Despite being shot and beaten he manages to phone his dad (returning Julius Harris) who comes to his rescue, hides the ledgers and gets “some brothers who can still be trusted” to help out. They take Gibbs to a hospital and hold the staff at gunpoint and force a surgeon to operate (with no anesthesia). This part is pretty funny. Eventually the Gibbs character is re-molded into a force for good battling drug dealers and corrupt politicians. For a while he turns over his gang to dear old Dad who starts a gang war and kills his ex-girlfriend (the also returning Gloria Hendry). D'Urville Martin repeats his role as the preacher who is now legit and believes Tommy is doing good.

It’s entertaining but kind of a letdown. It’s been said the role of Tommy Gibbs was first offered to Sammy Davis Jr. who turned it down!

Thanks for reading!

"Much violence is based on the illusion that life is a property to be defended and not to be shared." Henri Nouwen

Not So Subliminal Warning.....

Ok, the movie is called SUBLIMINAL SEDUCTION (1995). Warning number 1. It was shown on the cable network Showtime under the "Roger Corman Presents" banner. Now I like Corman. He was an independent maverick who made great low budget films in the '50's and '60's and he probably influenced a whole generation of movie-makers but recently all he does is release direct to video and cable nonsense, each more derivative than the last. See? That wasn't so bad was it?

Warning 2: This movie was produced and directed by actor Andrew Stevens whose other efforts include THE TERROR WITHIN 2, NIGHT EYES 3 and THE SKATEBOARD KID-2. Doesn anyone notice a pattern here? He did also direct a Don "The Dragon" Wilson martial arts thingy called VIRTUAL COMBAT.

Warning 3: It was released on VHS under the title THE CORPORATION.

The interactive hijinx story has a young couple (Ian Ziering and Katherine Kelly Lang) going to work for a Las Vegas video designer company run by the aforementioned Mr. Stevens, who yes has the unmitigated gall to also co-star in this (and limp and walk with a cane to boot) and his band of flunkies (Kin Shriner, Larry Manetti and Kim Morgan Greene). Dee Wallace Stone plays a talkative neighbor. The company is using cd-roms and video games to control people's emotions. "This stuff is like messin' with the inside of your head" says one character. They are also using subliminal messages to sell video games with names like "Mouse Maze" and "Radical Rat Trap".

Fred Olen Ray regular Hoke Howell and Juilan Kresner (from FIRECRACKER) co-star and to prove nepotism is not dead. Stevens' mom Stella also makes an apperance. It's not very good....



And speaking of not very good. A lot of TV shows are on dvd now. A good one to avoid is FLASH GORDON, a syndicated show made in 1954. It starred Steve Holland in the title role which sadly seems to be his only claim to fame. Looking somewhat like an All American '50's football player, he was bigger on talk than action but occasionally points an over sized "stun gun" at the bad guys. Irene Champlin plays Dale Arlen, in a dress that looks more like "IceCapades" than outer space. She doesn't do much but listen to Flash pontificate though in one episode she does try to fight. Much like her co-star Holland, this series seems to be her only claim to fame. Joe Nash is Dr. Zarkoff, who doesn't do much either. In fact, he hardly ever leaves his lab. Seems he didn't do much before or after either!

If you happen to get your courage up and decide to view an episode you might be suprised to hear most of the supporting cast speaking with German accents. Don't be! For some reason this no-budget mess was filmed in Berlin, Germany!

FLASH GORDON's credited director is American Wallace Worsley Jr. A second generation filmmaker (his dad directed several Lon Chaney Sr. silent films including THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME) he was mainly an assistant director and production manager on many US films. Guess how many other TV series he directed.....

I've seen Guther Van Fritsch's name sometimes mentioned as a director too. At least he did direct a number of TV shows in the '50's!!

This TV show should be forgotten in a flash.....

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Not Featuring Matt Helm...

THE SILENCERS-1995-The US government and aliens (who talk in sub-titles) are involved in inter-dimensional travel. The non-human Men In Black hynotize and intimidate poeple. Jack Scalia (also co-producer) is an FBI agent on loan to The Pentagon where General Greenboro (Clarence Williams lll) is in charge. Lots of time is spend on a subway shootout/chase, a shootout in a lab and a highway chase. All typical tradmarks of PM Entertainment, who for a time dominated direct to video releases (many with Don "The Dragon" Wilson).

Dennis Christopher shows up as an alien good guy agent (who's kind of a doofus) from "The Association Of Worlds" and uses holograms to explain where he came from and why he's here. The bad aliens are trying to take over Earth with clones. He and Scalia wind up at a UFO con.

Director Richard Pepin produced way too many direct to video action films (mostly with his partner Richard Merhi) but only directed a handful himself including CYBERTRACKER 1 & 2. He was also a cinematographer are many of them.

Thanks for reading!

3

I've heard bad things about THE MEDALLION (2003) with Jackie Chan but I kind of enjoyed it. It's much better than the Hollywood lensed THE TUXEDO and in some ways rather similar. Chan is a detective who has to protect a young boy dubbed "The Chosen One". While doing this he's killed but the title object that the boy possesses brings him back to life and as a invulerable superman to boot! Some of the SFX do leave a bit to be desired but Jackie gets to actually kiss his girl (Claire Forlani) a couple of times. The biggest disapointment for me was the boring Julian Sands as the main villian and the great Anthony Wong wasted in a "lackey" role. English comedian Lee Evans is also around to act stupid and Gimli himself John Rhys-Davies appears too...



DRAGONS OF THE ORIENT (actually made in 1988) is really more like a travelogue than a documentary. It's mostly footage of temples, movies clips, segments of Jet Li as a kid and some nice martial arts style demonstrations (the "duck style" is the most unusual). For some reason two fictional characters are also present. A guy who claims to be Li's sparring partner and a woman claiming to be a reporter. They challenge each other then provide some narrration of their own but the voices are of the ridiculous dubbed '70's variety providing some unintenional chuckles.



FAST WORKERS from 1933 is interesting for a number of reasons. It's based on a play (called "Rivets") and much of it takes place on the frame of a soon to be skyscraper. Two riveters (Robert Armstrong & John Gilbert) have problems with a woman (Mae Clarke, Elizabeth in the original FRANKENSTEIN). Jealously threatens their friendship in this drama directed by the once great Tod Browning. Both he and Gilbert were at the end of their long careers. 

Browning who had made FREAKS the previous year and DRACULA 2 years before would make only three more movies: the disappointing MARK OF THE VAMPIRE, the clever DEVIL DOLL and the uninspired MIRACLES FOR SALE in 1939. He never made another film and died in 1962 poverty stricken and forgotten. 




John Gilbert was actually in "comeback mode" while making FAST WORKERS after several years of alcoholism and vicious rumors related to his "high feminine" voice. However he died of a heart attack in 1936 having made only one more film. Of course Robert Armstrong played Carl Denham in KING KONG (and SON OF KONG) the same year. FW also features the unique talents of Sterling Holloway...

Thanks for reading!

Bloody Stuff

Blood Feast is arugably the first gore film ever. I say arguably because when I say "it is the first gore film" some egghead usually knows of some other movie made in someplace like Japan which is "really the first" and we get into a big argument and I wonder why I am having a fight over a low budget gore movie when I could be watching it instead of fighting over it and I get depressed and my day is ruined.....

Anyway, Blood Feast is director Herschell Gordon Lewis' first gore film (Ha! Can't disagree with me there!). It's crazy, very funny (mostly unintentional but I'm sure Lewis had his tongue in his cheek for many of the scenes) and very very bloody. Some of the SFX are bad but at least Lewis delivers what the ads promised! 

It's one of my favorite movies of all time but it's not for everyone....It's usually called part one of his "Blood Trilogy" which continued with 2000 MANIACS and COLOR ME BLOOD RED.

Oh yeah...and then there's this:

THE BLOOD TRILOGY- Something Weird-1996-WARNING: The video you are about to see is for BLOOD FEAST completists only! If you are a fan of H.G. Lewis' first gore film (I am), then you may find this little oddity interesting. It’s made up almost entirely of outtakes and unused footage from FEAST as well as COLOR ME BLOOD RED and TWO THOUSAND MANIACS.

It begins with the well-known BLOOD FEAST trailer. Then segues into the all silent and not as entertaining as it sounds scenes although there are some highlights. You get to see BF star Thomas Wood/William Kerwin working as one of the crew and lots of lingering close-ups of Mal Arnold/ Fuhad Ramses’ handiwork. The girl in the bubble bath who has her eye gouged out is more revealing in her outtakes than in the actual finished scene! And there’s really no rhyme or reason to the whole thing. It’s just a big ball of raw footage that sometimes plays like a bad nightmare!

Added to this at the end of the main footage is a bizarre short called The Art Of Carving starring Wood/Kerwin and Harvey Korman (who had been in Lewis’ LUCKY PIERRE) in an educational lesson on the proper way to carve a turkey and other meat! I’m not sure if Lewis had anything to do with this but it certainly is a mind boggler coming right after all those gory outtakes! The tape ends with a Kerwin trailer warning (in b & w) for THE GRUESOME TWO, followed by the original trailer and Mal Arnold’s weird warning for THE WIZARD OF GORE, also followed by the trailer. It’s an interesting artifact but as I said before this is definitely for completists only.

I believe this was only offered on VHS by Something Video and is now included in their DVD set of Lewis' BLOOD movies.

Thanks for reading!

One Oldie, One Moldy...

WISHCRAFT-2002-This is a typical slasher film with a small dose of the supernatural thrown in. A nerd (Micheal Weston) uses a magical bull's penis that grants three wishes to get a cheerleader (Alexandria Holden) to go out with him. Meanwhile a slasher in a raincoat kills people. Broadway actor/director Austin Pendleton plays his high school teacher (he must have needed vacation money). Meatloaf (using his real name Micheal Aday) is the investigating cop. Little Zelda Rubenstein is a coroner. In a unique (?) twist the hero defends himself with a lawn jockey. Gee! Jackie Chan never thought of that! The cast also includes Joseph Ruskin, Sam McMurray, Luis Avalos and Hamilton Camp. I think parts of this were suppose to be intentionally funny!




An oldie: O'SHAUGHNESSY'S BOY-(1935)-This standard '30's tearjerker reunited the two stars of THE CHAMP (from 1931) Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper.

Beery portrays a lion tamer who loses an arm (to a tiger) after his wife and son leave him. The infant son is played by future "Our Gang" member (and "Little Rascals" leader) Spanky McFarland. After several years Beery returns to society a broken man. He does manage to get temporary custody of his son (now played by Cooper) despite the intrusions of a trouble making aunt (Sarah Haden) and eventually father and son learn to love each other when Beery's well meaning, big lug personna (which dominates the movie despite Cooper's pouting and crying) overcomes his fears.

From what I've read when Beery is sharing some tender moments with Cooper he's REALLY acting! Clarence Muse is also featured as Beery's kindly (but racially stereotyped) assistant.

Director Richard Boleslawski (from Warsaw) also helmed RASPUTIN AND THE EMPRESS, the only movie to feature all three Barrymores....

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When Will Lee Return?

When is a movie about Bruce Lee not really a movie about Bruce Lee? When it's BRUCE LEE-THE MAN THE MYTH (1976).


Bruce Li (one of the many post-Lee clones) portrays The Mighty Lee who doesn't want to come to America. His mother makes him! He frolics in Seattle with his college student buddies and beats up some Karate bullies when their Japanese teacher refuses to admit Karate came from Kung-Fu. He goes to San Francisco to visit a friend ("Your Kung-Fu is really amazing") and develops his own style, Jeet Kune Do. He has a wild fight in an airport on the way to a tournament. A weird studio executive tells him no one wants to invest money in a young Chinese actor and he's shown in his "Kato" chaffeuer's uniform while filming "The Green Hornet". He goes back to Hong Kong to make movies and insults some Thai boxers and an English (?) running team. He smirks a lot and comes off as an egotistical asshole.

Although real scenes of the real Lee's funeral are shown, 2 alternate endings based on rumors are presented (one says he would return in 1986; I missed him!).

Director See-Yuen Ng made other movies including NEW GAME OF DEATH. Bruce Li made many more movies with Bruce Lee's name in the title but not since 1986....

Thanks for reading!

After "It"

CALL HER SAVAGE-(1932)-This is a must see early talkie pre-code drama featuring former silent star Clara Bow (The "It" Girl of the '20's) in her second to last movie. Although like a lot of early talkies this suffers from the stilted acting of the supporting cast, Bow carries the whole thing with her stand-out performance!



Bow plays Nasa "Dynamite" Springer, the spoiled daughter of a rich Texan who's real father is the "half Breed" Indian Moonglow (Gilbert Roland who in in real life was actually Mexician). After rejecting a rich suitor hand picked by her father (Willard Robertson) she marries her sleazy boyfriend (Monroe Owsley) who dumps her for the equally trashy Sunny (Thelma Todd, who had been in 2 Marx Bros. around the same time). Nasa lives wild life on her husband's money but he tries to rape her when she visits him at a sanatorium. After losing her millions and having a baby she turns to prositution to support herself. After her baby is killed in a fire she inherits her grandfather's fortune. When she goes to NYC, she hires a guy to show her around. He takes her to a gay bar in Greenwich Village where she starts a small riot!

Clara Bow lead a wild life in her heyday of the '20's. All sorts of rumors circulated about her sex life (from taking on a whole college football team to beastiality!). Typical of pre-code cinema she wears some very "skimpy" clothing too. Watch her scene where she wrestles with a dog! It's too bad she only made one more movie then retired to raise two sons with her husband, cowboy star Rex Bell (later a senator). Unfortunately, she suffered from mental illness later in life and died in 1965.

Strangely two co-stars of CHS died tragically. Monroe Owsley died of a heart attack four years later at the age of 36. Thelma Todd died of carbon monoxide poisoning that was ruled an accident but was more likely murder. She was 30 years old. Her last movie was Laurel & Hardy's THE BOHEMIAN GIRL.

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Savage Seven

THE SAVAGE SEVEN-AIP-(1968)-How good could a 60's biker flick produced by Dick Clark be? Well...not bad actually! Adam Roarke is Kisum, the leader of a violent beer drinking, pot smoking motorcycle gang that invades a town of impoverished American Indians (led by Robert Walker Jr. and Max Julien!).

At first they cause a lot of trouble but later on decide to help out against the town boss and his underlings. Things go their way pretty much until a local girl is raped and killed. After the suspected gang member is crucified by some locals The Bikers attack for an allegorical (sometimes unintentionally funny) "cowboys vs. indians" style battle until the real kiler is exposed!

THE SAVAGE SEVEN's director Richard Rush had made another biker movie HELL'S ANGELS ON WHEELS (1967) which starred Roarke (and Jack Nicholson) and several other SAVAGE SEVEN actors: Richard Anders, John Garwood and John "Bud" Carlos. He also made the bizarre PSYCH-OUT (with Julien, Roarke and Nicholson).

After this Rush's output slowed down considerablely. He made only 5 movies between 1970-2000. His most well known film THE STUNTMAN was plagued with trouble.

THE SAVAGE SEVEN also marked the screen debut of Penny Marshall. The soundtrack features songs by Iron Butterfly and Cream.

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Zontar Strikes!

ZONTAR, THE THING FROM VENUS-1966-As most bad movie lovers know between 1965 and 1969 director Larry Buchanan made seven movies for AIP that the company released directly to TV. 5 of them were remakes of their ’50s horror/Sci-Fi movies. ZONTAR is an un-credited remake of Roger Corman’s IT CONQUERED THE WORLD. It’s pretty bad but kind of fun.

John Agar (in the Peter Graves role) is the scientist in charge of a recently launched satellite. Antony Houston has the Lee Van Cleef  part, another scientist who is in contact with a visitor from Venus hold up in a cave. Weird flying insects roam around turning victims into zombies. The acting is mostly atrocious but Agar is pretty good at delivering a lot of serious lines! I don’t know if this is on DVD (don’t buy it if it is!) but the print I saw was washed out and very choppy.

Agar was also in Buchanan’s CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE the same year. Bill Thurman, a Buchanan regular, has a role as well as many other actors and crew.

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Bruce Clone

BRUCE LEE WE MISS YOU-1976-A martial artist who worships the original Bruce and acts a little like him too (wannabe Lee clone Bruce Li who made many Hong Kong movies with the name Bruce in the titles) is devastated when “the great one” dies. He decides Lee was murdered and investigates. There are a lot of fights (the last fight goes on very long) and not much else. At one point he fights a gang of Asian thugs made up to look Black.


Star Li (from Taiwan) later directed a couple of movies. He retired from acting in the mid ‘80’s.

Point Blank

POINT BLANK-1967-Lee Marvin stars as Walker, a bank robber whose partner (John Vernon) double crosses him during a heist leaves him for dead and even steals his wife (Sharon Acker) in this violent action drama from British director John Boorman. Walker survives of course and seeks revenge plus his cut of the heist. Lloyd Bocher and Carroll O’Connor are mob bosses. Angie Dickenson is Walker’s sister in law who takes up with him after his wife commits suicide. It seems no matter how many people he kills or how much destruction he wreaks Walker just can’t get his money.

Keenan Wynn is a police officer that helps out. Sid Haig is seen briefly as a bodyguard. Also with Michael Strong James Sikking and Kathleen Freeman. Marvin starred in THE DIRTY DOZEN the same year and was in Boorman’s HELL IN THE PACIFIC the next year. Boorman made this two years after CATCH US IF YOU CAN. It’s based on a Donald Westlake novel.

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Goon

Pearl Harbor day has come and gone. It was pretty much ignored around here. I feel sorry for veterans like my Dad who spent an extra three years in the army because of the attack. He had 5 months to go on his hitch before it happened. But he survived and because he did I'm here and so is this review:



DOWN AMONG THE Z MEN-1952-This is the only full length film to feature the 4 original members (Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan & Michael Bentine) of THE GOON SHOW, the classic English TV/radio comedy series. Sad to say it's not very good despite the presence of Sellers & Milligan.

The story is about a whacky professor (Bentine) who loses his formula for a secret gas. A dumb grocery clerk (Secombe) tries to help him and winds up getting drafted. He teams up with a stupid corporal (Milligan) to stop some spies from getting the top secret formula. Sellers is Major Bloodnok (a character he created on the show) the commanding officer. Singer Carole Carr is featured as an undercover agent who sings a couple of songs.

Some routines are performed but it's just not very funny. I guess it's out dated (1952 WAS a long time ago). However THE GOONS themselves inspired MONTY PYTHON and a host of others.

Today is also the 115th birthday of EC Segar, who created Popeye The Sailor!

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Two Strange Films

STRANGE ILLUSION-1945-A teenager (Jimmy Lydon, the former star of the HENRY ALDRICH movie series; not Johnny Rotten’s brother) suspects his mom’s new beau (Warren William in his last role) may have been responsible for his father’s death. He pretends he needs psychiatric help so he can expose the guilty men. He gets help from the family doctor (Regis Toomey) and has a strange, prophetic dream.

Director Edgar G. Ulmer (from Austria-Hungry; now The Czech Republic) made the classic (and controversial) Universal Karloff-Lugosi team-up THE BLACK CAT in 1934 but worked mainly for basement budget companies like PRC turning out some film noir classics like DETOUR (made the year before), BLUEBEARD and THE MAN FROM PLANET X.

Supposedly Ulmer had an affair with a Universal studio boss’ wife (who he later married) which put him on the shit list with all major studios! If anyone could make “ a silk purse out of a sow’s ear” it was Ulmer!



THE STRANGE WOMAN-1946-Strange indeed! Hedy Lamaar stars as the title character who uses her feminine wilds to get whatever she wants. She marries storekeeper Gene Lockhart for his money then woos his son (Louis Hayward). She drives him to kill his old man then dumps him for his best friend (George Sanders), who dumps his own fiancée (Hilary Brooke). Eventually her evil deeds catch up with her in the dumb finale. This farfetched movie only works if you feel Lamaar was “the most beautiful actress ever”. Otherwise...

The rest of the cast includes Ian Keith and future TV Batman butler Alan Napier. Director Ulmer tries hard to do his best with what he’s got but it’s one of his weakest. Lamaar (from Vienna) had made a big splash with her semi-nude scenes in the German made EXTASE in 1932. She had a short successful career in Hollywood and even developed a guiding system for torpedoes during WW2! She retired in the late ‘50’s and was only heard from sporadically after that, several times for her arrests on shoplifting charges. She died in 2000 at 87.




Personally Edgar Ulmer was one of the greatest directors ever!

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Sunday Morning Trio

Misguided, stilted attempt to make a western that had a more sympathetic portrayal of The American Indian, GERONIMO (1962) stars Chuck Connors (riding high with his THE RILFEMAN series at the time) as the proud Native American leader who leads 50 warrirors in a stand off with the US Army. Future WILD WILD WEST TV co-star Ross Martin plays his plain talking second banana who decides to join with him even though he likes farming corn on the reservation. Adam West (who in a mere four years would rocket to TV fame as "Batman") is a sympathetic officier. The soon to be Mrs. Connors, Kamala Devi plays Mrs. Geronimo (Wonder if she knows a pro-wrestler stole her name?). Denver Pyle and Lawrence Dobkin are also in the cast. It's not the laugh-fest it could have been and the filmakers seem to be sincere in their attempt to show the Indians' plight but despite some good action sequences it never really gets off the ground. Still it has it's entertaining moments.


The director, Arnold Laven had made some other movies like the seldom seen THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD but he went on to direct all sorts of TV series in all different genres includling MARCUS WELBY MD, THE PLANET OF THE APES, SHAZAM, ISIS, THE ROCKFORD FILES and many many others.

Unless it's THE MATRIX beware of movies with 2 directors. Such is the case with THE DANGEROUS (1994), a violent disjoined New Orleans based crime drama featuring Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa as a ninja like assassin out for revenge on the shits who killed his sister. As I've said before Tagawa should be in better movies but who listens to me? Michael Pare' (who doesn't deserve to be in better movies) is a cop investigating the case. I mean does this guy Pare' really think anyone cares that he has an accent over his name? No wonder he makes crappy movies like this. Nobody wants to bother to spell his name correctly!



Smooth skinned challenged Robert Davi plays an ex-cop (?) who comes back from the Mid-West (?) to help. He teams up with Pare' and gives new meaning to the word "dicks". This plays like two different movies with two different storylines (remember: two directors!). Juan Fernadez (who started his career in movies like Doris Wishman's THE AMAZING TRANSPLANT) is a mob boss. John Savage (who apparently has an agent who cares nothing about his career) is a hitman who guts a guy while opera music plays. Joel Grey (proving that even Oscar winners can hit rock bottom) is a grubby informer named Flea. Elliot Gould is a weird movie projectionist with a hair net. Former Playboy centerfold (an ex-OJ girlfriend) Paula Barbieri is the female lead but doesn't even take off her shoes!! Who made this movie? A Benedictine Monk???? The one good scene takes place in a movie theater. Producer David Winters is responsible for a lot of junk......




Dolph Lundgren has been around for a while. Most film goers remember him as the angry Russian boxer in ROCKY 4 (or 5?). He made a lot of action movies after that including SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO with the late Brandon Lee, the original screen version of the comicbook avenger THE PUNISHER and sci-fi movies like I COME IN PEACE. I always felt he was a little easier to take than guys like Stallone or Bruce Willis (who's so called action movies got big releases then died at the box office) but eventually he became just another direct to video "action guy" and seemed to run out of things to do.

Such is the case with PENTATHLON (1994) which begins in 1988 at The Seoul Olympics. East Germany athelete Erik (Lundgren, also a co-executive producer) shows off his expertise in swimming, fencing, shooting, horseback, eating and smirking. His authoritarian coach is played by David Soul (with a German accent). The secret police won't let Erik or the rest of his team fratentize with The Americans. He decides to defect to the US and becomes a short order cook/drunk. Roger Mosley is his boss who becomes Erik's coach when he decides to come out of retirement ("I'm gonna be your O-lympic fuel"). Soul is still around and is now a neo-Nazi. He wants to wreck Erik's chances and bring him back home. This is kind of a Rocky inspired Don Wilson martial arts/espionage/ action drama without Wilson or martial arts.

Director Bruce Malmuth (who also acts in this) once had a career, making NIGHTHAWKS with Stallone, THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (a flop comedy with Steve Guttenberg) and HARD TO KILL with Steven Seagal. Though I guess it's not hard to figure out how he wound up doing this!

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Let's Get This Outta The Way

I once wanted to do another blog with reviews of Martial Arts films and the like but that didn't work out so not to let anything go to waste here are some of those reviews. Most of them are unfinished but what the hell.....

CANTONEN IRON KUNG-FU-1979-Typical but entertaining (and sometimes confusing) period martial arts movie with good fights and funny dubbed dialogue. Locals stand up to some thugs and action ensues. The DVD copy I saw was an excellent letterboxed transfer! Kind of unusual for this type of forgotten flick!

DANCE OF DEATH-1980-Although his semi-comic martial arts films isn’t that good, it’s nice to see Angela Mao in a change of pace role beating up guys in a Jackie Chan style story. It’s generally considered that Chan himself choreographed the fights under a pseudonym. The plot does have similarities to several movies Chan made around the same time. All the fights are great though!

IRON MONKEY-1977-A reckless gambler (director/star Kuan Tai Chen) goes after his father’s killers by joining a rival gang. It’s pretty boring until the last half hour when IM kills the bad guys. Chen also made IRON MONKEY STRIKES BACK (and many other Shaw Bros. productions) in 1978 but I don’t think it’s a direct sequel.

SHOALIN TRAITOROUS-1976-This is an overlooked Martial Arts film that deserves more attention. The letter-boxed version I saw was not dubbed but the sub-titles were so small I could hardly read them! It hardly matters though! A guy (Wang Chia-Ta AKA Carter Wong, also in BRUCE LEE’S SECRET) sees his family killed as a boy and seeks revenge. A woman (Polly Shang Kwan) helps him. Sammo Hung plays one of his few villainous roles (with gray hair) and has a terrific fight with Wong but all the fights are well choreographed. Yi Chang is the main villain who has a bloody fight with Wong and Kwan in the finale. I’ve read that director Sing Ting Mei’s follow-up SHAOLIN RED MASTER is pretty good too.

MY 12 KUNG FU KICKS-1979-Typical martial arts period piece with a hero (Bruce Leung) fighting for revenge after being trained by three masters who were maimed by the main bald headed villian. It features some nice "Jackie Chan" like slapstick fighting and some gore but by the time Leung vanquishes his foe all the sub-plots (including the rescue of his kidnapped girlfriend) are forgotten though that might be due to the English re-editing. Director Lu Po Tu (who also made THE SHAOLIN KID with Leung) made around 40 movies, many with the name "Bruce" in the title. In 2004, after two decades of not working in movies Leung returned as the villian in Stephen Chow's KUNG FU HUSTLE.

FIST POWER-2000-Jackie Chan style comedy-drama with usual villain Anthony Wong as a disgruntled ex-army officer whose son is taken away from him by his callous ex- wife and her unscrupulous gangster husband. He holds a grade school class hostage demanding the return of his son. A vacationing security chief (Man Cheuk Chiu) whose nephew also attends the school promises to bring Wong’s son back within 24 hours. Despite the serious plot there’s a lot of comedy and comic action.

MARTIAL ANGELS-(2001)-Kind of disapointing action drama from director Clarence Fok Yiu-leung (sometimes billed in the West as Clarence Ford). Qi Shu (also in the equally disapointing THE TRANSPORTER) leads a group of women (with names like Octopus, Cat and Monkey) planning a big heist. The action is there but it's really not enough as the story is more concern with Shu's relationship with her boyfriend (Terence Yin from DEAD OR ALIVE : FINAL and TOMB RAIDER: CRADLE OF LIFE).

COP ON A MISSION-2001-This is an excellent Hong Kong crime drama with Daniel Wu as a cop who goes undercover to bring down a Triad mob boss Brother Tan (Eric Tsang in a great role) but winds up becoming a gangster himself. He has an affair with Tan's wife (Suki Kwan), kills his friend who is also an undercover cop and eventually even kills his own police boss. When he tries to take over Tan's mob however he lives to regret it. The director Marco Mak also works as a film editor. Well, actually this review doesn't belong here....

This was too long! Thanks for reading!

Old Zoo Revue

MURDERS IN THE ZOO-1933-The always great Lionel Atwill is a millionaire who collects animals for a zoo. The movie opens with him sewing a man's mouth shut for trying to kiss his wife! Kathleen Burke (Lota The Panther Woman in ISLAND OF LOST SOULS the same year) is Atwill's philandering wife, plotting to runaway with John Lodge. Randolph Scott (who had an un-billed "beast man" role in ISLAND OF LOST SOULS) is a zoo lab technican working with snakes. The sinister story however suffers from the comical antics of Charles Ruggles as a fast talking press agent. Like after fainting from fright he says "Is there a good laundry in town?" Atwill gives a party at the zoo where the guests are surrounded by wild animals but it's ruined when Lodge is bitten by a snake and dies (how convenient!).

Atwill gives a terrific performance as the high class but obsessed husband who eventually throws Burke in an alligator pit and pins two murders on Scott's character. His demise is pretty memorable too. Gail Patrick plays Scott's love interest/assistant.

Atwill made the classic MYSTERY IN THE WAX MUSEUM and THE VAMPIRE BAT the same year. John Lodge ended his career playing Luther The Bersek in the low budget horror film THE WITCHMAKER in 1969.

Strangely director A. Edward Sutherland later directed WC Fields in POPPY (1936), Laurel & Hardy in THE FLYING DEUCES (1939) and Abbott & Costello's film debut ONE NIGHT IN THE TROPICS in 1940!
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Hollywood Horror

HOLLYWOOD HORROR HOUSE-1969-This junk is like the classic HOLLYWOOD BLVD. but with gore, psychedelic dream sequences and characters using drugs. 69-year-old Miriam Hopkins (in her last role) plays the Norma Desmond type former silent screen star named Katherine Parker. Between drinking vodka and dreaming about a comeback she falls down a flight of stairs and breaks her leg. She hires Vic (John David Garfield) to assist her in her recovery even though it’s obvious he’s a loony who as flashbacks of his mother having sex with several men just before he cuts off her hand. He has an affair with the young maid (Virginia Wing) but she gets chopped up.

After a dinner party with Katherine’s very boring old friends (one guy falls asleep at the table) she and Vic have an (ugh) affair and he takes her to a wild party and gives her drugs. In one bizarre scene Katherine hallucinates she’s in The Santa Claus Lane Parade! Former Hollywood screen villain Gale Sonnergaard (in her first film role in 20 years!) is Katherine’s secretary who suspects something’s up. Another real life former ‘30’s star Florence Lake is the housekeeper and Joe Besser has a small role as a tour bus driver.

Later after killing Katherine (and everybody else) Vic talks and sleeps with a mannequin of her!

Hopkins gives a pretty good performance considering the circumstances (all rotten). Her character doesn’t have the has-been type decadence of Gloria Swanson. She still looks fairly glamorous (and threatens a topless scene!). Garfield (the son of the famous actor who died at 39) was also a film editor. I hope he was better at that job. His acting was somewhere between standing still and not caring.

The director of grisly embarrassing mess was one Donald Wolfe who’s other claim to fame seems to be that he edited THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS. He also wrote and produced it so there are not too many other people to blame...

HHH is also known as SAVAGE INTRUDER and THE COMEBACK.

One note: My friend Mike lend me this video. He told me there is a scene where you can see “the clapper” before the scene starts (much like in MANOS-HANDS OF FATE) but I didn’t notice this and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna watch this thing again!!

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Paul Naschy-1934-2009

Herc, Bela and Clones!

HERCULES VS. THE MOON MEN-1964-After the success of the two Hercules movies imported from Italy and starring Steve Reeves, many sequels and imitations followed. This originally followed the exploits of Maciste but for US audiences his name was changed to Hercules. He’s played by Alan Steel (real name: Sergio Ciani of Italy). Herc battles alien rock men on “The Mountain of Death”. A local Queen teams up with them but is no match for the legendary strongman. There’s a strange ape like creature with fangs thrown in too.

It’s pretty entertaining despite the bad dubbing and cheesy SFX. Director Giacomo Gentilomo had been making movies (GOLIATH VS. THE VAMPIRES) since 1937 but MOON MEN was his last. He retired from filmmaking and became a painter. The DVD I saw (from Alpha Video) also included a “Hercules Gallery” of posters and lobby cards.



THE PHANTOM CREEPS-1949-This is a highly condensed feature version of the crazy 1939 serial starring Bela Lugosi as the mad genius Dr. Zorka. He invents a lot of gadgets including a huge monster robot with a big head (it was resurrected in the Rob Zombie video “Living Dead Girl”). He also has an invisibility belt, poison gas gun and a new exploding element he discovered. A scene from THE INVISIBLE RAY (in which Lugosi co-starred with Karloff in 1936) is shown when Zorka explains how he found the new element. But if you look closely you’ll see Karloff’s eyes through the mining suit! Bela sneers a lot and really hams it up as he tries to rule the world with only the help of one lone escaped con who betrays him constantly. Even so, Zorka keeps taking him back and trusting him with different jobs! (Maybe the budget didn’t allow for more actors..???) Robert Kent (who also acted as Dennis Bleckly) is the government agent out to stop him who’s nearly killed in every other scene and Bela’s DRACULA co-star Edward Van Sloan plays the leader of some foreign spies who Zorka runs a foul of.



THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS-1965-Gigantic Richard Kiel (soon after EEGAH!) is Dr. Kolos, a visiting alien who’s ordered by his superior (some guy shown only in negative) to clone human beings and conquer the Earth. Doesn’t really seem like a sound plan; guess that’s why it fails. He makes genetic scientist Dr. Dornhiemer (George Macready) and his staff his slaves and begins cloning various scientific types to do some sabotage. But he makes a mistake by kind of falling in love with Dornhiemer’s blind granddaughter (Dolores Faith) leaving her free will intact. Wiseass government agent Glen Martin (ROBOT MONSTER’S George Nader) is sent to snoop around the scientist’s mansion while his grouchy boss (LEAVE IT TO BEAVER dad Hugh Beaumont) and girl Friday (Barbara Nicholls) stand around wondering where he is. Later on the clones rebel again Kolos and Nader has to fight a duplicate of himself (who’s missing an arm). When the clones fall down during fights their ceramic like heads break into pieces. Richard Arlen (who had co-starred in the silent film classic WINGS in better days) is another government agent who hangs around and acts grumpy too.

It’s pretty boring but Kiel’s acting is funny especially when he’s “talking tough” with commands like “Do as I say or I will destroy you!”. Fortunately THD was the last movie made by director Hugo Grimaldi (he only made 3 anyway). He was mostly an editor who dubbed foreign films into English (including GODZILLA RAIDS AGAIN).

Screenwriter/Producer Arthur C. Pierce wrote several low budget films in the early 60’s including DESTINATION INNER SPACE and CYBORG 2087.

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Willard!

WILLARD-2003-Back in remake land comes this new version of the 70’s horror hit.

Crispin Glover plays the lonely weird office worker who lives in a gothic like house with his ailing mother. Somehow he becomes friends with the vermin in his basement led by white haired Socrates and dark haired Ben. While Bruce Davidson’s earlier portrayal was that of an unsophisticated friendless nerd, a guy you really felt sorry for, Glover plays this Willard as a dark almost sinister loony. Of course many CGI rats do his biding, eventually eating up his overbearing boss (R. Lee Ermey, over the top as usual). Using Davidson’s image and photo as Willard’s dead father is a nice touch though.

A strange film that contains some good performances and effects but somehow fails to deliver. First time director Glenn Morgan wrote FINAL DESTINATION and THE ONE as well as many TV episodes of THE X-FILES, MILLENNIUM and SPACE ABOVE AND BEYOND (which featured Ermey).

Have a nice weekend!

Parts Is Parts

PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR-1979 -Former second Darren Stevens on TV’s BEWITCHED Dick Sargent (who was in Paul Schrader's HARDCORE the same year) runs a camp of young people training to go to a place called America. Surprise! He’s actually in charge a secret cloning project called “Clonus” and is “harvesting” the poor dopes so their vital organs can later be used to save the lives of politicians, millionaires and other evil people.

Meanwhile Presidential shoo-in Jeffery Knight (Peter Graves) campaigns. One camper member and future organ donor named Richard (Tim Donnelley) falls in love with the strange looking Lena (Paulette Breen). After he finds a beer can in a nearby river, Richard decides all is not what it seems to be. He runs away and winds up in LA. He steals a bicycle and crashes into the garbage cans of retired reporter Jake Noble (Keenan Wynn). Richard kind of explains his situation (“Can you help me find my other part?”) and Jake argues with his wife (Lurene Tuttle) providing the most entertaining scene in the whole movie!

After viewing a film Richard brought with him Jake takes the clone to meet his DNA counterpart a professor named Richard Knight (Wow! What a coincidence! They are both named Richard!). He lives with his weird looking son Ricky. They seem more like lovers than father and son. Anyway, when Prof. is convinced that Richard is his clone he decides to contact his brother Jeffery who just happens to be running for President. Bad move! Jeff knows all about Clonus and in fact arranged to have the Richard clone made! That’s brotherly love!

The whole thing plays like a typical but slightly more violent ‘70’s TV movie. It’s bad and boring but funny and entertaining in spots. Director Robert S. Fiveson never made another movie but sued the makers of THE ISLAND in 2005 for plagiarism. I'm not even sure if this was ever released into theaters. I originally saw on cable in the early '80's.

Graves played George Washington in the made for TV THE REBELS the same year as this. Good commercial roles seemed to elude "Mission: Impossible"'s Mr. Phelps until AIRPLANE in 1980 but who can really complain about the guy who played the hero in KILLERS FROM SPACE??

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 later used this and produced one of their funniest episodes…

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Silent/Western

THE CAT AND THE CANARY-1927-Newly resorted version (Thanks TCM!) of the seldom seen silent haunted house mystery. It was one of only 4 movies German director Paul Leni made in America (He died suddenly in 1929).

20 years after the death of rich Cyrus West, his will is to be read. The heirs to his fortune are invited to spend the night at his mansion. They include stars Laura La Plante and Creighton Hale. There are suspicious characters, secret panels, clutching hands, all sorts of creepy trappings later borrow by many other films. A must see. Also with Tully Marshall, Lucien Littlefield and Arthur Edmund Carewe.



VALDEZ IS COMING-1971-Burt Lancaster stars as Valdez a Mexican American sheriff who accidentally kills a suspected murderer fingered by a wealthy dirt bag (Jon Cypher). When it turns out the victim was innocent Valdez wants the dirt bag to pay his widow 100 dollars but instead the dirt bag has Valdez tied to a cross and sent into the desert. After he’s freed (by Richard Jordan in his film debut) Valdez goes after the bad guys and kidnaps the dirt bag’s wife (Susan Clark). Frank Silvera plays Valdez’s Mexican friend and Hector Elizondo is in one scene. VIC has a certain “Spaghetti Western” feel to it (and is obviously Sergio Leone inspired) but the revenge story line could have been better. Mystery novelist Elmore Leonard wrote it and it was the directorial screen debut of Edward Sherin, a Broadway director who later went into TV. Lancaster scored better with the stateside LAWMAN made the same year. He and Clark were later in THE MIDNIGHT MAN in 1974. 

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